The Big Mystery.....Women

[SnoopDog]

Oh man, sometimes I just don't understand women. Did I say sometimes ? I meant all the time.

For example they stay a night at your house, doing nothing but talking up until early morning, getting no sleep at all.
They hug and cuddle all night but tell you they feel nothing for you. Ok, I thinhk I can live with that and that might be not too much of a mystery.

But why does a woman tell you they have a problem and feel kinda bad. But when you ask her what it is or if you could help, she replies she can't talk about it. Yet she keeps coming back to that topic again and again. She says it hasn't to do with me and it's not so bad, but she won't tell me because she is afraid of how I'd react.

Then she says she likes to see you the other day, but she doesn't want to do anything, neither being lazy, nor doing something exciting. Then she says how fed up she is with her boyfriend, but in the evening she turns up at my place because she wanted to see me....but she brings along...her b/f.

Women can't be understood. Period.

I'm so glad there are still some male friends out there whom I can call up and just hang out talking about cars and sports.

Snoopy, member of the better gender.

 

[Lord DragonsWing]

We'll never figure women out. But as Jonathan Livingston Seagull said, Not per quote.

Let it fly free. If it's meant to be it shall return.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Frankly I've just stopped trying to understand anybody. Everyone is confusing, whether male or female. I wouldn't say we are of the better gender, either, perhaps the on average simpler gender, but not in any way better.

Errgh, early post. Anyway, I know how you feel. My first dating experience was like that. At the end of the third date my erstwhile companion told me that they actually had a boyfriend in Texas all the time they were dating and they needed to stop now or else they'd start to fall in love with me. Needless to say, I felt most awkward.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Were it not for the Big Mystery that sourrounds us, you'd not want us the way you do.



~lucky

 

[doormouse]

Okay snoopy.

She has a boyfriend.

She stayed at your house talking. She was fighting to be loyal to her guy by distracting herself/you by chatter.

What she didn't want to talk about? Obviously it was her temptation to fuck you!!

Why she never expanded, or kept bringing it up, was her confusion. She couldn't tell you because that in itself could be considered as 'cheating'... too strong a word. Her admitting it to herself maybe, or complicating the situation perhaps.

Why she kept bringing it up is because she was tempted and it was eating at her.

Okay, that was all heresay, but what I saw from what you wrote.

Nobody quote me. I was writing it as I saw it

 

[SnoopDog]

Okay snoopy.

She has a boyfriend.

She stayed at your house talking. She was fighting to be loyal to her guy by distracting herself/you by chatter.

What she didn't want to talk about? Obviously it was her temptation to fuck you!!

Why she never expanded, or kept bringing it up, was her confusion. She couldn't tell you because that in itself could be considered as 'cheating'... too strong a word. Her admitting it to herself maybe, or complicating the situation perhaps.

Why she kept bringing it up is because she was tempted and it was eating at her.

Okay, that was all heresay, but what I saw from what you wrote.

Nobody quote me. I was writing it as I saw it

The thing is....what can I do, how should I react to it.

I told her that it worries me that she has got some kind of problem that she say is not soo bad but at the same time she tells me it's causing her head- and stomach-aches.
She tells me she doesn't want to tell me (or maybe anybody) and I don't want to chase her off by asking too much about things that are not my business, yet I feel she kinda 'wants' to tell someone or maybe even me, and just have to push er a bit towards it.
Dammit.

Snoopy

 

[sincerely_helene]

Careful now. This has 'potential rebound victim' written all over it. Perhaps part of the reason you feel the urge to push is more so because of your personal desires to hear those sweet nothings, than out of concern for your friend. I'd say leave it alone. You are playing right into her hands if she continues to merely "hint" at the problem.

 

[comp|icity]

Originally posted by SnoopDog
The thing is....what can I do, how should I react to it.

Do you fancy her?
Is her boyfriend right for her?

Many different factors here - but assuming yes and no:

Invite her out for a chat, say you need to de-stress and take her somewhere you think she'll like (country, lake, cool cafe etc.)

Don't hide that you're feeling uncomfortable about things and hopefully she'll ask you what's up. Then explain you know someone who's been acting funny with you lately and you're not sure if it's because they like you or not, and it's really awkward because you really like them but don't want to pre-empt anything because you'd hate to blow the friendship etc...

then depending how things go, you can reveal that it's her you're talking about in a sensitive and heartfelt way. Or abort and keep pretending its someone else (maybe let her read between the lines) then nothing is explicitely said and you can both brush it under the carpet.

Just my thoughts based on the little information available - hope it helps.

 

[doormouse]

Do you fancy her?
Is her boyfriend right for her?

Many different factors here - but assuming yes and no:

Invite her out for a chat, say you need to de-stress and take her somewhere you think she'll like (country, lake, cool cafe etc.)

Don't hide that you're feeling uncomfortable about things and hopefully she'll ask you what's up. Then explain you know someone who's been acting funny with you lately and you're not sure if it's because they like you or not, and it's really awkward because you really like them but don't want to pre-empt anything because you'd hate to blow the friendship etc...

then depending how things go, you can reveal that it's her you're talking about in a sensitive and heartfelt way. Or abort and keep pretending its someone else (maybe let her read between the lines) then nothing is explicitely said and you can both brush it under the carpet.

Just my thoughts based on the little information available - hope it helps.

Sorry, but women see right through that shit.

I agree with helene. You're playing right into her game.

 

[gauchecritic]

Kick it into touch.

Gauche

 

[sincerely_helene]

Pervert.

