The King Of Literotica

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

As the unofficial winner of both the Most Influential Writer and Most Influential Poet, I declare myself, me, Freddie, Bostonfictionwriter, as King Of Literotica.

"All hail the king. Rise AH peasants. You may kiss my ring!"

Where is my Queen of Hearts! Sargeant of the guard, find her and summon her to me.

Thank you Laurel for this new thread. It is more befitting of a king. I love the castle motif. And the 60" big screen TV, wow. Thank you for that Manu.

This thread is bigger than Scouries thread. Listen to this.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Hello? Hello?"

I have my own echo. How's that for big.

And the huge barbeque grille out back is fit for a king. I can't wait to roast a pig. Speaking of pigs, where's Michchick?

Now that I'm king things will be different around here. No one is allowed to start a new thread without first receiving my permission and the wax seal from my ruby lion's ring.

Secondly, starting now, there is a tax on not only all threads but also on all postings. My tax collector will be around to collect soon. I suggest you pay.

Okay, you may proceed. Begone with all of you.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Guard! Bring me Scouries. Yes, of course, alive. I want to knight him, Sir Scouries.

And where is my Queen of Hearts?

What's that Laurel? Yes, I understand that if I don't win the contest as the Most Influential Writer and as the Most Influential Poet I must vacate the thread and return the throne and the robe. Can I keep the crown. Okay, okay, have ye some faith in me and my ability to not only win both contests but also to rule the kingdom.

Where's she'd go? Gees, I never saw a woman as old as she is move as fast. If she's a day, she's 70-years-old.

I'd make her my witch, but I really don't want to sleep in my castle that has a witch in it, that is, unless it's a good witch, a sweet witch, and a kind witch.

I just realized I need an entire list of things. I'll need a ass. What is a king without an ass. And I need people to boss around. Well, I do that now anyway. Certainly, I have enough jokers, too many. Matter of fact, a few of them should be making their appearance soon.

"Guard be on the ready with your sword."

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Have you found Scouries?

Have you found my Queen?

Do we have any Pop Tarts in the kingdom. I'm hungry.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

I've had to raise the drawbridge for a bit while my castle is under repair.

I'm making decoration and design changes to my palace.

 

[michchick98]

And the huge barbeque grille out back is fit for a king. I can't wait to roast a pig. Speaking of pigs, where's Michchick?

Go fuck yourself, Freddie. I haven't said shit to you about anything in weeks. I've left you alone. You always bitch that people attack you for no reason, yet you just did the same thing to me.

Fuck off, asshole.

 

[txblush]

Hello...

Do we have any Pop Tarts in the kingdom. I'm hungry.[/QUOTE]

Oops, sorry I think I'm in the wrong castle. Damn how the heck to I get out of this place. Wait I think I hear someone. Excuse me, I was looking for the castle that's for the new author. I was told to bring the Pop Tarts.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Go fuck yourself, Freddie. I haven't said shit to you about anything in weeks. I've left you alone. You always bitch that people attack you for no reason, yet you just did the same thing to me.

Fuck off, asshole.

"Seize her! Off with her head!"

Gees, I've never seen a fat chick run so fast since she ran to the welfare counter to collect her check.

Hey, MichChick, thanks for voting for me for the Most Influential Writer and the Most Influential Poet.

You're PM to me touched my heart.

Yes, I understand you don't want anyone else to know how enamored you are with me. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I won't tell anyone.

By the way, does you're mother know you talk like that? Where'd you learn that language in Detroit?

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Do we have any Pop Tarts in the kingdom. I'm hungry.

Oops, sorry I think I'm in the wrong castle. Damn how the heck to I get out of this place. Wait I think I hear someone. Excuse me, I was looking for the castle that's for the new author. I was told to bring the Pop Tarts. [/QUOTE]

Leave the Pop Tarts and go knave.

Before you leave, you may kiss my ring.

What's that? Yes, I am the King of Literotica, the Most Influential Writer and the Most Influential Poet. I can use someone to sharpen my quill for me and to fill my inkwell, if you are interested in the job. You, as a new writer, can learn much from me.

 

[michchick98]

"Seize her! Off with her head!"

Gees, I've never seen a fat chick run so fast since she ran to the welfare counter to collect her check.

Hey, MichChick, thanks for voting for me for the Most Influential Writer and the Most Influential Poet.

You're PM to me touched my heart.

Yes, I understand you don't want anyone else to know how enamored you are with me. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I won't tell anyone.

By the way, does you're mother know you talk like that? Where'd you learn that language in Detroit?

You're a sad excuse for a human being, Freddie. I wouldn't vote for you if you were the last writer on Literotica.

