The most inappropriate thing
- Thread starter loquere
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TheeGoatPig
There is no R in my name
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Write everything I have ever said down on a wall. Throw a dart. Chances are good you will find a contender.
Handley_Page
Draco interdum Vincit
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lovecraft68
Bad Doggie
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Unfortunately I couldn't narrow it down to fifty never mind one. I'm one of those people who have still yet to develop a filter.
DallasDonna
Kindle lover (Paperwhite)
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Mine was accidental.
I ran into a good friend in an Atlanta supermarket last summer. I used to ski with her, and she was telling me about a recent ski adventure she had.
She said that she was on the blue square slopes when all of a sudden she sound herself on a black diamond run, and it kicked her ass.
I quickly related "oooh! I hate the blacks!"
I not only got the evil eye from those around us, but one kid ran to his mom and said something to her, pointing at me.
I ran into a good friend in an Atlanta supermarket last summer. I used to ski with her, and she was telling me about a recent ski adventure she had.
She said that she was on the blue square slopes when all of a sudden she sound herself on a black diamond run, and it kicked her ass.
I quickly related "oooh! I hate the blacks!"
I not only got the evil eye from those around us, but one kid ran to his mom and said something to her, pointing at me.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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Ditto this... Also, how do I know? "inappropriate" is oftentimes in the ear of the listener.
loquere
Smile!
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Their last name was, Blacks.
loquere
Smile!
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General societal norm.
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GradeACdnBeef
Comes with maple syrup.
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I'm dying here. What a perfect response.
Saxon_Hart
WWJD4AKlondike Bar?
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I'm sure to get carpal tunnel if I start down this road. 
D_Lynn
Really Really Experienced
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Like so many others have stated, I have so many...but one such incident comes to mind. Bear with me on this...there's a little background.
Many, many moons ago I was an online technical support engineer for a very large computer company. When you were available to take a call, you set the status on your phone and the next call would be routed to you. You set your status to 'Away' when you went to the bathroom, lunch, break, etc.
If you forgot to set your status to 'away' and left your desk, the next call would route to your phone and just sit there until the customer hung up. People around you could see this happen. When it did, you had to bring donuts to the entire team the next morning. Your teammates would bombard you with donut requests through email to (not so) gently remind you to fulfill this obligation; 'Powder sugar, please', 'Make mine glazed'...you get the idea.
At the end of the year, we gave out an award for the person who did this the most. Being the Site Manager, I was giving out the rewards at the annual Christmas reception in front of about 200 employees, Directors, Vice Presidents, etc.
The first name of the guy receiving the award for bringing the most donuts to his team was Jerry. I announced his name and then what I intended to say was, "Make mine jelly-filled."
But what I actually blurted into that microphone was this:
"Make mine Jerry-filled."
Many, many moons ago I was an online technical support engineer for a very large computer company. When you were available to take a call, you set the status on your phone and the next call would be routed to you. You set your status to 'Away' when you went to the bathroom, lunch, break, etc.
If you forgot to set your status to 'away' and left your desk, the next call would route to your phone and just sit there until the customer hung up. People around you could see this happen. When it did, you had to bring donuts to the entire team the next morning. Your teammates would bombard you with donut requests through email to (not so) gently remind you to fulfill this obligation; 'Powder sugar, please', 'Make mine glazed'...you get the idea.
At the end of the year, we gave out an award for the person who did this the most. Being the Site Manager, I was giving out the rewards at the annual Christmas reception in front of about 200 employees, Directors, Vice Presidents, etc.
The first name of the guy receiving the award for bringing the most donuts to his team was Jerry. I announced his name and then what I intended to say was, "Make mine jelly-filled."
But what I actually blurted into that microphone was this:
"Make mine Jerry-filled."
Neonurotic
Share some skin
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I announced his name and then what I intended to say was, "Make mine jelly-filled."
But what I actually blurted into that microphone was this:
"Make mine Jerry-filled."
Haha! And some probably remember that flub to this day--Jerry certainly does!
NaokoSmith
Honourable Slut
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D_Lynn said:
LOL, I'm with Neonurotic.
I got away with mine.
I had just started working at a highly pretentious small firm run by a husband and wife team - she was heavily pregnant and all the other employees were guys. She was a bit frosty around me - maybe it was the mini sailor skirt I used to wear. Mr. Boss was sitting drinking white wine with a journalist in the field, and suddenly remarked to me a propos of nothing at all: "You have to sleep your way to the top, Naoko, like Edith Cresson."
"Sorry, Ken," I replied, "but you're the wrong sex."
The next day Mrs Boss was just lovely to me, and she continued to be very fond of me, as I became another potential admirer instead of a rival in the little office. The only annoying thing was that all their dolly bird friends would come and hang round to see if they could pull the company lesbian
.
