The End

[catalina_francisco]

I have an update. I woke up this morning around 4:30, not able to sleep. I decided to check my email just in case he'd answered me. He had. He apologized for the phone call and said that she'd more or less "made" him do it. He also said he'd been struggling to make a decision about who to choose, anyway. I'm not sure that I buy that. I honestly believe that if she hadn't caught him, he'd have carried on like everything was fine. My feelings were what was sacrificed to save his ass.

Still, I answered and told him that I thought we needed to have a conversation about this. I told him that I only wanted him to be happy, whether it's with me or not. I also said that I hoped he'd made the right decision for himself and not just taken the path of least resistance because he'd been backed into a corner.

I didn't know what else to say. When I look in the mirror, there are still bruises on my breasts and stomach and thighs from the time I spent with him last week. My collar lays on my dresser, like it's taunting me. Well, I guess it isn't my collar anymore. I swear, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. The hardest part about it is that I'm so used to running to him when something's wrong. Now I can't do that. I guess I just don't know what to do right now. Thanks, everyone, for listening and being so supportive.

Be kind to yourself and don't see him to talk it out. Do you really want someone who blames someone else for what he did instead of taking responsibility by admitting he was free to choose you, and didn't, he was free to be honest with his relationship with her, and obviously wasn't? Do you want someone who basically has mislead and/or lied to both you and his girlfriend? Do you really think meeting up and talking will help you in this, or is it more likely to prolong and intensify your pain and disappointment? Knowing what you do now, do you honestly think if by some miracle he talked to you and decided to take you back, you could ever trust him again? You have your life ahead of you and can do much better than taking seconds and cast aside when it becomes too difficult.

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

Be kind to yourself and don't see him to talk it out. Do you really want someone who blames someone else for what he did instead of taking responsibility by admitting he was free to choose you, and didn't, he was free to be honest with his relationship with her, and obviously wasn't? Do you want someone who basically has mislead and/or lied to both you and his girlfriend? Do you really think meeting up and talking will help you in this, or is it more likely to prolong and intensify your pain and disappointment? Knowing what you do now, do you honestly think if by some miracle he talked to you and decided to take you back, you could ever trust him again? You have your life ahead of you and can do much better than taking seconds and cast aside when it becomes too difficult.

Catalina

You're totally right, but that doesn't make it any easier, unfortunately. I still have some questions I want answered, but it doesn't have to be face-to-face. I'm not fooling myself that it'll change anything.

 

[the captians wench]

sweetie I don't know what to say....but I do listen well.

 

[BiBunny]

You know, I hate to keep bumping this damn thread up to the top, but y'all are not going to believe this. I called my mother a few minutes ago to tell her about it. (She knew we were seeing each other, didn't know about the M/s component.) Her response? "Well, you know, I hate to say this, but things like this might not happen to you if you didn't sleep around so much." WTF?!?!?!? Yeah, thanks, Mother, that helped. I think I'm going to go find a hole to crawl in now.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

You know, I hate to keep bumping this damn thread up to the top, but y'all are not going to believe this. I called my mother a few minutes ago to tell her about it. (She knew we were seeing each other, didn't know about the M/s component.) Her response? "Well, you know, I hate to say this, but things like this might not happen to you if you didn't sleep around so much." WTF?!?!?!? Yeah, thanks, Mother, that helped. I think I'm going to go find a hole to crawl in now.

Wow, so not what you needed to hear right now. This is why I don't tell my mother ANYTHING she'd be exactly the same way. I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

rox.

 

[CutieMouse]

Sigh. You poor dear.

Flip mom's comment around to "Things like this might not happen if *he* wasn't involved with two women, and being less than honest about it."

I realize you feel a need to have some answers, but in the end it all boils down to this- for whatever reason, the two of you were not compatable. All the emails, phone calls, and excuses int eh world, will not change that fact.

That does not mean she's better, or you're less of a wonderful person, or that he isn't an asshat for behaving the way he has. It hurts, it sucks, it's painful... but take it from someone who spent far too many years with a man who tended to fall in love in a very "grass is always greener" sort of way- be thankful for your sudden singleness.

You will heal, move past all this mess, and continue to be your wonderful self (probably finding a fantabulous partner in the process).

He will continue being someone who has very little integrity or honor, and will probably repeat this scenerio several times before growing up (if he ever does).

She just bought herself a "devoted monogomous" relationship with an asshat (and will probably spend the remainder of said relationship, dealing with issues of jealousy, possesiveness, and mistrust).

Now realy hon- who came out the furthest ahead here?

