The Loner

[Shotokan07]

I don't see any intentions of anything. This is only a story...perhaps a story of my life. I wanna see how far and how my life may have fallen if God didn't write my story...

A boy...he's 18, lived all through his life through depression. His father left him when he was 3...and saw it all with his own eyes when his father was taken away. His father had raped his mother and thus he was born. Because of this, the mother's family forced his father to marry his mother...so it was told to him by his mother, he never knew the truth. He never knew what kind of man his father was.

As days spent by, it never really got better. He was obese and was made fun of at school. In 3rd grade, he was told that he needed glasses to see...as much as he hated it, he had to wear them. It got worst, not only his classmates made fun of him because he was fat, but now he worn glasses. No one attempted to help him, when he needed it. The teachers never saw it, when was the last time a teacher saw a kid getting made fun of? He never had friends, when he did...it was only because they needed him for something, yet he took the offer just to feel special. All his so called friends had friends, but he only them. As a year passed, one day when he was riding his bike alone around his apartment building...an older boy, a thin but musclar and very lean-looking, comes by and asked him if he wants to play with him. He never was never asked that before. He didn't realize it consciencously but his soul felt better. His other boy, a black boy, from Sierra Leon ask him. Soon they became good friends, but the boy still felt suspicious that his boy who he learned to know his name as "Alimami" was probably also needing him for something.

One day, while he was kicking the soccer ball against the wall waiting for Alimami to come downstairs from his apartment, a bully...looking really dirty and smelled awefull, came over him and started making fun of him and pushing him around. The boy started crying, the bully threatened him if he stop crying he would -he broke a glass bottle he found on the floor- kill him. Alimami came downstairs, surprised to see an older boy holding a broken glass by the neck of bottle in one hand and the helpless, crying boy on the other. He came over and started fighting with him. The young boy was thrown to the floor and he couldn't see what was going on. When he had turned around, he saw Alimami jumping towards him while the bully threw the broken glass at him. The boy flinched and for a moment he thought he was dead. When he realized his heavy heart beating for air...he opened his eyes and saw Alimami wounded. Apparently he had saved his life. Police had come over and arrested both Alimami and the bully. They spoke with both of them, cleaned Alimami's wound and let both of them go away. The boy ran and told them that that bully was trying to hurt him and Alimami, but the cops ignored him and said it was just a fight. The boy knew they had let that bully go because he was from the same as the cops and they couldn't arrest him over a black kid.

Well...it happened, the bully never came back...and the boy and Alimami kept this a secret... Days passed, weeks, months, and it came one day, Almami invited the boy to his house. He had two brothers and a sister. He also met his father and mother, he was happy to meet Alimami's family. They were warm and very welcoming. It was this day, Alimami told him that he was leaving. Where was he going? His response was that he was going to his country Sierra Leon and then from there he was going to California. The boy went home and took out a map to see where Sierra Leon was...he was surprised to see it was in Africa. This is where he started learning...a foolish mistake. The next day, when they were playing...the boy got tired, as he is fat, he sat over a small wall and looked up to the stars...Alimami was playing with siblings, after awhile...they all went home, but Alimami. It was late, and he came over to the boy to take him home before he got in any trouble. He saw how concerned the boy was looking up to the stars. Almami jumped on the wall with a swift, which always intrigued the boy, and they both lay back, looking up and talking. Later, Almami took the boy home, going up the elevator...the boy felt safe, he felt he had a brother watching over him. As his floor came, his mother was waiting by the door, they both came out and his mother looked at Almami with disgust. Alimami told him that he should go, but the boy didn't understand. Alimami left and the boy walk inside the door to his house listening to his mother complaining that he was destroying his life hanging around with "that kid". She wanted him to study and become "a man" when he grows up. The mother had married someone else, this man was a good man...but didn't know how to show love...well sometimes he did. But he wasn't there, he had gone out of the country. His mother was a nurse and never really had problems with money, but that didn't mean he got everything, but he did get them sooner or later. A week or two later, Alimami was leaving, the boy knew but his mother won't let him out of the house. His mother screamed at him not to hang around with a "black" boy. Didn't matter, Alimami still came over, knocked on the door and waited. The mother didn't want to open the door, but the boy forcefully ran to open the door. The mother helpless, comanded Alimami not to step inside the house, the boy didn't really understand why but because he was a bad influence, which he wasn't. Alimami understood, he told the boy goodbye and someday they'll meet again...and with courtesy, he respectively said goodbye to his mother...and left. The boy, cried in tears and yelled at his mother because she thought he was a bad person, because he was black. Wisdom is a brutal thing to have...

