The End

[myinnerslut]

so when the pictures are done we get to see them, right?

 

[BiBunny]

so when the pictures are done we get to see them, right?

Naturally.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Naturally.

WOOT!
*grin*

 

[BiBunny]

Sorry to do the bumping thing again, but he and I have been doing a lot of talking the last week and a half. Now I'm the one who has to make the decision about what I want to do.

I love this man. I know I'm young, but I've been in love before. This is totally different. I bear no ill will toward him for what happened. He's a man; they can only be non-stupid for so long....

I have truly never felt this way before. We're so much alike that it's scary. He is the mostly dominant switch male version of me. It scares me sometimes how much I can understand him without even trying. The opposite is true as well. I am happiest when I'm with him, when there's nothing but the two of us and my service to him. He's not only my Master, but one of the best friends I've ever had. He's intelligent. He makes me laugh. I feel beautiful when I'm with him.

I'm shy beyond all belief in real life. (You'd never know it from my posts here. ) Some days, it's truly a struggle for me to even go to Wal-Mart by myself because I'm afraid of interacting with people. I can fight it down most of the time, but sometimes it takes over. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. (I know how pathetic I am--please don't point it out to me.) He makes it easy for me to talk to him. I can probably count on one hand the number of things he doesn't know about me (and only because I haven't had the chance to tell him yet).

Can I live without him? Yes. Do I want to? No. Am I strong enough to handle this? I don't know. Do I want him to be my Master and I his slave again? More than anything. Per his request, I slept in my/his collar last night and will do so again tonight. Maybe it's all in my head, but I slept better last night than I have since the day he made that phone call, and I unlocked the collar and slung it across the room.

I'm sorry about this (probably nonsensical) post. I'm just still hurting and faced with a decision that I wish I didn't have to make. I love him more than anything, and he knows it. Love isn't always enough; I know that. Is it enough in this case? And how will I know until it's too late? *Goes to lock myself back into the collar and do some serious thinking* Thanks for listening, y'all.

 

[Netzach]

Bunny, you're going to make the decision you need to make, but I will say this -- it's not possible for your ex to guide you through a breakup. (and this is, at best, a break-up-got-together situation, no matter how you cut it) Even though they are the most logical person to turn to, this is a time you will need other friends to think remotely rationally - it's simply too confusing to make decisions that have to be YOUR decisions in a collaborative way with the person in question.

Been there, done it, have T shirt - it sucks, but I'm giving you a free useless bit of advice. Just my mileage.

 

[babiesmiles]

This is so lovely a post and so true.

Thank Netzach you are very nice !

Who thought only few days ago I would have needed my own words for myself . Of course such lovely things are far easier to tell someone else than ourselves

But I am a strong one and I will be able to cope with whatever will happen, from now on .

I am not the perfect candidate to the " subbie of the year " award , but I am neither so bad to be treated like an idiot without a brain , fooled and desrespected with scientific attitude.

I admit I am not perfect and on the line between good and bad submissives I rather fall in this last class , I admit even I am a strange thingie to handle , far too independent and rebellious to suit the generality of Dominants.

But nobody and I repeat nobody , whatever is their behaviour deserve months ( years ?) of lies and to deal with double faced people which at precise questions answer with deliberate lies ,besides making you feel paranoid , building guilty senses in the other for being too intuitive and sowing the doubt about the other's mind sanity . Till the lies are discovered with irrefutable evidence .


Now I am so hurt and so disappointed I would go back in bed and cry for hours , but I think it is better to work , have a shoe shopping tour and maybe an holiday soon .

I have been beaten but I hit too ( metaphorically ) and I for sure have seen worse than a coward man in life !



BiBunny dear, I apologize for hijacking your thread for personal purposes but I am too shy to start a thread on my own and moreover this is the first and last time I will touch that matter .