 

[Penalt]

You know, I hate to keep bumping this damn thread up to the top, but y'all are not going to believe this. I called my mother a few minutes ago to tell her about it. (She knew we were seeing each other, didn't know about the M/s component.) Her response? "Well, you know, I hate to say this, but things like this might not happen to you if you didn't sleep around so much." WTF?!?!?!? Yeah, thanks, Mother, that helped. I think I'm going to go find a hole to crawl in now.

{{HUGS}}

If you weren't about 2000 miles away I would send Mamid over with some chocolate and some companionship. Take care of yourself.

 

[the captians wench]

You know, I hate to keep bumping this damn thread up to the top, but y'all are not going to believe this. I called my mother a few minutes ago to tell her about it. (She knew we were seeing each other, didn't know about the M/s component.) Her response? "Well, you know, I hate to say this, but things like this might not happen to you if you didn't sleep around so much." WTF?!?!?!? Yeah, thanks, Mother, that helped. I think I'm going to go find a hole to crawl in now.

mom's are great for that aren't they.

 

[shy slave]

You know, I hate to keep bumping this damn thread up to the top, but y'all are not going to believe this. I called my mother a few minutes ago to tell her about it. (She knew we were seeing each other, didn't know about the M/s component.) Her response? "Well, you know, I hate to say this, but things like this might not happen to you if you didn't sleep around so much." WTF?!?!?!? Yeah, thanks, Mother, that helped. I think I'm going to go find a hole to crawl in now.

Oh Bunny I am sorry but I laughed out loud when I read this.

As Wench said "mom's are great for that aren't they."

There must be an international handbook of dumb things a mother can say at the wrong moment.
The odd thing is I am sure she thought she was saying it to help you *sigh*

 

[Mamid]

send me over?

nah... I'd send you over. You love rescuing damsels in distress. Or undress as the case may be.

 

[TNRkitect2b]

I'm sorry to hear about your "loss" but I agree with most of the others here. You truly are better off without him.

In time your heart will heal, but sadly the scar will remain. But a scarred heart is a beautiful one, for it shows that the person has truly loved another.

After it heals, you will be ready to find another. You will be a bit wiser, and a bit more cautious, but you will be able to do so.

Until then, I too offer a hug from afar, and wish you healing thoughts. May the upcoming new year be a new start and better in every way for you.

 

[neonflux]

Hi Bibunny,

{{{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS!!! }}}}}}}}}}

please come out of your hole, come out!

Neon

p.s., sometimes mom's can say the most horrible things without really thinking about it!

 

[neonflux]

p.s., also, please - protect yourself emotionally when you see him. at least he had the decency to be ashamed at what he did - albeit after the fact and albeit it doesn't change his cowardice...

 

[DVS]

p.s., also, please - protect yourself emotionally when you see him. at least he had the decency to be ashamed at what he did - albeit after the fact and albeit it doesn't change his cowardice...

Oh, a jerk is still a jerk. I wouldn't allow him any credit by showing any emotion. Let him think you are already happy, and getting on with your life...on to better things, while he is still in that same hole he made for himself, but with one less woman.

By showing him you are strong and over his playing asshole with your emotions...you will make him think he might have made the wrong choice in women.

And by moving on with your life, you show him that although it was a shock at first, you are now OK with his choice and moving on. He will again begin to desire you, because you are now the untouchable one he can't have.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

... "Things like this might not happen if *he* wasn't involved with two women, and being less than honest about it."

</mini-hijack mode on>
*smiles happily*

You know... you just have to absolutely love being cuddled up on the couch, your arms around two wonderful women and feel nothing but love, compassion, warmth and this incredible feeling that things are just plain ol' right! </mini-hijack mode off>

Bunny, hon, if I still lived in Huntsville... *grins and shrugs*

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread...

 

[SierraMoon]

BiBunny,

I don't know you personally, but I know you from reading your posts on here.

You are a strong, brave lady, and this is but a speedbump in the road of life. You are far better than he deserves, and the sooner you realize that, the better for you.

Failed relationships (especially M/s ones) are really hard to get over. I've been going through one for 6 weeks now. We even still live together

I feel your pain, and am here if you need someone to talk to!

Chin up!!

What TNRkitect2b said was true, you have a beautiful heart, and someone will find that out!

 

[snowy ciara]

((bi bunny))

Sorry that you're having a rotten time of it. Wish I could make it better.

 

[CutieMouse]

</mini-hijack mode on>
*smiles happily*

You know... you just have to absolutely love being cuddled up on the couch, your arms around two wonderful women and feel nothing but love, compassion, warmth and this incredible feeling that things are just plain ol' right! </mini-hijack mode off>

Bunny, hon, if I still lived in Huntsville... *grins and shrugs*

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread...

