The cool clique

[Marquis]

So I'm just coming back from a fetish party, and as always I had a blast.

I'm starting to notice something very interesting however. The vast majority of attendants are obviously just here to party, but there is a sizeable portion of dedicated people who are committed to the lifestyle. These are often the same people that are members of our local BDSM society, SPICE. I went to my first SPICE meeting recently, and I think many of the members who recognized me from the parties saw me there.

I got the opportunity to speak to a lot of people and I think I made some good first impressions.

Here's the funny thing. There is a social element to this that really reminds me of high school. It seems that there is no shortage of people (particularly submissive women) who are dying to climb the social ladder before they even know whats at the top. The elders seem to recognize this, and the whole deal is highly reminiscent of some kind of pussy pyramid scheme, with all its mentors and proteges.

Now, I'm not complaining, because I'm going to want some tight pussy in my old and feeble days as well, but sometimes I can't help but wonder what people's motives are for getting into this.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, a lot of people just get off on the thought they are being naughty and are outdoing their more straight friends even if they are not discovered. I find I don't have a lot of value filled time for them, nor do I get much back from them except a lot of posing....give me realism and honesty and a pure lust and desire for SM anyday.

Catalina

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

In my experience and opinion....

Sometimes i refer to these as "weekend warriors". This is fine for them, and hey whatever works for you. However, i think that perhaps this is what brought about the "serving" thread as well.

i am not one of those "if it's not my kink then it is not right" types. However, in my experience, the weekend warriors are one in the same. Most really do not understand the "serving" aspect of a BDSM relationship. Meaning serving outside of sex. Some are trying to climb a ladder that, as Marquis said, they seem to have no idea what is really at the top. Most do not understand when you tell them that you do not have permission for something. They simply state that if they did not have permission they would do it anyway and suffer the punishment later.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Most do not understand when you tell them that you do not have permission for something. They simply state that if they did not have permission they would do it anyway and suffer the punishment later.

LOL, what I have found is most of these people think it is okay to lie about or do whatever to not let their disobedience be found out because their attitude is 'what the Dominant doesn't know, they don't need to know'. Punishment to them is usually something they enjoy, and/or never happens because they always are perfect.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

One of those kinky weekend adventurers is one of my favorite bottoms. He understands and sees through the piles of bullshit that "honor respect and trust" supposed lifestylers who can't manage a child let alone a sub often leave in their wake. It's not who's new that's creepy to me, it's what IS at the top. The more public and more recognized leadership in a community is often the most dysfunctional element.

I too, really really have a lot of scepticism where the "mentorship" ladder is concerned. Especially since many of the skilled and capable people I know are 1. really young and often written off or 2. not claiming to be 24/7 D/s and usually written off.

Give me someone who's honest about their sexuality and views SM as sexuality any day over someone who claims to be all lofty and can't walk the walk. Additionally, almost all, almost ALL the "service subs" self-proclaimed that I've known who are loudest about it are the ones who expect sex in return the most.

I've put a big big moratorium on my "group" involvement over the last couple of years. M also is not a big joiner and dares to ask the hard questions of people. When I was new to things I was not nearly as independently minded, good for him.

 

[Netzach]

LOL, what I have found is most of these people think it is okay to lie about or do whatever to not let their disobedience be found out because their attitude is 'what the Dominant doesn't know, they don't need to know'. Punishment to them is usually something they enjoy.Catalina

So?

Is this killing you?

 

[graceanne]

LOL, what I have found is most of these people think it is okay to lie about or do whatever to not let their disobedience be found out because their attitude is 'what the Dominant doesn't know, they don't need to know'. Punishment to them is usually something they enjoy, and/or never happens because they always are perfect.

Catalina

That's awefully close minded of you. You mean, I can't lie? I don't get it!

lol

 

[Netzach]

What if the "orders" are stupider than the "punishments?" Some people like the excuse of "discipline" and like to roleplay. And if someone's lying in their relationship with someone other than me, it's none of my fucking business, as I see it.

I'm being a big devil's advocate here because of the lessons I've learned at munches. This is a community with a lot of dysfunction in it, and it shows up in a lot of guises. I think it's hysterical when people decide who has a vested personal interest in SM based on what people look like or a casual conversation. Are you equipped with the mind-piercing ray that tells you this person's secret fantasies, fetishes, and desires? Or is D/s the only valid expression in this community, so that if they are not D/s they are not "real?"

I no longer trust what people say about each other. I've been hooked up with some fine messes of human beings with everyone saying "oh this is an upstanding person" only to find out they are insane, they abused a partner, they screwed good friends of mine in business, the lists go on, while they run their "households" and get kudos from the SM sheep and people who are too new to know anything.

 

[graceanne]

What if the "orders" are stupider than the "punishments?" Some people like the excuse of "discipline" and like to roleplay. And if someone's lying in their relationship with someone other than me, it's none of my fucking business, as I see it.

I'm being a big devil's advocate here because of the lessons I've learned at munches. This is a community with a lot of dysfunction in it, and it shows up in a lot of guises. I think it's hysterical when people decide who has a vested personal interest in SM based on what people look like or a casual conversation. Are you equipped with the mind-piercing ray that tells you this person's secret fantasies, fetishes, and desires? Or is D/s the only valid expression in this community, so that if they are not D/s they are not "real?"