It finally came to 2-3 months of 4th grade. Things changed, the boy started to learn about life...and about himself. Things got worse because sex was introduced to the kids at that age, who knows from where. Boys started like girls and vice versa, and was teased. The boy was interested by that, but naturally no one liked him. He was made fun of. Even in the bus going away and coming home, the bus driver made fun of him...and the everyone in the bus had the fun of the day. There were times he didn't want to go to school. He missed Almami. Somehow, he made friends with his classmates who sat next and behind him. He weren't a good bunch, but they weren't bad either. They were 3 boys and him. They hung around all the time and the boy felt, again special. Christmas time came, there was this girl both smart and pretty. She was confident, and thus was a natural leader. She was the class leader and the monitor. She always watch for the mischieve and punished them with a slap on the hand with a ruler. One day, the boy and his "gang" were having fun in the back off the class while break-time when she came over and scolded at them. The boy got smart with her and she demanded him to lay his palm out. He did and she hit him...but he stood there still looking at her with cold eyes, showing her that he didn't feel a thing. He did, but he felt good when everyone in the class was surprised to see him not in pain and praised him. The girl surprised hit him again, and again.. and again. Looking at him, she stopped, looking very concerned and with disgust of how he tolerated the pain. The boy smiled... A week later, everyone was getting ready for the school Christmas cerimony. At the lunch break bell, everyone left and the boy was the last one to leave, when another boy, taller than he, thin and mischievous pushed him to floor and started telling him how useless he his. He yelled and screamed at the boy that he should stay in here because he's not worth having to see the good things at the cerimony at the show in the auditorium. He locked the door and left the boy inside. The boy cried and yelled, but no one was there to here him. After a while, he just fixed the chairs and tables he had fallen and started to talk to himself and having fun himself, pretending to live in a fantasy world. Then, the door opened and the girl looked in and surprised to see him inside. She asked him, why he was in there. ...Ironically, he told her that he didn't feel like watching the show. So she left. ...Later of the day when it was time to go, all the kids picked up their chairs over the table and left, the boy volunteered to help the teacher to help pick up all the left chairs that the kids forgot to put up. The teacher left the room to hand in all the paperworks when that same boy walks in and starts telling him how much he liked the boy staying in the class. He actually had more fun with the boy staying away from sight. He asked if the boy wanted to stay in the room for night, maybe it'll do good for everyone. The boy in tears started getting angry. He screamed why that kid was being cruel to him...with all the noise the girl walks in to see what's going on, when to see that the boy was about to throw a chair at the mischievous kid. The boy saw the girl, felt that no one understood him...and never will, he ran out of the class. The next day, the girl asked him if he was okay, he, as always hiding his feelings, said was fine. At the beginning of the music class, the teacher asked the girl if she can close down the curtains because we will be seeing a movie. The boy helped her to get up while holding on to the table that she stood up on. The curtains were very old and ripped delicately. The girl pulled on the curtain and lost her balance. She fell, lifting her skirt and everyone else stared and pointed, and laughed at her. But the boy, knowing that he had seen her underwear and could've made fun of her, didn't. Instead he helped her up and pretend to not to see anything.

Fourth grade was over, the boy was on winter vacation...he had been talking to his "gang" friends every night and eventually they became good friends. Although they never got to see each other over the winter, because the boy's mother didn't like him hanging outside. Studying was only her concern of him. Late February, the boy and his parents went to the American ambessey to get a visa to visit America. The boy always wanted to see America, he remembered, vividly, seeing an american soldier in the desert during the Gulf War. He always looked up to the Americans, didn't know why, but he always felt he belong with them. At the American ambessey, he saw the interviewer and couldn't stop starring at him. The interviewer looked back at him and didn't believe that he wasn't an american. They got the visa, early April they got ready to leave. The boy went to school to tell the sisters of the school, goodbye. He was curious to see what classes his friends and the girl was in. Out of his surprise, the two of friends and the girl was in his fifth grade class. Although he never really liked the girl as a girlfriend, he always liked her as a friend, a best friend. He didn't have the guts to walk in tell them that he was leaving. He a tear or two, but that was it. He had cried too many times to cry now. His wisdom of life had grown at an early age...he regrets it. He left the school and awaited for his future, a new beginning.

