The Isolated Blurt Thread XIX: Ice Cream Has No Bones

[AllyRose]

I want his desk and his marmalade.

Oh you're good. I forgot about the marmalade.

@$!#ing hell.

 

[Fata Morgana]

Oh you're good. I forgot about the marmalade.

@$!#ing hell.

Well we could join forces and clear him out of everything and fuck off into the sunset with the loot, my little cuntlet?

 

[1HF]

Hey girlie.

KILL THEM FUCKERS.

Incidently, DesireeEssentials hasn't been here since he said he was going in the shed. I bet he's been savagely attacked by a big hairy fucking cunt and he's ensnared in a giant web screaming with piss running down his legs, whilst said big hairy fucking cunt sits cackling in the corner prolonging his agony.

Ok, I'm scaring myself a bit.

Now I'm going to have nightmares

Poor Des.

 

[AllyRose]

Well we could join forces and clear him out of everything and fuck off into the sunset with the loot, my little cuntlet?

I bet he's got one of those classy fucking cars, too. Like Model T old.

 

[girlsmiley]

I want his desk and his marmalade.

I guess that leaves me the wife.

Thanks a lot girls.

 

[Fata Morgana]

Poor Ole Desiree. I'm gonna miss that posh cunt.

 

[boomslanger]

Well my name is Karen AS WELL YOU KNOW and that's Taylor Swift so you must think I fell off a Christmas tree.

Jeez!! Karen! thought you went off to Oz.. why didn't ya tell me it wuz you all along, you kidder, you! Here I wuz thinkin' why is this cutie so familiar.. ah! you can hide yer body, your face but never your vitriolic tongue eh girl?Kyra must have told you about me so come on over and enjoy my death and or last moments thereof.. of the famous Danny Trevor-Keelor, almost famous. I'd give a million dollars to see that sexy satisfied smile on your face as the life ebbs out of me or whatever dramatic simile you'd prefer. I just wanta be peeking at yer boobles maybe you'l take em out and smother me to death with em'? oooooh babe.. what a way to go... heaven before or afterwards? I'll never know, then again the stupid doctors might object but when have you let a little thing like that stop you??

Take care now, write to me PM or whatsit, cause it dont seem to work the other way round, it might be important, only you can tell...

Hugs pretty one,
thinkin' o' you always
Da boom dares to be doomed...



1

 

[girlsmiley]

Polly best to burn his house down because look at this picture.

https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/proxy/YAsAIwo8TV-oCFQeIkVbbVV-pU_jbagXsnzJxqyI8B9-iQ-mhxbzskgqslnAO7ugiqmX1moF0L2Q1DfUg_e3WYC8xiM50QCbQg1PQ8d4kHrg3yPEW_bN5XQ3L2Ay=w543-h271-nc

 

[Fata Morgana]

Kbate you need to read some of this blog. It's fucking hilarious.

http://www.gusthefox.com/

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a97/foxkitsune/296598_416192878437510_1933456814_n_zpsiykn5yfv.jpg


If you could do one thing to change the world, what would it be?

Well hopefully I will. Russell Brand tells us not to bother voting so that we can insight a sort of revolution but I say why waste your vote not voting when you can waste in a much funnier way by voting a fox into power? I’ll fuck it up so much that we’ll go back the stone age. It’ll be great. I’ve got a lot of good ideas about animal liberation, ecology and closing tax loopholes in an attempt to try and minimise the fucking ludicrous divide between the rich and the poor but if I could only do one thing to change the world then I’d probably get rid of all the herons. I don’t think we really need them, they don’t contribute that much to society, you barely even see the big lanky cunts and when you do they’re usually saying something racist and stupid. I don’t think we’d really miss them.

What is the most criminal thing you've ever done?

I technically can’t break the ‘law’ because I’m a fox. Having said that, the other day a farmer caught me having sex with all of his chickens and he tied me to his tractor and called the police. The police decided to punish me with their own unique brand of ‘eye for and eye’ justice. I’m no expert on the law but surely raping a fox is no way to restore order in an already corrupt and downward-spiralling society. I can get away with that sort of tomfoolery because I’m an animal. What they did is just bonkers to say the least. I’d love to get my hands on the video footage.

 

[CleverCowardice]

"No dog food for Victor tonight."

 

[boomslanger]

Poor Ole Desiree. I'm gonna miss that posh cunt.

DEsiree is such a mind blowing sexy name who is she?

