The Best Way To Disclose Love

[mythtrav16]

I'm of two minds regarding a particular line of dialog.

Here's the deal:

My characters hastily jumped in to a hot sexual relationship; literally, sex was just about the first meaningful interaction they'd had with one another. Though they didn't really enter in to this relationship with any foresight as to where it would go, they both sort of tacitly presumed that it would be just a bit of fun that would have a limited shelf-life.

However, as time's gone on, they've both developed strong feelings for one another that go way beyond sex. So now I'm at the point where it is strikingly obvious to both of them that they are madly in love with one another. Neither of them are in any doubt as to the other's feelings. But they're yet to say the actual words to one another.

So, during a romantic lunch, my male lead turns to his girlfriend and confesses his love.

The staple line, of course, would be, "I love you." But even though he wants this admission to be meaningful to her, I'm afraid it sounds too wooden for my guy.

"Hey, Jane? You know I love you, right?" sounds more natural for him. It also suits the context much better, in which he assumes that he's not telling her anything she doesn't already know. But I worry that it might cheapen the sentiment... Perhaps more for the reader than the girlfriend. I want this to be a moment where the readers' hearts melt.

I'd love some outside input.

"You know I love you, right?" - cheap, or romantic?

 

[NotWise]

"You know I love you, right?" - cheap, or romantic?

It seems a little flip, but don't let that stop you. You can make it resonate with the right tone and body language.

You can also use an expression that isn't so direct, and combine playful actions and eye contact. It's an intimate expression--probably for her even if he doesn't express himself that way very well. The setting can make it intimate even if the expression isn't so much.

I've always liked the Spanish "Mi Vida" as an expression of love. Imagine a playful game of "catch me" around a tree. He pins her hands over her head. Their noses and their lips nearly touch. He watches the reaction in her eyes and says, "You're my life, you know?"

 

[mythtrav16]

I've always liked the Spanish "Mi Vida" as an expression of love. Imagine a playful game of "catch me" around a tree. He pins her hands over her head. Their noses and their lips nearly touch. He watches the reaction in her eyes and says, "You're my life, you know?"

Nice.

It's a shame neither of my characters are Hispanic.

More seriously, though, their relationship already has such a strong physical aspect to it that I want the admission of love to take place in a more serene situation. It can't be a "heat of the moment" utterance, you know? It has to be very deliberate; and it has to show that, even completely removed from the physical fun they have together (a game of tag would still carry allusions to sex, IMHO), these two are mad for one another.

 

[KeithD]

There is no "best way" of doing anything in writing fiction. That's why people are still reading fiction.

 

[mythtrav16]

There is no "best way" of doing anything in writing fiction. That's why people are still reading fiction.

LOL. Okay, I suppose my thread title might've sucked.

I'm not so much looking for the best way to disclose love as seeking an appraisal of the two options I've come up with, as well as any potential other good ideas.

 

[HectorBidon]

Guys are notorious for not expressing how they feel, so maybe it would make an impression if he tried,

"You know, I had such a good time today. I really like being with you, even if it's just going for a little walk around the park. I like seeing your earrings sparkle. I like hearing the sound of your laugh. I like having our shadows fall next to each other. I kind of want all that to continue. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want us to share more than just a bed. I want us to share our whole live together."

 

[mythtrav16]

For what it's worth, I prefer your initial idea, "You know I love you, right?" Simple, to the point, gets the message across, shows a level of comfort between characters, and it's just nice without dwelling or being overly flowery.

It's not particularly romantic, but I wouldn't call it cheap, either. It's comfortably sweet.

Thank you!

...shows a level of comfort between characters, and it's just nice without dwelling or being overly flowery.

This really spoke to me because comfort has been one of the overriding themes of my characters' narrative. Despite their mutual attraction for one another, issues in their lives and backstories have made it difficult for them to come to terms with the idea of being in a serious relationship, rather than just a casual sexual arrangement.

So demonstrating that they are now fully comfortable with one another may be even more important at this point than demonstrating that they love one another (which has become a bit of a no-brainer).

 

[stickygirl]

For what it's worth, I prefer your initial idea, "You know I love you, right?" Simple, to the point, gets the message across, shows a level of comfort between characters, and it's just nice without dwelling or being overly flowery.

It's not particularly romantic, but I wouldn't call it cheap, either. It's comfortably sweet.

Agreed - that's how guys deal with it. HB's idea could work but in a contemporary situation a lot of girls would just snigger or say 'Are you 'aving a larf?'

