The Happy Submissive?

[Softouch911]

I still read a lot more than I post, but I've been wondering ....

As a submissive, sometimes you yield to direction that forces you to accept something you find disagreeable.

And sometimes, you the direction is one you have eagerly awaited.

When s/he accepts direction, we call it submission, no matter whether it is agreeable or unpleasant. But the character of the experience is so different, I wonder if we value the experiences the same.

Is a submissive who looks forward to the assigned task really submitting?

Is a submissive who fears or dislikes an assignment "more" submissive and more praiseworthy?

Is the distinction one you make in your own D/s life? Or is it beside the point?

Some will say that what matters is the attitude of the dominant toward the task, not the submissive's feelings, and that the true submissive will adopt the dominant's perspective -- that sounds like fantasy play or novel material to me, but ... ?

How does your feeling/opinion of the task influence your performance of it ... if it does?

Obviously, the reactions of submissives interests me. But the opinion of dominants may even more -- does your submissive's attitude toward a task influence you in some way?

Just curious.
thanks for your patience.
ST

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[myinnerslut]

im submissive, and there are some things i just hate doing. a big example: i am required to e-mail my Sir with a detailed account of any masturbating i did throughout the day. there are days that i am just not feeling the submission, especially when i havnt seen my Sir in a while. a while back, i thew a small tantrum about having to write such revealing and personal things every night, especially when i found out that my Sir sometimes didnt read them for days. he had to remind me that my assignment was to write these e-mails every night. i didn't write them becuase i wanted to. i didnt write them so he could read them. i wrote them becuase i was told to. end of story. i still sometimes dont want to write them, but i wont argue with my Sir anymore over it. doing this despite my own dislike of the task enforces my role as his sub.

on the other hand there are things i love doing, like wearing a collar. the reason i love to do this: it very quickly puts me into a submissive frame of mind.

its human nature to want to do things you like and to avoid things that you dont like. in the case of submission, at least for me, both types of things make me feel, act, or be more submissive. they just go about it in diffrent ways.

*sorry i rambled for a bit. i hope that at least began to answer your question*

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

re :disagreeable

Really has not been a huge amount of 'disagreeable' in my D/s relationships that represent things than can be controlled by mere mortals. Having said that , as I have learned over the years and often long after the 'event' there was a learning curve involved for me when I have been assigned a task or a duty not to my liking even more so a punishment . Learning is never a bad thing in my books to date. Almost a legacy of sorts.

Makes me smile when the 'penny finally drops'. Reminds me of something I once heard a friend say to another friend some while ago ' thank you ......I appreciate you care for me enough to offer to hurt me "...........well thats fairly close , I am sure it was articulated more eloquently than I have expressed it ......at the time I just sat back in my chair and smiled ( the two people involved were both Dominants and have been friends for years).

 

[myinnerslut]

re :disagreeable
Reminds me of something I once heard a friend say to another friend some while ago ' thank you ......I appreciate you care for me enough to offer to hurt me "

i can relate to that. my Sir hates to see me unhappy, and doesnt like to hurt me beyond what i find enjoyable (as in a punishment). if he didnt do it though, i would feel like he didnt care enough to discipline me when needed, and/or didnt care if i followed his instructions or not.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I don't have any problems with being submissive.

I just do as I'm told and if I don't like it, I whine a lot.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

and if I don't like it, I whine a lot.

The beatings will resume shortly.

 

[A Desert Rose]

The beatings will resume shortly.

Option 1:
Yea, I know. That always comes with the whining.

I hate the beatings but I can't stop the whine. You'd think by now, I'd learn how to shut up, yes?

Or

Option 2:
Please don't make me do this... pleeeeeease please don't make me do this!!!

But let me get you the cane, while I'm up.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Option 1:
Yea, I know. That always comes with the whining.

I hate the beatings but I can't stop the whine. You'd think by now, I'd learn how to shut up, yes?

Or

Option 2:
Please don't make me do this... pleeeeeease please don't make me do this!!!

But let me get you the cane, while I'm up.

Option 1: We could always find some cheese to go with it?

Option 2: Make sure you crawl on the way back.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Option 1: We could always find some cheese to go with it?

Option 2: Make sure you crawl on the way back.

Option 1: Yea but not brie, ok?

Option 2: With it between my teeth, yes?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Option 1: Yea but not brie, ok?

Option 2: With it between my teeth, yes?

Option 1: Hmm, left limburger as an option?

Option 2: Negative, clenched vertically between your tail cheeks.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Option 1: Hmm, left limburger as an option?

Option 2: Negative, clenched vertically between your tail cheeks.

Option 1: I really prefer munster. But I'm guessing this is NOT gonna be up to me.

Option 2: As you wish... (which in this case does not mean what YOU think it does. LOL)

 

[Softouch911]

Meaning that "flogging will continue until morale improves," right AA and Desert Rose.

Actually, you've reminded me of another part of this that I want to ask and will, prolly, when I get the energy for a separate thread -- what part does resistance play in successful/enjoyable/authentic D/s? Lots of room for argument in there of course, and there has been, so I'll have to be more specific.

