The Dead came to walk

[redrooster]

I started this story with the idea of making it a humourous if grim read. I put it in sci-fi fantasy but on reflection humour may have been more appropriate.

What I would like is feedback or contributions. I am enjoying writing it greatly but as one person said in their feedback, could they rise to the challenge of writing this genre? The dead aren't exactly sexy, unless you are very warped, so to keep the reader going the writing/humour have to be pretty good.

I would be grateful for any contributions but I do intend to be discerning. Please don't let that put you off, it just might mean me asking you to alter a thread until I feel it's up to scratch.

Since starting the story I have realized the title is pretty crap but I'm stuck with that unless someone knows a way to edit it.

I think this story could be a lot of fun - particularly if you like "B" movies or zombie movies.

If nothing else, have a read. I hope you enjoy it.

http://www.chyoo.com:81/index.php/main.story.page/15146

 

[jakelyon]

Having a tough time

I am having a tough time getting started on this one. I really like the idea, but you have made them so repulsive black tounges, dry vaginas, bones etc. The problem is that Zombies are just plain gross and I am having trouble working on that. I mean the smell alone would be enough to eliminate any sexual desire.

How do you feel about a thread off of the first one that has Zombies that are a little less ick, and a little more sexy. Think about the disruption of Zombies who want nothing but sex, and are sexually attractive enough to get the living people to want to do it with them. Maybe the Zombies would fight over a living guy forcing him to have sex over and over.

Just a thought anyway on a different direction.

Thanks.

 

[bungakawa2000]

I agree with Jakelyon.

It sounds interesting but right now, the story is a tad too much "gory" for my taste...

I have read only the first 2 threads right now, but here 2 random suggestions:

1) How about insisting less on physical decay and more on mental/coordination corruption? Ex.: I could picture "zombies" having a hard time moving around as normal humans do... Typically, zombies do have trouble putting one feet in front of the other. I'm thinking something along the lines of the bad guy in Men in Black: he's downright ugly and kill people left and right, but you still laugh because he's so cumbersome.

2) To avoid the whole "decaying" problem, why not make it a nearly "all or nothing" thing? Ex.: The zombies look fairly like normal humans, except to maybe a detail or two... as long as they get sex every X minutes. So, in the end, they crave for sex since it's the only thing that matters (have sex to live to have sex to live to have sex to....). Think someone plagued by perpetual hunger and wandering around the marketplace. If they don't get sex often enough, they get weaker and weaker untill they ultimately collapse to dust, like vampires do when exposed to sunlight or pinned to the wall by a pointed stick through the heart.

Ultimately, I think most of us could live with "family friendly" zombies (à la Scooby Doo, where zombies simply have red eyes and green skin). It's the whole "rotting pus-ridden meat" thing that really drives me off.

I'll keep an eye on the story. If someone starts a softer storyline, I might add to it. You can't go wrong when the hero is a courageous female cop.

Bunga

 

[redrooster]

I'm sorry to be so long coming back to your constructive posts. Tim also e-mailed me some feedback. I think my idea for the story was that he dead should be disgusting. This does not prevent arousing sex story lines emerging ie young couple making out in a car just before the dead find them, hero and heroine fucking each other, heroine getting gang banged by all the cops in the station in one last fuck fest before they die or the heroine getting captured and fucked by the dead.

Over and above this though I want the story to be very black humour. threads in this vein will be approved!

As to a story line where the dead are less repulsive, I think I could go with this if there was some logic to it ie dead woman swallowing cum gets some "life" back making her look younger or something along those lines.

 

[bungakawa2000]

Good to hear from you again.

If you are happy with your story, then I guess all's well.

Bunga