The Age Factor

[ecstaticsub]

When I was in my 20's and early 30's I had no interest at all in men even more than 2 years older then myself. In fact I was even somewhat repulsed by any guy older than that. My husband is just a tad younger than me.

There is something I find attractive about finding your way through life and experiences at the same time. Being with someone who is more experienced is not necessary and in fact not even desired for any kind of relationship. (for me) Especially for a life partner I like starting out at the same level and living and learning as we go along.

As a disclaimer--My dominant is more than 10 yrs older than me. I met him while in my very late 30's. However, I met him on-line I had no idea of how old he was until we had gotten to know each other as people first. I wasn't looking for someone older and wiser.

 

[where]

.....

 

[JMohegan]

Kybele - I meant I perceive he needs propping in general. I did not read you as bashing on this thread.

There is something I find attractive about finding your way through life and experiences at the same time. Being with someone who is more experienced is not necessary and in fact not even desired for any kind of relationship. (for me) Especially for a life partner I like starting out at the same level and living and learning as we go along..

ES, well said.

 

[00Syd]

There is something I find attractive about finding your way through life and experiences at the same time. Being with someone who is more experienced is not necessary and in fact not even desired for any kind of relationship. (for me) Especially for a life partner I like starting out at the same level and living and learning as we go along.

I find that very attractive, too. I seem to differ from many pyls in that I don't feel much desire or need to be guided by someone older and wiser. Stumbling awkwardly along with someone who's been doing this about as long as I have is really sexy in its own way. It feels so good when we learn something new or discover something about ourselves, together. I don't know how to describe it.

 

[DVS]

OK everybody, take this post for what it's worth...about 10 cents. If you don't want to read this long post, just move on to the next one. The topic of this post? I've been there and done that, and I've got more than one T-shirt, which means I'm old.

I know a certain guy (not me) that is quite accurate with a single tail. Trust me on that. Is he old? Yes, if you say mid 50s is old. Could he do this when he was younger? No, but while I think age played a part in it, I don't think it is the single and only reason he's acquired these skills. He has progressed through life, being exposed to different things along the way, and single tails have just become his "thing" in the last several years.

It does take some time to develop his level of expertise, but it wasn't so much age that assisted him but it did take time and patience. I think with age comes that patience and also a certain knowledge. And I also know he has experienced many things in BDSM and he feels single tails are what he wants to stick with. He's definitely taken the necessary time to become good at it. He is very skilled with two single tails at once. LOL, no waiting! And he can hit what he aims at.

I've taken the time to hone my own skills in certain areas. I've become interested in electroplay and have been for nearly 10 years. I'm also very much into anal play, for the same length of time. Before that, I would think about them (or should I say dream about them). Anyway, because I've spent so much time and thought, it just stands to reason that I'd learn skills or a certain expertise from this length of time, that someone else might not, without also spending the same amount of time and thought.

While not being totally exclusive to these areas, they are how I've defined myself for quite a while now. And for what it's worth, I know what works and what doesn't. Just like anything else in life, it takes time to understand some things and acquire knowledge.

The phrase "older and wiser" comes to mind. So does the phrase "aged to perfection". These are just phrases, but someone has experienced many things in life when they get older. They also learn from these experiences. That's just how it is.

There's nothing wrong with being young. I would like to be young again, in some respects. But, would I give up what I've learned in life, to be young? Hell no. I was wet behind the ears...shy and geeky. I felt out of place and somethings just plain weird.

When sex came my way, I got sweaty palms and an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was actually going to get laid!! I wasn't thinking of anything but my enjoyment. I wasn't thinking of what the woman might enjoy...I was thinking of getting my rocks off.

With age, came the understanding that there are two people in a sexual relationship. I came to understand that if I could keep her interested and give her what she wanted, she'd be more likely to want to do the same for me. I've evolved in my old age. Sure, I like to enjoy my sexual deviations, but I really enjoy making a woman cum, too.

Don't get me wrong...I still enjoy electroplay and anal sex. But, I seek out the women who also enjoy these things, so I get to play with my toys as I know how and we both benefit.

Has age played a part in my evolution of skills? I think it has. I think you become more in tune with your desires when you get older. You seem to settle down after you've seen and experienced things, in life. You're not so excited about getting your jollies tweaked as you were when you were younger.

You're more refined...more into the total picture of giving your submissive what she desires while at the same time getting your desires fulfilled, too. I used to rush into the party before. Now, I know there's no need to rush. You tend to plan things out so everything is in place and time.

Oh, one more thing. Age has it's downfall, too. There comes a time when you're too old. I'm getting close to that age. I can feel it. I'm not seen as desirable as I once was. You younger people have your whole life ahead of you. Learn all you can, while you're young. Understand it's not all about you. And when you're as old as me, you'll understand why I'm telling you this.