I no longer trust what people say about each other. I've been hooked up with some fine messes of human beings with everyone saying "oh this is an upstanding person" only to find out they are insane, they abused a partner, they screwed good friends of mine in business, the lists go on, while they run their "households" and get kudos from the SM sheep and people who are too new to know anything.

*puts on mind peircing ray hat*

Muhahaha now I can read your minds.

Betticus! Get your mind out of the gutter!

 

[Marquis]

I no longer trust what people say about each other. I've been hooked up with some fine messes of human beings with everyone saying "oh this is an upstanding person" only to find out they are insane, they abused a partner, they screwed good friends of mine in business, the lists go on, while they run their "households" and get kudos from the SM sheep and people who are too new to know anything.

Bingo!

While most of this thread is discussing something I had no intention of talking about, you seem to be familiar with the phenomenon I am starting to observe.

"So, what do you know about Master X?"

"Master X is a fine and upstanding gentleman of the highest order with an incredible dominant energy and years of experience and a great reputation and you can tell him I said so."



Now, I am a paranoid, conspiracy theorizing bastard; but I feel like I'm seeing some shit here that is pretty odd. I'm almost reluctant to go into details because I think there may be people from my local scene who lurk this board (and I want to be cool too, hee hee), but sex is used a social commodity. This is how it reminds me of high school.

Want to be popular? Fuck the captain of the football team!

Captain of the football team won't fuck you? At least hook him up with some pussy!


The people at the top of the ladder are spoken about and treated like they have some kind of real power, but it's all social dogma. I'm sure this would be no different in a chess club, but since the organization is so sexual in orientation, there is something kind of sinister about the cool, practiced way new meat gets ran through.

All very up my alley, of course, and I patiently wait the day where I will be the cold planner, but for now it is disconcerting. I think I've established myself as someone with a spine, but people could hardly slurp their drool back in their disgusting mouths when I brought my sub into a play party for the "real" folk. Now I understand that people will want to look, she's wearing a very sexy outfit, and is gorgeous, but how the fuck are you going to try to run your little pervert game right in front of my face and think I'm going to take it like a clown?

I guess that's my place as a young squire Dom, huh?

Fuck that shit. I had my sub tied to a cross while I was flogging her at this one meeting, while another dom had his sub tied to the opposite side. This seedy decrepit loser had the brilliant idea that we should switch at some point, and beat each other's subs. I explained politely that that is not something we're comfortable with, but thanks for the generous offer.

Flogging commenced, then I turned around to talk to a friend for a second, and when I came back the dom was talking to my sub, who was tied up and couldn't escape. I came closer and heard him saying that he wanted the two subs to talk to each other, because that would be sexy.

I was highly displeased.

I told him to back the fuck up and he slithered back, eyes down, knowing what he had done was wrong. What bothers me is that he would never try this on one of the "established" Doms. These guys walk around like they run the place and they expect me to put up with this shit because I'm new? Not bloody fucking likely.

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

LOL, what I have found is most of these people think it is okay to lie about or do whatever to not let their disobedience be found out because their attitude is 'what the Dominant doesn't know, they don't need to know'. Punishment to them is usually something they enjoy, and/or never happens because they always are perfect.

Catalina

LOL, Catalina....very true. Some have even remarked, "i will just do it and take the punishment later". As much of a masochist as i may be there is nothing about Master's punishment that i enjoy!

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

I told him to back the fuck up and he slithered back, eyes down, knowing what he had done was wrong. What bothers me is that he would never try this on one of the "established" Doms. These guys walk around like I run the place and they expect me to put up with this shit because I'm new? Not bloody fucking likely.

There is nothing right about what that creep did. Once Master told me to attend a local club with a mutual Domme friend of O/ours. Even though i was wearing Master's collar and keeping to myself, observing...i still had a Dom following me around. Everywhere i turned he was there. If i sat down somewhere, then he was there. Even to the point of mentioning leaving to get a drink. i could not believe it.

i do not know what gives people the right to think they can behave in this manner. A Domme in a group that i belong to...just posted a question asking the group how they would handle a situation. Apparently it is highly possible that someone has made arrangements to have a guest Dom speaker to a local group she is involved in. She knows for a fact that this Dom has conducted himself unethically outside of the BDSM circle. Her question was how would others handle this situation. What she knows is not heresay or speculation, but fact.

 

[Netzach]

I guess that's my place as a young squire Dom, huh?

Try being female and breathing and new.

 

[Netzach]

There is nothing right about what that creep did. Once Master told me to attend a local club with a mutual Domme friend of O/ours. Even though i was wearing Master's collar and keeping to myself, observing...i still had a Dom following me around. Everywhere i turned he was there. If i sat down somewhere, then he was there. Even to the point of mentioning leaving to get a drink. i could not believe it.

i do not know what gives people the right to think they can behave in this manner. A Domme in a group that i belong to...just posted a question asking the group how they would handle a situation. Apparently it is highly possible that someone has made arrangements to have a guest Dom speaker to a local group she is involved in. She knows for a fact that this Dom has conducted himself unethically outside of the BDSM circle. Her question was how would others handle this situation. What she knows is not heresay or speculation, but fact.

