The Mom Thread ...

Moms

Most importantly I find Mom's extremely sexy.......and know what they want.
 
Real Mothers

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of shag carpet.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask "why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "because I love you best."
Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom.
 
POSITION: Mom, Mother, Mommy, Mommie, Ma, MOM!

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often-chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:
For the rest of your life. Must provide on-the-site training in basic life skills, such as nose blowing. Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus. Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project. Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more than me!" for the rest of your life.

Also, must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing above-mentioned skills in conflict resolution. Must be able to choose your battles and stick to your guns. Must be able to withstand criticism, such as "You don't know anything."

Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices.

Also, must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because fund-raiser will be your middle name. Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions such as "What makes the wind move?" or "Why can't they just go in and shoot Sadism Hussein?" on the fly. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
 
Parenthood Changes Everything...

... but parenthood also changes with each baby.

Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
 
I had the meanest mother in the world. While other kids ate candy for breakfast. I had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had coke and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my dinner was different from other kids.

My mother insisted on knowing where I was at all times. She had to know who my friends were and what we were doing. She insisted that if I told her I would be gone an hour, I would be gone for an hour or less.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but she actually had the nerve to make us kids work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, and learn to cook. I believe she stayed awake at night, thinking up things for me to do!

By the time I became a teenager, she had grown even meaner. She embarrassed me by making my dates come to the front door to pick me up. And while my friends were dating at the mature age of twelve or thirteen, my old-fashioned mother refused to let me date until I was sixteen.

In spite of the harsh way I was raised, I’ve never been arrested. And all my brothers and sisters turned out okay too. I guess we owe it all to our mean mother. She insisted that we grow up into God-fearing, honest, responsible adults. I’m grateful to God that he gave me the meanest mother in the world!
 
A Mother’s Beatitudes

Blessed is the mother who understands her child, for she shall inherit a kingdom of memories.

Blessed is the mother who knows how to comfort, for she shall possess a child’s devotion.

Blessed is the mother who guides by the path of righteousness, for she shall be proud of her children.

Blessed is the mother who is never shocked, for she shall receive and know confidence and security.

Blessed is the mother who teaches respect, for she shall be respected.

Blessed is the mother who emphasizes the good and minimizes the bad, for her children shall follow her example.

Blessed is the mother who answers questions honestly, for she shall always be trusted.

Blessed is the mother who treats her children as she would like to be treated, for her home shall always be filled with happiness.
 
A Prayer for Cross Mothers

Oh, God, I was so crossed to the children today! Forgive me. I was
discouraged and tired - and I took it out on them. Forgive my bad temper, my
impatience, and most of all, my yelling. I am so ashamed as I think of it.

I want to kneel down by each of their beds, wake them up and ask them to
forgive me. But I can’t.

They wouldn’t understand. I must go on living with the memory of this awful
day, my unjust tirades.

Hours later, I can still see the fear in their eyes as they scurried around, trying appeasing me- thinking my anger and maniacal raving was their fault.

Oh, God, the pathetic helplessness of children! Their innocence before the
awful monster- the enraged adult.

And how forgiving they are, hugging me so fervently at bedtime, kissing me good night.

All I can do is straighten a cover, touch a small head burrowed in a pillow and hope with all my heart that they will forgive me.

Lord, in failing these little ones whom you have put in my keeping, I am failing you. Please let your infinite patience and goodness replenish me for tomorrow.

Marjorie Holmes
 
TWELVE EXERCISES NOBODY NEEDS

JUMPING - to conclusions
RUNNING - around in circles
WADING – through paperwork
PUSHING – your luck
PASSING – the buck
THROWING – your weight around
JUMPING- on the bandwagon
SPINNING- your wheels
DRAGGING- your heels
ADDING – fuel to the fire
CLIMBING-the walls
GRASPING – at straws
 
tonitits said:
I had the meanest mother in the world. While other kids ate candy for breakfast. I had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had coke and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can guess, my dinner was different from other kids.

My mother insisted on knowing where I was at all times. She had to know who my friends were and what we were doing. She insisted that if I told her I would be gone an hour, I would be gone for an hour or less.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but she actually had the nerve to make us kids work. We had to wash dishes, make beds, and learn to cook. I believe she stayed awake at night, thinking up things for me to do!

By the time I became a teenager, she had grown even meaner. She embarrassed me by making my dates come to the front door to pick me up. And while my friends were dating at the mature age of twelve or thirteen, my old-fashioned mother refused to let me date until I was sixteen.

In spite of the harsh way I was raised, I’ve never been arrested. And all my brothers and sisters turned out okay too. I guess we owe it all to our mean mother. She insisted that we grow up into God-fearing, honest, responsible adults. I’m grateful to God that he gave me the meanest mother in the world!



Wow...sounds like my Mom...:)
 
Hello to all the Mom's here,,all of you sound like wonderful Mom's...:rose:

It was fun reading all of the jokes, questions, stories and tips.

I wish I had seen this thread earlier,,but glad that I have today. Thank you Cookie.

I am a mom for three boy's from 29 to 18. I love them all with every beat of my heart. My oldest son has been through some very ruff times in his life, but we pray to God that he is one the right track now. My middle son is doing wonderful in his life in the Air Force. My youngest has been the joy of my life, only different from his brothers because he is the 'baby',, he has always been a wonderful son but the last couple of days has talked about quiting school. Lord have mercy that hit me out of the blue. He only has four months of school to go till graduation. I hope with all my heart that he will listen to the things I have to say.

KIds...lol what would we do without them?

A :rose: for all the Mom's.
 
Icey*Fire said:
Hello to all the Mom's here,,all of you sound like wonderful Mom's...:rose:

It was fun reading all of the jokes, questions, stories and tips.

I wish I had seen this thread earlier,,but glad that I have today. Thank you Cookie.

I am a mom for three boy's from 29 to 18. I love them all with every beat of my heart. My oldest son has been through some very ruff times in his life, but we pray to God that he is one the right track now. My middle son is doing wonderful in his life in the Air Force. My youngest has been the joy of my life, only different from his brothers because he is the 'baby',, he has always been a wonderful son but the last couple of days has talked about quiting school. Lord have mercy that hit me out of the blue. He only has four months of school to go till graduation. I hope with all my heart that he will listen to the things I have to say.

KIds...lol what would we do without them?

A :rose: for all the Mom's.

Icey, I hope that he does listens to you and stays in school. One of my nephews is 17, will be 18 in Mar., he too is a senior in high school he is going to an alternative school and will graduate from there. He goes 4 hours a day and works at his own speed in order to catch up. He got behind from missing too much school. He is very smart and can/could do just about anything he wants to. Christmas my dad was asking him if he was going to graduation from the Academy or his regular school. He said that he is not worried about the celebrations he just wants to get out. I asked him if he has taken any of the SAT/ACT test, no, are you going to? no. Then I asked him, will what are you going to do when you get out of school? I dunno! He works at McDonald's part time right now! I hate to see this. It is like watching him throw his life away. I told a friend at work about this and he asked if he was going to go into the service. I know at one time I think he had considered doing that. He was ROTC for 2-3 years. I think he could go in as an officer, or make it soon. But with the war that is going on I don't know if he wants to do that now or not! I can relate to him just wanting to get out of school. I graduated as a junior for that same reason. I had gone to school all my life. My mom even put us in daycare that would teach us every day! So I was barely 17 when I got out of school and couldn't wait to go to work! Boy, to go back and change that. But at that time, if you had a high school education you could get a good job and if you stayed with them you could retire with a nice, comfortable salary. Of course, I got side-tracked a couple of times, but I worked hard, have hated it lots of times, but I get by. But I hate to see him or anyone else have to go through that! Good luck and if you need a friend to talk to, you know where to find me! God Bless you and your sons!
 
tonitits said:
Icey, I hope that he does listens to you and stays in school. One of my nephews is 17, will be 18 in Mar., he too is a senior in high school he is going to an alternative school and will graduate from there. He goes 4 hours a day and works at his own speed in order to catch up. He got behind from missing too much school. He is very smart and can/could do just about anything he wants to. Christmas my dad was asking him if he was going to graduation from the Academy or his regular school. He said that he is not worried about the celebrations he just wants to get out. I asked him if he has taken any of the SAT/ACT test, no, are you going to? no. Then I asked him, will what are you going to do when you get out of school? I dunno! He works at McDonald's part time right now! I hate to see this. It is like watching him throw his life away. I told a friend at work about this and he asked if he was going to go into the service. I know at one time I think he had considered doing that. He was ROTC for 2-3 years. I think he could go in as an officer, or make it soon. But with the war that is going on I don't know if he wants to do that now or not! I can relate to him just wanting to get out of school. I graduated as a junior for that same reason. I had gone to school all my life. My mom even put us in daycare that would teach us every day! So I was barely 17 when I got out of school and couldn't wait to go to work! Boy, to go back and change that. But at that time, if you had a high school education you could get a good job and if you stayed with them you could retire with a nice, comfortable salary. Of course, I got side-tracked a couple of times, but I worked hard, have hated it lots of times, but I get by. But I hate to see him or anyone else have to go through that! Good luck and if you need a friend to talk to, you know where to find me! God Bless you and your sons!

Thanks for your reply and your caring toni..it is nice to know there is someone on here that I can talk to if need be.
I had a long talk with my son last night and I think maybe Jason realizes what he would be throwing away if he quit at this time.
I think he was also influenced by a couple of boys that were going through an excel-academy. I reminded him of how he has gone through 13 years of school with several friends from day one and that he and they always said they wanted to graduate together. It is not often that you can start school and graduate with the same friends. That is one advantage of living in such a small town. Plus of course I went through all the disadvantages of not having a high school diploma.
Then , being the typical mom, I laid the guilt trip on him about how I have already paid for senior pics and cap and gown..LOL.
And his brother is coming in from AZ this weekend and he told Jason he was going to "take him behind the shed and show him the light"..LOL
So, I really think my talk with Jason did some good, and when he hugged me and told me he loved me, well it was all worth it.