Maybe you wouldn't be such an asshole if you got that dick out of your ass.

What? Oh, you like that dick in your ass.

Maybe it's because you don't have a dick in your mouth? I'd bet your dad could help you with that. Or maybe your brother.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

You're a sad excuse for a human being, Freddie. I wouldn't vote for you if you were the last writer on Literotica.

Maybe you wouldn't be such an asshole if you got that dick out of your ass.

What? Oh, you like that dick in your ass.

Maybe it's because you don't have a dick in your mouth? I'd bet your dad could help you with that. Or maybe your brother.

Sorry, the PM was from your mother and not you.

Now, why are so always so nasty? Is it because you haven't been touched since your boyfriend dumped your fat ass two years ago?

Hey, maybe it's time for you to become a switch hitter and try the other side. You already dress like a guy, you may as well act like one, Butch.

 

[scouries]

all of us at:

[size=+3]

ScouriesWorld​

[/size]

would like to congratulate

[size=+3] KING FREDDIE [/SIZE]​

on his coronation. Now LITEROTICA is starting to make sense.

I’m james r scouries and I’d like to see some changes…

[size=+2]Dolphins accept freddie as their king too…[/size]

 

[cloudy]

all of us at:

[size=+3]

ScouriesWorld​

[/size]

would like to congratulate

[size=+3] KING FREDDIE [/SIZE]​

on his coronation. Now LITEROTICA is starting to make sense.

I’m james r scouries and I’d like to see some changes…

[size=+2]Dolphins accept freddie as their king too…[/size]

Voting is open until the end of the month. It's hardly even started.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

BFW

God knows you'll have plenty of queens to rule with you.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

BFW

God knows you'll have plenty of queens to rule with you.

Hey, I don't know if that's a slam or not, but I like your style.

I need a tax collector, someone to collect fees for those AHer's starting a new thread or for posting on an existing thread. Are you up for the job?

The pay is all the food you can eat.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

all of us at:

[size=+3]

ScouriesWorld​

[/size]

would like to congratulate

[size=+3] KING FREDDIE [/SIZE]​

on his coronation. Now LITEROTICA is starting to make sense.

I’m james r scouries and I’d like to see some changes…

[size=+2]Dolphins accept freddie as their king too…[/size]

I annoint you, this day, Wednesday, May 7th, 2007, Sir Scouries. You will forever and a day be loyal to the crown or until Laurel boots me out of here when I don't win the Most Influential Writer and/or the Most Influential Poet.

"Rise Sir Scouries. You may kiss my ring."

 

[jomar]

Oops, sorry I think I'm in the wrong castle. Damn how the heck to I get out of this place. Wait I think I hear someone. Excuse me, I was looking for the castle that's for the new author. I was told to bring the Pop Tarts.

Do you keep track of the alts in a spreadsheet? I'd have to.

 

[TxRad]

BFW

God knows you'll have plenty of queens to rule with you.

More like two queens and an idiot, along the lines of the three stooges only not so funny.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Voting is open until the end of the month. It's hardly even started.

Cloudy, Cloudy, Cloudy, you know I've already won. Have you no confidence in your King?

Hey, I need to open a casino in my kingdom and I need someone who is experienced at that. What do you say? You can keep all the coin from the slots and I get all the money from the table games.

Let me know and thank you again for voting for me as the Most Influential Writer and the Most Influential Poet. Your PM had me in tears. I never knew you felt so strongly about me, but I already have a girlfriend. I'm flattered though that you threw yourself at me like that.

By the way, I'm returning your nude photos. They are beautiful, but my girlfriend wouldn't approve. You understand, I hope.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

More like two queens and an idiot, along the lines of the three stooges only not so funny.

Ah, the court jester has returned and he is just full of comedy. You are funny court jester. Perhaps you were right to turn down the job as wizard I offered you. I think I'm going to save that job for SR71PLT. He needs, yet, another occupation to add to his lengthy resume of model, actor, pilot, singer, entertainer, spy, diplomat, super sonic pilot, war hero, Olympic Gold medalist, Oscar winner, and Saint.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Do you keep track of the alts in a spreadsheet? I'd have to.

You knave! The King has no alts. Another word from you and I'll throw you in the dungeon myself. Now begone with you girlie man.

 

[jomar]

You knave! The King has no alts. Another word from you and I'll throw you in the dungeon myself. Now begone with you girlie man.

You do have your moments.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

You do have your moments.

Thank you. You please the King with you comment. You may stay. What job may I give you? What talent do you possess. How may you serve your King?

You may kiss my ring.

