The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

unfortunately you keep thinking it was Saturday and the Fourth of July....

I put in a time challenged Chicagoan...

and you get certified as normal for that city.

I put in a 25-hour clock...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get certified as normal for that city.

I put in a 25-hour clock...

but a handful of Tachyons put it to 24.33333333 hours


I put in a shiny new screwdriver with an electric handle

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but a handful of Tachyons put it to 24.33333333 hours


I put in a shiny new screwdriver with an electric handle

and the loose screw that's barely holding the universe together gets tightened.

I put in a clockwork pomegranate...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the loose screw that's barely holding the universe together gets tightened.

I put in a clockwork pomegranate...

and you get a clockwork Orange



I put in an an old-fashioned razor.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a clockwork Orange



I put in an an old-fashioned razor.

and you get Sweeny Todd as a barber.

I put in a kilo of fresh chopped meat...

 

[NekoParks]

and you get Sweeny Todd as a barber.

I put in a kilo of fresh chopped meat...

and you get soylent green or Chuck-ka-babs.

I put in a mince meat pie with extra brandy...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get soylent green or Chuck-ka-babs.

I put in a mince meat pie with extra brandy...

and you get a Stoned Soul Picnic.

I put in a Laura Nyro LP...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a Stoned Soul Picnic.

I put in a Laura Nyro LP...

and the belt comes off the turntable motor.



I put in a dead magnetron.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the belt comes off the turntable motor.



I put in a dead magnetron.

and you get an animated Megatron.

I put in a magnetic pole reversal event...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get an animated Megatron.

I put in a magnetic pole reversal event...

And the Penguins move to the North Pole.



I put in a 'dirty' joke

 

[Noor]

And the Penguins move to the North Pole.



I put in a 'dirty' joke

and you get a missing friend

I put in a front porch

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a missing friend

I put in a front porch

and you get an old brown dog.

I put rabbits in a pen...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get an old brown dog.

I put rabbits in a pen...

and they smudge the ink upon release



I put in an eraser

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and they smudge the ink upon release



I put in an eraser

and your words fade away.

I put in a well-prepared palimpset...

 

[Handley_Page]

and your words fade away.

I put in a well-prepared palimpset...

which does not have a decent reverse side



I put in a new quill

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which does not have a decent reverse side



I put in a new quill

and the crow demands its return.

I put in a Cross Stylograph, vintage 1893...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the crow demands its return.

I put in a Cross Stylograph, vintage 1893...

But he does not stay cross for long


I put in a pot of Black Ink

 

[sparrow_]

But he does not stay cross for long


I put in a pot of Black Ink

And get a knock on the head from a dripping, ink-covered leprechaun.

I put in a costume jewelry scarab talisman.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And get a knock on the head from a dripping, ink-covered leprechaun.

I put in a costume jewelry scarab talisman.

and you get Boris Karloff in a mummy costume.

I put in a cup of tanna leaf tea...

 

[sparrow_]

and you get Boris Karloff in a mummy costume.

I put in a cup of tanna leaf tea...

And get another Boris Karloff in a mummy costume.

I put in a half-eaten chocolate bunny.

 

[Handley_Page]

And get another Boris Karloff in a mummy costume.

I put in a half-eaten chocolate bunny.

But the Eagle that had the half is now very, very ill.



I put in a 'Plot Bunny'

 

[sparrow_]

But the Eagle that had the half is now very, very ill.



I put in a 'Plot Bunny'

And it hops right back out to you.

I put in a poorly-thought-out pickup line.

 

[Handley_Page]

And it hops right back out to you.

I put in a poorly-thought-out pickup line.

which gets put down real quick



I put in a cup of cold coffee

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which gets put down real quick



I put in a cup of cold coffee

and it stays cold because the microwave isn't plugged in.

I put in a turn-on...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it stays cold because the microwave isn't plugged in.

I put in a turn-on...

but she runs from the room too quickly.



I put in a large Gin & Tonic.