The Isolated Blurt Thread VII: 7th Heaven

[Fata Morgana]

Trust me, I'll be banging on about her for months.

 

[Disgustipated]

You got scared by those kids?

It was the first horror movie I saw, so yes.

 

[lovetoread]

It was the first horror movie I saw, so yes.

The movie didn't scare me, the actual story, yes.

 

[Fata Morgana]

Those little twin cunts ruined me as a child.

It's because they want to play with you. For ever, and ever, and ever.

 

[snugglestruggle]

Stupid silly me. I want to reply to all the funny posts in the blurt thread. And I know it's a BLURT thread so people are just supposed to be able to leave their blurts in peace but damn I'm so white, I can't even.
Babblygabblygoo.

Since when has that mattered?

 

[Disgustipated]

It's because they want to play with you. For ever, and ever, and ever.

I couldn't ride my Big Wheel for a month.

 

[Fata Morgana]

I couldn't ride my Big Wheel for a month.

Haha. That sounds pervy.

 

[snugglestruggle]

Awkward quiche photo-bombing has got to be an undiscovered art form, as yet. You can champion an utterly ridiculous artistic movement, build a quiet following and then take NYC by storm. Rich people will have your floopy-weirdo quiche pictures up in their outrageously opulent apartments and their visitors will all be forced to remark about how INTERESTING the art is, all the while thinking "What the fuck is THIS shit?!"

It's the American way isn't it? I finally found my purpose in life.

 

[Lorilei]

I burned 900 calories working out, so by god, I'm having shrimp alfredo tonight.

 

[bluebell]

http://global3.memecdn.com/nyan-cat_o_285693.jpg

FAVORITE.

I love that Croc one, too. Gets me every time. I'm such a cat-loving hack.

Being invited to a Partylite, Pampered Chef or Arbonne party is grounds for terminating a friendship. You let him off light.

Troof. I'm never busier than any night someone tries to invite me to one of those shindigs.

I lol'd.

Laugh saved for a rainy day.

Trust me, I'll be banging on about her for months.

I'm going to hold you to that!

Since when has that mattered?

I Apologize For Things.

 

[bluebell]

It's the American way isn't it? I finally found my purpose in life.

See? Fulfillment.

I burned 900 calories working out, so by god, I'm having shrimp alfredo tonight.

Holy sheeeeeit.
Slurp that alfredo, darling.

 

[Noor]

why do ear canals get wet when you cry? I never noticed it before.

 

[Fata Morgana]

Oh Jesus they're in the cemetery and Gregory Peck has just discovered Damien's mum was a Jack Russell.

 

[IrezumiKiss]

Regulations For Your Rage

Please keep your rage polite and orderly.

Please make sure your rage stands in the queue and waits for its turn.

Please advise your rage to say “Excuse me” when interrupting others’ conversations, regardless of their topics. Do this even if on fire.

Please ensure your rage follows the dress code. Rage must be tidily dressed, & must say “sir” and “ma’am,” even if called “boy” or “girl.”

We would prefer that your rage be punctual and arrive neither too early nor too late.

Your rage should be constructive and look for solutions, rather than simply existing for itself.

Your rage can be something when it grows up.

Please make sure your rage is logical rather than emotional. Your rage will have a hard time if it is overly sensitive.

We would advise your rage that it should bring along a resume and/or CV with a timeline of proof.

If only your rage had had two parents. Think what it could have done!

Your rage should take the time to educate others about what has made it so inexplicably angry.

If your rage uses that word, why can’t I?

When your rage behaves like this, why is it surprised that others react badly to it?

When we profile your rage we are reacting to the facts.

Rage should shave its beard and unwind its turban. Rage should smile at catcallers.

Your rage should speak English and ask for permission before crossing the border to flee a dangerous situation. Is your rage over 18?

We will process your rage eventually, but the meantime, it should wait in a small boat in the middle of the ocean.

Your rage should have known! We were only joking!

We’re so sorry, but your rage isn’t… This isn’t the right neighborhood for your rage. Your rage doesn’t really like this apartment.

We will give your rage back the house in which it has lived for generations after we have taken care of matters of national security.

Your rage should play its music at an acceptable volume.

If your rage expects handouts, we would prefer that it check with us before spending on frivolous items.

Your rage wasn’t even born there. Why does it care so much?

Your rage should be careful about its terms: terrorism, genocide, occupation, regime.

Doesn’t your rage know we were democratically elected?

How did your rage get so tired? Your rage should take a break. Doesn’t your rage ever just… relax? Take a load off?

This facility isn’t equipped to accommodate your rage’s body.

Would your rage mind refilling this drink? Does your rage work here?

No, we weren’t following your rage around this store…

Oh, goodness — was your rage standing there? Didn’t even see it!

We will be happy to talk to your rage when it is done sobbing.

Why didn’t your rage just call the police?

Your rage looks just like that other rage! Do they know each other?

Your rage should know we were doing our best to avoid civilian casualties.

the-toast.net

 

[Saint Peter]

I burned 900 calories working out, so by god, I'm having shrimp alfredo tonight.

Did you climb a 14er?

 

[Lorilei]

Did you climb a 14er?

Sort of.

 

[Saint Peter]

Sort of.

Did you drink plenty of water and carry an emergency foil blanket in your fanny pack?

 

[lovetoread]

I need a 14 incher right about now

 

[Lorilei]

Did you drink plenty of water and carry an emergency foil blanket in your fanny pack?

Fanny packs are so 1993.

 

[Lorilei]

I need a 14 incher right about now

Ouch!

 

[spacekowboy]

I need a 14 incher right about now

Ouch!

Pardon me while get my popcorn ready.

 

[snugglestruggle]

Oh Jesus they're in the cemetery and Gregory Peck has just discovered Damien's mum was a Jack Russell.

That whole cemetery scene is creepy. Are you watching it in total darkness?

 

[Jonathon_Parker]

Sad news at work today. The schedule for the week of August 25th and September 1st went up. And Amy wasnt on either one, so I asked her why she wasnt scheduled, if she was on vacation or something. But then Amy told me she is going to be going to college in Michigan. Her and a friend are going to be roommates at a dorm in Michigan.

Thats too far for me to drive. Her last day is next Friday, and I have a night shift. While she is doing a midshift.

Im so depressed. I cant beleive she didnt say anything to me earlier about going to college in Michigan.

 

[pointless]

you should probably kill yourself.

 

[snugglestruggle]

Sad news at work today. The schedule for the week of August 25th and September 1st went up. And Amy wasnt on either one, so I asked her why she wasnt scheduled, if she was on vacation or something. But then Amy told me she is going to be going to college in Michigan. Her and a friend are going to be roommates at a dorm in Michigan.

Thats too far for me to drive. Her last day is next Friday, and I have a night shift. While she is doing a midshift.

Im so depressed. I cant beleive she didnt say anything to me earlier about going to college in Michigan.

I can believe it.