The modern woman and casual sex...

[MrRetro]

There was a time not so long ago that it was considered 'normal' for a man to have multiple sexual partners, but for a woman it was considered 'normal' to have minimal sexual partners until marriage... A man that slept around was a stud and generally admired, but a woman that did this was a 'slut'... I think this has been changing...

It is now more than acceptable for a woman to have multiple sexual partners, probably even more so than a man... And the word slut is not as derogatory as it used to be...

Most of my partners generally have been with more sexual partners than me, which I might add doesn't bother me, in fact I find it quite arousing to know that a woman enjoys having sex with multiple partners...

I'm wondering if this is the general case... Does the modern woman have more sexual partners than that of her male counterpart...? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts...

 

[RedheadedHaze]

I love resurrecting posts that didn't get their fair due...and I'm a bit of a philosopher, so I dig this kinda' shit...

Anyway, that being said...

I can't speak for what other women have experienced, but in my own personal ether, I haven't had too much kickback from guys about my sexual partners. I know it's intimidated a few guys here and there, but essentially, since they're currently reaping the benefits of a lifetime of accrued knowledge and skill, it usually becomes a non-issue.

Further, I see it pointless to play the numbers game for that very reason. One, I think people ask that question far too lightly and are ill prepared for the honest answer...and women are often worried about how they'll be judged for the honest answer at that. Anytime a guy asks me that question, I always preface it w/ that very disclaimer. "Don't ask unless you really want to know and are prepared to deal w/ whatever number I give you, b/c once it's out there, there's no erasing it."

Secondly, who cares ultimately anyway? All the people that came before the newest fling added to your sexual repertoire. They've made you (hopefully) the dynamo that you are and have helped shape you into a good lover for your current partner. If you spend all that time focusing on a number versus how good I am in bed with you and for you, then it's just pointless. After all, aren't we all just a product of our experiences in life and a sum of personality shaping scenarios, no matter the context?

Lastly, if you wanna' call me a dirty slut in bed, have at it. It turns me on anyway.

 

[cadman7777]

I love resurrecting posts that didn't get their fair due...and I'm a bit of a philosopher, so I dig this kinda' shit...

Anyway, that being said...

I can't speak for what other women have experienced, but in my own personal ether, I haven't had too much kickback from guys about my sexual partners. I know it's intimidated a few guys here and there, but essentially, since they're currently reaping the benefits of a lifetime of accrued knowledge and skill, it usually becomes a non-issue.

Further, I see it pointless to play the numbers game for that very reason. One, I think people ask that question far too lightly and are ill prepared for the honest answer...and women are often worried about how they'll be judged for the honest answer at that. Anytime a guy asks me that question, I always preface it w/ that very disclaimer. "Don't ask unless you really want to know and are prepared to deal w/ whatever number I give you, b/c once it's out there, there's no erasing it."

Secondly, who cares ultimately anyway? All the people that came before the newest fling added to your sexual repertoire. They've made you (hopefully) the dynamo that you are and have helped shape you into a good lover for your current partner. If you spend all that time focusing on a number versus how good I am in bed with you and for you, then it's just pointless. After all, aren't we all just a product of our experiences in life and a sum of personality shaping scenarios, no matter the context?

Lastly, if you wanna' call me a dirty slut in bed, have at it. It turns me on anyway.

I agree wholeheartedly........actually I love hearing about the past experiences...it brings things to another level......especially if you like fantasizing with your partner.....like I do...even though she doesn't

thanks for resurrecting....you dirty slut.....gotta love the dirty talk in bed, or the couch,on the floor,wherever

 

[kaycee217]

There was a time not so long ago that it was considered 'normal' for a man to have multiple sexual partners, but for a woman it was considered 'normal' to have minimal sexual partners until marriage... A man that slept around was a stud and generally admired, but a woman that did this was a 'slut'... I think this has been changing...

It is now more than acceptable for a woman to have multiple sexual partners, probably even more so than a man... And the word slut is not as derogatory as it used to be...

Most of my partners generally have been with more sexual partners than me, which I might add doesn't bother me, in fact I find it quite arousing to know that a woman enjoys having sex with multiple partners...

I'm wondering if this is the general case... Does the modern woman have more sexual partners than that of her male counterpart...? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts...

In my opinion, the bolded is BARELY true, at least in the United States. Sure, having friends with benefits is more talked about, but I still think it evokes plenty of giggles, gasps, high fives, or behind the back insults in most Americans.

