Testing the Waters

[GrimmRaconteur]

Hello all,

My name is GrimmRaconteur, and I've recently found that my sexual identity is not as vanilla as I'd thought it was. I'm an 18 year old male university student in a rather repressive living situation, trying to safely learn more about the BDSM lifestyle.

I've been attracted to the dichotomy of Dom/sub relationships for a number of years, but put it off to mere curiosity.

As far as I'm aware(though my terminology may be incorrect) I am a bisexual submissive with a flair for restraint, and I'd like to learn more about how to pursue relationships that meet my particular desires, as well as find others who share similar interests to talk with and gain advice from(I enjoy good conversation).

Any thoughts, comments, or advice on where to get started learning about this world would be appreciated, as I'm kinda clueless.

~GR

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

Hi GR. 18 is young.

'All power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.'

The amount of responsibility required of someone - anyone, submissive OR Dominant in roles or in their soul - is immense. And not only that, it appears to be a fact of human sexuality that someone who always assumed they were exclusively this thing or that, can change radically upon meeting a particular 'opposite' style of partner who clicks in a certain key way. Having said that I have no reason to doubt or dispute for any reason what you say about yourself - just that I would offer that the MOST IMPORTANT THING is whether or not you get on with a potential partner as another//fellow human being, not whether or not they appear able to fulfil a particular expected sex role. Inevitably, if the other person has too many character flaws or issues they must deal with outside of the expectations of a sexual style they are trying to fulfil the whole thing will break down at some point in unsatisfying dynamics.

The difference between 'talk' or words on any forum/internet venue, and the physical reality is also sometimes extremely stark.

Personally I have found it to be closest to the truth a thing that Martina Navratilova once said: 'people ask me what my sexual orientation is and I say, yes, I am sexual.'

Often it seems that there is nothing at all that is ideal about life, and life regularly fails to give people the chances or present the circumstance in which an ideal sex life is available - yet, I would strongly suggest that this is all the greater reason for you to have that ideal vision and to hold it powerfully in your mind.

I mean I can certainly tell you EXACTLY where and when and how to achieve precisely what you want, and no sooner would I have said it here than a thousand voices will loudly pipe up and gainsay everything I say. Because everyone always knows better than everyone else all the time...!

In real life most people hide themselves behind facades of social niceness and pretension too when it comes to it. A Dominant bisexual woman or Dominant bisexually-capable man is not necessarily compatible on every base with any and every bisexual-capable sub.

May I suggest you stick your neck out here and try for a story or fantasy that you write yourself about EXACTLY what you want to happen...?

Do that and please make sure you let us know when you have written and submitted it here, and then you might find people with experiences along those lines could have some more detailed insights than I or anyone could give without adequate information.

This is a COMPLEX, COMPLICATED LIFESTYLE. The more detail you can provide or suggest, the better, if you want the benefit of people's experiences. I am very sure that there are some very experienced people around the place here...

Best,

D.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hi GrimmRaconteur.

My suggestion is to get yourself out there. Join fetlife.com and see what's happening in your area-- most parts of the West Coast have multiple groups for guidance and socialising, from San Deigo to Anchorage! Use them as learning exploring and dating pools.

Try to take the old curmudgeons with a grain of salt, and also the voices of the TNG crowd who claim to have invented their own ways to do this-- both of them are kind of... well, bullshit. BDSM, sexually, is more complicated than vanila humping, but the relationships are not any easier than vanilla ones.