Thank for the understanding .

babie in war

 

[babiesmiles]

Yes, I do feel a little bit better. I can sort of laugh at certain aspects of this situation. There've been no less than four different offers from my friends to murder him and dispose of his body. Two of them just got out of the Marines, back from Iraq. They promised it'd take no more than 30 minutes to get rid of him and make it look like he had a heart attack--15 minutes to drive over, 10 minutes to get inside and do some of that whacked-out Marine shit, and 5 more to get service back on their cell phones to call me, LOL. (Please note, the above paragraph was meant entirely as a joke. Authorities: If "X" comes up missing, I had absolutely nothing to do with it.)

.

Wow Hun now we are talking business ..... dontcha got a couple of spare friends to lend me


Edit to add : BiBunny your last post makes lot of sense but , as I think I am a bit ( to be gentle ) older than you I know well the life doesn't care about our wishes . It just goes on , the best we can do is swallow the tears jump on the surfboard and ride the waves .

To not drown ! ((((( hugs))))))

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I'm sorry about this (probably nonsensical) post. I'm just still hurting and faced with a decision that I wish I didn't have to make. I love him more than anything, and he knows it. Love isn't always enough; I know that. Is it enough in this case? And how will I know until it's too late? *Goes to lock myself back into the collar and do some serious thinking* Thanks for listening, y'all.

No judgement, no advice really, just some questions that absolutely need to be answered.

Does this fellow have the balls to be honest with both you and his (apparently) primary girlfriend/fiance/whatever?

If you answered the above question "Yes", since he wasn't (apparently) before, what has changed to make you believe he might be now?

You love him, okay... Do you TRUST him? How far? How long? Is he playing you, is he saying what you desperately WANT to hear? Now that he's placated GF (or sub)#1, is he just working you over to get back in the saddle with you? Hmmm? What happens if/when she finds out? Are you going to let him kick you to the curb again?

So what if he wants you to sleep in your collar? What, if anything, has he DONE (not said, but actually DONE) to demonstrate some sort of change in his heart/mind/behavior/intentions? Has he done anything to EARN/REGAIN any of your respect or trust?

Are you thinking/reacting with your body or your mind? Yeah, warm body and Masterly/Domly presence feels good. But is re-kindling this relationship going to be HEALTHY for you? Is this going to do you any good in the long run?

I can't answer these questions, I don't know him, I don't know you that well, your situation, or your heart. I just know what you've reported here. And I can say from the information you've shared that there is a LOT more going on, unreported, than we know about.

Personally, I don't have any confidence that anything has really changed on his part, you may have more/better information to judge that. In any case, I hope you make a wise decision and that peace of mind and healing come from that decision.

YIK,
- Geoff

 

[BiBunny]

No judgement, no advice really, just some questions that absolutely need to be answered.

Does this fellow have the balls to be honest with both you and his (apparently) primary girlfriend/fiance/whatever?

If you answered the above question "Yes", since he wasn't (apparently) before, what has changed to make you believe he might be now?

You love him, okay... Do you TRUST him? How far? How long? Is he playing you, is he saying what you desperately WANT to hear? Now that he's placated GF (or sub)#1, is he just working you over to get back in the saddle with you? Hmmm? What happens if/when she finds out? Are you going to let him kick you to the curb again?

So what if he wants you to sleep in your collar? What, if anything, has he DONE (not said, but actually DONE) to demonstrate some sort of change in his heart/mind/behavior/intentions? Has he done anything to EARN/REGAIN any of your respect or trust?

Are you thinking/reacting with your body or your mind? Yeah, warm body and Masterly/Domly presence feels good. But is re-kindling this relationship going to be HEALTHY for you? Is this going to do you any good in the long run?

I can't answer these questions, I don't know him, I don't know you that well, your situation, or your heart. I just know what you've reported here. And I can say from the information you've shared that there is a LOT more going on, unreported, than we know about.

Personally, I don't have any confidence that anything has really changed on his part, you may have more/better information to judge that. In any case, I hope you make a wise decision and that peace of mind and healing come from that decision.

