The Formal Dominant

[Shadowsdream]

How often in your BDSM world do Y/you encounter the Formal Dominant?
What denotes a formal Dominant to Y/you?
Since I can't sleep this morning I may as well talk to Myself and anyone else with insomnia or a conducive (sp?) time zone!

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Bikewer]

Evening gown and riding crop?

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I dunno...I'm a very informal Dom.

 

[bunny bondage]

this makes me think about mamoru (tuxedo mask) from sailor moon acting all domininat in a hentai...

*slinks back to the anime dork section*

 

[Shadowsdream]

LOL...
Looks in the mirror and sees the Formal Domme!

I attend many events and at these events I generally notice one or two Dominants with the same stiff back as My own. They are generally the ones that speak less and watch more.
Generally the ones that miss nothing and even when joking have an undertone of seriousness.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

LOL...
Looks in the mirror and sees the Formal Domme!

I attend many events and at these events I generally notice one or two Dominants with the same stiff back as My own. They are generally the ones that speak less and watch more.
Generally the ones that miss nothing and even when joking have an undertone of seriousness.

Well, if being stiff is what you mean...LOL, sometimes my military bearing comes to the surface! Lord knows I take some things seriously...a certain rope bondage seminar comes to mind.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Well, if being stiff is what you mean...LOL, sometimes my military bearing comes to the surface! Lord knows I take some things seriously...a certain rope bondage seminar comes to mind.

Phewwwwwwww I was afraid I was the only one Johnny!

I do mean stiff as in aware not anal rententive though!

~~grin~~

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Phewwwwwwww I was afraid I was the only one Johnny!

I do mean stiff as in aware not anal rententive though!

~~grin~~

Yeah, I got your point...you mean that some of us think with some part of ourselves above the waist occasionally.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Yeah, I got your point...you mean that some of us think with some part of ourselves above the waist occasionally.

That is correct...think and evaluate.
In every word I see a lesson. Both halves of the whole on a constant journey of learning. Protocol when appropriate wrapped in a kind firmness.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

That is correct...think and evaluate.
In every word I see a lesson. Both halves of the whole on a constant journey of learning. Protocol when appropriate wrapped in a kind firmness.

Exactly...an iron fist wrapped in a soft glove.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Have to say Master fits this mode. One of the things I love about him most is his mind, the delicious twists and turns it takes, and the way he seems to burrow deep into my very depths without me realising until the moment of truth arrives. It is those moments that make it impossible to even contemplate in a moment of madness refusing him anything, or hiding any secrets, he sees all. Is all part of what makes his dominance real for me, that inner core of realness always watching for anything and everything, even when he is asleep as I discovered last week!!

Catalina

 

[Wizard]

I would have to be very informal. We do things our way not really the way folks say. We do what I like and the way I like it. We do our own thing. There are parts such as stands and poses that might be considered formal but after that we do our own thing.

 

[lilredwolph]

there is a formal Dom in the group i belong to. the way He carries Himself just commands respect from Dom/mes and subs alike. i love to sit back and watch people react to Him. He can be doing or talking about anything with anybody but there it always is "I am Dom", He'll scan His eyes around the room and you can watch the subs whose eye contact He caught cast their eyes down away from His gaze.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Have to say Master fits this mode. One of the things I love about him most is his mind, the delicious twists and turns it takes, and the way he seems to burrow deep into my very depths without me realising until the moment of truth arrives. It is those moments that make it impossible to even contemplate in a moment of madness refusing him anything, or hiding any secrets, he sees all. Is all part of what makes his dominance real for me, that inner core of realness always watching for anything and everything, even when he is asleep as I discovered last week!!

Catalina

~~grin~~ I suspected that your Master was of the formal persuasion!

 

[Shadowsdream]

I would have to be very informal. We do things our way not really the way folks say. We do what I like and the way I like it. We do our own thing. There are parts such as stands and poses that might be considered formal but after that we do our own thing.

Well Master Wizard..there is only *one* right way..and that is the Way that works for the Dominant within the structure of the magic relationship that He or She perceives best suits them.

We all have something to teach each O/other but there isn't a script in the world worth following if it does not fit Your personality.

 

[Shadowsdream]

there is a formal Dom in the group i belong to. the way He carries Himself just commands respect from Dom/mes and subs alike. i love to sit back and watch people react to Him. He can be doing or talking about anything with anybody but there it always is "I am Dom", He'll scan His eyes around the room and you can watch the subs whose eye contact He caught cast their eyes down away from His gaze.

There are two or three male Doms that I interract with here in Stockholm and also in Chicago that have that demeanor. Even in silence they command respect.

 

[catalina_francisco]

~~grin~~ I suspected that your Master was of the formal persuasion!