OK, I'm going to take a little nap now...because I'm old.

 

[DVS]

There is something I find attractive about finding your way through life and experiences at the same time. Being with someone who is more experienced is not necessary and in fact not even desired for any kind of relationship. (for me) Especially for a life partner I like starting out at the same level and living and learning as we go along.

I see nothing wrong with this. In fact, it's romantic. It's what you desire that counts. If you prefer to learn together, as you progress through life, that's what you should do.

Sure, someone with more experience might have shown you something you otherwise may have missed. But like I said, it's what you desire that counts. If you miss something along the way and you're not even aware that you've missed it, then did you really miss it?

 

[WriterDom]

OK everybody, take this post for what it's worth...about 10 cents. If you don't want to read this long post, just move on to the next one. The topic of this post? I've been there and done that, and I've got more than one T-shirt, which means I'm old.

I know a certain guy (not me) that is quite accurate with a single tail. Trust me on that. Is he old? Yes, if you say mid 50s is old. Could he do this when he was younger? No, but while I think age played a part in it, I don't think it is the single and only reason he's acquired these skills. He has progressed through life, being exposed to different things along the way, and single tails have just become his "thing" in the last several years.

It does take some time to develop his level of expertise, but it wasn't so much age that assisted him but it did take time and patience. I think with age comes that patience and also a certain knowledge. And I also know he has experienced many things in BDSM and he feels single tails are what he wants to stick with. He's definitely taken the necessary time to become good at it. He is very skilled with two single tails at once. LOL, no waiting! And he can hit what he aims at.

I've taken the time to hone my own skills in certain areas. I've become interested in electroplay and have been for nearly 10 years. I'm also very much into anal play, for the same length of time. Before that, I would think about them (or should I say dream about them). Anyway, because I've spent so much time and thought, it just stands to reason that I'd learn skills or a certain expertise from this length of time, that someone else might not, without also spending the same amount of time and thought.

While not being totally exclusive to these areas, they are how I've defined myself for quite a while now. And for what it's worth, I know what works and what doesn't. Just like anything else in life, it takes time to understand some things and acquire knowledge.

The phrase "older and wiser" comes to mind. So does the phrase "aged to perfection". These are just phrases, but someone has experienced many things in life when they get older. They also learn from these experiences. That's just how it is.

There's nothing wrong with being young. I would like to be young again, in some respects. But, would I give up what I've learned in life, to be young? Hell no. I was wet behind the ears...shy and geeky. I felt out of place and somethings just plain weird.

When sex came my way, I got sweaty palms and an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was actually going to get laid!! I wasn't thinking of anything but my enjoyment. I wasn't thinking of what the woman might enjoy...I was thinking of getting my rocks off.

With age, came the understanding that there are two people in a sexual relationship. I came to understand that if I could keep her interested and give her what she wanted, she'd be more likely to want to do the same for me. I've evolved in my old age. Sure, I like to enjoy my sexual deviations, but I really enjoy making a woman cum, too.

Don't get me wrong...I still enjoy electroplay and anal sex. But, I seek out the women who also enjoy these things, so I get to play with my toys as I know how and we both benefit.

Has age played a part in my evolution of skills? I think it has. I think you become more in tune with your desires when you get older. You seem to settle down after you've seen and experienced things, in life. You're not so excited about getting your jollies tweaked as you were when you were younger.

You're more refined...more into the total picture of giving your submissive what she desires while at the same time getting your desires fulfilled, too. I used to rush into the party before. Now, I know there's no need to rush. You tend to plan things out so everything is in place and time.

Oh, one more thing. Age has it's downfall, too. There comes a time when you're too old. I'm getting close to that age. I can feel it. I'm not seen as desirable as I once was. You younger people have your whole life ahead of you. Learn all you can, while you're young. Understand it's not all about you. And when you're as old as me, you'll understand why I'm telling you this.

OK, I'm going to take a little nap now...because I'm old.

I agree but it's not just about age it's about time in the lifestyle. Which is why it is easy to dismiss a twenty year old. Or a forty year old beginner for that matter. But what they can do is what I did about 12 years ago and start with an inexperienced sub. When it ends find another. Eventually your Domly powers get to a point where you feel comfortable with an experienced sub. I still and always have attracted those with little or no experience. I don't mind that at all. I like to be the first.

 

[DVS]

I agree but it's not just about age it's about time in the lifestyle. Which is why it is easy to dismiss a twenty year old. Or a forty year old beginner for that matter. But what they can do is what I did about 12 years ago and start with an inexperienced sub. When it ends find another. Eventually your Domly powers get to a point where you feel comfortable with an experienced sub. I still and always have attracted those with little or no experience. I don't mind that at all. I like to be the first.