Thanks to you both!

ST

 

[Softouch911]

Thank you, Quint, mislut, and Rebecca ... yes, you were getting at what I"m talking about. Like Quint, I wouldn't talk about good/better/best patterns of submission with something like this, but my wonderment is whether others do.

It's very easy to find threads where subs/doms positively glow with pride at the aversion they felt to a task ... but perhaps the fact they talk about it doesn't mean that it's any more important than the pleasant task they adopt with enthusiasm. After all, everyone likes a good whine now and then, as Desert Rose implied.

ST

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Option 1: I really prefer munster. But I'm guessing this is NOT gonna be up to me.

Option 2: As you wish... (which in this case does not mean what YOU think it does. LOL)

Option 1: Oh but darlin', it's all about you. Shall we just get a cheese platter and pick as we go?

Option 2: Considering you don't want a permanent man in your life, i better go for the gusto, correct?

what part does resistance play in successful/enjoyable/authentic D/s?

Thanks to you both!

ST

i thought we intuitively showed you both sides of the coin with our little exchange.

Option 1: Subtle. Keep feeding out enough rope for the other party to hang him/herself.

Option 2: Aggressive. Keep raising the stakes on every round of "betting."

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[A Desert Rose]

Option 1: Oh but darlin', it's all about you. Shall we just get a cheese platter and pick as we go?

Option 2: Considering you don't want a permanent man in your life, i better go for the gusto, correct?i thought we intuitively showed you both sides of the coin with our little exchange.

Option 1: Subtle. Keep feeding out enough rope for the other party to hang him/herself.

Option 2: Aggressive. Keep raising the stakes on every round of "betting."

It's kinda interesting to me what the difference in subtle and aggressive is to you.
And I'm pretty sure that neither of them is appealing to you either, correct? ;-)

 

[A Desert Rose]

... everyone likes a good whine now and then, as Desert Rose implied.

ST

Oh honey, I didn't imply it. I stated it. And I stand by it.



LOL

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not much into whining, but I do thrive on challenges, as does he. That translates to him liking to order me to do things he knows I will find distasteful or difficult either temporarily or permanently, usually they are things which are not immediate successes but the point is not about success as much as it is about actively accepting and submitting to the dominance and working to succeed. It is not about better or true submission for us, but personally if I was not being challenged, found I could submit to every command without the occasional failure on the first or subsequent attempt, I would feel I was not challenged or growing and it was all too easy. As much as I hate those demands I cannot submit to just because I am told to do them, I also love them because they spark my submission even more so, they keep me on my toes, they keep it interesting and it gives us yet another opportunity to work together toward a common goal though each in our respective roles, and it makes us grow.

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

No part at all. My submissives know that anything that is not a hard limit is on the table. So in effect "resistance is futile". They have two choices: to endure or safeword. Either is fine with me.

Eb

 

[JMohegan]

Obviously, the reactions of submissives interests me. But the opinion of dominants may even more -- does your submissive's attitude toward a task influence you in some way?

I'll use a simplified example to explain my perspective, within the context of a long-term D/s relationship.

Let's say I wake up at 2 in the morning in the mood for a blowjob. One of the many advantages of being a Dominant male in a D/s relationship is that you can wake your partner and expect her to comply.

At that moment, I am not concerned with the fact that she may be tired or that it may take her a considerable amount of time to fall asleep again. Nor do I intend to return the favor after she is done. Her attitude at the moment is immaterial to me.

However, if I continue to wake my partner night after night after night, ignoring her respectful pleas for rest and careful explanations that she is a person who has difficulty falling back to sleep and has little or no chance to nap during the day, eventually one of two things is going to happen. Either her mental and physical health is going to suffer, or she is going to terminate the relationship.

Neither of these is a positive outcome from my perspective. Therefore, I will take her need for sleep into account, and space my nocturnal demands for blowjobs accordingly.

You mentioned the difference between reality and fantasy. The reality is that submissives, as human beings, have a wide range of wants and needs - physical, emotional, traditional, and kinky. It is in *my* best interest (as well as hers) to make sure that, generally speaking, these are being met.

what part does resistance play in successful/enjoyable/authentic D/s?

Resistance in the form of petulance or disobedience is unacceptable to me.

Hesitation borne of genuine fear is an extremely powerful aphrodisiac.

 

[His_pita]

After all, everyone likes a good whine now and then, as Desert Rose implied.

ST

*Wonders if whining would be allowed or would I be ordered to fetch the crop?*

 

[A Desert Rose]

*Wonders if whining would be allowed or would I be ordered to fetch the crop?*

Ah finally... someone who can read and take a joke!!!
I knew I always liked you.

 

[april-wine]

The whiney subbie girl, makes no difference to me....I expect her to complete the tasks I set out for her, whether she likes them or not....Besides, she may not like it in the begining, but pleasing me is her job, she is happy when she does just that....

 

[Softouch911]

*Wonders if whining would be allowed or would I be ordered to fetch the crop?*

Of course whining is allowed, sweetie. And while you're up, get the crop.

your ST