He got to New York City, within a day to two. His eyes looked glassy, filled with pride. His parents and he went to a friend of his step-fathers. Although the mother's husband was his step-father, he never saw him that way, neither did they think that the boy remembered what had happened earlier in his life. Everything looked different went he arrived at the neighborhood where he was going to live. It had rained the night before, and everything looked quiet and cool. He always loved rain and cold. He loved the water but his mother always told him that it wasn't good for him, thus he never learned how to swim because of his mother's fear of him drowning. The boy loved what he saw. In a week, his mother took him to a near public school. They had been surprised to see that the boy spoke fluent english and it was his first language. His math and reading skills were very good and was seated in a fifth grade class. Somehow, that repulsive came back to him. Everyone stared at him and made fun of him. The kids who would soon be his classmates for the next two months didn't really come from a good family. Either they were brats or street hustlers. They made fun of how he looked and always laughed. His mind grew in pain of hearing everyone laughing at him. He saw a girl that was from his region, however this girl repulsed him, for she was beautiful and didn't want to be thought less because of him, denied her nationality. The boy confused, but also understood just left. He was alone for the rest of the time he spent at elementary school, but he felt good that he was in America now, and soon to be an American. He didn't care that his parents changed his name and made him and themselves a new identity to live in America. He was so wrong not to care, because he cared dearly, his conscience never left him, ever. Even when he was three.

He had moved on to junior high school, he was more relieved to see new faces and more american white classmates. Regardless who they were, he was made fun of because of his looks. Putting that aside, looking at his english teacher, he felt as if he was in a movie because everything looked as it was in the english movies he had seen. He was happy. Later on the year, he had neighbors' kids that went to the same school as him. He used to come home with one of the boys in the public bus. One day, the boy got to the bus early and saved a seat for the other boy. The bus was almost filled with kids of all ages, when a stocky boy, same age as he walked next to him and asked him to get out of the seat. The boy regected and asked he's welcome to sit next to him. The bully felt insulted as everyone in the bus awed. He pushed the boy to the window and commanded that he move or else. The boy knew there wasn't any point anymore, he stayed without saying anything. The bully snarled at the boy saying that he's a dead kid after they get out. The neighbor boy walks in and asks what's going on. As he learned what had happened, he made plans with the boy to run when he got off. Little that he know that the neighbor is a chicken himself and ran out of the bus without him. He felt betrayed that he never was in this position...never. Everyone came outside and made a circle with the bully in the center. The boy begged the bus driver to drop him off on the next block, but the driver regected. As the boy walked downstairs, everyone was chanting to beat him up. A mother came in to help and told the boy to run. How much can he run, he was fat himself. After a block, the boy weezing and had asthma problems before ran to a near house, ringing their bell for help. A lady replied the door, and when she heard what the boy was telling her, she shut the door on him. Crying, he started running again, soon enough he saw a crowd running at him from both direction. They eventually surrounded him with the bully walking close to him. The boy pleaded, but the bully just stared at him. He had brought more kids, some even from high school. The bully, surprisingly, just walked away...and the boy relieved with everyone booing, walked at a fast pace towards his house. Little that he know the impatient crowd wasn't pleased, and the hostility grew more. The boy started running again, but a couple of the high school kids jumped on him throwing him to the floor and kicking him. Soon everyone starting kicking him and whatever they can throw at him. The boy laying on the floor, covering his face, just hoped for them to leave. Out of no where, his father driving to work stopped to help thinking a poor kid getting beat up to find out it was his own son. He yelled at the kids there, but the kids just made fun of him and his nonenglish accent. The boy went home ashamed but relieved. His father, angry yelled at the boy for not being strong. How can he be strong, when he was never had the chance to learn or recognition. His neighbor calls and pretending that he doesn't know anything, asked what had happened. He never forgave his neighbor for doing what he had done.