See what loverly things can happen, when everyone is honest about who is what, and where?

(BTDT, and not my cuppa, but it's still nice to know some people manage to make it work. )

 

[BiBunny]

Gratuitous, feeling-sorry-for-self bump. (I apologize in advance.)

I think I'm sinking down instead of pulling myself up. It's not from lack of trying or anything, but...my heart is just sick. I'm not a small girl. I love food. Since I got the phone call, I've only eaten when I felt my blood sugar dropping into the dangerous range. Even then, it's only a little. Just the thought of food makes me feel violently ill. I also love to sleep. I haven't been doing much of that, either. I try to stay out of the house as much as possible, but one can only stay gone so long.

I keep thinking about all the things we were supposed to do together in the near future. My birthday is a week from today. I'd hoped to see him, maybe not on my birthday, but near it. I can't remember the last time I had a good birthday (I'm an only child; I expect to be spoiled on certain days!), and I was so hoping this one would be. Nope. He was supposed to go with me to my sorority formal a week from Friday. Now, neither my girlfriend nor I am going. I can't go because I know I'd be a wreck the whole time and ruin it for everyone. She won't go without me. Our beautiful formal dresses hang on the front of my closet. It was supposed to be a wonderful time. I'm not particularly lovely, and I'm not a girly-girl, either, but I was so looking forward to dressing up, looking nice, and spending time with him.

I'm about to head home for Thanksgiving holidays. My father, whom I love dearly, is a truck driver. He won't be home for Thanksgiving because the stupid company gave him the California run this week, since no one else wanted it. So I'll be stuck with my mother (of the "stop sleeping around" comment fame), her goofy sister, my bitchy grandmother, my alcoholic/pillhead uncle, and my smartass cousin with no one to even tell them to fuck off and leave me alone when it gets too rough. Great. Being within 15 minutes of him is not going to help matters, either. At least here, he's about 2 hours away.

My mind won't stop going back to a line he put in his email. It said something like, "One day you'll find the love of your life, and he or she will treat you so much better than I did," or something like that. I just want to say, "I've already found him. He just doesn't want me." I've said before in numerous places on this board that before I met him, I was just a masochist looking for my next flogging. I'd never found anyone to inspire my submission before that. I've already had four or five men offer to take his place (not from this board, thank God). Um, no, thanks, you insensitive pricks. I don't know when--or if--I'll ever be ready for that again. I've had so many people, Doms, subs, switches, whatever tell me before this happened how lucky he was. I wish just once he'd have told me how lucky he was to have me.

I don't know why I let myself get into this situation. I'm angry at myself more than anything. Last night, I rented the movie Cars with my girlfriend. There's a place in the movie where Mater, the character with Larry the Cable Guy's voice, says of his friend, "I never got to tell him goodbye." I burst into tears. I looked at my girlfriend and said, "When Larry the Cable Guy makes me cry, you know it's been a bad fucking day!"

My girlfriend has been wonderful. I feel like I've been neglecting her needs, though. I'm so glad she understands. It's only been two days. I still deserve some wallowing time, right?

I have a friend who is a professional photographer. He approached me yesterday, wanting me to model for a website. Model, as in fetish modeling. I'm thinking about it, but I don't know if I can do it or not. Well, first of all, I don't know that I could've done it with all my body hang-ups and whatnot anyway, even if I hadn't just gotten dumped on my ass. I really don't know if I can do it now. I'll just get some more information and think hard on it. It's hard for me to make decisions, anyway, and one of this magnitude, especially at a time like this, is just...ugh. Ironically enough, I wish I could have his input.

Unless something else happens, I don't intend to really post on this thread again, at least not to post a feel-sorry-for-myself rant. Once again, I apologize for everyone reading. I know it sounds overly dramatic. Hell, I feel like I'm in high school again myself. I just hoped that putting it down on paper would help get it out, so I could start to feel like myself again. Thanks again for the PMs and the well-wishes. {{{{{Hugs for everyone}}}}}

He told me that he was very, very sorry, but that he wouldn't ask for my forgiveness because he didn't deserve it. You know what's so bad? He doesn't even have to ask for it. He's already got it. I really do understand. It doesn't make it hurt any less, of course, but I understand. We're more alike than I think he realizes. Even though I'm not his slave anymore, part of me still thinks of him as Master. Not because my body belongs to him anymore, but because my heart is still his. It's a bitch, ain't it?

 

[chris9]

You can post as much as you want on this thread I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. *hugs*

Pm is on the way

 

[serijules]

You don't always stop loving someone just because you stop liking them.