Desiree
Oh, Desiree
There I was found
By the sweet passion sound
Of your loving song
Time was right, the night was long

Remember, Desiree
Oh, Desiree
Somehow I knew
I could only have you 'til the morning light
If only for that single night
Sweet Desiree, you made it right
Oh <moaan> never could make out with a babe with that name, never come across one.. and now I might die without humping a desiree! oh the tragedy of it!!, life is such a fuckall shit!


Boom da doomed without sampling a desiree...

 

[Fata Morgana]

From gusthefox.com

From "A Short History of Shit Racehorses"

BULIMIC PHIL - 1800


Bulimic Phil came last in every race he ever entered. Some critics said it was because his jockey, Brian Stacey, was blind and had a morbid fear of horses whereas others reckoned that the problem was with the horse’s penis which was over 7.5 ft in length and weighed as much as a fully grown nun. He was, however, immortalised in a series of explicit paintings by equine portrait artist, George Stubbs. Either way, he was fucking rubbish.

 

[Fata Morgana]

DEsiree is such a mind blowing sexy name who is she?

Desiree
Oh, Desiree
There I was found
By the sweet passion sound
Of your loving song
Time was right, the night was long

Remember, Desiree
Oh, Desiree
Somehow I knew
I could only have you 'til the morning light
If only for that single night
Sweet Desiree, you made it right
Oh <moaan> never could make out with a babe with that name, never come across one.. and now I might die without humping a desiree! oh the tragedy of it!!, life is such a fuckall shit!


Boom da doomed without sampling a desiree...

Desiree is the full and proper name for DesEsseintes. She has a bloke's avatar up now cos the minx gets so many sexy pms she can't keep up with all the attention. She's a bit of a nympho and can suck like a Dyson apparently.

I'll put a good word in for you if you like?

 

[Fata Morgana]

A History of Shit Racehorses cont...

UNCLE HOOVES THE CARPET HORSE - 1814

Uncle Hooves The Carpet Horse was owned by flamboyant and eccentric horse breeder, Fabrizio Zodiak, who insisted that the best way to produce a winning thoroughbred was to raise it almost exactly like you would a human child.
Uncle Hooves… was given his own bedroom in the house as well as toys, clothes and even a sort of giant tricycle which he would ride around the vast estate like something from a particularly nasty, opium fuelled, nightmare.
Zodiak flew in the face of reason (and chronological, factual accuracy) by feeding the horse roast beef, gammon and Pop Tarts, despite the fact that Pop Tarts wouldn’t be invented for another 150 years.
Convinced that his plan would work (despite not testing it once) Zodiak put his entire estate on Uncle Hooves The Carpet Horse winning his debut outing at Cheltenham. In the first 3 seconds of the race Uncle Hooves… broke all four of his legs and died in the middle of the track like an old shoe.
Fabrizio Zodiak spent the rest of his life working as a male prostitute in East London.

 

[BabblingBrooke]

Fata

You crack me up.

 

[Fata Morgana]

Fata

You crack me up.

Uncle Hooves is the first laugh I've had since Thursday.

 

[Fata Morgana]

Read Gus The Fox's Guide to London Wildlife. Fucking brilliant.

http://now-here-this.timeout.com/2012/05/22/gus-the-foxs-guide-to-london-wildlife/

 

[Fata Morgana]

He's an Agony Aunt also

Trying to quit smoking Gus. Gum's not working. Patches make me feel ill. What's your advice?

Tim Morgs

A couple of days ago me and the lads were in Dean Gaffeny's garage drinking Castrol GTX out of a shoe. For a laugh, my mate Bollocks Steve (a crow) dared Andrew Power to spark up a fag, and he did because he's a thick cunt who can't put 2 and 2 together for love nor money. Andy's head instantly exploded like a disgusting, furry balloon and one of his eyes flew out of the garage and knocked an old lady off her bicycle. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Bollocks Steve laughed so hard that he coughed his own legs up and died. It was one of the best days of my life.

Hope this is of some use.

 

[Jennifer]

Could be a long week.

More than 5 days long?

 

[AllyRose]

I'm betting on at least 7 days.

 

[AllyRose]

And at most 7.

 

[AllyRose]

It's a good thing I slept through my SATs.

 

[JohnnySavage]

I burned my tongue on my pasta

 

[ryan8558]

I burned my tongue on my pasta

First remove it from the boiling water.

 

[Fata Morgana]

I burned my tongue on my pasta

Should have worn a parachute.