YIK,
- Geoff

Thank you, EG, for the much-needed kick in the ass. I still have not yet come to a decision, am in fact probably going to do what I can to delay it for the time being to give myself plenty of time to think. To answer your questions:

No, he's not going to be honest. That's what rubs me the wrong way about the whole thing. It's apparently ok for me know about her, but not vice versa. Let's face it, I don't have much consideration for this chick's feelings because of the way she expected him to break it off with me. But, on the other hand, I think it screams of a lack of respect for me as a person that I'm the one he wants to sneak around with. I do not expect him to choose. I have never expected that. I've known since I was 19 years old that I'm not the kind of person who can be totally fulfilled in a monogamous relationship, so I can understand that he's that kind of person as well. That makes neither of us either inherently better or inherently worse than his other girl, who does, apparently, want a monogamous relationship. I guess my question is, if he knows he's not going to be happy being monogamous, why does he want a relationship with someone who expects him to be? At the moment, I'm leaning quite heavily toward telling him that if he wants to have his cake and eat it, too, then he needs to grow a pair and own up to it.

Do I trust him? Yes. Stupidity on my part? Perhaps. I will say that I'm as much to blame as he is for this situation since I knew what was going on the whole time. Is he saying what I desperately want to hear? I don't know. That's something I've been wrestling with myself. Now that he's placated her, is he just trying to have me on the side, so to speak? Once again, I don't know. If he gets caught again, will he just kick me to the curb again? I don't know that, either. If I do choose to get involved with him again, I intend to tell him that while I can forgive it once, I won't forgive it again. It won't stop him from doing it again, I'm sure, but he will know in no uncertain terms that if he pulls that on me again, he can kiss me goodbye forever. I will not go back to him yet again.

What has he done to demonstrate a change of heart? Not a damn thing yet. That's the reason I've decided to see him soon. If he can prove that it'll be different in ways that I can see with my own eyes, we might have a go at it again. If not, well, at least I can't beat myself up and say I didn't try.

Is it going to be healthy for me? Good question. There are a lot of "I don't knows" in this situation.

All that I have decided so far is to see him again over Christmas break. I will delay the actual decision until later. We are going to have to have some long talks during that time as well. The foremost question in my mind is, "Is he just using my feelings for him to get laid?" I believe he cares about me. I also don't think he's unusually selfish or cruel. But I do believe he's trying to stack his deck in his favor at the expense of everyone else involved. I do not know what my decision will be in the end.

 

[callinectes]

Bunny, this may sound silly..but wearing your collar while you hash this out in your mind may not be the best thing to do. I know it is comforting to wear it...but it is also a tangible symbol of his prior ownership and wearing it may put your mind, however subtly, right where he wants it.

 

[BiBunny]

Bunny, this may sound silly..but wearing your collar while you hash this out in your mind may not be the best thing to do. I know it is comforting to wear it...but it is also a tangible symbol of his prior ownership and wearing it may put your mind, however subtly, right where he wants it.

You're probably right. It's just one more stupid thing I'm doing in a whole big mess of stupid things I've done in this situation. Can you tell how confused I am?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thank you, EG, for the much-needed kick in the ass. I still have not yet come to a decision, am in fact probably going to do what I can to delay it for the time being to give myself plenty of time to think. To answer your questions:

No, he's not going to be honest. That's what rubs me the wrong way about the whole thing. It's apparently ok for me know about her, but not vice versa. Let's face it, I don't have much consideration for this chick's feelings because of the way she expected him to break it off with me. But, on the other hand, I think it screams of a lack of respect for me as a person that I'm the one he wants to sneak around with. I do not expect him to choose. I have never expected that. I've known since I was 19 years old that I'm not the kind of person who can be totally fulfilled in a monogamous relationship, so I can understand that he's that kind of person as well. That makes neither of us either inherently better or inherently worse than his other girl, who does, apparently, want a monogamous relationship. I guess my question is, if he knows he's not going to be happy being monogamous, why does he want a relationship with someone who expects him to be? At the moment, I'm leaning quite heavily toward telling him that if he wants to have his cake and eat it, too, then he needs to grow a pair and own up to it.

