The Chyoo Ball

[lostandfounder]

Sorry, I don't drink.

A warm sense of well being comes over me. Hmmm, I think, that’s not the way I usually feel. Something is amiss. I spy an empty bottle of Bacadi hiding under the table with the punch bowl. Uh-oh. I don’t drink alcohol. This might not be good.

I suddenly realize that I don’t care. I toss the sketchpad aside and happily jump up. The phantom Moderator is saying something about a bachlorette auction.

“Five hundred dollars!” I shout.

Gystex tells me that nobody has announced who is up for bid yet

“Oh, all right I gotcha,” I reply. “Six hundred dollars!”

I see Kitty and Dacia standing next to each other. I walk up and throw my arms around them both. “I love you guys. Two womens, not afraid of their sexuality, and wonderful storytellers to boot. If I could, I would live in one of your stories and just…live there. Like Summer Down Under I wish I was from Austria. I love Midnight Oil. Or maybe I could live in The Underground Yeah, I’d be all dark and mysterious, hmmm, maybe I should write for one of those…You know I have a story, I don't usually like to talk about my work but, .Big Bang Theory is one that I really, really, really want to get approved.”

I see a guy holding a six-pack of beer and an I Love Clay Aiken Shirt. I let go of the ladies and run up to him.

“Lilguy! I’m glad you made it! You could’ve dressed up but hey, whatever!” I throw my arm around his shoulder and yell out to the gathered people. “Everybody, Lilguy is here. Now I know some of you have trouble with his lack of spelling and bad grammerical things, but I want you all to know something!”

I point out to the crowd, “You grammar and spelling bourgeoisie will be first against the wall when the revolution comes! Writers of the world, Unite!”

Lilguy’s beer brushes up against my leg. “Oh, no thanks. I don’t consume alcohol for drinking. You’re such a great guy to offer though.” I grab Lilguy’s face and give him a big kiss on the lips

 

[AaronWebster]

“…our first young lady is…”

Aaron paused waiting for the Phantom Moderator to continue. Kitty looked nervous, Dacia seemed impassive (Aaron wasn’t sure; he was looking at her butt).

Then the moderator’s gaze fell upon them. Both tensed.

“…from those present tonight…”

Dacia and Kitty held hands a la Pop Idol and wished each other luck.

Just then two things occurred to shatter the tension. First, a young man in a t-shirt, whom Aaron immediately guessed to be lilguy, walked in. Secondly, the guy with the sketchpad, who was clearly very drunk, leapt onto the stage and started waving his money around.

He then lurched drunkenly towards Dacia and Kitty and threw his arms around them (Hey, I meant to do that, thought Aaron). Then he stumbled over to lilguy and gave him a big slobbery kiss (Hey, I’m glad I didn’t do that, thought Aaron).

A spotlight illuminated Dacia and Kitty, as the Phantom Moderator sought to regain the tension. It felt to Aaron as if they had been here for days, although he knew of course that it could only have been a few moments.

“…in alphabetical order…” continued the moderator. Aaron saw Kitty breath a huge sigh of relief.

“”


“”


“”

[If this was happening in Chyoo, we could choose both]


“”


“”


“”

“Christy!”

Kitty shrieked in alarm.

“But I’m Kitty tonight,” she wailed.

There were loud applause and Dacia hugged her rival (kicking off a dozen male fantasies in the room), then gently swiped Kitty’s backside, sending her still protesting towards the stage.

By the time she reached the stage, Kitty had decided to make the most of it. With a twinge of nervous excitement, she gace a mock bow to her audience, revealing an impressive display of cleavage. Then, feeling that she ought to be more ladylike, she gave a curtsy too, allowing the hem of her short black dress to ride high up her smooth silky thighs.

Aaron immediately whipped out his… wallet, as the bidding began.

Aaron noted that he wasn’t the only one with his money ready. The competition would be stiff tonight – in every possible sense of the word.

 

[AaronWebster]

Quiet in here, isn't it?

Silence filled the room.

As the Phantom Moderator prepared to start the bidding, Aaron approached the leggy Australian babe and introduced himself.

 

[niceguy2002tim]

First Bid...