I've been in this situation. Me, I'll no longer name names or flap my arms and try and convince anyone otherwise unless it's a "I'm about to play with this patently unsafe player and get hurt physically" situation.

I think that we need to start being critical ourselves, thinking critically, not automatically trusting each other based on what people say about each other. I think we should be earning trust with one another as a community, just like any other community, not running popularity campaigns. It's time for us to all get mature and judge one another over time, based on performance. Not based on "are they into the same thing I'm into" not based on "gee, everything she wrote was sooo spot-on and spoke to me, she must be a good person..."

 

[graceanne]

Shyslaves first munch was pretty funny.

Her (now ex) Master took her to a munch where a domme came up to her said "You may kiss my hand."

Shy said "I'm sorry, my Master doesn't let me put my mouth on things when I don't know where they've been."

ROFLMAO

The domme told shy's Master that shy needed 'proper' training, and volunteered to provide it.



Shy's master said that you sometimes meet poeple like that at munches, and that they wouldn't go back to that one.

 

[TaintedB]

So I'm just coming back from a fetish party, and as always I had a blast.

I'm starting to notice something very interesting however. The vast majority of attendants are obviously just here to party, but there is a sizeable portion of dedicated people who are committed to the lifestyle. These are often the same people that are members of our local BDSM society, SPICE. I went to my first SPICE meeting recently, and I think many of the members who recognized me from the parties saw me there.

Your observations are accurate. There's much, much worse going on right under the surface, however, which is why I avoid in-person bdsm groupings like the plague.

 

[Netzach]

Your observations are accurate. There's much, much worse going on right under the surface, however, which is why I avoid in-person bdsm groupings like the plague.

I have not let it get to the point where I'd rather stay in, I just take everything I do with a margarita sized big grain of giant Kosher salt.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Take any group of people, anywhere & you'll find the same mix of nice & not so nice. We don't let it worry us at all because it's fun to dress up in the gear & to celebrate who we are in our own way. Maybe we are lucky in that the people we know tend to view BDSM as a sexual thing, as we do, & we don't tend to have pretentious lifestyle gurus trying to ram their rubbish down our throats. Aphrodite, I think you'll find that most people understand perfectly the "service" thing but find it of no interest or importance in their particular lifestyles.

 

[Brinnie]

sounds like [n]General Board[/b]

 

[Marquis]

I have not let it get to the point where I'd rather stay in, I just take everything I do with a margarita sized big grain of giant Kosher salt.

Kosher salt, lmao!

 

[TaintedB]

sounds like [n]General Board[/b]

Yeah, but when it's in-person it's even weirder. One city I know of had a tribunal of three self-appointed old farts (excuse me, maledoms ) who decided it was their calling in life to judge everybody else in the local scene and if they misbehaved to pass punishment and penance on them, lol. I heard this story from a friend living in that city. A certain guy who identified himself as a dominant did something bad to a submissive (near rape, ignoring her safeword, that sort of thing). The tribunal pronounced judgement on him: he was to be a male submissive in the local leather club for the next two months humiliate himself in front of everyone in the "community," and, in particular he was to serve the woman he abused. The guy actually did it because he didn't want to face the alternative (ostrazation from his social club).

 

[Killishandra]

Yeah, but when it's in-person it's even weirder. One city I know of had a tribunal of three self-appointed old farts (excuse me, maledoms ) who decided it was their calling in life to judge everybody else in the local scene and if they misbehaved to pass punishment and penance on them, lol. I heard this story from a friend living in that city. A certain guy who identified himself as a dominant did something bad to a submissive (near rape, ignoring her safeword, that sort of thing). The tribunal pronounced judgement on him: he was to be a male submissive in the local leather club for the next two months humiliate himself in front of everyone in the "community," and, in particular he was to serve the woman he abused. The guy actually did it because he didn't want to face the alternative (ostrazation from his social club).

This story made me crack up laughing!

 

[Netzach]

Yeah, but when it's in-person it's even weirder. One city I know of had a tribunal of three self-appointed old farts (excuse me, maledoms ) who decided it was their calling in life to judge everybody else in the local scene and if they misbehaved to pass punishment and penance on them, lol. I heard this story from a friend living in that city. A certain guy who identified himself as a dominant did something bad to a submissive (near rape, ignoring her safeword, that sort of thing). The tribunal pronounced judgement on him: he was to be a male submissive in the local leather club for the next two months humiliate himself in front of everyone in the "community," and, in particular he was to serve the woman he abused. The guy actually did it because he didn't want to face the alternative (ostrazation from his social club).

this is pretty on-crack.

I especially find abhorrent the message it sends to msubs.

 

[TaintedB]

this is pretty on-crack.

I especially find abhorrent the message it sends to msubs.

What is that message? That it is a punishment and bad thing to be a male submissive?

 

[Marquis]

What is that message? That it is a punishment and bad thing to be a male submissive?

As a quasi-Dominant, I can't think of any worse punishment personally.