That's So Gay....

[playwithlezli]

OK folks I need a laff-got any good gay jokes?

ie: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotapuss.

Cum on, let's hear yours, they can't be worse than mine!

 

[Terra_Cide]

Three guys are arrested in an adult book store and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand:

"What is your name?" he asked.

"John," the guy answered.

"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.

"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.

The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"John," the guy answered.

"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.

"I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered.

Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy.

"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said.

"No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."

 

[Wolfman1982]

two gay guys sit right next to eachother, and one of them ask the other what he wants for dinner, and he says "what about seafood ?", then the first gay guy says, "ok give me a moment, and I will be right back !" then there goes a moment. And then he comes back with two navy guys . (Well it is better in Danish where the seafood part is called "all good from the sea").

But perhaps there are worse jokes, or better jokes than mine

 

[Terra_Cide]

One for the ladies:

A woman goes to the gynecologist, and upon examination, the doctor says, "Why, it's immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so hygenic?"

The woman responds, "I have a woman in twice a week."

 

[Tara40]

Heres one

Superman is out flying around and see's Wonder Woman She is naked , spread eagle lying on a beach
So he flys down and fucks her as fast as he can
than takes off

Wonder woman says what the hell was that !!!!
and the invisable man says i dont know but my asshole sure hurts.

 

[euphor1a]

Has nothing to do with gay jokes, but I laughed my ass off:

========================

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!"

 

[Terra_Cide]

At lezli's request. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Four gay guys walk into a bar and start arguing over who's penis is longer.

The bar tender finally got sick of hearing them arguing, so he told them he had a way to solve this problem.

He told them to stick their penises on the bar and he'd tell them who's was bigger.

Just as they put them up there, another gay guy walks in, sees what's going on, and yells "I'll have the buffet!"


Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?

A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

 

[playwithlezli]

Q: How can you tell if a lesbian is butch?

A: She kick starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

And I thought it was if she febreezed her sheets before her lover came over, cuz she didn't have any perfume!

 

[symbolicflame]

And I thought it was if she febreezed her sheets before her lover came over, cuz she didn't have any perfume!

Oh Gawd I have done that!

 

[MCunnilinguist]

Man goes into a bar and sits down.

Man looks troubled so he asks him what's wrong.

Man says "Whiskey! Got some bad news just found out my older brother is gay!"

Bartender says "that's not so bad, lots of people I know are gay"

Man says "Yeah, but my brother, still, a bit of a shock"

Bartender pours him a whisky.

Next day Man returns to the bar with the same look.

Bad News? The bartender asks..

"Gimme a double whiskey! I just found out my younger brother is gay too!"

Bartender pours him a drink.

A Couple of days later the man comes back.

The bartender says "Oh no what now?"

TWO Double whiskeys! the man says.

"Oh man? Doesn't any of your family like WOMEN?

Uh Yeah.. the man replies MY WIFE!

 

[playwithlezli]

Oh Gawd I have done that!

(me too )

 

[lightsaver]

And I thought it was if she febreezed her sheets before her lover came over, cuz she didn't have any perfume!

ROFLMFAO!

 

[lightsaver]

At lezli's request. Don't say I didn't warn you.

OMG Terra, you call blaming lezli a warning for that joke?!

 

[Terra_Cide]

OMG Terra, you call blaming lezli a warning for that joke?!

I told her in advance that she didn't want to hear it, but she insisted, and how could I possibly resist when she begged so nicely?

 

[lightsaver]

I told her in advance that she didn't want to hear it, but she insisted, and how could I possibly resist when she begged so nicely?

Lovely

 

[Anniejustagirl]

Q: What do you get when you have 50 politicians and
50 lesbians all in the same room?




A:100 people who don't do dick.

 

[Anniejustagirl]

Q: How can you tell if lesbian carpenters built your house?



A: All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.

 

[Anniejustagirl]

Q: What kind of humor do lesbians like?



A: Tongue in cheek!

 

[Anniejustagirl]

Q: What do you call an Irish Lesbian?




A: Gaylick.

 

[Anniejustagirl]

and one more groaner especially for you, lezli......

Q: What do you call two butches bonding?





A: Hockey Night in Canada.


All my brain can dredge up right now... i'm sure more will come in time....

 

[playwithlezli]

and one more groaner especially for you, lezli......

Q: What do you call two butches bonding?





A: Hockey Night in Canada.


All my brain can dredge up right now... i'm sure more will come in time....

LOL! Annie you are the best!

(looking around for the beer)

 

[Anniejustagirl]

A lesbian walks into a sex toy store and asks where the vibrators are.

"Come this way," the cute woman behind the counter says, gesturing with her finger.

"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the vibrator, now would I?"

 

[Anniejustagirl]

Jamie invited her mother over to her house for dinner. Over the course of the evening, Jamie's mom started to wonder if there was more between Jamie and her roommate than met the eye. She had long been suspicious of her daughter's sexuality, and watching them interact made her more curious. Reading her mom's thoughts, Jamie volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sandy and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sandy came to Jamie and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find my favorite gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Jamie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So she sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle.
But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Jamie received a letter from her mother which read: "Dear Daughter, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sandy, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sandy. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now."

 

[Anniejustagirl]

Q: How many lesbians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Four.
One to change it,
two to organize the potluck and
one to write a folk song about the empowering experience.

 

[Wolfman1982]

A man comes into a bar, and shouts "waiter give me a 10 double whiskey !" and the waiter asks , "How come are you ordering a 10 double whiskey ?" then the man says "my first blowjob !" then the waiter says "well if it is your first blowjob, then I will gladly give you another one on the house", and then the man says "No no no, if a 10 double whiskey can´t take the taste off, then nothing can !".

People, I love humour, in every possible way, as long they aren´t said by the people who doesn´t mean them as jokes.

here is another one, two gay guys are playing a game, and they are trying to guess, what the other has up in his arse. The first guesses "aah a pickle !" then the second guys says "yes honey, you are correct !" , then it is the second guy to guess, and then he guesses "aaah a carrot!" and then the first guy says "yes honey, that is correct !"
Then it is the first guy again who is going to guess, what is up in his arse, and then he guesses "aaah a cucumber !" then the second guy says "yes honey that is correct !" then it is the second guys turn to guess, and then he guesses "aaah watermelon !" ....

Then he hears muffled voice underneath him saying "guess one more time !".

Ok, I know the joke is based a on myth about headfucking, but the joke is funnier when you tell it in person.