The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Austin8]

and you are warm and cozy under the stars.

I put in some marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers...

and I love somores

I put in the perfect marshmallow stick

 

[kimbalee]

and I love somores

I put in the perfect marshmallow stick

and you get a perfectly toasted marshmallow that is not burned nor has it fallen into the fire.

I put in a request for another.

 

[Austin8]

and you get a perfectly toasted marshmallow that is not burned nor has it fallen into the fire.

I put in a request for another.

ahhh the perfect marshmallow

and I do my perfect marshmallow dance

I put in a really hot foot

 

[kimbalee]

ahhh the perfect marshmallow

and I do my perfect marshmallow dance

I put in a really hot foot

and you get a sympathetic look from me, and a stern lecture on preventing forest fires from Smokey the Bear.

I put in an aloe plant...

 

[Austin8]

and you get a sympathetic look from me, and a stern lecture on preventing forest fires from Smokey the Bear.

I put in an aloe plant...

and I know you dont like feets so I apply it

I put in another log on the fire

 

[kimbalee]

and I know you dont like feets so I apply it

I put in another log on the fire

and you get a warm and happy camper to sit beside you.

I put in a wish on a shooting star...

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a warm and happy camper to sit beside you.

I put in a wish on a shooting star...

and you see the "No Shooting Stars Out Of Season" sign too late to stop your wish.

I put in a "get out of jail free" card...

 

[Austin8]

and you see the "No Shooting Stars Out Of Season" sign too late to stop your wish.

I put in a "get out of jail free" card...

and I could have used it some years ago, when I was jailed for, "Discharging a firearm in the city limits"

I put in a pair of comfy hiking shoes

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and I could have used it some years ago, when I was jailed for, "Discharging a firearm in the city limits"

I put in a pair of comfy hiking shoes

and you easily walk beyond the city limits with your firearm.

I put in 50 rounds of your favorite cartridges...

 

[Austin8]

and you easily walk beyond the city limits with your firearm.

I put in 50 rounds of your favorite cartridges...

and the rabbits I bag are for supper

I put in a cane fishing pole

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and the rabbits I bag are for supper

I put in a cane fishing pole

and, you get a fish-fry Friday!

I put in a pot scrubber.

 

[Austin8]

and, you get a fish-fry Friday!

I put in a pot scrubber.

which kind? the yellow and green one's?

I put in Bar Keepers Friend

 

[YoursSINSerely]

which kind? the yellow and green one's?

I put in Bar Keepers Friend

and, you get my friend, Hanz, in his Speedo.

I put in one free lesson on skinny dipping in the neighbor's pool.

 

[Austin8]

and, you get my friend, Hanz, in his Speedo.

I put in one free lesson on skinny dipping in the neighbor's pool.

Yikes!no no no no

I put in a towel for your... erm... "friend"

 

[YoursSINSerely]

Yikes!no no no no

I put in a towel for your... erm... "friend"

and, the only towel you can find is a bar towel and it doesn't cover most of anything.

I put in a star-studded night.

 

[Austin8]

and, the only towel you can find is a bar towel and it doesn't cover most of anything.

I put in a star-studded night.

and I excuse myself and head for home

I put in a nice ride, with the windows down in the truck

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and I excuse myself and head for home

I put in a nice ride, with the windows down in the truck

And, the dog's ears flapping in the breeze.

I put in the forgotten shovel at the jobsite.

 

[Handley_Page]

and I excuse myself and head for home

I put in a nice ride, with the windows down in the truck

and the warm night air changes to damned cold and the car heater's broke!


I put in a fur coat.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and the warm night air changes to damned cold and the car heater's broke!


I put in a fur coat.

And, its the color of mink, but not real.

I put in two hands to keep you warm.

 

[Handley_Page]

And, its the color of mink, but not real.

I put in two hands to keep you warm.

Just what I need at this time except the hands ain't connected.
(tell you 'bout it later)

I put in a short journey home

 

[YoursSINSerely]

Just what I need at this time except the hands ain't connected.
(tell you 'bout it later)

I put in a short journey home

And, a quick hop into bed.

I put in a blanket of lavendar.

 

[a_bent_ampersand]

and you get a bicycle ripe from the bush.

I put in an encyclopedia of famous crimes.

 

[Austin8]

and you get a bicycle ripe from the bush.

I put in an encyclopedia of famous crimes.

and we deside a copy cat bank robbery is a good idea

I put in a high brass 12 ga. shell

welcome to the vend ampersand

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and we deside a copy cat bank robbery is a good idea

I put in a high brass 12 ga. shell

welcome to the vend ampersand

and, Babs and Austin make a clean get-away.

I put in a loose hundred dollar bill.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, Babs and Austin make a clean get-away.

I put in a loose hundred dollar bill.

and it finds its way into DGHear's Humour Thread.

I put in a joke about a rabbi, a priest, and an imam...