 

[Shotokan07]

His father soon wanted him to join something to protect himself. A friend of the boy's told about a karate that had just opened. The boy was always interested in martial arts, but his mother being so over-protective...never got a chance to learn until now. He was very fond of the philosophy and honor that martial arts had. He always dreamed that he would become a very strong fighter, have his teacher as his father and make him for the best. He idolized the character he had seen from a video-game, although a fiction, he believed that his character had lived once in the world and someday he hoped he could become him. So he eagerly accepted to join this karate. What surprised him and him even more was how close fate has taken him. The martial art he was about to take was the same as the character from the video-game...even more he looked up to his teacher...as did the character to his master. As years passed, eight grade came along...him still taking martial arts but didn't really help him because of the hostility around him. He wanted to a part of them, and yet they didn't accept him. He had made two close friends. They were both good-looking kids, but they were the quiet types who didn't want to be bothered. The boy looked up to one who was laid back, didn't really care about anything what others said and had a very good fashion sense. The boy always tried to look like him, but couldn't never looked like him...because he never will. He hated that about himself, feeling ugly as everyone told him. His other friend, always the one to have fun and act immature. Them three hung around all the time, after school walking home instead of taking the bus and playing basketball whenever they can. At home, his mother gave birth to a girl when they had came to america. He had been the only child for almost 11 years. Now his siter almost 3, he still didn't have the love as a brother for her, and he hated the feeling, he couldn't change no matter what. At school, them three always ran around looking at girls and having crushes on them. The boy was always left out. He never had a girl of his own to have crushes...it was always after his two friends point out the girls, where he then picks one of the girls. He started to feel lonely again, feeling that he needed more than just friends.

Graduation came when everyone was looking their best, the boy had his mother go out with him and buy the most expensive suit for him to wear. At graduation, he had separated from his friends since he was taller than the them, he had to sit in the back. He didn't get a chance to pin point his friends. After graduation, he waited outside for his friends find him and then they take pictures as he saw everyone else doing, but...never happened. His mother complaining that I can see them later and its getting late, with an angry grin, he went home. His friends were there, but couldn't find him, or so they say. No matter, the boy and the cheerful one from the group hung around while the other who he admired just ignored them. It seemed that he didn't really appreciate being there, but the boy didn't care, he kept in touch with him. As high school came closer, the boy felt angry because he hadn't gotten into a better school, the immature got into a good school with good education, while the other got into an airplane school, merely a vocational school. The boy however, was zoned to a school by his house which did have good education but the neighborhood as he knew, was bad. After living in America, he wanted to live in the suburban area where he admired how the people lived their life there, he put them as a true american life. The school his friend, the immature, had got into was a school nearby to the suburbs. He hated how his life was been played to him. At high school, although no one really made fun of him, they still repulsed him. He didn't really make friends but focus studies. As much as he wanted to become "cool" and be popular, he was never given the chance. He wasn't as fat as before, but he wasn't still welcomed.