Guys aren't great at expressing feelings but that doesn't mean they don't have them and what you suggest has made it effectively third person so if she rejects him, it won't hurt him as directly. Rejection is what terrifies guys in that situation.

It could lead to her all kinds of positive reactions from her, from a 'double take, sharp intake of breath and 'what did you say?'' to 'her looking away for a moment, looking down with a smile, looking back at him with glistening eyes, stammering once then blurting out 'Oh Jack!' as she throws herself into his arms' You could have so much fun with that moment, I'm almost jealous of you

 

[TadOverdon]

It's corny - not your ideas, but what I'm about to say - but I've got a soft spot for those moments in movies where one character admits to being in love with the other without thinking about it or meaning to. Struggling to think of a good example before my second coffee. A lame example, offhand, would be something like:

"I just don't like seeing someone I love tying themselves in knots over a thing like that, that's all."

"I - what did you say?"

"I said, I hate to see you make yourself suffer."

"You said, 'Someone I love.' Is that what this is?"

"Did I - Yeah. Okay. I love you."

 

[Mastered_again]

Another possibility is to let it sneak into the conversation. In a straight dialogue, an answer could be something like, "Of course we're going, my love."

 

[MrPixel]

Here's one I've used in a similar context to the OP's situation:

"Enough of this 'fucking' shit. I want to make love to you, ..."

 

[Comshaw]

A guy can just come out and say it, like the line you want to use. Sometimes though, it comes out in different ways. The line (from a famous movie) that comes to mind is a guy talking to a girl sitting on a Ferris Wheel: him, "I'll make an honest woman of you." Her with a smile, "well it isn't moonlight and Roses, but..."

Sometimes it comes out even more sidewise. Here's the way it happened for a couple I know (who've been married 50 years BTW). I was there, so I can relate it as it happened.

A bit of backstory.
The guy had just arrived home on leave from the Army and went out to dinner with his girlfriend and friends (me). They had been going together (and having passionate sex) for two years. In that time he tried to break up with her a couple of times but always came back. During the meal, she casually mentioned that during one of those recent brief breakups, she and a female friend had been seeing a couple of sailors and had spent some time in their apartment playing cards. The guy stared at her and sputtered, "What??" She repeated what she had said.

"Playing cards? That's all?" He asked.

She smiled and replied, "Yes, that's all."

"That's it!" He said, "We're getting married tomorrow!"

"We can't," she replied calmly, "We need a license and that takes three days."

"Ok, we're getting married three days from now!" He almost yelled.

"Well okay, but why so suddenly?" She asked.

"Because...because...you are mine and I don't want you getting away!"

"Jealous?" She asked him.

"Yes! Hell yes! Sailors? Really?"


I know they love each other, they've been happily married for 50+ years. Sometimes when we say something, it doesn't come out in exactly the right form or way.


Comshaw

 

[mythtrav16]

Agreed - that's how guys deal with it. HB's idea could work but in a contemporary situation a lot of girls would just snigger or say 'Are you 'aving a larf?'

Guys aren't great at expressing feelings but that doesn't mean they don't have them and what you suggest has made it effectively third person so if she rejects him, it won't hurt him as directly. Rejection is what terrifies guys in that situation.

Indeed. In fact, even though my male lead has zero initial doubts that his girlfriend feels the same way, he finds himself wrestling with a moment of terror that she mightn't feel the way he thinks she does.

But for me, it still comes down to authenticity. "You know I love you, right?" isn't really about distancing himself from the subject as much as it's about him speaking freely. If anything, he's venturing in to the territory less guarded. "I love you" would be more like him delivering a rehearsed speech; playing a role. With "You know I love you, right?" It's just him talking directly to his girlfriend.

And as Erozetta mentioned, it illustrates a level of comfort between them, which would be really meaningful in my story.

It's corny - not your ideas, but what I'm about to say - but I've got a soft spot for those moments in movies where one character admits to being in love with the other without thinking about it or meaning to. Struggling to think of a good example before my second coffee. A lame example, offhand, would be something like:

"I just don't like seeing someone I love tying themselves in knots over a thing like that, that's all."

"I - what did you say?"

"I said, I hate to see you make yourself suffer."

"You said, 'Someone I love.' Is that what this is?"

"Did I - Yeah. Okay. I love you."

One of the things I love even more than that is when a character tumbles the fact that another character loves them due to some exceptional gesture they quietly perform. Not the overtly romantic things like filling her living room with roses - where the guy intends for her to get the message that he loves her; but the sort of thing where he puts an incredible amount of effort into something, suspecting that she would never even know about how much trouble he went to. But then she finds out, and has to conclude that the only reason he would put himself out so far for her was because he loves her.