Tim made his way through the crowd to his date. She was stunning in her sexy red dress. Tim had a naughty little thought about taking his date to some hidden area of the building and getting lucky. She smiled to Tim and allowed him to take her into his arms. He laid a big, deep kiss on her, tipping her backwards for a couple seconds. When she was back to an upright position, Tim introduced himself to her. “Well hello, I’m Tim or… niceguy2002tim on Chyoo.” She responded, “I know very well who you are on the site. I’ve read your threads, and well I hope to find out if you can do those things for real.

“Alright guys, you’re going to love this! We’re going to mix things up a little bit. Without any more delays, lets get our first beautiful woman up here! Get your wallets out men, because our first young lady is…” spoke the phantom moderator, catching Tim’s attention. He had been leading his date out of the main ball room, when the moderator had spoken. Tim looked at the blonde and she had the same sparkling in her eyes as he did. At first he thought maybe he was just seeing something that wasn’t there, so he decided to ask. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

The girl in the red dress grinned and answered, “if what you’re thinking is bidding for this girl, possibly for a 3-way; then yes.”

Back on the stage the moderator hesitated and dragged on the announcement of who the next to be auctioned off would be. Finally he called out Christy, the girl also known as Ooohkitty. Tim noticed several of the men pulling out their wallets, it was followed by almost a minute of silence. At last, Tim decided to make the first bid.

“$100!” He shouted.

“We have $100, can I get a $150?” Asked the phantom Moderator.

 

[AaronWebster]

A bird in the hand...

Aaron considered Kitty, looking cute and vulnerable on the stage, and Dacia who seemed strangely silent.

Eventually he figured that a bird in the hand is worth two on the stage (but fully intended to bid on the second ‘going’ of ‘going, going, gone’ if he didn’t get anywhere with Dacia).

He couldn’t help noticing that Dacia appeared to have a sticky label on her butt.

“Ahem. I couldn’t help noticing that you appear to have a sticky label on your butt,” he commented politely. His hand hovered near, in the hope that he might be asked to remove it for her.

 

[AaronWebster]

Aaron stakes a claim

Aaron, standing by the silent Australian, waved subtly at the Moderator (figuring he might as well hedge his bets)

"$150!" called the Phantom one. "Thank you very much, sir. Who'll give me $200?"

The room was eerily quiet. Aaron wondered if it was only him and Tim in here.

 

[lostandfounder]

Feelin' fine.

Still feeling "great", I start to talk to no one in particular. "You know, these auctions are so dehumanizing. They try to reduce a person to a mere dollar amount. That's why I'm not going to bid more than a few hundred dollars. There's a ethical thingy involved."

I wave my arms. "Yoo-hoo! Mr. phantom guy! I bid $200 dollars for the woman that is worth so much more than a mere dollar amount."

I give Christy a big wink. She smiles back politely and looks around at the rest of the crowd. I can't help but get the feeling that she seems nervous. It's almost as if getting bought by the happiest guy in the room isn't what she had in mind when she came here. I think out loud, "Christy is nice, but I think Kitty might be able to enjoy herself more in this situation. Still, she looks so cute up there, all nervous and awkward… I just want to save her so much.” I throw my hand up again. “$250!”

 

[lilguy]

255" I hollar out


I look at her.


"Come on guys bid more. She worth it" I say.


Depsite the odd lack of both beer and boobies. I find the party going along pretty well. Thankfully I didn't spend to much for a tux so I have bidding and food spending money. I watch christy and wonder if it weird or exiting to have so few women here for her.


I go into a party and start to mingle.

 

[niceguy2002tim]

Too Rich for my Blood.

Tim continued to watch as the bidding started to heat up. He looked into his wallet and counted, 50 - 100- 120-40-60-80- 200... 220-245 - 250... “Shit… that’s all I got!” he told his date. Then with a smile he looked her up and down again, “oh well… what more could I need than you?”

“255!” Lilguy shouted excitedly. Tim could have swore he saw the boy lick his lips after the bid. The he thought to himself… ‘Damn Lilguy, I don’t know where you got all the money.”

The crowd went silent again, as the men in the room riffled through their own wallets to up the bidding.

Tim decided to take his date to someplace a little more private. The two of them exited the main hall and disappeared into the building.

Back on stage the Phantom Moderator scanned the room and asked, “we have $255, can I get $300?”