Do I trust him? Yes. Stupidity on my part? Perhaps. I will say that I'm as much to blame as he is for this situation since I knew what was going on the whole time. Is he saying what I desperately want to hear? I don't know. That's something I've been wrestling with myself. Now that he's placated her, is he just trying to have me on the side, so to speak? Once again, I don't know. If he gets caught again, will he just kick me to the curb again? I don't know that, either. If I do choose to get involved with him again, I intend to tell him that while I can forgive it once, I won't forgive it again. It won't stop him from doing it again, I'm sure, but he will know in no uncertain terms that if he pulls that on me again, he can kiss me goodbye forever. I will not go back to him yet again.

What has he done to demonstrate a change of heart? Not a damn thing yet. That's the reason I've decided to see him soon. If he can prove that it'll be different in ways that I can see with my own eyes, we might have a go at it again. If not, well, at least I can't beat myself up and say I didn't try.

Is it going to be healthy for me? Good question. There are a lot of "I don't knows" in this situation.

All that I have decided so far is to see him again over Christmas break. I will delay the actual decision until later. We are going to have to have some long talks during that time as well. The foremost question in my mind is, "Is he just using my feelings for him to get laid?" I believe he cares about me. I also don't think he's unusually selfish or cruel. But I do believe he's trying to stack his deck in his favor at the expense of everyone else involved. I do not know what my decision will be in the end.

I have to say EG and Netzach both gave good points for you to ponder and think of in terms of your own well being. I'm not sure why you blame the other girl if she was the only one who was not in the know with what was going on with you 2, and she had stated and trusted she was in a monogomous relationship only to find out it was she who had been lied to, cheated on, and used. It is easy to blame her when you are hurt, but all she has done is be strong enough and a little foolish to insist her rights be respected and honoured, which of course it sounds like they are not going to be now he has fooled her into once again believing his lies, and now once again is prepared to lie to her and use you both...yes, use you and her as that is what he is planning to do. Who gains here? Him, not her, not you.

Can he be trusted? No, why would you when you know he has lied to her and you both about this situation and is open he intends to continue lying if you will allow it and go along with it for him? As hard as it is to think right now, he is a liar and a user and is not in the least concerned for your feeling, her feelings, your future, her future, just his own selfish sexual ego. He has done nothing to show concern for you, just concern for getting back on your good side, back on her good side, and you both back into his bed for his pleasure and use alone. I don't want to be cruel, but I think you need to take off the rose coloured glasses, stop blaming his girlfriend who had every right to object to sharing given that was their agreement and understanding, and place the blame firmly where it belongs, at his weak and shifty feet. Protect yourself and don't settle for someone who cares nothing for you. If you want poly, that is fine, but she is not obliged to share your desire for such an arrangement, and it is not usually based on lies and deceit. Perhaps you should read the "He's Just Not That Into You" book to help you protect yourself and see what his game is and how little he cares for your happiness or submission.

Catalina

 

[JMohegan]

But, on the other hand, I think it screams of a lack of respect for me as a person that I'm the one he wants to sneak around with.

Hold onto this thought.

You are absolutely correct, BiBunny. Of course this is disrespectful treatment. There is no way on god's green earth that I would treat a woman I love and respect this way.

Copy your own words in gigantic boldface letters, print them out, and hang them on the wall in your room. Before you speak to him next, read your own words of wisdom and think about the implications of what you wrote here.

You deserve better than this. Everybody deserves better than this. Keep looking, and you'll find it. Stay with him, and you won't.