 

[Bazzz]

Good Lord Frederico you've run amok! You're like one of those crazed criminals on an episode of COPS screaming insanities and profanities at the authorities just before the taser gun is deployed. You become Id Amin, Papa Doc and Pol Pot all wrapped up into one amazing freakazoid. Can I interest you in some sort of, hell any sort of tranquilizer? Tell me who are the new nouveau riche in your society? Where will all the chic meet to drink and greet now that you have decided to torch Manhatten's upper east side, Boston's Beacon Hill and the entire city of San Francisco now that you have the keys to the kingdom? Truman Capote's buttocks are clenching in his grave as he hears you singing like Julie Andrews that the hills are alive with the sound of the new world order. The literati elite are out. Maureen Dowd or Barbara Walters thrown out on the curb in their tattered Armani outfits and Gucci purses while King Freddie sits a top his throne jamming on a massive turkey drumstick. I, for one, like it. It's like the whole uptight ruling class woke up and found that Jackie Gleason had been elected Chief Bottle Washer.

Congratulations Freddie! It seems as of today that you have turned the Literotica world upside down and won a victory for all of us supposed ham-n-eggers. I've seen so many very well written stories, (mine included. Sorry couldn't resist), ignored in these contests while the same crew always (sometimes deservedly other times, well no way) receiving all the glory simply because their panting sycophant's vote for anything with their names on it. In other words, WHERE THE FUCK"S MY GOD DAMN GREEN E!

Myself I would never do anything as deplorable as bootlicking. By the way now that you are da man please know that I'm free to wash any of your many autos. I think that brown nosing is a useless exercise. Freddie need your chin wiped clean of all that drool as you jam that drumstick? I, myself will remain clear of the fray that no doubt will occur as the elite discovers that meatloaf just doesn't taste the same as fillet mignon and rises up to smite you. Until then how about putting me into that tax collector position. I hear that the kickbacks are beautiful.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Good Lord Frederico you've run amok! You're like one of those crazed criminals on an episode of COPS screaming insanities and profanities at the authorities just before the taser gun is deployed. You become Id Amin, Papa Doc and Pol Pot all wrapped up into one amazing freakazoid. Can I interest you in some sort of, hell any sort of tranquilizer? Tell me who are the new nouveau riche in your society? Where will all the chic meet to drink and greet now that you have decided to torch Manhatten's upper east side, Boston's Beacon Hill and the entire city of San Francisco now that you have the keys to the kingdom? Truman Capote's buttocks are clenching in his grave as he hears you singing like Julie Andrews that the hills are alive with the sound of the new world order. The literati elite are out. Maureen Dowd or Barbara Walters thrown out on the curb in their tattered Armani outfits and Gucci purses while King Freddie sits a top his throne jamming on a massive turkey drumstick. I, for one, like it. It's like the whole uptight ruling class woke up and found that Jackie Gleason had been elected Chief Bottle Washer.

Congratulations Freddie! It seems as of today that you have turned the Literotica world upside down and won a victory for all of us supposed ham-n-eggers. I've seen so many very well written stories, (mine included. Sorry couldn't resist), ignored in these contests while the same crew always (sometimes deservedly other times, well no way) receiving all the glory simply because their panting sycophant's vote for anything with their names on it. In other words, WHERE THE FUCK"S MY GOD DAMN GREEN E!

Myself I would never do anything as deplorable as bootlicking. By the way now that you are da man please know that I'm free to wash any of your many autos. I think that brown nosing is a useless exercise. Freddie need your chin wiped clean of all that drool as you jam that drumstick? I, myself will remain clear of the fray that no doubt will occur as the elite discovers that meatloaf just doesn't taste the same as fillet mignon and rises up to smite you. Until then how about putting me into that tax collector position. I hear that the kickbacks are beautiful.

Ah, Bazzz, you've stepped in it now. Next they'll be accusing you of being an alt of mine.

"Let it be known, that the King of Literotica has no alts. I am your King."

By the way, Bazzz, you are one of my few subjects who maketh any sense. You always bring joy to your King.

Would you serve your King as the King's personal adviser? There is no position greater. You would even be over my Wizard, which I have yet to find a suitable wizard, yet.

Sir Scouries is my tax collector and I'm still trying to convince the big Indian, Cloudy, to managed my casino. Only, she's determined to scalp me first.

 

[jomar]

Thank you. You please the King with you comment. You may stay. What job may I give you? What talent do you possess. How may you serve your King?

You may kiss my ring.

I am reminded of a time in college. It was a dorm party and the band was playing some ass-kicking rock. A member of the crowd yelled out, "Y'all know any Kiss?" And the band leader responded, "I know you can kiss my ass!"