{evilly chuckling}.....he has his moments of fun and laughter, lots actually, but I am finding I am even more on guard for the unexpected then.....seems he is good at masking what is really going on by diveting the attention in such ways for a moment or two .http://www.smilies4you.de/content/liebe/b18.gif....but I love it either way. http://www.smilies4you.de/content/sonstige/b24.gif

Catalina http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/happy/050.gif

 

[Shadowsdream]

{evilly chuckling}.....he has his moments of fun and laughter, lots actually, but I am finding I am even more on guard for the unexpected then.....seems he is good at masking what is really going on by diveting the attention in such ways for a moment or two .http://www.smilies4you.de/content/liebe/b18.gif....but I love it either way. http://www.smilies4you.de/content/sonstige/b24.gif

Catalina http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/happy/050.gif

It is always good to be balanced...O O now I am picturing the slave balancing on his head!
I really should get more sleep or I may just appear less formal than I generally am!

 

[cellis]

There is one such Dom here that is part of the groups I attend. He will walk into a room on his own, scan the room and often set apart from the others. He seems to be taking everything in.

Actually, I wrote to him once when I was just starting to look for a Master, and I am certain he does not remember me, but I am really afraid to approach him and find out.

 

[Netzach]

Formality doesn't impress me so much in and of itself. Could be someone who just thinks altogether too highly of themselves.

I do recall the persionification of the socially functional Alpha that made me want to channel him for a day, grow up to be him, and kiss his boots and run and hide all at once: this was someone who broadcast an at-ease, serious, deep Dominance, and a wide paternal softie streak for the right kind of boy.

This was a Daddy who made me melt and put the fear of God in me, all secretly and from a distance. A sexy, flamboyant yet butch, soft on one edge, hard in the middle gay Daddy.

I'd have bottomed to him in a minute but there's the part of you that's *as* scared as you are turned on, and sometimes it wins!

It was his rigorous sadism, matched with his ability to train several boys in ways very appropriate to each, very *different* boy. It was his unabashed weakness for them, his inherent loving Daddy essence always dancing with the scary devil man you weren't quite certain you wanted to play with. With this guy there was no halfassed, there was no turning back. You'd have better decided you wanted to suffer for him if you wanted to cross that bridge. A very honorable old school SM ethos.

But a laid back guy. A sweetheart. A retro 50's glam kitchen to die for and a big loud laugh. A willingness to "oh wow" over other people's skills. I almost shit a brick when he asked me to teach him to florentine.

This guy, or rather whatever impressions let me grow some nice myths about him, is inspiration for me in a serious way, in any serious and ongoing relationship with a boy, and in the community at large. A focused and heavy, serious player who can put people at ease AND scare the bejesus out of them in that benign evil Daddy way.

 

[Shadowsdream]

There is one such Dom here that is part of the groups I attend. He will walk into a room on his own, scan the room and often set apart from the others. He seems to be taking everything in.

Actually, I wrote to him once when I was just starting to look for a Master, and I am certain he does not remember me, but I am really afraid to approach him and find out.

Setting Oneself apart to a certain degree at the beginning of an evening is not unusual but a Formal Dominant is not unapproachable.
I would think there SHOULD be no reason to be afraid of approaching Him.

 

[Shadowsdream]

***This guy, or rather whatever impressions let me grow some nice myths about him, is inspiration for me in a serious way, in any serious and ongoing relationship with a boy, and in the community at large. A focused and heavy, serious player who can put people at ease AND scare the bejesus out of them in that benign evil Daddy way.***


I think this statement says a lot for formality..not that being formal makes One better than another but the formal individual usually is thought provoking.

My formality does not stem from ego but from caution. The caution I use to ensure I am aware of all around Me and that not only does no one step on My toes but I step on no toes that do not need stepping on!

Welllll now I simply like what feels like old school protocol and an understated presence. Sometimes less is more!

 

[catalina_francisco]

In my experience, limited though it may be, there is a vast difference between the formal Dominant who commands attention through what is usually a curious mix of intellect, knowing, and a comfort with who they are, and the arrogant Dominant who often demands attention through a mix of ego, snobbery, and often loud and/or showy behaviour. The latter I have found is usually fuelled by insecurity, inexperience, and a need to be seen as superior, whereas the former IMO are fed by a peace with their own skin, experience through observation, listening, and learning...not least of all about themselves, and an ability to not really be dependent on whether those around them see them as Dominant or not as their validation is in the loyalty of those they command and befriend.

For me, this was one of the main qualities I sought as it helped me feel secure in submitting my life to them, knowing it would be respected and owned. The egocentric dominants, though they at first may appear to be in control, over time prove to be out of control and far too focused on what looks good instead of what is good, for their submissive and those around them. In other words, it was about number one first, second, last, and always, and though most Dominants will profess to come first, the formal Dominant does so with a level of responsibility toward those who place their trust in their hands.

Catalina

 

[s'lara]

i think there is something to be said for formality. To me, a formal Dominant is someone who likes the rituals/pageantry often associated with BDSM and has enough presence of self to create and implement His/Her own practices according to Their standards.

i do believe formality should be balanced with a healthy dose of informality as it instills a sense of relaxed comfort outside of the rigid demands. Although i found comfort inside of those constrictions, a Dominant, who is willing to laugh at themselves, and keep a realistic viewpoint of the relationship, has greater appeal in my book.

lara