 

[AaronWebster]

$300!!

Figuring that dollars weren't real money anyway (what are? Euros? Hah!), Aaron bid again.

It was his duty as a gentleman, he felt, to save the beautiful Kitty from the lustful clutches of lilguy and lostandfound (unless they'd like to share of course... )

 

[lilguy]

350 I yell stomping my feet down.


I walk up to lost.


"Listen I am running low on Cash. Want to pool our money. I let you ummmm get sloppy seconds...Come on be a buddy"


I watch chrsity creator of the most sexy charcter ever


I grab lost

"COME ON MAN HELP ME OUT"

 

[lostandfounder]

A little too much.

Lilguy is shaking me and yelling something about women, money, buddies and helping him.

I hold up my hands, "Whoa there, I don't know what you have in mind, but I don't swing that way for any price."

He explains that he wants to win Christy in the auction. I respond, "Oh. I get it, but do you? She is a prize that is beyond money. She is something that cannot be bought or won, only freely given. " I take out my wallet, wave it around and yell to the Phantom Moderator," $400 dollars!" I turn back to Lilguy, "You see, mere money alone cannot buy her. It takes something for more precious, it takes...."

I giggle hysterically and pass out on the floor.

 

[lilguy]

"Slowly...getting gayer...by listening to that" I say


"Shut up" Lost says


"Damm 400 dollars a bit steap" I say. I only have about 380


"380 and my body. That has to be worth 25 dollars" I say hopefully.

 

[niceguy2002tim]

Drama...

“Shhh… you don’t want everybody to hear us,” Tim told his date as he lead her across the narrow walk way. He looked down on the Chyoo Ball and saw everybody below, from up there he could see right down Kitty’s dress. She was still on the stage and it looked like she was sweating from the pressure. Tim watched on as the Phantom Moderator accepted a bid for $350. Again he wondered where Lilguy was getting all the money. Then there is a shocking bid of $400 from LostandFound. It looks like he is trying to save the beautiful Kitty from the clutches of Lilguy.

“This view is awesome,” the blonde said to Tim. He took his attention away from the ball and put it back on the catwalk that was high above the dance floor. The two of them had found a ladder behind the long red curtain that hide the back way. The girl took Tim’s hand and started to pull him further down the cat walk. While he was being lead, he looked back down on the Ball. He saw Lilguy scream out a bid of $500! The bid was followed by whispers and moans from the rest of the men. Tim glanced at the moderator and listened to him say, “going once… going twice… going…” there was a long pause on the last going.

Suddenly Tim’s date tripped and fell to her knees. Tim spun his head in the direction just in time to see a large sandbag slip off the catwalk. “OHHH SHIT!” he screamed as the bad hurdled toward the Chyoo’ers below. Lilguy heard the scream and decided to look up, just in time to be hit square in the face with the 30 lbs bag of sand. He tumbled to the floor along with the bag. The whole ball was dead silent, even the moderator had stopped his auctioning… and without sealing the deal and giving Kitty to Lilguy.

LostandFound, Jakelyon, Kitty, Dacia, Aaron, Kendahl, Zingiber and Gystex were all surrounding an unconscious Lilguy when Tim made it down to the dance floor. “Oh god… is he dead?”

“Unfortunately not,” somebody jeered from the on lookers.

“I think he’s knocked out,” said the moderator, “somebody should take him to the hospital, just to be safe.”

“But, who is going to take him?” asked LostandFound.

 

[Zingiber]

Zingiber fetches a can of cold beer and holds the cold, moist side to Lilguy's forehead. "Maybe this will revive him!"

 

[lilguy]

"B...B...BEER" lilguy said waking up

He drinks it down gulping and gaining he stregh.


"Beers makes lilguy STRONG"


"Damm thought you were Dead" Niceguy says


"NOT TODAY OLD friend...for today my destiny has arrive...I will rise from the ashes and claim my prize...and that prize is POO TANG!!"

donger several sandbags

 

[niceguy2002tim]

“I’ll take this handsome boy to the hospital,” spoke a deep voice from the crowd.

Tim turned his head and watched the crowd separate to let the speaking man through. At first, Tim thought it was Michael Clark Duncan of the Green Mile fame. The man was nearly 7 feet tall, and easily weighed over 325 lbs. His skin was dark black ad his wide shoulders were connected to one of the largest set of arms Tim had ever seen.