That's what makes it love...it takes a longer time to fade, it's harder to forget, and it hurts more to boot.

Part of you may always love him. I know that no matter what Ma'am could potentially do to hurt me, I would not be able to just shut off the love and move on. I may never be able to shut it off at all, even if I wouldn't want to go back to her as a submissive because of the hurt or even if I wouldn't want to be a friend anymore for whatever reasons caused a breakup.

You are allowed to give love the credit it deserves and recognize that just because someone does something you don't like or even downright hate...the love just isn't going to shut off like a lightswitch. If it does, perhaps it was never love to begin with.

It'll take time to heal and that is OK. Allow yourself to feel what you feel...both the good and the bad. It's ok to understand his side or his actions, even if you know they are cowardly and insensitive. It's ok to want closure for that, even if it brings you more pain in the process, eventually it may help you heal more fully as well.

 

[BiBunny]

You don't always stop loving someone just because you stop liking them.

That's what makes it love...it takes a longer time to fade, it's harder to forget, and it hurts more to boot.

Part of you may always love him. I know that no matter what Ma'am could potentially do to hurt me, I would not be able to just shut off the love and move on. I may never be able to shut it off at all, even if I wouldn't want to go back to her as a submissive because of the hurt or even if I wouldn't want to be a friend anymore for whatever reasons caused a breakup.

You are allowed to give love the credit it deserves and recognize that just because someone does something you don't like or even downright hate...the love just isn't going to shut off like a lightswitch. If it does, perhaps it was never love to begin with.

It'll take time to heal and that is OK. Allow yourself to feel what you feel...both the good and the bad. It's ok to understand his side or his actions, even if you know they are cowardly and insensitive. It's ok to want closure for that, even if it brings you more pain in the process, eventually it may help you heal more fully as well.

Thank you, serijules. I feel bad for feeling the way I do (does that even make sense?), but you made me realize that there's nothing wrong with it. I really appreciate it. Love, in this case, sucks, but I think at least a part of me will always love him.

 

[jadefirefly]

I am so sorry, Bunny. That is some harsh ass shit.

Sadly, seri said it very well -- just because they've left you hanging out to dry, doesn't mean you just flip a switch and stop loving them. I hate that. I hate knowing that it's so easy for someone to just give you back your heart and think that means it'll all be okay.

It's been six months for me, and I'm still finding the idea of being with someone else makes me feel slightly ill. Which is a massive improvement over actually being sick to my stomach, but still.

Lots and lots of hugs and well-wishes go out to you. I hope you start to feel better soon. I like you and wouldn't want to see you be sad for too long.

 

[babiesmiles]

I keep thinking about all the things we were supposed to do together in the near future. My birthday is a week from today. I'd hoped to see him, maybe not on my birthday, but near it. I can't remember the last time I had a good birthday (I'm an only child; I expect to be spoiled on certain days!), and I was so hoping this one would be. Nope. He was supposed to go with me to my sorority formal a week from Friday. Now, neither my girlfriend nor I am going. I can't go because I know I'd be a wreck the whole time and ruin it for everyone. She won't go without me. Our beautiful formal dresses hang on the front of my closet. It was supposed to be a wonderful time. I'm not particularly lovely, and I'm not a girly-girl, either, but I was so looking forward to dressing up, looking nice, and spending time with him.

[/COLOR]

Hey Bi bunny I am the less qualified person to give sensible advices in case of breaking off , but my first tummy istinct is ... don't let your beautiful formal dress hang on hopeless in your room .... wear it ...be beautiful of the beauty of your age and your inner world , let the life flow arond you , dive in it , be drunk of it ...smell the parfum of a frisky night ...be alive and even if just now you dont believe it soon you will watch back at this time maybe with longing but without pain , taken in a thousand new things .... just stopping a minute to give a caress to that sad girl with a broken heart .

Be strong , nothing on heart is worthy as you are , be gentle with yourself .

 

[Netzach]

Hey Bi bunny I am the less qualified person to give sensible advices in case of breaking off , but my first tummy istinct is ... don't let your beautiful formal dress hang on hopeless in your room .... wear it ...be beautiful of the beauty of your age and your inner world , let the life flow arond you , dive in it , be drunk of it ...smell the parfum of a frisky night ...be alive and even if just now you dont believe it soon you will watch back at this time maybe with longing but without pain , taken in a thousand new things .... just stopping a minute to give a caress to that sad girl with a broken heart .

Be strong , nothing on heart is worthy as you are , be gentle with yourself .

This is so lovely a post and so true.