The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

and you learn a very limited history.

I put in a Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire...

But it comes out as the world's leading Stamp Catalogue
[ Gibbon ]




I put in a Penny Black

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But it comes out as the world's leading Stamp Catalogue
[ Gibbon ]




I put in a Penny Black

and you get a ha'penny back.

I put in six pence...

 

[desertslave]

and you get a ha'penny back.

I put in six pence...

and you get 3 bags of bird food

I put in a chimney sweep

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get 3 bags of bird food

I put in a chimney sweep

and you get a song-and-dance by Dick Van Dyke.

I put in Mary Poppins...or was that Cherry Poppens?

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a song-and-dance by Dick Van Dyke.

I put in Mary Poppins...or was that Cherry Poppens?

and you get Mary, Mary quite con Cherry

I put in a garden hoe

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get Mary, Mary quite con Cherry

I put in a garden hoe

resulting in a visit to ER for treatment.



I put in a clean bandage

 

[Tio_Narratore]

resulting in a visit to ER for treatment.



I put in a clean bandage

and you get back a festering wound.

I put in a case of dry gangrene...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get back a festering wound.

I put in a case of dry gangrene...

but the baggage handler smells something fishy

I put in an IV drip with antibiotics

 

[Handley_Page]

but the baggage handler smells something fishy

I put in an IV drip with antibiotics

and you get loads of new skin
whether you want it or no



I put in a new ball race

 

[stickygirl]

and you get loads of new skin
whether you want it or no



I put in a new ball race

and you wear out your trouser pockets

I put in a canting keel

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you wear out your trouser pockets

I put in a canting keel

and you get overtaken by a little outboard engine chanting "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

I put in three cantors...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get overtaken by a little outboard engine chanting "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

I put in three cantors...

chorusing in discord



I put in a sheet of music

 

[Tio_Narratore]

chorusing in discord



I put in a sheet of music

and you find in very difficult to get the corners tucked in under the mattress.

I put in a blanket order...

 

[desertslave]

and you find in very difficult to get the corners tucked in under the mattress.

I put in a blanket order...

But the shipping isn't covered.

I put in a pound of down...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the shipping isn't covered.

I put in a pound of down...

and a kind soul gives you a kilo of uppers.

I put in quid pro euro...

 

[stickygirl]

and a kind soul gives you a kilo of uppers.

I put in quid pro euro...

and you get hyper-sensitive inflation

I put it a cooling balm

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get hyper-sensitive inflation

I put it a cooling balm

and you get a hot oil massage.

I put in a visit to Gilead...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a hot oil massage.

I put in a visit to Gilead...

And the one-eyed Pastor glares at you.



I put in a visit to Brobdignag.

 

[BlackRayne24]

And the one-eyed Pastor glares at you.



I put in a visit to Brobdignag.

And you get a golden goose egg.

I put in a copy of the Lion King, 1994 edition. Not that weirdo Special Edition. =P

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a golden goose egg.

I put in a copy of the Lion King, 1994 edition. Not that weirdo Special Edition. =P

and you find the misprint.



I put in a used lighter

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you find the misprint.



I put in a used lighter

and you get a brand-new barge.

I put in a previously-owned scow...

 

[desertslave]

and you get a brand-new barge.

I put in a previously-owned scow...

And the junk pilot gives you the hairy eyeball.

I put in a dull razor.

 

[Handley_Page]

And the junk pilot gives you the hairy eyeball.

I put in a dull razor.

and get you bored into sleep.




I put in a new No 8 hook.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and get you bored into sleep.




I put in a new No 8 hook.

and the snell unwraps at first bite.

I put in a barbless #6 eagle claw...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the snell unwraps at first bite.

I put in a barbless #6 eagle claw...

And you get a very angry Eagle looking for it.




I put in a new bale arm