I've attracted newbies, too. And I also enjoy them. Being the one to show them all of the new and exciting things about BDSM is fun. And, like you said, there's something about being the first that has some power in it.

And that particular newbie has learned from someone who knows the ropes, so to speak. No brag, just fact.

 

[WriterDom]

I've attracted newbies, too. And I also enjoy them. Being the one to show them all of the new and exciting things about BDSM is fun. And, like you said, there's something about being the first that has some power in it.

And that particular newbie has learned from someone who knows the ropes, so to speak. No brag, just fact.

Have you ever wished you could see someone again you saw very early as a new Dom? I do that all the time. Thinking how much better it could be this time around.

 

[DVS]

Have you ever wished you could see someone again you saw very early as a new Dom? I do that all the time. Thinking how much better it could be this time around.

Yes, and I also wonder if we'd still be together, if I knew then what I know now...like she was looking for someone, um...wiser.

 

[MisterSir]

well I didn't enter with the intention of bashing said individual and, if I in some way made MisterSir feel bashed, then I wholeheartedly apologise.

I'm not bashed. I'm far from infused with confidence about the whole affair, but I'm not bashed. Not exactly your fault the whole thing sucks, is it? But, as always, it could be worse. I could be dead, for instance.

 

[Netzach]

I've enjoyed the ever loving *hell* out of playing with subs who have more experience than I do. If you *really* are serious about learning your skillset get someone hard to impress to play with you. You know you're getting somewhere when you have them happy afterward. If they're really a submissive person it's not all ego, and they view helping you get up to speed as a service thing.

I intensely dislike a lot of the wet behind the ears crowd because I don't know what I'm getting. I've been BURNED by too many newb girlsubs having more drama, like angry husbands they claim were FINE with the whole thing dialing me. No thanks, in general. My mistake for trusting the "friend of a friend" thing too fondly in my own younger days.

I like experienced submissives, so long as there aren't any really glaring incompatibilities (they're so masochistic I'm boring)

 

[Netzach]

heh... cat among the pigeons...



I agree that age does not necessarily equate to maturity, but it often does, and whilst I appreciate Syd's comments about an inexperienced older dom being more worriesome than an inexperienced younger dom as being true, that only really applies if the older man suddenly decided he wanted to be a dom. Does that ever happen? My gut feeling (and you guys can flame me for this, because I'm not really in 'the scene' as it were) is that you either ARE dominant, or you aren't. it's not something you decide to be on a whim. You may decide that you want to identify yourself as 'A Dom', which is an entirely different thing IMHO, because it implies putting yourself into a social arena which has specific values, mores and in some cases rituals.

I agree that you are or you're not. Plenty of people WANT TO BE dominant or submissive yet it doesn't absolve them, through all the wanting in the world, of being a bad dominant or a bad submissive.

I know, every puppy is loveable to someone, but some are asocial and bite. Some submissives can be in and around the scene for years and still be headcases full of drama. Some Dominants can be Dom Perfect in their own minds for years but still be people who can't empathize, can't read people, and can't "get it."

 

[where]

I'm not bashed. I'm far from infused with confidence about the whole affair, but I'm not bashed. Not exactly your fault the whole thing sucks, is it? But, as always, it could be worse. I could be dead, for instance.

good, and yes, this is true

I agree that you are or you're not. Plenty of people WANT TO BE dominant or submissive yet it doesn't absolve them, through all the wanting in the world, of being a bad dominant or a bad submissive.

I know, every puppy is loveable to someone, but some are asocial and bite. Some submissives can be in and around the scene for years and still be headcases full of drama. Some Dominants can be Dom Perfect in their own minds for years but still be people who can't empathize, can't read people, and can't "get it."

heh... I'm a case in point maybe. whilst I am very attracted to dominant men he is the first one who has actually managed to dominate me properly and he's done it with humour, kindness and empathy as much as with his skills as a flogger, mind fucker and ropeman. i doubt any other man could have done it because despite getting off on the domination and worshiping my Dom, i just can't bring myself to identify as a sub. I can't get into the whole scene of it.

fortunately my Dom likes the fact that I'm like a half broken filly (his words!) who will do just about anything he wants (we have similar hard limits fortunately) and I take my punishments for any wrong doing like a trooper. He has explained that most people in the scene would consider our relationship to be superficial, but we have a marvelous time of it with me getting off on the domination and him giving it.

Kybele (the very bad sub)

 

[WriterDom]

Most of mine have been real relationships and not just hooking up to play. Though I have hooked up to play with a few experienced ones.