One of my favorite examples is the one from Frasier, where Daphne bids farewell to her father after a tumultuous visit. Then as he's leaving, he reveals that the only reason he came over to America was because Niles kept venturing in to the rough English pub where he was a barfly to demand that he attend his and Daphne's wedding, and no matter how many times Daphne's father threw him out, Niles just kept coming back. Although they were already engaged, it was in that moment when Daphne truly realized the depth of Niles' love for her.

And the sweetest part was that Niles never expected her to find out. He hadn't done it to impress her; he'd simply done it because he loved her.

Here's one I've used in a similar context to the OP's situation:

"Enough of this 'fucking' shit. I want to make love to you, ..."

Oooooh, that is good!

 

[Comshaw]

Indeed. In fact, even though my male lead has zero initial doubts that his girlfriend feels the same way, he finds himself wrestling with a moment of terror that she mightn't feel the way he thinks she does.

But for me, it still comes down to authenticity. "You know I love you, right?" isn't really about distancing himself from the subject as much as it's about him speaking freely. If anything, he's venturing in to the territory less guarded. "I love you" would be more like him delivering a rehearsed speech; playing a role. With "You know I love you, right?" It's just him talking directly to his girlfriend.

And as Erozetta mentioned, it illustrates a level of comfort between them, which would be really meaningful in my story.


One of the things I love even more than that is when a character tumbles the fact that another character loves them due to some exceptional gesture they quietly perform. Not the overtly romantic things like filling her living room with roses - where the guy intends for her to get the message that he loves her; but the sort of thing where he puts an incredible amount of effort into something, suspecting that she would never even know about how much trouble he went to. But then she finds out, and has to conclude that the only reason he would put himself out so far for her was because he loves her.

One of my favorite examples is the one from Frasier, where Daphne bids farewell to her father after a tumultuous visit. Then as he's leaving, he reveals that the only reason he came over to America was because Niles kept venturing in to the rough English pub where he was a barfly to demand that he attend his and Daphne's wedding, and no matter how many times Daphne's father threw him out, Niles just kept coming back. Although they were already engaged, it was in that moment when Daphne truly realized the depth of Niles' love for her.

And the sweetest part was that Niles never expected her to find out. He hadn't done it to impress her; he'd simply done it because he loved her.



Oooooh, that is good!

Exactly! Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and sometimes the person doing so has no idea what they are revealing. That's an old but completely true statement.

It puts me in mind of a scene from "The Big Bang Theory". Penny tries to surprise Leonard with a romantic evening and a special present, a first edition of "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy". When Leonard reveals he already bought it for himself, Penny starts berating herself for being a terrible girlfriend and tells Leonard how much better he is at the romantic stuff. When Leonard denies that, Penny pulls out a box filled with things like the plane ticket he bought her because she was too poor to go home, the first rose he ever left her and dozens of other mementos from him. Leonard is struck by this, and Penny has no idea why, that by saving all those little things that most people would throw away, she showed how sentimental she is about them and how much she appreciates each one.


Comshaw

 

[SimonDoom]

People express love in very different ways. There's no one right way.

The line you came up with seems perfectly fine to me for the right sort of character. Somebody who prefers to keep things casual and would be somewhat uncomfortable with a more flowery, formal declaration of love.

 

[SamScribble]

Ten people (did I count correctly?) have given you ten slightly different answers but, basically, they all come down to 'It depends on your character'. So just let your character speak. If you are true to your character, it usually comes out right.

Good luck.

 

[LdyHoneybee]

I'm of two minds regarding a particular line of dialog.

Here's the deal:

My characters hastily jumped in to a hot sexual relationship; literally, sex was just about the first meaningful interaction they'd had with one another. Though they didn't really enter in to this relationship with any foresight as to where it would go, they both sort of tacitly presumed that it would be just a bit of fun that would have a limited shelf-life.

However, as time's gone on, they've both developed strong feelings for one another that go way beyond sex. So now I'm at the point where it is strikingly obvious to both of them that they are madly in love with one another. Neither of them are in any doubt as to the other's feelings. But they're yet to say the actual words to one another.

So, during a romantic lunch, my male lead turns to his girlfriend and confesses his love.

The staple line, of course, would be, "I love you." But even though he wants this admission to be meaningful to her, I'm afraid it sounds too wooden for my guy.