“You need to go to the hospital,” the Phantom Moderator told Lilguy.

“Nah, donger several sandbags!” exclaimed Lilguy in return.

“You’re rambling incoherently, or… more so than normal,” Tim added.

Against Lilguy’s will the large black man took him by the hand and pulled him down the hallway and out of the building. A few minutes later everything was back to normal. The moderator was back on the stage with Kitty and all the other men were eyeing her.

“Alright, lets get back to bidding,” said the moderator. “Our last bid of $400 came from LostandFound. Do we have anybody who wants to make any final bids?”

25 minutes, and 20 miles later.

An old pick-up truck bounced down the back road full of pot holes. “i not from here but, I know hospital ain’t not down here,” Lilguy protested.

The man grinned and placed his one huge black hand on Lilguy’s knee. “We’re not going to the hospital. I have something else in mine for you handsome. Then, the man jerked the wheel forcing the pick-up to the side of the road. Lilguy panicked and tried to open the truck door, but the man who looked like Michael Clark Duncan pushed the power lock on the driver’s door. The button spilled down inside the door, where Lilguy couldn’t pull it back up. Somebody, most likely this man, had broken the button off so the passenger door was child-proof.

“Listen Lilguy,” spoke the man, “if you try to run, I’ll kill you.” He moved his suit jacket aside to show Lilguy the gun that was below. “I be good, really donger sandbagger…” Lilguy moaned.

The black man climbed out of the truck and Lilguy felt the vehicle rock on it’s springs. Seconds later Lilguy was being pulled from the passenger seat. “Take this,” said the black man holding a shovel out to Lilguy. He swallowed hard then took the shovel. “Now start walking, I’ll tell you which way to go,” instructed the man, direction Lilguy with a flashlight. After walking for what seemed like forever the man told Lilguy that this was the place. “Now start digging, bitch.”

Lilguy started crying hard, he could barely see where he was aiming the shovel through his tear. “Me so sorry, please dun kill me?” Lilguy pleaded. But the man remained silent as Lilguy dug. At last the man spoke, “another foot deeper and you’re almost there.” He began to laugh as Lilguy broke into a new burst of tears. “What’s that smell? Did you just piss your pants?” demanded the large man.

Lilguy sobbed deeply, he had never felt so scared in his whole life. Suddenly, the shovel struck something. A hollow empty sound bounced out of the hole toward Lilguy. The black man hurried to the hole, pushing Lilguy aside. “YES, here it is… I’ll be damned, after all these years its still here!” he said excitedly.

Lilguy wiped the tears from his eyes as he watched the man removed a one-foot square, tin box from the hole. The man sat it down next to the hole and took a deep breath. “You ready for this Lilguy? I can tell you right now, you ain’t never seen anything like what you’re about to see.”

Lilguy gulped and nodded to the man to open the box. The huge black man smiled greedily, then turn his attention back to the box. With careful hands he slowly lifted the lid of the metal box.

Inside was…

…

…

…

…

…

A Dictionary…

…

A Grammar book…

…

AND…

…

A stack of vintage Playboy magazines.
The man reached into the box and removed the dictionary and the grammar book. Then he slowly brought out the stage of Playboy’s. Lilguy’s eyes widened, below the magazines the bottom of the box was loaded with stacks of bills. The man reached out and took the backpack he had brought from the truck. Quickly, he filled the bag with the stacks of bills, there were lots of stacks. Lilguy saw as the man dug deeper that the money was different. Near the bottom, the US currency was replaced by Canadian. Then deeper the Canadian money was replaced by a different money, one that Lilguy didn’t know. He thought it might be Donger money, wait… Donger, what’s Donger? He didn’t know.

“Thanks Lilguy, help yourself to the Playboy magazines, they might be worth something. Oh, and make sure to take the dictionary and grammar book,” said the man in his deep voice before standing up and leaving. Lilguy remained on his knees for a couple more minutes, half expecting the man to come back and bash him in the back of the head with the shovel. But, the man never returned. Lilguy heard the pick-up truck roar into action and squeal its wheels as it took off down the road.

Lilguy, despite that fact that he was in the middle of nowhere and would never make it back to the Chyoo Ball tonight, turned his attention to the magazines and happily whispered, “SWEET!”

 

[lilguy]

Author note -wow that was...surprisinly mean



Back to story


lilguy waits in the desert alone and depress. The forces were expiring agains him but his quest to touch the hairy angry claim would not be stop.


What Michal Clark Duncan didn't know is this desert was near Area 51. Spaceship flew over here to check out the govement.


Reading hitchiker Guide to the galaxy he knew what to do. He had his blankie under his shirt and pulled it out. Allways bring a towel is the first rule.

He stuck out his thumb. The spaceship picked him up and flew through the sky. He clean himself up while on the spaceship and bang several hot alienes babes

"Thanks stanger" Lilguy said


He ran in the chyoo ball.

"Lilguy is back" lost said in shock

"Yes I am...anything else you got to toss at me. I dodge sandbags and gay black men, hicks, truckers and nature himself. What else. (in best Brad pitt voice) IS THERE NO ONE ELSE!!! IS THERE NO ONE ELSE!!"

 

[niceguy2002tim]

Author Note:

How the heck did Lilguy end up in the Desert? I never said anything about a desert...

The large black man in my post was described as resembling Michael Clark Duncan... and was not stated to actually be him! Another note... your spelling of his name is incorrect.

The word ‘blankie’ is not a nickname for a towel... but is a blanket.

"He clean himself up while on the spaceship and bang several hot alienes babes" is not a real sentence, and alienes is spelled wrong.

Oh and one last note... there will be more! In fact... back to the story...

Doing the Donger:

Just when Lilguy thought it was over, it got worse. Two big men in suits flanked him. “Lilguy, you’re under arrest for conspiracy,” said one of the men.

“I don’t understand!” Lilguy complained, but to no avail. He tried to wrestle his way out of it, but the other suited man whapped Lilguy up side the head with a hard object.

Lilguy opened his eyes, and felt extremely groggy. “Where am I?” he spoke to himself. When he tried to stand, he discovered that he was tied to a chair. Lilguy decided to look around at his surroundings. He was in a small room, the only piece of furniture being the chair he was tied to. He had to squint because of the bright light that was swinging over him. He looked to his right when a door opened, creating a square in the blackness. He watched as a man smoking a cigar, and the two men from earlier entered the room.

“Lilguy, I apologize for the abuse my men gave you,” said the smoking man. “Now, let me explain why we have brought you here. We won’t have to press any charges against you, if you cooperate with us.”

“I will,” Lilguy said back.

“We’ve been following Donger for several months now. He’s wanted in connection with a string of brutal murders,” explained the man.

“Who’s Donger?” Lilguy questioned.

The man took a long drag from his cigar, then reached into his jacket and withdrew a photograph. “This is Jason Donger,” he said showing the photo to Lilguy. The image was of the large black man, who RESEMBLED Michael Clark Duncan.

“Earlier tonight, we saw you leave the Chyoo Ball with Donger,” said one of the other men.

The smoking man turned violently to the guy who had spoken. “SHHHH… I’ll handle this!” The man backed off and allowed the smoking man to return to his interrogation. “I took the liberty of searching through the things you had. Those Playboy Magazines, were stolen from Hugh M. Hefner, himself. If you didn’t figure it out, you will not be leaving here with them tonight. I will personally make sure they’re returned to their rightful owner.”

“I didn’t steal them!” Lilguy explained.

“Listen, we don’t care about that stuff. Just tell us what you know about Donger,” instructed the smoking man.

“He kidnapped me!” Lilguy answered, “I really don’t know nothing.”

“Sure kid,” said the smoking man.

Lilguy watched the man drop the butt of his cigar to the floor then stomp it out. He gave one cold look to Lilguy then put his hand on one of the other men’s shoulders. “I am going to step out for a few minutes… why don’t you and Vic make our friend, very uncomfortable.”

“You got it boss.”

Continuing Question: How does Lilguy get out of this?

 

[daciasdesire]

"$500," Dacia blurted coming out of her shell, shocking Aaron beside her.