 

[BiBunny]

Cat and JMohegan, you are both correct. I don't know why I'm being so dumb about something that should be so simple. For the record, though, I'm not blaming the other girl. I just think that "Call her right now and dump her" was a little tacky. I understand that she had every right, but...that's not something I would do in that situation.

Anyway, I'm still not making a decision yet. I believe there is a still a lot to be discussed. I want to be with him, but not under these circumstances. I intend to put off my decision until I am able to see him again in person (shouldn't be long), look him in the eye, and get some real answers.

Thanks again to everyone who's posted. It seems like it should be such an easy choice, but it just isn't.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I just think that "Call her right now and dump her" was a little tacky. I understand that she had every right, but...that's not something I would do in that situation.

LOL, well if I had been in her position I would have said, "Call her right now and tell her she is welcome to your sorry, lying, egotistical, self absorbed, piss weak ass because I certainly have no further use for you...and maybe she should have an STD test like I am going to because who knows where else you have been dipping your stick and forgetting to mention! Have a nice life, I intend to now I am free of this load of trash." Really BiBunny, you don't need to settle for seconds which are basically the bottom of the heap not the cream of the crop.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

Cat and JMohegan, you are both correct. I don't know why I'm being so dumb about something that should be so simple. For the record, though, I'm not blaming the other girl. I just think that "Call her right now and dump her" was a little tacky. I understand that she had every right, but...that's not something I would do in that situation.

Anyway, I'm still not making a decision yet. I believe there is a still a lot to be discussed. I want to be with him, but not under these circumstances. I intend to put off my decision until I am able to see him again in person (shouldn't be long), look him in the eye, and get some real answers.

Thanks again to everyone who's posted. It seems like it should be such an easy choice, but it just isn't.

When I was in her place, I told him I hoped he enjoyed her because he wouldn't have me again. But then when my ex said he wanted to mend things, I told him the first thing he would have to agree to is to never speak to her again, period, and that I would keep track of his phone calls and ims and everything else, so I would know if he was in contact with her. So you wouldn't even have gotten a phone call. Was that harsh? It may have been, but the last thing on my mind was the feelings of the woman I felt was breaking up my relationship...that might be a bit familure on your end too. I blamed her, just as you're blaming his steady. And when I found out that my ex was contacting this other woman, I told him to shove it and left (tho there were a lot of other things going on as well).

He wasn't honest with me, and he broke a bond, a comitment that we had. He vowed to me that I would forever be his one and only. He broke those vows that we made, and then decided to repeat it. I felt I deserved better, and you do the same. I've never been one to advocate poly, it's not who I am, but I think there is a huge difference between every one knowing who's who and what's what, and some one being kept in the dark. You deserve to be much more than his dirty little secret. And now she's going to have an eye out for this to happen again, she'd be a fool not to. Do you really want to put yourself thru this kind of pain agian?

 

[Mamid]

1: don't call him. ever. he's the jerk, not you.
2: take that collar and put it in a ziplock bag and stick it in a deep dark recess of your closet. Or better yet, throw the damn thing out. if he wants you back, he's going to have to get you a new one. I recommend almost anything from cuffme.com
3: Go for a full physical including all stds. Who knows where his stick's been.

He sounds like the lying controlling fuckhead I was with years ago. He had me, his wife and another mistress all at once. Getting rid of him, even though it cost ME money, was the best thing I ever did!

 

[callinectes]

You're probably right. It's just one more stupid thing I'm doing in a whole big mess of stupid things I've done in this situation. Can you tell how confused I am?

Oh honey, don't say you are doing stupid things..you are hurting and reaching out for comfort. I do hope you will really take the posts above to heart. There is some excellent advice and true wisdom in them....

 

[Penalt]

Bunny, this may sound silly..but wearing your collar while you hash this out in your mind may not be the best thing to do. I know it is comforting to wear it...but it is also a tangible symbol of his prior ownership and wearing it may put your mind, however subtly, right where he wants it.

