The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[YoursSINSerely]

and I walk into the picture on the postcard, slathering your naked body with lotion.

I put in a beach boy to untie the side walls...

and, you get a vacation to write a book about.

I put in a pose for the front cover.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, you get a vacation to write a book about.

I put in a pose for the front cover.

and the Times Literary Supplement declares that you can tell a book by its cover.

I put in twelve weeks on the best seller list for erotica...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and the Times Literary Supplement declares that you can tell a book by its cover.

I put in twelve weeks on the best seller list for erotica...

and, your royalties begin to trickle in slowly and steadily.

I put in two tickets behind home plate for a Yankee/Blue Jays game.

 

[Handley_Page]

and, your royalties begin to trickle in slowly and steadily.

I put in two tickets behind home plate for a Yankee/Blue Jays game.

They get swapped for England vs Australia at Lords.

I put in a ticket for the Royal Enclosure at Ascot

 

[Tio_Narratore]

They get swapped for England vs Australia at Lords.

I put in a ticket for the Royal Enclosure at Ascot

and everyone breathes a sigh of relief now that the Royals are safely locked in an enclosure.

I put in a Plot of Gunpowder...

 

[Austin8]

and everyone breathes a sigh of relief now that the Royals are safely locked in an enclosure.

I put in a Plot of Gunpowder...

and you get a 10 gauge scatter gun

I put in a cool hat made outta a skunk hide

 

[Handley_Page]

and everyone breathes a sigh of relief now that the Royals are safely locked in an enclosure.

I put in a Plot of Gunpowder...

sadly, the desired target has left the building.


I put in an IOW for 4Kg of C4.

 

[Austin8]

sadly, the desired target has left the building.


I put in an IOW for 4Kg of C4.

and you get an IOU for a blueprint to the Treasury Dept. underground vault

I put in a mag-drill, and a concrete boring machine with a diamond core bit

 

[Dianthus]

and you get an IOU for a blueprint to the Treasury Dept. underground vault

I put in a mag-drill, and a concrete boring machine with a diamond core bit

and you get a 'Do-It-Yourself Guide to Dentistry'

I put in 4 yards of red satin

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a 'Do-It-Yourself Guide to Dentistry'

I put in 4 yards of red satin

which makes a wonderful flag to stop a speeding train.


I put in a glass of Plum Brandy.

 

[Austin8]

which makes a wonderful flag to stop a speeding train.


I put in a glass of Plum Brandy.

and I toss that crap out and replace it with a Dr. Pepper

I put in a .44 mag black talon round

 

[Handley_Page]

and I toss that crap out and replace it with a Dr. Pepper

I put in a .44 mag round

Philistine!

but when fired, the round is discovered to be a dud.

I put in a new .357 Mag AP round

 

[Austin8]

Philistine!

but when fired, the round is discovered to be a dud.

I put in a new .357 Mag AP round

and I chamber the round but damn it wont fire from my .44 mag handgun

I put in a .50 Desert Eagle

 

[kimbalee]

and I chamber the round but damn it wont fire from my .44 mag handgun

I put in a .50 Desert Eagle

and you get a Walking Eagle with the date worn off.

I put in a garden full of three foot weeds...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and you get a Walking Eagle with the date worn off.

I put in a garden full of three foot weeds...

and, you get a day of sunshine to pluck those weeds where the sun don't shine.

I put in an aching back.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, you get a day of sunshine to pluck those weeds where the sun don't shine.

I put in an aching back.

and you get a handsome, young masseur at your door.

I put in a weekend pass for a couples' spa...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and you get a handsome, young masseur at your door.

I put in a weekend pass for a couples' spa...

and, you get a raised eyebrow as I look around for a partner.

I put in a hot blanket.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, you get a raised eyebrow as I look around for a partner.

I put in a hot blanket.

and everyone wonders what you going to do with it in June.

I put in a wet blanket...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and everyone wonders what you going to do with it in June.

I put in a wet blanket...

and, they call you the party pooper.

I put in cone shaped hat with elastic for under your chin.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, they call you the party pooper.

I put in cone shaped hat with elastic for under your chin.

and I get a choice of sitting in the corner or blowing out the candles.

I put in a SINSere wish...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and I get a choice of sitting in the corner or blowing out the candles.

I put in a SINSere wish...

and, you don't become the dunce, but become a year older instead.

I put in two lips covered in frosting.

 

[Handley_Page]

and, you don't become the dunce, but become a year older instead.

I put in two lips covered in frosting.

and I need a Nurse . . . .


I put in a hot rock

 

[Austin8]

and I need a Nurse . . . .


I put in a hot rock

and you get a bowl of warm (bit dirty) soup

I but in an Eaton Mess (to make Hp feel better)

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a bowl of warm (bit dirty) soup

I but in an Eaton Mess (to make Hp feel better)

and you get a smile in thanks; I love strawberries.


I put in a ton of fresh strawberries for all the Lit folk
[I'm feeling generous today]

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a smile in thanks; I love strawberries.


I put in a ton of fresh strawberries for all the Lit folk
[I'm feeling generous today]

and a frenzy of strawberry-inspired lust sweeps over Lit.

I put in a whole array of licentious Summer Solstice celebrations...