"Hey, Jane? You know I love you, right?" sounds more natural for him. It also suits the context much better, in which he assumes that he's not telling her anything she doesn't already know. But I worry that it might cheapen the sentiment... Perhaps more for the reader than the girlfriend. I want this to be a moment where the readers' hearts melt.

I'd love some outside input.

"You know I love you, right?" - cheap, or romantic?

At the risk of revealing how maudlin I really am, I will say that my favorite fictional proposal of all time and certainly the funniest and most endearing was James Herriott’s proposal to Helen in the British TV series _All CreaturesGreat and Small_.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

People express love in very different ways. There's no one right way.

The line you came up with seems perfectly fine to me for the right sort of character. Somebody who prefers to keep things casual and would be somewhat uncomfortable with a more flowery, formal declaration of love.

OK, how about a flowery, informal declaration of love?

So, the two are having a romantic lunch. He's shown up wearing a sports jacket of some sort (tie optional). There's a pause in the conversation. He reaches into his jacket, pulls out a rose and presents it to her. (He had the florist remove any major thorns, cut the stem to an appropriate length and put one of those little plastic water holder thingees on the bottom. It's possible.)

Casually, he just reaches into his jacket and, without saying anything, hands her a rose. A red rose. The flower of love, the colour of passion. Non-verbal, but as real as hiring a sky-writer. Which, of course, is always another option.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I struggled with this in my Mary and Alvin series. It seemed really important to get it just right, and I tried multiple ways and none of them worked. Because both characters are presented equally as protagonists, I felt like it was a moment that could color the whole relationship.

Finally, I just said fuck it and wrote:

"Alvin?"

"Yes, Mary?"

"One of us has to be the first to say it."

Alvin raised her hand to his face. He kissed the back of her fingers, then looked into her eyes.

"I love you, Mary Winslow."

Mary's breath caught in her throat. She swallowed and touched her hand to the side of his face.

"I love you, Alvin Faulkner."

 

[lovecraft68]

I'm a typical guy, I suck at romance and to most extents emotion. I can be smooth with the lines here and there, but that's flirting, not love.

The first time I said the all important L word to my wife was when we'd been dating a bit and we were in the middle of a heat wave. We weren't living together yet and when she called me in the morning she was telling her AC broke, her room was hot as hell she couldn't sleep etc

So after work I went out and bought her an AC, swung by her place, and when she opened the door and saw me with it, she's like "Oh my god, you didn't have to do that." I told her of course I had to, and when she asked why I replied-and not thinking, this was what just came out. "Because you're my love and I'll do anything for you." Brought tears to her eyes and I admit I was thinking wow, guess that was the right thing to say

Last month was our 20th anniversary so I guess it worked well enough.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I'm a typical guy, I suck at romance and to most extents emotion. I can be smooth with the lines here and there, but that's flirting, not love.

The first time I said the all important L word to my wife was when we'd been dating a bit and we were in the middle of a heat wave. We weren't living together yet and when she called me in the morning she was telling her AC broke, her room was hot as hell she couldn't sleep etc

So after work I went out and bought her an AC, swung by her place, and when she opened the door and saw me with it, she's like "Oh my god, you didn't have to do that." I told her of course I had to, and when she asked why I replied-and not thinking, this was what just came out. "Because you're my love and I'll do anything for you." Brought tears to her eyes and I admit I was thinking wow, guess that was the right thing to say

Last month was our 20th anniversary so I guess it worked well enough.

OK, that would have worked with me.

 

[Trionyx]

Bringing the AC is tantamount to saying ‘I love you’ but tenfold more meaningful.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm a typical guy, I suck at romance and to most extents emotion. I can be smooth with the lines here and there, but that's flirting, not love.

The first time I said the all important L word to my wife was when we'd been dating a bit and we were in the middle of a heat wave. We weren't living together yet and when she called me in the morning she was telling her AC broke, her room was hot as hell she couldn't sleep etc

So after work I went out and bought her an AC, swung by her place, and when she opened the door and saw me with it, she's like "Oh my god, you didn't have to do that." I told her of course I had to, and when she asked why I replied-and not thinking, this was what just came out. "Because you're my love and I'll do anything for you." Brought tears to her eyes and I admit I was thinking wow, guess that was the right thing to say

Last month was our 20th anniversary so I guess it worked well enough.

Damn, that was a good move.

I'm single. I just have to find the right woman and buy her an air conditioner.

 

[lovecraft68]

Damn, that was a good move.

I'm single. I just have to find the right woman and buy her an air conditioner.

Best $99 I ever spent.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Sometimes the way a man shows his love says more than actual words ever could.