I hafta say I agree with that. May I suggest that you get yourself a collar of your own. One that locks on. When you find someone that shows that they are up to the responsibility and honour of possessing someone as special as you give them the key. Until then remember that you are your own person.

Not much more I can suggest beyond that except listen to your heart and your mind.

 

[BiBunny]

Paging Neonflux...

 

[agibean]

Another voice telling you to be very careful

You've gotten some great advice. Taking away everything else and you have this:

1)He lies, and has no plans to stop.

2)He hurts people and doesn't seem to mind.

3)He's given you every indication that he will continue behaving this way, without regard to who gets hurt.

4)YOU don't trust him.

5) YOU are questioning your need/want to be with him.

Sweetie, I know you feel like this guy is the best friend you'll ever have and no one else EVER can possible know all there is to know about you, how to get you to submit as perfectly as he can, and so on. But that simply isn't true. There are plenty of them, others who don't lie, cheat and treat their subs like dirt and then let them come crawling back in desperate confusion.

If I were you, I would neither go to see him, talk to him further, or wear his collar. He has proven no master, no gentleman, and no friend. Read over your posts and those of those responding to you, and try to be strong. Then move on. You're only opening yourself up to future pain if you go back to him.

 

[FurryFury]

Bi Bunny,

You are getting some excellent advice here from a lot of wise people. I would just like you to stop calling yourself stupid. You aren't stupid. You are human. You don't want to let go of the time and emotion you invested in this. That's understandable.

*HUGS*

Sometimes we have a beautiful vision about our relationships that don't turn out to be true or shared exactly the same way. It hurts like hell. No one wants to let go of that. My heart goes out to you. Try to remember to be gentle and good to yourself during this difficult time.

Fury

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Thank you, EG, for the much-needed kick in the ass...

It wasn't intended to be a kick in the ass, just a little "wake up" to keep your thoughts focused where they should be. On what's best for you. Now we CAN negotiate a bit of ass kicking for a scene if you are coming to Atlanta... *grins*

Non-monogamous relationships can and do work. I've done it, we're doing it. It ain't easy but like you said, if you have a pair and own up to it up front, no one can bitch about lying,cheating, betrayal of trust, etc.

But I do believe he's trying to stack his deck in his favor at the expense of everyone else involved. I do not know what my decision will be in the end.

BiBunny, you already know where this is going and what your ultimate decision will be. You know in your heart where this will end if you go back to being with him. You are delaying the inevitable because letting go is going to hurt. You don't want to be alone, you're afraid you won't find someone else down the road, you are afraid that no one will find you attractive/lovable/sexy/appealing...

But you do not want to be "the other woman". You don't want to be the secret no one can know about. You want to be the one on his arm walking down Main Street. You want to be the one he takes out to dinner and company parties and grocery shopping and movies and Baskin-Robbins... You want to be the one he is PROUD to hold hands with as he strolls in the park.

I can tell you this much from personal experience. I walk with my arm around janey and danielle, I hold their hands, touch their cheeks, hug and kiss them openly and proudly. In BDSM venues I strip them and play with them openly and proudly. At home I hold their naked bodies to me and rejoice, or play with them singly or together... There is no sneaking around, there is no hiding anything from either of them. I don't fondle or caress one without the other knowing (and usually joining in!). I'm lucky beyond words that both of them want to explore this.

WE are lucky beyond words because WE are honest with each other, WE are open with one another, WE are adults and treat each other with respect, care, compassion, and honesty. WE communicate with one another on as many levels as we can manage.

YOU may be able to manage that level of maturity and honesty, but this fellow in your life doesn't seem able to. And until or unless he becomes able to manage this level of honesty and maturity, you will be left hanging in the wind, the object of his lust or passion, but not the partner in his life that you deserve to be.

If you are willing to settle for being a second thought in his life, or, if you are ready to use him to scratch your itches, to have him come over and dance to your tune, at your convenience, for him to be used as your booty-call bitch boy, then carry on. But don't go back expecting him to build a life or real relationship with you.