Also, are we talking about having multiple sexual partners at one time, or multiple sexual partners throughout the sexual history of the woman? I think neither are inherently bad, however I am not willing to be sexually active with a woman who is currently sleeping with another person. This is not a reflection of how I view her character, but rather it shows my lack of trust in the other person. I can't trust what I don't know. I believe I have a right to a woman's sexual history if I'm sleeping with her (and she as the reciprocal right with me), but I can't say I have the right to know her other partner's sexual history.

I would have to say that most "modern" women do not have more sexual partners than men. I conclude this because the societal and religious pressures on women, as well as the more serious repercussions from NSA-sex-gone-bad still mean men have more sexual partners than women. Of course, I could easily be wrong...it's just my opinion.

 

[Earl_of_Errol]

UK Perspective

A really interesting topic...I've little time now, but for what it's worth in the UK I think it is still true that there are 'double standards', and that men who are promiscuous are more socially acceptable than women.

Part of this is generational - I'm less sure whether amongst the teenage / twenty+ set there is as much of a problem with women who have (had) a lot of casual sex partners.

I've a much younger gf, by the way - and despite calling myself 'liberated' I am crazily jealous if she even mentions the possibility of casual additional partners.

I may come back to this thread - anyone wanting to talk one to one, especially, ladies, please leave me an IM.

 

[DarkFantasyRose]

My hubby sat there a few years ago and asked me how many I've slept with.... now Im never one to lie to him and he knows as an ex-essex girl that Ive been busy in the past but I dont think he was prepared for my answer of "are we counting just the men or including woman?"

I have never hidden my past and have always been open and honest about it but I think he was more shocked by the fact that I had slept with more women than he had than by the number of men Ive been with!

He doesn't think anything less of me for the amount of folk Ive slept with and I don't regret any of them... er, actually I do regret maybe a couple but the rest I don't and he gets to benefit from various things I learnt along the way!

I think its more acceptable for women to have more partners now but u still get the occasional person who frowns on u for it... but hey, judge me like that and its ur loss and tbh I wouldn't want to be friends with someone as judgemental as that.

xx

 

[Firebrain]

Women are having more sex because it's now socially acceptable to gratify themselves with things other than the material. It's ok to masturbate; look, there's an Ann Summers at the local shopping centre. It's ok to have casual sex; look at Sex In The City. You're worth it.

Heh. The problem is, only about 5% of women actually feel this way. Women come down way harder on their own sex than men do, in my opinion. A woman is more likely to judge me negatively for a one-night stand than a man. I suppose the difference is that if you can get a man to the bedroom, you can make him appreciate your experience and change his perspective somewhat. It doesn't work that way for the women who view you as competition.

 

[RedheadedHaze]

My hubby sat there a few years ago and asked me how many I've slept with.... now Im never one to lie to him and he knows as an ex-essex girl that Ive been busy in the past but I dont think he was prepared for my answer of "are we counting just the men or including woman?"

I have never hidden my past and have always been open and honest about it but I think he was more shocked by the fact that I had slept with more women than he had than by the number of men Ive been with!

He dosnt think anything less of me for the amount of folk Ive slept with and I dont regret any of them... er, actualy I do regret maybe a couple but the rest I dont and he gets to benefit from various things I learnt along the way!

I think its more acceptable for women to have more partners now but u still get the occasional person who frowns on u for it... but hey, judge me like that and its ur loss and tbh I wouldn't want to be friends with someone as judgemental as that.

xx

Dig your sig tag line, hon. Cheers!

 

[DarkFantasyRose]

Dig your sig tag line, hon. Cheers!

heh thanks I Jessica Rabbit so urs gets the thumbs up from me!

xx

 

[kaycee217]

Women are having more sex because it's now socially acceptable to gratify themselves with things other than the material. It's ok to masturbate; look, there's an Ann Summers at the local shopping centre. It's ok to have casual sex; look at Sex In The City. You're worth it.

Heh. The problem is, only about 5% of women actually feel this way. Women come down way harder on their own sex than men do, in my opinion. A woman is more likely to judge me negatively for a one-night stand than a man. I suppose the difference is that if you can get a man to the bedroom, you can make him appreciate your experience and change his perspective somewhat. It doesn't work that way for the women who view you as competition.

Do you think jealousy, envy, or the "playground effect" explains any part of this?

 

[Firebrain]

Do you think jealousy, envy, or the "playground effect" explains any part of this?

