The big D word

[penguindance]

 

[ma_guy]

Divorce.

Those of you who have been there, tell me what you would do if you had it to do over again. Where do you start? What is important to remember? And is it really possible to do it without a lawyer?

(By the way, don't analyze me tonight, I'm not in the mood to talk about it!)

I'd say that it's possible to do without a lawyer if there are no kids, no real estate and both parties are pretty much in agreement on everything. If you haven't been seperated pending divorce for a while I wouldn't recommend it. Too much changes on the emotional roller-coaster and you can find yourself getting screwed in a hurry.

As far as what I'd have done differently, I think I'd have pushed it through faster and gotten it over with. In my case there was no hope so waiting was just a waste of time.

Important to remember... hmmm.. In hindsight I'd say that it's important to remember that you married the other for a reason. It may seem like a stupid reason now but in the long run it's ok to remember the original reason and the good times. As much as everyone just wants to forget the other that never happens. No matter what else you do in life there will always be that "was married to..." down the road. Seperate the good times from the bad.

Good luck...

 

[Lancecastor]

Do these things and you'll be fine.

Do counselling, even if he won't go.

Go away somewhere quiet and think for 10 days. No peers or family or work or media or sex.

If after that you feel done, get the most evil cold expensive lawyer you can find. Listen to her.

After that, go away for 2 weeks alone to Hedonism III and get laid a lot.

Dump island boy.

Return home.

Start over.

Pay my bill promptly.

 

[acitore_vuli]

It's absolutely possible to do it without a lawyer. My Ex and I did.
Lots of talking, being considerate...the kind of stuff you're supposed to do when you're married.

If there is such a thing as a good divorce, mine was.

 

[Zephan]

I would agree that if you don't have kids or alot of stuff you may be able to get by without the help of a lawyer. I had stuff, kids, and a business so I wasn't able to go that route. My ex and I were able to talk. We both wanted what was best for the kids and we even pretty much agreed on the distribution of our assests. We managed to get by using the same lawyer. He was a friend to both of us and it worked out pretty well. I would also agree with the just getting it over part. If you are sure a split is what you need then just do it.

things to remember: Don't cause strife just for strifes sake. Don't turn it into a pissing contest to see who can come out on top. If you do the only ones that win are the lawyers. Just keep things as simple as you can. Give in on things that are not really important to you. Stand your ground on the things that are and try to find some middle ground. I guess that's all I can add.

Good luck to you, I wish you well!

 

[Devilish1]

Well you can have a " nice" divorce IF everyone agrees to everything.

If i could do it all over again, i wouldnt had gotten the lawyer i did.
He didnt care what i got or didnt, he wouldnt call me to let me know the day of a court hearing that it was canceled and i didnt have to be there( After taking off of work nice of him to call and tell me not to go huh?)
I wouldnt had to get 2 different lawyers because of my ex didnt like what i had in the papers.

And last, i would had done it sooner than when i did.




I could say if i knew then what i know now, i wouldnt had gotten either married or had my son when i did. Divorcing with children involved is so hard.

 

[fgarvb1]

1.Get a lawyer because most divorces get mean. Listen to them and make sure they are on the ball looking after you.

2.Secure copies of all paperwork of property and assets.

3.Make sure you have cash on hand that your soon to be ex doesn't know about.

4.Get all of your stuff you want and get out. Be a little angle until after the divorce is final.

5. inform your spouse.



I have only been through three of them and i may have another as soon as i get fed up enough.

The sooner you get started on your new life the sooner you will have one.

 

[Guru]

 

[Lancecastor]

7. Ignore people like Guru who tell you to ignore people like Lancecastor, because Lancecastor is right about this, as he is about most things.

8. There is no 8, as it ends at 7.

 

[acitore_vuli]

Mediation is the way to go. A lot of mediation services include a lawyer to over see the legal stuff. The initial concultation is free, so I would meet with several. They will answer questions and explain the process and provide you with forms to fill out. You can learn a lot about divorce by doing this. Buy a book about divorce, make sure it pertains to the laws in your state.

Someone mentioned going to counciling, that is a great idea as well, with or without your spouse.

It doesn't matter if you have kids, property, whatever. The only reason you might need a lawyer, is to read over the paperwork and make sure the decree is written correctly (with enough research you can also do this without an attorney). It's not rocket science.

My ex and I actually did everything ourselves. We had no children, but we had real estate, stocks and other assets. The Judge told us we were better prepared than 90% of the lawyers he'd seen in divorce cases. I strongly urge you to avoid using a lawyer if possible. However, if your spouse retains one, then you will have to in order to protect yourself.

Best of luck to you.

 

[JerseyBoy]

Divorce.

Those of you who have been there, tell me what you would do if you had it to do over again. Where do you start? What is important to remember? And is it really possible to do it without a lawyer?

(By the way, don't analyze me tonight, I'm not in the mood to talk about it!)

sorry PLS, no answers for ya...

just a ~hug~

 

[SINthysist]

OMGawd YES! In a heartbeat! I was young and married a neurotic, bisexual actress who put me though the wringer emotionally...

When I married the second time, it was with clearer head and has lasted a very long time and should continue to last a long time. The way it was meant to be.

But a second or third divorce, or one with kids, I do not think I could do. The former implies I may be the problem, and the latter, well the latter, I couldn't do that to my kid...

 

[penguindance]

 

[rider]

No advice, but {{Hugs}}

All I can offer is a {HUG} no advice. I hope all works out for the best for you, PLS.

 

[SailorC272002]

You guys are always full of great advice, thanks.

I'm still in the planning stage, I don't want to be caught off guard, so I want to be completely ready before I tell him

(((hugs)))

Do not save money by sharing a lawyer.

 

[Chicklet]

i hope things work out for you, no matter what

 

[cutie pie]

Having just been there/done that, and also having the benefit of working for a divorce lawyer, I can offer these suggestions:

1. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

2. BEFORE you tell him, make copies of any pertinent financial information - i.e. bank accounts, stocks, mortgage info, etc.

3. Consult with an attorney, if only to find out what the law is and what your rights are in your state.

4. It doesn't hurt to make a list of the bigger items that you want (i.e. furniture, computer, etc.)

5. Have kids? Consider what kind of custody arrangement he might want. It sucks. I know.

6. Have someone you can talk to, cry with, scream at. I never would have made it through without a few close friends.

Yes, you can do it without lawyers. . .if both parties are willing to work together and compromise.

pls - You've done the hardest part. You made the decision. You'll get through it. My PM box is always open - and I mean that!!

 

[happyguy1000]

No experience

But you know I am here if you want to talk.

 

[penguindance]

 

[Guest]

 

[penguindance]

 

[Guest]

 

[TAKEMEE]

I would have shot him. Would have been cheaper and I'd be out already

(divorced 7 yrs ago and still going to court over property)

 

[penguindance]

 

[ma_guy]

Best of luck to you P_L_S!

In addition to all of the paperwork you need to take a little bit of time and prepare yourself emotionally too. It can be a bit of an emotional roller-coaster but you WILL get through it.

Again, best of luck to you.