D_Lynn
Really Really Experienced
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I think this is a perfectly appropriate response.
I did have to look up "dolly bird". That was a new expression for me.
NaokoSmith
Honourable Slut
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I think this is a perfectly appropriate response.
I did have to look up "dolly bird". That was a new expression for me.
LOL, sorry for putting an inappropriate answer in the thread.
Um, I did used to wear a sweet necklace at one place of work where I was a very bored receptionist. Does that count? I would occasionally pop one of the beads/sweets in my mouth and run my tongue casually round it.
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YDB95
Literotica Guru
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A few of the guys were talking about an attractive young Italian woman we knew, who unfortunately smoked like a chimney. Due to that habit, I took exception to their claim that she was beautiful.
"But guys, she smokes all. the. time!"
"Never mind that, just think of her looks."
"I can't ignore that stench! It's disgusting!"
"Hold your nose, then, and think about her looks. Only her looks."
...and then, because I'd had too much to drink, "Aw, shit, guys, even her vagina prob'ly smells like cigarettes!"
"But guys, she smokes all. the. time!"
"Never mind that, just think of her looks."
"I can't ignore that stench! It's disgusting!"
"Hold your nose, then, and think about her looks. Only her looks."
...and then, because I'd had too much to drink, "Aw, shit, guys, even her vagina prob'ly smells like cigarettes!"
steve44uk
Baleful
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A work friend confided to me he had a bit of a crush on someone in a different branch of the organisation. I thought they'd make a lovely couple and told him so, but he never acted on it.
About a year later, all three of us were attending the same conference. In the bar that evening, I made an admittedly inebriated beeline towards a group of men and women that included my mate and the object of his affections.
I launched into a speech, waxing lyrical about George's many good points, and eventually leaned across and said in a stage whisper to Juliet, "... and he fancies you, y'know..."
After a deafening pause, George smiled thinly and said, gesturing to the woman standing next to him, "Dude, you haven't met Sarah, my fiancée, have you...?"
About a year later, all three of us were attending the same conference. In the bar that evening, I made an admittedly inebriated beeline towards a group of men and women that included my mate and the object of his affections.
I launched into a speech, waxing lyrical about George's many good points, and eventually leaned across and said in a stage whisper to Juliet, "... and he fancies you, y'know..."
After a deafening pause, George smiled thinly and said, gesturing to the woman standing next to him, "Dude, you haven't met Sarah, my fiancée, have you...?"
loquere
Smile!
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A work friend confided to me he had a bit of a crush on someone in a different branch of the organisation. I thought they'd make a lovely couple and told him so, but he never acted on it.
About a year later, all three of us were attending the same conference. In the bar that evening, I made an admittedly inebriated beeline towards a group of men and women that included my mate and the object of his affections.
I launched into a speech, waxing lyrical about George's many good points, and eventually leaned across and said in a stage whisper to Juliet, "... and he fancies you, y'know..."
After a deafening pause, George smiled thinly and said, gesturing to the woman standing next to him, "Dude, you haven't met Sarah, my fiancée, have you...?"
So he had a a fiance but fancied the other girl?
glynndah
good little witch.
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Read his quote again. He says it's a year later.
Saxon_Hart
WWJD4AKlondike Bar?
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I shared this on another thread and it fits here. I was at a bar on open mike night. The woman at the mike at that moment couldn't sing to save her life. I went to the bar to get another beer and saw a guy grimacing with each note. "This is what I imagine a cat sounds like being raped by a rhinoceros." I said to him. It turned out the singer was the guy's wife. As I stammered out an apology and an offer of a beer, he told me he fully agreed with me. I bought him a beer anyway.
MSTarot
Literotica Guru
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- Mar 28, 2012
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was at Wally World one night.
The lady in front of me was about 8-9 months pregnant. In front of her was a mom with her twelve year old(give or take) son.
He's doing the 'need to switch to decaf' side to side swinging. His mom told him to settle down. When he did he got to looking around and saw the lady behind him. He looked at her stomach then up at her face and said.
"i know what you've been doing."
The pregnant lady turned bright red...the kids mom's jaw dropped. tha cashier started to giggle her head off and i was laughing so hard I nearly fell into the candybar rack.
The lady in front of me was about 8-9 months pregnant. In front of her was a mom with her twelve year old(give or take) son.
He's doing the 'need to switch to decaf' side to side swinging. His mom told him to settle down. When he did he got to looking around and saw the lady behind him. He looked at her stomach then up at her face and said.
"i know what you've been doing."
The pregnant lady turned bright red...the kids mom's jaw dropped. tha cashier started to giggle her head off and i was laughing so hard I nearly fell into the candybar rack.
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