 

[Netzach]

good, and yes, this is true



heh... I'm a case in point maybe. whilst I am very attracted to dominant men he is the first one who has actually managed to dominate me properly and he's done it with humour, kindness and empathy as much as with his skills as a flogger, mind fucker and ropeman. i doubt any other man could have done it because despite getting off on the domination and worshiping my Dom, i just can't bring myself to identify as a sub. I can't get into the whole scene of it.

fortunately my Dom likes the fact that I'm like a half broken filly (his words!) who will do just about anything he wants (we have similar hard limits fortunately) and I take my punishments for any wrong doing like a trooper. He has explained that most people in the scene would consider our relationship to be superficial, but we have a marvelous time of it with me getting off on the domination and him giving it.

Kybele (the very bad sub)

That's not what I mean when I'm talking about a "bad submissive."

I'm talking about self-absorbed toxic drama queens who chew through people and blow up relationships all around them.

 

[WriterDom]

I've been lucky in that I've never really had a bad experience. I did smack someone in the forehead with a spreader bar while she was blindfolded and sitting in the floor. Guess I was nervous because she was beautiful. I picked it off the bed turned around and whacked her good. I felt about three inches tall. But we got past it. She laughs about it today. She has a Dom living with her in NY. Sometimes I wished I never let her go. Guess life had other plans.

 

[where]

That's not what I mean when I'm talking about a "bad submissive."

I'm talking about self-absorbed toxic drama queens who chew through people and blow up relationships all around them.

sorry, it's an in-joke with me and my Dom. Sometimes he dips into here.

 

[SirLeo]

Well Done Well Spoken

OK everybody, take this post for what it's worth...about 10 cents. If you don't want to read this long post, just move on to the next one. The topic of this post? I've been there and done that, and I've got more than one T-shirt, which means I'm old.

I know a certain guy (not me) that is quite accurate with a single tail. Trust me on that. Is he old? Yes, if you say mid 50s is old. Could he do this when he was younger? No, but while I think age played a part in it, I don't think it is the single and only reason he's acquired these skills. He has progressed through life, being exposed to different things along the way, and single tails have just become his "thing" in the last several years.

It does take some time to develop his level of expertise, but it wasn't so much age that assisted him but it did take time and patience. I think with age comes that patience and also a certain knowledge. And I also know he has experienced many things in BDSM and he feels single tails are what he wants to stick with. He's definitely taken the necessary time to become good at it. He is very skilled with two single tails at once. LOL, no waiting! And he can hit what he aims at.

I've taken the time to hone my own skills in certain areas. I've become interested in electroplay and have been for nearly 10 years. I'm also very much into anal play, for the same length of time. Before that, I would think about them (or should I say dream about them). Anyway, because I've spent so much time and thought, it just stands to reason that I'd learn skills or a certain expertise from this length of time, that someone else might not, without also spending the same amount of time and thought.

While not being totally exclusive to these areas, they are how I've defined myself for quite a while now. And for what it's worth, I know what works and what doesn't. Just like anything else in life, it takes time to understand some things and acquire knowledge.

The phrase "older and wiser" comes to mind. So does the phrase "aged to perfection". These are just phrases, but someone has experienced many things in life when they get older. They also learn from these experiences. That's just how it is.

There's nothing wrong with being young. I would like to be young again, in some respects. But, would I give up what I've learned in life, to be young? Hell no. I was wet behind the ears...shy and geeky. I felt out of place and somethings just plain weird.

When sex came my way, I got sweaty palms and an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was actually going to get laid!! I wasn't thinking of anything but my enjoyment. I wasn't thinking of what the woman might enjoy...I was thinking of getting my rocks off.

With age, came the understanding that there are two people in a sexual relationship. I came to understand that if I could keep her interested and give her what she wanted, she'd be more likely to want to do the same for me. I've evolved in my old age. Sure, I like to enjoy my sexual deviations, but I really enjoy making a woman cum, too.

Don't get me wrong...I still enjoy electroplay and anal sex. But, I seek out the women who also enjoy these things, so I get to play with my toys as I know how and we both benefit.

Has age played a part in my evolution of skills? I think it has. I think you become more in tune with your desires when you get older. You seem to settle down after you've seen and experienced things, in life. You're not so excited about getting your jollies tweaked as you were when you were younger.

You're more refined...more into the total picture of giving your submissive what she desires while at the same time getting your desires fulfilled, too. I used to rush into the party before. Now, I know there's no need to rush. You tend to plan things out so everything is in place and time.

Oh, one more thing. Age has it's downfall, too. There comes a time when you're too old. I'm getting close to that age. I can feel it. I'm not seen as desirable as I once was. You younger people have your whole life ahead of you. Learn all you can, while you're young. Understand it's not all about you. And when you're as old as me, you'll understand why I'm telling you this.

OK, I'm going to take a little nap now...because I'm old.

No Need to Say More *tips his hat to DVS*