His devotion to martial arts never stopped, he kept learning and kept becoming better at it. His dream of becoming his idolized character was all he wanted. He knew, he hoped that once he becomes like that character, his looks, his attitude...everything would be fine. In highschool, it was the time where everyone started getting interested in the opposite sex. Feeling alone, he tried. His passion and love was better than any others he knew. He wanted to express his love that he never got to express...but no one would ever accept him. Rejection was so common for him...he had nothing to do but do nothing. He just watched and watched. Any girl he'd liked, she'd turn face away with disgust politely...perhaps depression showed his ugly face out in the open to him. By junior year, he started feeling depressed and showing it out to the open as well. Any team he'd play, he'd be good but never exceed to be the best because no one would give him a chance, but discourage him. He joined the tennis team just because his baseball teammates would always push him over the edge and bench him. He saw the tennis team weren't as strong, but had good kids. He felt a little superior because they weren't as pushy, but were book smart students. However, he was wrong, he had met a kid, who had came from California. A kid who reminded him a lot of his friend from junior high. He too was good looking, laid back, and had a good fashion sense. He thought people from California are better people because they are more laid back and americanized than New York. Soon, they were good friends. One day, the boy asked the Cali kid if he can get him one of his girl-friends to go out with him. He happily agreed to get him a girl. Soon enough he did by the senior year. He had given the boy her screen name, so they can start off fresh from neutral grounds. The boy had seen her before, she was beautiful. He started talking to the girl, and because she couldn't really see him, he felt good about himself. He acted with full authority without anyone mocking him and eventually she started likely him. He had the right words to say at the right time...which made her like him and get closer to him. A day came when they both agreed to meet on a date, more like a blind-date. He had gotten ready for the movies, he as well lied to his mother about him going to the library but really not. He was running late, but for the girl's sake he ran, like he never ran before-not even as he did when was in danger earlier, to a store to buy a rose and run back for enough time to meet her. He had bought tickets with the money he had been saving for awhile, since his parents don't give him money or allowance because they feel that it just spoils the kids. The movie had started and she wasn't in sight...the boy's hope almost shattered to pieces, when like a dream she walks in to her sight looking for him. She looks at him and knows right away its him. For the first time, as his heart-beated hard, he felt good about himself. She came to him, gave a warm hung, held his hand and walk in the theatre. He had smelled her scent and never got it out of him. During the movies, their hands were always together til the very end. He was nervous but tried to comfort by giving her a masage but quickly afraid she might get angry. She just smiled. After the movie ended, the boy asked if she wanted to go and have dinner, but she said no and that she had to go home. The boy felt a little disappointed but was happy enough. He had taken her by her house, when she hunged him. They had decided not to do anything for the first date, but the boy murmurred as she hugged him of a kiss. As she disconnected her hug, she kissed him. The boy never felt so much free in his life. It was his first kiss. After she had left, the boy was crazy in love with her, a little too crazy. But who is to blame him, for he had felt love for the first time. After that day, the girl told him that she's going for a vacation but she'll write him letters and he must too. He felt sad that he couldn't see her for a while, but he didn't feel bad of having a girl friend. Everyday has passed he wrote a letter to her. Week passed, when she had gotten back, however she never got online to speak to him nor emailed him. He kept calling his Cali friend of what going on, and he told him that she did get back but don't know what's going on. Then soon, after a week, she calls him and tells him that this relationship is not going to work between them. A complete heart broken...he asked why. She didn't have any answer. From past experience, he started making answers. Perhaps they were true, or perhaps not... For the rest of his year in high school, he just lived through as a dead being. Only thing that kept him going was martial arts. One night, being online he is, he started writing poems which was the only way he could express them. Later that night, his karate master's wife emails him, but his anguishment just replied with a poem to her. She got concerned and started talking to him. Soon enough, he felt like she should've been his mother. He felt like respected his sensei and his wife as parents more than his parents. To be close to them, he wanted them to be his god-parents. His mother being all "concerned" and over-protective of him rejected. He didn't accepted and forcefully made her accept. His Psycky had been developed around his mother and his life...that he didn't know now how to act with this new family he had. Nothing was going right for him except his martial arts. He had made a small accomplishments during the end of highschool with making aquaintance at community serives and from the teams, but most of his listeners were his teachers, which he appreciated very much, but didn't think enough...he was missing his age friends. Thus, he never went to prom nor stayed too long at graduation. He didn't even take yearbook pictures just because he felt that it wouldn't make any difference. His life filled with corruption, darkness, and loss of faith. His real problems were perhaps his home, his mother and her annoying complaints. He always looked back on how his mother always complained about Alimami and how wrong he proved her wrong.

He had been in touch with one of his from junior high, the one who liked to have fun. He had gone to the navy after high school and been calling him over the phone ever since. His other friend just faded away, though he still remembers him. The Cali friend is around but screwed his life falling in love to soon to marry. But he and the boy are always talking, somehow they both know each other and talk very well. The boy is in college now, in which he still regrets of being. Because of his immigration status he cannot go to a better college because of financial problems. He feels betrayed in a way, because he feels he belongs here and would give his life for America, and yet...

It is a local college, however, a lot has changed...to get a little more freedom, he had bought a car for himself so he doesn't have to stay home and hear the crap he has to hear from his parents and also hear his sister get treated the way he did when he was her age. He's in his second year of college, but depression of life, relationship with his parents, and not finding the one to love, he is a loner...

I've set the background story, now what I want to see is how how this life go from here on. I wouldn't be surprised if this didn't anywhere...lets just say, then I was right. But I would like it to get interesting.

Anyone is welcome, any person could walk into this boy's life, doesn't have to be a person from reality, it could be a made character. After all, future is only what the mind beholds...