The General Commentary Thread

[Magnetron]

Angeline, your poetry is ethereal whereas mine is so solid .......... sigh.

At least it's not a labor of love that turns out to be a vowel movement leaving the reader flushed.


Toil etry.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

At least it's not a labor of love that turns out to be a vowel movement leaving the reader flushed.


Toil etry.

Perhaps you should stick to chamber music ........... wonders if that means the same over the pond?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I think yours is clear and mine vague. It's all in the perspective!

Vague my foot!

 

[todski28]

Mountain Sutras

I am the crumbling being. The mountain looks at me and thinks oh she was the silken
pink flower who shone under the Sun's light, blued luminous for the Moon,

flesh soft and firm, long of limb, of finger, strong in the bone and the heart delighted
in the streams she swam, delighted by her toes in the sea that bubbles on the sand,

she who has forgotten how it feels to be a girl, a woman, a human child of the brine
and good brown loam, perhaps godlike from time to time, enchanted by the universe

that bore her swimming from its thighs and seeking all the truths and lies the world
might tell to savor them like wine, living with light among the razor rust and bricks,

the traffic's serenade and melody of rain, her eyes alight with gleam, rising always
somehow from the pain attendant to each dream she seemed much more.

She seemed much more-- a mountain, not this fragile dying animal tied to a machine.

This is stunning, beautiful, aching in its humanity with luscious imagery, I don't know if this is a form but I think a few different line breaks could make things a little sharper,

bravo,#
'slowclap'

 

[Angeline]

This is stunning, beautiful, aching in its humanity with luscious imagery, I don't know if this is a form but I think a few different line breaks could make things a little sharper,

bravo,#
'slowclap'

Thank you Tods.

I hope you don't mind--I moved your post here to keep the poem thread clean.

The poem is not a form, just my fevered brain trying to come up with a poem. April 5th was the 20th anniversary of Allen Ginsberg's death and I was reading some of his poems. I read the Sunflower Sutra and that kinda moved me in the direction of writing the way I did though I fall far far short of that poem!

I would love to hear your suggestions. I won't do anything with them till after I finish the challenge, but the poem is a first draft and I know it needs work.

I miss you here.

 

[HarryHill]

... thin and grey as x-rays

*sigh*

 

[Angeline]

*sigh*

Everything in that poem is true! Well maybe the women weren't quite that thin, but I remember them that way.

Give the missus some kissus from me.

 

[Piscator]

007's and dirty 30

Congrats to Angie for her seventh 007

Bon chance to Tarza and Calli who are well into their dirty 30's.

 

[Angeline]

Congrats to Angie for her seventh 007

Bon chance to Tarza and Calli who are well into their dirty 30's.

Thank you P'tor. And bon chance to you for starting another 7/7 and Tzara and Calli in their continued schleps!

I'm not sure if I'd done a 7/7 before the one I just ended. But I did determine that seven poems in seven days is really a microcosm of the 30/30: all the attendant worry and "what do I do next?" came into play for me. I was really trying not to bust out the American Sentences, but by the end of the week it was what I had left lol.

 

[Lyricalli]

Bon chance to Tarza and Calli who are well into their dirty 30's.

Thank you P'tor. And bon chance to you for starting another 7/7 and Tzara and Calli in their continued schleps!

Thank you both, and congratulations for finishing your challenges.

The Dirty 30 is getting schlepier by the day, since I've already fallen behind, sometimes struggling to find time, or to write when there's a bit to use.

I've been a bit of a turtle lately, pulling into my shell, but I peek in here from time to time. Hopefully, I'll be able to participate more at some point.

 

[Remec]

Does Dirty 30 have a commentary thread? 'Cause I was reading the French poem and was sufficiently intrigued enough to pass it through a translation program and surprised myself with how much I had remembered from high school and college.

The commentary I would pass along would be something like this:
Bien fait ... pourrait être lu sur plusieurs couches.

 

[Tzara]

Does Dirty 30 have a commentary thread? 'Cause I was reading the French poem and was sufficiently intrigued enough to pass it through a translation program and surprised myself with how much I had remembered from high school and college.

The commentary I would pass along would be something like this:
Bien fait ... pourrait être lu sur plusieurs couches.

Merci beaucoup monsieur. J'ai trouvé le titre dans un livre que je lisais.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Pas une lettre alors?

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

C'est pas une pipe.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

C'est pas une pipe.

Le plume de ma tante?

