The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[desertslave]

ooops, too slow

but it turns into indecent aftershave

I put in a bottle of designer cologne

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and men make designs on you.

I put in an exterior designer...

 

[Handley_Page]

and men make designs on you.

I put in an exterior designer...

but is too avant guarde for most of us.



I put in a recording of Grieg's Piano Concerto No 1

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but is too avant guarde for most of us.



I put in a recording of Grieg's Piano Concerto No 1

and you get invited to the Troll King's New year's Ball.

I put in a midnight waltz beside the Danube...

 

[desertslave]

and you get invited to the Troll King's New year's Ball.

I put in a midnight waltz beside the Danube...

But when the clock strikes one, you're all alone

I put in a glass slipper

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But when the clock strikes one, you're all alone

I put in a glass slipper

and you get a Prince on a quest.

I put in a dainty foot...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a Prince on a quest.

I put in a dainty foot...

which doesn't fit the boot for it



I put in a large battery

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which doesn't fit the boot for it



I put in a large battery

and the recoil from three 24-pounders knocks you on your arse.

I put in a vintage 105mm field piece...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the recoil from three 24-pounders knocks you on your arse.

I put in a vintage 105mm field piece...

when fired, there was a great deal of smoke and a dull 'thud'.
The enemy died laughing.



I put in a 30mm aircraft cannon

 

[desertslave]

when fired, there was a great deal of smoke and a dull 'thud'.
The enemy died laughing.



I put in a 30mm aircraft cannon

And you're so busy admiring your shiny new toy that you never notice the Sidewinder locked on to your exhaust.

I put in a slightly used parachute.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you're so busy admiring your shiny new toy that you never notice the Sidewinder locked on to your exhaust.

I put in a slightly used parachute.

but the Sidewinder is an early model and it winds its way off into nowhere.


I put in a very large (conventional) bomb

 

[YoursSINSerely]

but the Sidewinder is an early model and it winds its way off into nowhere.


I put in a very large (conventional) bomb

OMG! I thought it was a bowling ball . . . but I got a strike!

I put in a gutter.

 

[Handley_Page]

OMG! I thought it was a bowling ball . . . but I got a strike!

I put in a gutter.

but its missing the Persha.



I put in a case of gone-off glue

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but its missing the Persha.



I put in a case of gone-off glue

and things fall apart.

I put in all the king's horses and all the king's men...

 

[Handley_Page]

and things fall apart.

I put in all the king's horses and all the king's men...

and they succeed and Humpty-Dumpty goes overseas.




I put in the HMS Most Leaky

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and they succeed and Humpty-Dumpty goes overseas.




I put in the HMS Most Leaky

and it's voted most likely to sink.

I put in a scuttled butt...

(Hi HP; I'm here in sunny Manchester, using the hotels business centre computer in a very unbusinesslike manner...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it's voted most likely to sink.

I put in a scuttled butt...

(Hi HP; I'm here in sunny Manchester, using the hotels business centre computer in a very unbusinesslike manner...

[I might have guessed it.]


but it floated.

I put in a junk fishing reel.
[I have bad luck on ebay]

 

[Tio_Narratore]

[I might have guessed it.]


but it floated.

I put in a junk fishing reel.
[I have bad luck on ebay]

and you catch a lot of junk.

(ebay is fraught with scams, HP. What kind of reel are you looking for?)

I put in a Chinese sampan...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you catch a lot of junk.

(ebay is fraught with scams, HP. What kind of reel are you looking for?)

I put in a Chinese sampan...

but its off the menu tonight

I put in a pint of Boddingtons
[you gotta try it]

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but its off the menu tonight

I put in a pint of Boddingtons
[you gotta try it]

and after a few you try to order a bint of Paddington's.

(I'll look for it)

I put in a blue duffle coat...

 

[desertslave]

and after a few you try to order a bint of Paddington's.

(I'll look for it)

I put in a blue duffle coat...

and you get a pink ruffled shirt

I put in a pair of platform shoes

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a pink ruffled shirt

I put in a pair of platform shoes

and the train is late.



I put in a slate roof

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the train is late.



I put in a slate roof

and a school marm covers it with chalked notes.

I put in a lesson well-learned...

 

[Handley_Page]

and a school marm covers it with chalked notes.

I put in a lesson well-learned...

and you teach it to the wrong students.



I put in a 1911 textbook.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you teach it to the wrong students.



I put in a 1911 textbook.

and you learn a very limited history.

I put in a Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire...