The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

and I'm glad the VCR still works

I put in an itchy sweater...

and you get plenty of help to get out of it.

I put in a well-built back-scratcher...

 

[LunaEroticaMystica]

and you wonder who is going to wield it.

I put in the request for a shoulder/neck massage...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you wonder who is going to wield it.

I put in the request for a shoulder/neck massage...

and a dozen hands respond.

I put in some wandering fingers...

 

[Austin8]

and a dozen hands respond.

I put in some wandering fingers...

wanderwanderwanderwander...

I put in a slap on the wandering fingers...

 

[CafeBleu]

wanderwanderwanderwander...

I put in a slap on the wandering fingers...

And you get a playful giggle,

I put in a pair of calf skin mittens...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

And you get a playful giggle,

I put in a pair of calf skin mittens...

and, they match my Tumi purse. Feels like butter.

I put in a woolen scarf.

 

[CafeBleu]

and, they match my Tumi purse. Feels like butter.

I put in a woolen scarf.

And you get a falling of soft, white, crisp snow.

I put in a large mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

And you get a falling of soft, white, crisp snow.

I put in a large mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows...

and, it leaves me with a chocolate mustache that somebody has to lick off.

I put in a tube peppermint lip gloss.

 

[CafeBleu]

and, it leaves me with a chocolate mustache that somebody has to lick off.

I put in a tube peppermint lip gloss.

And the combination of cold air and minty essential oils makes the inside of my nose tingle.

I put in a clean napkin with which to gently remove your chocolate moustache...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

And the combination of cold air and minty essential oils makes the inside of my nose tingle.

I put in a clean napkin with which to gently remove your chocolate moustache...

and, it flutters to the floor and a gentlemen returns it to my waiting hand.

I put in a kiss to the back of my hand.

 

[Handley_Page]

And the combination of cold air and minty essential oils makes the inside of my nose tingle.

I put in a clean napkin with which to gently remove your chocolate moustache...

and it comes with a pack of Vanish cleaning bleach


I put in a washing machine

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and it comes with a pack of Vanish cleaning bleach


I put in a washing machine

and, it scrubs your back with a heated massage included.

I put in a handheld wash cloth.

 

[Handley_Page]

and, it scrubs your back with a heated massage included.

I put in a handheld wash cloth.

and a pleasant-smell results.

I put in kisses for the newly-cleaned skin. . . .

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and a pleasant-smell results.

I put in kisses for the newly-cleaned skin. . . .

and, they wash away all of the day's stress.

I put in a scented candle.

 

[Handley_Page]

and, they wash away all of the day's stress.

I put in a scented candle.

filling the still air with enchanting ideas


I put in a soft warm towel.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

filling the still air with enchanting ideas


I put in a soft warm towel.

and, you get a really close shave.

I put in a little after shave.

 

[CafeBleu]

and, you get a really close shave.

I put in a little after shave.

Leaving my face feeling cleansed and the skin taught and pleasantly aromatic

And I put in two tickets to a performance of Pagliacci...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Leaving my face feeling cleansed and the skin taught and pleasantly aromatic

And I put in two tickets to a performance of Pagliacci...

and your date turns out to be the wife of a clown.

I put in a libretto for a MFM farce...

 

[CafeBleu]

and your date turns out to be the wife of a clown.

I put in a libretto for a MFM farce...

And given its great value I decide to sell it on eBay in order to purchase a text that will enable me to correctly use the homophones taut, taught and tort (please see my earlier post)

I put in a copy of Fowler's Modern English Usage...

 

[Austin8]

And given its great value I decide to sell it on eBay in order to purchase a text that will enable me to correctly use the homophones taut, taught and tort (please see my earlier post)

I put in a copy of Fowler's Modern English Usage...

I throw that out...

I put in a basic understanding, I can communicate!

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I throw that out...

I put in a basic understanding, I can communicate!

and you get a resounding "tsk, tsk" from Strunk and White.

I put in Fouler's Modern Anythingoes Usage, with an epigram from Cole Porter...

 

[LunaEroticaMystica]

and you get Follett's Modern American Usage.

I put in "Origins of the Specious"...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get Follett's Modern American Usage.

I put in "Origins of the Specious"...

and you get back "The Decadence of Men."

I put in two pokes at Wilburforce and a Tom Huxley...

 

[Austin8]

and you get back "The Decadence of Men."

I put in two pokes at Wilburforce and a Tom Huxley...

but Tom Bosley refuses to cooperate

I put in a spanner wrench

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but Tom Bosley refuses to cooperate

I put in a spanner wrench

and the Anglo-American Machinists' Union wonders why you're redundant.

I put in a Spanish wench...