 

[Guest]

 

[doormouse]

Seriously Snoopy...

She has a guy. Where do you want things to go?

More than likely, and don't fool yourself... she won't leave her guy if anything happens between the two of you.

If there was a chance of that, she wouldn't have talked all night...

 

[Guest]

Bitch slap her and tell you're tired of her games, then give her a deep hard kiss and let the chips fall where they may.

Just kidding, I'm as clueless as you.

But sometimes you're just too nice, you lil' melancholy pup.

HOT DAMN, Lime!
LOL

i have no advice snoop-babe. i wish i did, but yannow.. not being in your shoes, i really dont know the entire sit-e-ation.

sending you a hug instead and positive thoughts that youll be able to work things out.

v~

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

Not to be the typical frat-guy... but if you're not happy and you're not hitting it, move on. I mean, damn. Not all women are in love with being complicated.

 

[CharleyH]

Men do this too Snoopy, BELIEVE me, although on that end a quick fuck will temporarily relieve their stress. Obviously you consider this woman a friend. I'd keep it that way. I am going through something similar with an ex. Oh, how easy it is to take sexual advantage of the situation, alas my situation is different, and on this note . . .

Some men seem to have a tendency to think that any hug, closeness or, yes, LOL a mere smile in their direction from a woman indicates her sexual attraction. Not so. If this were the case there'd be a hell of a lot more bi-women out there.

Many women snuggle with their female friends too, well, in snuggling up to a lesbian, is she indicating she wants sex or some kind of relationship? Your friend has already indicated that she is not interested in more than a friendship. So, be a good friend. She obviously wants to say something, and she is probably afraid that you might judge her. I have no idea.

My tactic: I'm here to listen. If you are comfortable in telling me, then you will in your time, but know that I am here for you, I won't judge you, I love and care about you. etc. etc. If it takes that person 50 hours to fess up, so be it.

As for bringing her boyfriend. The cold facts are that she has no obligation to you, and it seems only a slight in your mind because of what feelings are indicated in this post.

My policy is always be open. If it bothers you then tell her that you have feelings at this moment and need to keep at an emotional distance: meaning, no snuggling. It seems to me that you need to set up at least this boundary until you can look at her as a friend. It is fair to both you and her, for at this moment it is obvious that you are blaming for dragging you along, and yet, she has been very clear on where she stands as far as this post goes.

Just a thought, and not meant to sound anything other than logical and helpful.

 

[oggbashan]

Generalisations

This thread isn't about 'Women', it is about the relationship (or not) of one man with one woman, both of whom are confused about their interaction.

My suggestion: Treat her like another human being who has a large problem. Listen and be there for her but don't make her problem worse. Back off until she has sorted her priorities out.

May be frustrating for you but might lead to a real relationship later. Now is NOT the time.

Og

 

[doormouse]

Re: Generalisations

This thread isn't about 'Women', it is about the relationship (or not) of one man with one woman, both of whom are confused about their interaction.

My suggestion: Treat her like another human being who has a large problem. Listen and be there for her but don't make her problem worse. Back off until she has sorted her priorities out.

May be frustrating for you but might lead to a real relationship later. Now is NOT the time.

Og

Ooohhhhhhhh Oggggggggg...... (wiping the drool from my chin)

I fall at your feet.

Marry me

 

[rgraham666]

I'm with Lucifer on this one. All humans are pretty much a ball of confusion. (That's what the world is today. Uh huh.)

Snoop, figure out what you want. Then ask her what she wants.

In any relationship, clear communication is the key. If either party clams up, speaks around the problem, obfuscates, etc., the uncertainty will build up until it takes over.

 

[vargas111]

Lots of good advice. I think CharleyH had the single best one.

Keep listening, but let her know how hard it is for you since you are attracted to her.

And try to move on, but as we know, trying does not usually help much.

Much sympathy

 

[oggbashan]

Re: Re: Generalisations

Ooohhhhhhhh Oggggggggg...... (wiping the drool from my chin)

I fall at your feet.

Marry me

Sorry doormouse.

As me, I'm long time married.

As Henry VIII, six wives were enough.

As Og, King of Bashan I had a few hundred wives and concubines and kept forgetting which were which.

When I (as me) was younger, I followed the advice I gave above. I had more friends who were 'girls' than girlfriends. Even at 18 I didn't confuse a woman's gratitude for a listening ear for sexual attraction to me personally. The sexual attraction might or might not happen but not because 'she' was grateful. Sometimes 'she' repaid the favour by a hug when I needed one or by listening to me when I had problems that she could help. Othertimes a meal, or a 'no-strings-attached evening out doing something we both enjoyed, repaid the 'debt'. Until 'she' didn't feel that 'she' owed me something any intimate relationship might be compromised.

Being a 'friend' often meant destroying any chance of being more than that.

Og

 

[SnoopDog]

Well, thnx for all the advice and well wishes.

Today I spent the entire day with her at the lake, sunbathing and swimming. I tried to approach her, she always refused to tell me the truth about her feelings.

I now know she'll stay with her guy and drop me.

Now, excuse me, I gotta go cry a bit because she really stole and broke my heart. Life is fucked up.

Snoopy

 

[flawed_ethics]

I hear you dude.

Time heals all wounds though - even if it feels like forever has passed and nothing has changed. Be glad the both of you created no waves. Besides, now you're a more seasoned person for experiencing this episode - making you a more mature and well-rounded catch.

Drink and be merry. You'll have your day soon enough.

(Lit needs a "Thumbs Up" smile for things like this.)