The crowd once again turned thier attention back the stage and Christy. Dacia's bid seeming to restart the night after the unfortunate lilguy sandbagging. $500 dollars wasnt really all that much money to Dacia. Her businesses where doing good and the strong Australian economy as well as high interest rates had keep demand for the Aussie dollar high affording her a good exchange rate for this trip.

"Sorry what where you saying about a label?" Dacia asked Aaron while swinging her hips round to look for the offending item. The effect was to stick her taught rump out right in front of the deliriously happy Aaron?

 

[lilguy]

(shrugs)

Guess I die then.

 

[lostandfounder]

Hungover and confused

I blink and realize that I'm standing around in a ballroom. Oh I’ve got a headache…the last thing I remember is trying to bid on Kitty, after that, it’s a blur. For some reason I get on image Michael Clark Duncan and sandbags and…what the hell is a donger?

I shake my head and look around. Kitty is still on stage, looking as sexy as ever… I look around and ask Tim what happened. He fills me in on everything that happened.

“You don’t remember?” he asks.

“No,” I respond, “So where is Lilguy now?” We hear a muffled scream. I wince in sympathy and shake my head. I brighten, “Hey, maybe he’s just having fun with Fraulein Inga over at the Chyoo Crossover 2 in the other ballroom

We hear another scream and Tim gives me a questioning look. “All right, maybe not.” I say “What’s the bid on Kitty up to?”

Zingiber says, “Five hundred… from Dacia.”

I put my hand in the air to raise the bid but stop. My hand goes to my chin and I ponder the new development. I look over at the hot Aussie, her exquisite behind is pointing in the direction of Aaron. She looks like she is waiting for something. What could Dacia want with Kitty? My eyes go wide as a million possibilities run through my mind. I bite my lower lip. I want to get Kitty…but I want to know what Dacia might be thinking of….ohhhhh this is a bind.

“Yeah,” says Gystex, reading my face, “I’m thinking the same thing too.”

The phantom moderator says, “The bid is five hundred dollars to Dacia, going once…”

 

[kendahl6969]

Ed checked his wallet, counting just enough to bid, when the luscious Aussie spoke up. Wondering where her interest lay, Ed managed to find enough to counterbid.

$550!" he piped, hoping the crack in his voice didn't betray his excitement.

 

[niceguy2002tim]

Tim jabbed Ed in the ribs with his elbow. "Hey, I just thought of something."

"What's that?" Ed (Kendalh) asked.

"Say Dacia successfully wins the bidding for Kitty. I think I saw Dacia's name on the auction list. Does that mean the guy who wins the auction for Dacia would be getting Kitty too?"

"A two for one deal," Ed responded, regretting his last bid.

The moderator began his "Going Once, Going Twice" routine, when Dacia Shouted out, "$600!"

The crowd gasped, as every man's fantasy played out in his own head. Tim heard another of those little screams coming from a back room somewhere. But things were heating up too much in the main ball room to leave now.

"We have $600... any more bids?" asked the Phantom Moderator.

 

[lilguy]

Out of the shawdows a voice is heard


"ONE THOUSAND dollars" The voice says


The crowd goes silent.


Out of the shawdows steps lilguy. He is smoking a cigaret


Niceguy gasp "But I thought you were..."



"Dead niceguy...or should I say Sanchez Lopez. That is in fact you real name"

"But..but"

"You see I knew someone was in league with the mass murder. So I went on a rouge undercover operation for years as the peoson known as lilguy. Even went by lilguy2 for extra confusion. I waited for the person to make his move. I knew he was in this Area That is where you come in SANCHEZ"

"Damm you" Niceguy said taking a swing

lilguy caught it and push him down.

"You see he did jobs for you every now and then. You hired him today. I knew you would. I been tracking you to for an illegal Telle Tubbie porn ring you been running" takes puffs of cigarets" Knew you wanted kitty so she can ship it pass the boarder. For a woman of her sexiness can get pass anything. So when I outbid you..I knew you had to stop it. You hired your thugs to take me out but see I had people waiting to help me to. They took them out and I took thier money" lilguy says.

"DAMM YOU TO HELL" niceguy/sanchez and pulled out a knife

He swung it at lilguy and he twist his arm.

"Take him away boys" Lilguy said

The cops came out and grabbed him

"YOU NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS" Niceguy said


"Now back to the party" lilguy said.