I don't like seeing others get hurt in non-consentual, non-safe, non-healthy ways. I don't like seeing people getting used. And that, I think, is what I'm seeing here, and I think you are seeing it too.

You deserve better, stop settling because you think you can't find better.

 

[BiBunny]

It wasn't intended to be a kick in the ass, just a little "wake up" to keep your thoughts focused where they should be. On what's best for you. Now we CAN negotiate a bit of ass kicking for a scene if you are coming to Atlanta... *grins*

Non-monogamous relationships can and do work. I've done it, we're doing it. It ain't easy but like you said, if you have a pair and own up to it up front, no one can bitch about lying,cheating, betrayal of trust, etc.


BiBunny, you already know where this is going and what your ultimate decision will be. You know in your heart where this will end if you go back to being with him. You are delaying the inevitable because letting go is going to hurt. You don't want to be alone, you're afraid you won't find someone else down the road, you are afraid that no one will find you attractive/lovable/sexy/appealing...

But you do not want to be "the other woman". You don't want to be the secret no one can know about. You want to be the one on his arm walking down Main Street. You want to be the one he takes out to dinner and company parties and grocery shopping and movies and Baskin-Robbins... You want to be the one he is PROUD to hold hands with as he strolls in the park.

I can tell you this much from personal experience. I walk with my arm around janey and danielle, I hold their hands, touch their cheeks, hug and kiss them openly and proudly. In BDSM venues I strip them and play with them openly and proudly. At home I hold their naked bodies to me and rejoice, or play with them singly or together... There is no sneaking around, there is no hiding anything from either of them. I don't fondle or caress one without the other knowing (and usually joining in!). I'm lucky beyond words that both of them want to explore this.

WE are lucky beyond words because WE are honest with each other, WE are open with one another, WE are adults and treat each other with respect, care, compassion, and honesty. WE communicate with one another on as many levels as we can manage.

YOU may be able to manage that level of maturity and honesty, but this fellow in your life doesn't seem able to. And until or unless he becomes able to manage this level of honesty and maturity, you will be left hanging in the wind, the object of his lust or passion, but not the partner in his life that you deserve to be.

If you are willing to settle for being a second thought in his life, or, if you are ready to use him to scratch your itches, to have him come over and dance to your tune, at your convenience, for him to be used as your booty-call bitch boy, then carry on. But don't go back expecting him to build a life or real relationship with you.

I don't like seeing others get hurt in non-consentual, non-safe, non-healthy ways. I don't like seeing people getting used. And that, I think, is what I'm seeing here, and I think you are seeing it too.

You deserve better, stop settling because you think you can't find better.

You're totally right. I don't want to be the "other woman." I have been in that situation before, and I don't ever want it again. I still hope very much that something can be worked out. It might make me foolish, but there it is. *Sad smile*

 

[CutieMouse]

Sweetie-

Listen to Geoff, Net, JM, and the others who are reminding you how much more you deserve... Trust me- spending your 20s, attempting to be okay with playing second fiddle (even if verbally you are given the title of first), is just. not. worth it.

I understand your anger with her- I really really do.

He is the one fucking you over. Until you can find peace with the fact that HE is fucking you over (and her as well), you are at risk of going back over and over, and accepting the status quo... and honey you are so much more than the status quo. (apologies for the unladylike language)

It would be so easy to wear the collar just to get a good night's sleep, and to let down your guard just a bit... but when the clouds part, and you really really SEE the cold reality of what is, instead of what your hopes are- it will be that much harder when you do decide you deserve the sun, the mood, the stars... and an honest Lover, who cherishes both his integrity, and you.

Please please consider just letting go. If you are strong enough to stay friends with some strong boundaries in place- great. If you aren't, send him his collar back, take some time to heal, and then find someone who can accept you as a beautiful, loving person who deserves an honest relationship.