Oh, absolutely. I left teacher training because it was a 95% female class, 90% of them were single and and most of the behaviour was appauling (especially when they heard I was getting married).

 

[Firebrain]

I should add - I think much of women judging each other is to do with confusion about self respect (the one thing a woman absolutely 'must' have). When you're a teenager, you are smacked around the head with the notion that women with self respect do not give themselves to lots of men; they "save" their bodies for a chosen few. A woman who sleeps with a fair few men - even those she isn't in a relationship with - must obviously think very little of herself; what she has is precious and shouldn't be spread around. She must need the reassurance the desire of men provides (apparently).

And yet for me, my self respect means that I indulge my sexuality as and when I choose. I like my body and I give it what it deserves - whether that's ice cream, a long run, a massage or an orgasm with a beautiful man who knows what he's doing. Who gives a flying toss whether or not he's in love with me?

 

[kaycee217]

I should add - I think much of women judging each other is to do with confusion about self respect (the one thing a woman absolutely 'must' have). When you're a teenager, you are smacked around the head with the notion that women with self respect do not give themselves to lots of men; they "save" their bodies for a chosen few. A woman who sleeps with a fair few men - even those she isn't in a relationship with - must obviously think very little of herself; what she has is precious and shouldn't be spread around. She must need the reassurance the desire of men provides (apparently).

And yet for me, my self respect means that I indulge my sexuality as and when I choose. I like my body and I give it what it deserves - whether that's ice cream, a long run, a massage or an orgasm with a beautiful man who knows what he's doing. Who gives a flying toss whether or not he's in love with me?

I like your attitude.

 

[mark_j]

I think this brings up a rather interesting dichotomy. It seems that when one is younger this has importance. Once we get a little older the realization sets in that everyone is going to have a sexual history of some sort. Unless they been living in a monastery or married their high school sweetheart and stayed absolutely faithful for 20+ years, chances are there is going to be any number of past lovers.

Worrying or stigmatizing it after a certain age becomes rather pointless.

 

[MrRetro]

I should add - I think much of women judging each other is to do with confusion about self respect (the one thing a woman absolutely 'must' have). When you're a teenager, you are smacked around the head with the notion that women with self respect do not give themselves to lots of men; they "save" their bodies for a chosen few. A woman who sleeps with a fair few men - even those she isn't in a relationship with - must obviously think very little of herself; what she has is precious and shouldn't be spread around. She must need the reassurance the desire of men provides (apparently).

And yet for me, my self respect means that I indulge my sexuality as and when I choose. I like my body and I give it what it deserves - whether that's ice cream, a long run, a massage or an orgasm with a beautiful man who knows what he's doing. Who gives a flying toss whether or not he's in love with me?

And yet it is this self respect in a woman that I so respect and find attractive...

 

[RedheadedHaze]

I should add - I think much of women judging each other is to do with confusion about self respect (the one thing a woman absolutely 'must' have). When you're a teenager, you are smacked around the head with the notion that women with self respect do not give themselves to lots of men; they "save" their bodies for a chosen few. A woman who sleeps with a fair few men - even those she isn't in a relationship with - must obviously think very little of herself; what she has is precious and shouldn't be spread around. She must need the reassurance the desire of men provides (apparently).

And yet for me, my self respect means that I indulge my sexuality as and when I choose. I like my body and I give it what it deserves - whether that's ice cream, a long run, a massage or an orgasm with a beautiful man who knows what he's doing. Who gives a flying toss whether or not he's in love with me?

I fully concur. I never viewed having sex or my sexuality as a commodity to be "given" to anyone. It's mine and mine alone. Whatever parts of me I chose to share with you, so be it. Personally, I think it's far more valuable to have my heart and my mind versus just my body. Sure, I can have sex w/ anyone if I make the choice to do so, but not everyone gets the key that unlocks my heart or my head.
That's a whole dif't ball game.

I think this brings up a rather interesting dichotomy. It seems that when one is younger this has importance. Once we get a little older the realization sets in that everyone is going to have a sexual history of some sort. Unless they been living in a monastery or married their high school sweetheart and stayed absolutely faithful for 20+ years, chances are there is going to be any number of past lovers.

Worrying or stigmatizing it after a certain age becomes rather pointless.

I agree with this as well. I'm 34, and I find that this is such a non-issue to me, male or female. Perhaps I'm just in that small percentage of women that doesn't beat themselves down for having as high a sex drive as most men or viewing my sexuality as something to be enjoyed and utilized.

