PrincessGoddess
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2007
- Posts
- 196
As I was listening to recordings by The Who this morning, I came across a song that I had not heard in a very long time: "Bargain". Off of the "Who's Next" album, Pete Townsend has said that the song is about a man who gives up all of his wordly possessions to find spiritual enlightenment. In reading this, from the author of the song, himself, it really struck a chord with me. It would seem to me that in my lifetime, I have not been able to come up with a single word that would better signify what a real M/s relationship truly is. But as I delved deeper into my own perception of this concept, it occured to me that I have heard or read few discussions on this exceptionally important step in the development and growth of a lifestyle relationship. I am hoping by starting this thread today that I can have the opportunity to read perspectives from many people: Masters, Mistresses, submissives, and slaves. I'll think of it as an experimental class for myself.
So, let me start the discussion by telling everyone my take on the subject. From the novice to the well-experienced, we all find that we reach a tipping point in our interaction with someone else that spurs us to present this proposition to another party. Differences in experience and social backgrounds always influence the negotiation process. Limitations each person places on their behavior influence how the final bargain is achieved. From my own experience, I find one thing to be true for me: Although my principles which guide my personal belief system do not change, I take into consideration daily circumstances that require me to be adapatable. Allowing for contingencies of daily life to become a part of this bargain help to enforce it upon myself and the other person more completely. However, as many of us have found out, sometimes people negotiate in a dishonest fashion. Overcoming dishonesty can be a significant challenge, and sometimes prevents the final bargain from being one that we can agree to.
Another consideration that I believe is important is crafting this bargain so that it includes the means by which the bargain itself can evolve, just as we ourselves, evolve over time. That does not by any means mean that a bargain should become a "living and never-ending process of negotiation." My approach to the bargain has been the use of contracts. When it was discovered that I had overlooked something, an addendum was crafted, discussed, and then agreed to. The original bargain was not impacted, but was improved by the addendum.
A thought I have is that too often, myself included, final points are not vetted nearly as extensively as they often can be. I cannot tell you how many hours that I have spent poring over a contract to make certain that nothing had been missed. I have been known to take a week or more in doing my final analysis, reading and rereading the same thing hundreds of times, to make certain that I do everything within my power to complete the task honestly to my own personal satisfaction, allowing me to have greater confidence in my actions.
Once the other person moves in is NOT the time to begin a negotiation, in my opinion. In my own personal experience, I did everything within my ability to see to it that circumstances and contingencies were planned for, and discussed in full, long before a living arrangement was started. Ultimately, this strategy has worked well for me.
There are probably as many different bargains in this lifestyle as there are people who live it. And no two opinions are necessarily alike, or correct. But, I thought that this would be an excellent topic for discussion. I hope that I can learn something new by bringing the topic up, and I look forward to reading different takes on this very important subject.
So, let me start the discussion by telling everyone my take on the subject. From the novice to the well-experienced, we all find that we reach a tipping point in our interaction with someone else that spurs us to present this proposition to another party. Differences in experience and social backgrounds always influence the negotiation process. Limitations each person places on their behavior influence how the final bargain is achieved. From my own experience, I find one thing to be true for me: Although my principles which guide my personal belief system do not change, I take into consideration daily circumstances that require me to be adapatable. Allowing for contingencies of daily life to become a part of this bargain help to enforce it upon myself and the other person more completely. However, as many of us have found out, sometimes people negotiate in a dishonest fashion. Overcoming dishonesty can be a significant challenge, and sometimes prevents the final bargain from being one that we can agree to.
Another consideration that I believe is important is crafting this bargain so that it includes the means by which the bargain itself can evolve, just as we ourselves, evolve over time. That does not by any means mean that a bargain should become a "living and never-ending process of negotiation." My approach to the bargain has been the use of contracts. When it was discovered that I had overlooked something, an addendum was crafted, discussed, and then agreed to. The original bargain was not impacted, but was improved by the addendum.
A thought I have is that too often, myself included, final points are not vetted nearly as extensively as they often can be. I cannot tell you how many hours that I have spent poring over a contract to make certain that nothing had been missed. I have been known to take a week or more in doing my final analysis, reading and rereading the same thing hundreds of times, to make certain that I do everything within my power to complete the task honestly to my own personal satisfaction, allowing me to have greater confidence in my actions.
Once the other person moves in is NOT the time to begin a negotiation, in my opinion. In my own personal experience, I did everything within my ability to see to it that circumstances and contingencies were planned for, and discussed in full, long before a living arrangement was started. Ultimately, this strategy has worked well for me.
There are probably as many different bargains in this lifestyle as there are people who live it. And no two opinions are necessarily alike, or correct. But, I thought that this would be an excellent topic for discussion. I hope that I can learn something new by bringing the topic up, and I look forward to reading different takes on this very important subject.
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