It seems as though teenagers are so impatient to get on with their lives they do not stop and think things through, and all we can do is hope that our words sink in at some point. I will keep my fingers crossed and take each day as it comes. But Jason has always been such a level headed kid, I know he will do the right thing in the end.
:rose:
 
Icey*Fire said:
Thanks for your reply and your caring toni..it is nice to know there is someone on here that I can talk to if need be.
I had a long talk with my son last night and I think maybe Jason realizes what he would be throwing away if he quit at this time.
I think he was also influenced by a couple of boys that were going through an excel-academy. I reminded him of how he has gone through 13 years of school with several friends from day one and that he and they always said they wanted to graduate together. It is not often that you can start school and graduate with the same friends. That is one advantage of living in such a small town. Plus of course I went through all the disadvantages of not having a high school diploma.
Then , being the typical mom, I laid the guilt trip on him about how I have already paid for senior pics and cap and gown..LOL.
And his brother is coming in from AZ this weekend and he told Jason he was going to "take him behind the shed and show him the light"..LOL
So, I really think my talk with Jason did some good, and when he hugged me and told me he loved me, well it was all worth it.

It seems as though teenagers are so impatient to get on with their lives they do not stop and think things through, and all we can do is hope that our words sink in at some point. I will keep my fingers crossed and take each day as it comes. But Jason has always been such a level headed kid, I know he will do the right thing in the end.
:rose:

Sometimes being the level headed, smart, good kid makes them want to do something really stupid! I know that that sounds stupid, but that is what I went through. I was always the quiet, good kid in the family, not just the immediate family, but extended as well, my older brother was smarter but they never expected me to do anything wrong! They sheltered me so much that I just wanted to break loose and do something really bad so that they would notice me and get some attention, even if it was not the good kind of attention! Good luck. And also have faith in him. My mom always thought that I was not listening to her when I finally kind of rebelled in my 20's, (I had already been married and divorce when I finally stood up to my mom and told her, I loved her, I know what she wanted me to do, but it was my life and I was going to do as I wanted to do. If I fall, well I would learn from it, but I didn't want them just telling me what might happened, I had to find out on my own. and btw, it did not take much freedom or standing on my own until I went right back to the way I was raised and listening ,somewhat, to what she had taught me! )it is not that I didn't listen, I had already heard it and I did take it to heart, but didn't want her to know that! until years later!
 
all of you that are mothers should be greatly appraicated for all the hard work and challenges you undertake every day

and I know that all of you are wonderful great mothers who care very much about your kids

so heres a big hug and some soft kisses for all of you

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ TO ALL THE WONDERFUL MOTHERS }}}}}}}
:rose: :kiss: :heart:


GREAT THREAD COOKIE
 
biggbear8 said:
all of you that are mothers should be greatly appraicated for all the hard work and challenges you undertake every day

and I know that all of you are wonderful great mothers who care very much about your kids

so heres a big hug and some soft kisses for all of you

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ TO ALL THE WONDERFUL MOTHERS }}}}}}}
:rose: :kiss: :heart:


GREAT THREAD COOKIE

Thank you bear,,to me being a mom is the most wonderful job in the world, though my 'nest' will soon be empty.

How are you doing bear? Hope everything is well in your world.
{{{bigbear}}}:kiss:
 
Why there are Moms........

Once, when I was watching my 10 month year old, (wife was at work), I lost her. I mean, at that time we were living in a small three bedroom ranch from 1965.

I could not find my daughter..........(no, not too many beers). I searched the house once, then twice.

Panic set in...till, I heard a giggle. She was behind the toilet......you know that small space.

She still remembers that hug.


That's why Moms are moms, and Dads are in the garage.
 
Re: Why there are Moms........

redrider4u said:
Once, when I was watching my 10 month year old, (wife was at work), I lost her. I mean, at that time we were living in a small three bedroom ranch from 1965.

I could not find my daughter..........(no, not too many beers). I searched the house once, then twice.

Panic set in...till, I heard a giggle. She was behind the toilet......you know that small space.

She still remembers that hug.


That's why Moms are moms, and Dads are in the garage.

hehehe, I am sure that that has happened to moms too! I remember one time I was about 4 or 5 and got mad at my brother for something, not much telling what, and told him I was going to run away from home. He acting all superior said "Oh, what are you going to do? Walk around the block again?" Well needless to say I HAD to show him! It was starting to get kind of dark and supper was almost ready, he went into the house and I went into the back yard and sat by the steps, big concrete steps that lead up to the house. I heard my mom tell him to tell me to come to dinner, well needless to say they could not find me and it came out what he told me, mom panicked and everyone was looking for me. And finally just about the time my mom was probably going to have a nervous breakdown I came into the house! My mom asked me where I was and I told her, and she said "you didn't hear us calling for you?", No. looking all innocent! Needless to say my brother got in trouble and when my mom wasn't looking I had a little smile on my face when I looked at him!!!! :devil: :D
 
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