 

[ravi64]

I should add - I think much of women judging each other is to do with confusion about self respect (the one thing a woman absolutely 'must' have). When you're a teenager, you are smacked around the head with the notion that women with self respect do not give themselves to lots of men; they "save" their bodies for a chosen few. A woman who sleeps with a fair few men - even those she isn't in a relationship with - must obviously think very little of herself; what she has is precious and shouldn't be spread around. She must need the reassurance the desire of men provides (apparently).

And yet for me, my self respect means that I indulge my sexuality as and when I choose. I like my body and I give it what it deserves - whether that's ice cream, a long run, a massage or an orgasm with a beautiful man who knows what he's doing. Who gives a flying toss whether or not he's in love with me?

well i agree with what you are saying it is all about culture and most of culture is about double standards;and some how except in the matriarchal societies the man having multiple affairs is justified but not a women i am glad there are a few people like you who have analysed the issue and at their own level have started correcting it well done

 

[Sailorboy75]

I would rather have the woman who knows what she's doing. If she's a redhead that's a bonus 6 points on the hotness scale for me! I don't care how she learned to do that thing with her hip and her leg wrapped around my waist and both hands clawing on my ass. I just know I enjoy the fuck out of it!
Besides, does it really matter where she has been? The point is she's with you.

 

[jeffy72]

Everywoman I've had sex with has had more partners than I have. At first I thought it was incredibly arousing, thinking someone who seems like they could have anyone (the first couple had more by an order of magnitude) , chose me. Then I was scared, as someone told me I was lucky I didn't catch anything, and now I find it arousing (again) when thinking about them when I'm alone, imagining myself as one of their other partners when they were younger.

 

[ima6uldv8]

I was raised in a religious household and was one of those that was supposed to save myself for marriage and all that crap. I enjoyed my encounters but nothing like now! I'm so thankful for finding Lit! Mid 40s and I'm reveling in my sexuality. I've been set free after a lifetime of trying to hide it away like a dirty secret. Well, my secret is to be shared.

 

[Frizzle_Fry]

The number of sex parteners a person has had is irelivant to me because I dont care if she has slept with 5 or 500 men, as long as she wasent stupid about it. Maybe its because I have seen first hand what a veriety of viral STDS will do to a person but safe sex is sexy imo. I would expect that a woman would feel the same about a guy. Untill we go to see the doc together for a check up and birth control, condoms 100% of the time for this guy.

 

[kaycee217]

The number of sex parteners a person has had is irelivant to me because I dont care if she has slept with 5 or 500 men, as long as she wasent stupid about it. Maybe its because I have seen first hand what a veriety of viral STDS will do to a person but safe sex is sexy imo. I would expect that a woman would feel the same about a guy. Untill we go to see the doc together for a check up and birth control, condoms 100% of the time for this guy.

It's good that you practice and advocate safe sex, but understand that safe sex isn't perfectly safe - there's always a risk.

 

[smallgirl]

There was a time not so long ago that it was considered 'normal' for a man to have multiple sexual partners, but for a woman it was considered 'normal' to have minimal sexual partners until marriage... A man that slept around was a stud and generally admired, but a woman that did this was a 'slut'... I think this has been changing...

It is now more than acceptable for a woman to have multiple sexual partners, probably even more so than a man... And the word slut is not as derogatory as it used to be...

Most of my partners generally have been with more sexual partners than me, which I might add doesn't bother me, in fact I find it quite arousing to know that a woman enjoys having sex with multiple partners...

I'm wondering if this is the general case... Does the modern woman have more sexual partners than that of her male counterpart...? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts...

i honestly believe in most places the old double standard still apllies. i wish it didnt, but i think alot of times(not all) women are still looked down on for truly enjoying sex with multiple partners. i see nothing wrong with it, as long as we all play safe. i hope someday it will change everywhere, and those of us who like and need more than one man will be accepted just like the guy next door who screws everything that walks.

 

[cadman7777]

i honestly believe in most places the old double standard still apllies. i wish it didnt, but i think alot of times(not all) women are still looked down on for truly enjoying sex with multiple partners. i see nothing wrong with it, as long as we all play safe. i hope someday it will change everywhere, and those of us who like and need more than one man will be accepted just like the guy next door who screws everything that walks.

well i don't think it's quite as bad as that anymore but I understand where you are coming from....and it's nice to see you around....

 

[smallgirl]

well i don't think it's quite as bad as that anymore but I understand where you are coming from....and it's nice to see you around....

trust me, in small town usa, where im from, this is the way it is. 100%.