 

[HarryHill]

merde'

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

I have to say, Tzara's knocking them out of the - um - forum. Great stuff....I mean on the dirty thirty thread.

 

[Angeline]

I have to say, Tzara's knocking them out of the - um - forum. Great stuff....I mean on the dirty thirty thread.

Agreed. And I think today's and yesterday's are especially good.

 

[legerdemer]

Agreed. And I think today's and yesterday's are especially good.

Ditto.

 

[Piscator]

moi aussi

A good run and not an American sentence in the lot (yet).

#2 For Sale in particular resonated with me perhaps because we still have an urn with the ashes of Sadie, our Newfoundland/Bernese cross and our first shared canine in the garage and welll might follow Darlene's example, if and when we ever move.

 

[greenmountaineer]

The Sweetest Sign

I can relate, Piscator:

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=84811898&postcount=29

My niece, born and bred in Jacksonville, Fla. visiting Vermont for the first time, bought a gallon and was thrilled she paid almost 25 dollars less than what a tourist trap store charged, on top of which the farmer's wife delivered it to our doorstep and chatted for 15 minutes about family, church, community, etc. She said she thought she was in a Norman Rockwell painting.

Of course, then there's the stark reality reminiscent of the Frost poem, ""Two Tramps in Mudtime." Our nordic center remained open through the first weekend in April, the latest it's ever been open.

This is a carryover from Harry's "Anything but Spring" Challenge a while ago (which jump started a lot of challenges that followed). I'm sure you can relate:

Mud Season

It's nothing like Moonlight in Vermont
nor spring as much as winter undone.

It's doing your best to persevere,
muddling through, checking for mail.

It's rocks you see in the melting snow
that really are cow pies left from last year.

It's sap from a tree that plops in a pail,
the chirp, chirp, chirping of chickadees,

bikinis on postcards at which you sneer
because Uncle Larry, a month in Belize,

writes on the back "Wish You Were Here."
It's you there sinking, reading your mail.

 

[Lyricalli]

I've flunked the Dirty 30. I hit a wall, and I've fallen too far behind.


Good luck with yours, Tzara, you're doing some really good writing in there.

 

[legerdemer]

I've flunked the Dirty 30. I hit a wall, and I've fallen too far behind.


Good luck with yours, Tzara, you're doing some really good writing in there.

Bummer, Calli, but realistically you haven't flunked anything, you have that many more poems!


But I confess I am puzzled a tad by the Dirty 30 in 30 - not much dirt there at all! (Or is that I have become so perverted that subtlety just passes me by? ) The poems have been beautiful, no complaints at all!

 

[Lyricalli]

Bummer, Calli, but realistically you haven't flunked anything, you have that many more poems!


But I confess I am puzzled a tad by the Dirty 30 in 30 - not much dirt there at all! (Or is that I have become so perverted that subtlety just passes me by? ) The poems have been beautiful, no complaints at all!

It's 'dirty' because it's 30 poems in 30 days, but doesn't have to be a poem a day. Also, the OP suggested that feedback and chat be included in the thread, too, which would make it a bit messier than Neo's more structured 30/30.

 

[Piscator]

I can relate, Piscator:

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=84811898&postcount=29

My niece, born and bred in Jacksonville, Fla. visiting Vermont for the first time, bought a gallon and was thrilled she paid almost 25 dollars less than what a tourist trap store charged, on top of which the farmer's wife delivered it to our doorstep and chatted for 15 minutes about family, church, community, etc. She said she thought she was in a Norman Rockwell painting.

Of course, then there's the stark reality reminiscent of the Frost poem, ""Two Tramps in Mudtime." Our nordic center remained open through the first weekend in April, the latest it's ever been open.

This is a carryover from Harry's "Anything but Spring" Challenge a while ago (which jump started a lot of challenges that followed). I'm sure you can relate:

Mud Season

It's nothing like Moonlight in Vermont
nor spring as much as winter undone.

It's doing your best to persevere,
muddling through, checking for mail.

It's rocks you see in the melting snow
that really are cow pies left from last year.

It's sap from a tree that plops in a pail,
the chirp, chirp, chirping of chickadees,

bikinis on postcards at which you sneer
because Uncle Larry, a month in Belize,

writes on the back "Wish You Were Here."
It's you there sinking, reading your mail.

Thanks GM, yes there is mud, but it seems you've had more snow and it lasted longer than here. Year ago our 2 year old daughter who would always take her socks off and our Newfoundland/Bernese cross would eat them. That spring along the path in our neighbour's farm, the socks reemerged although we did not cycle them.