Testing/Pushing Limits

[Ebonyfire]

Dom/mes: Do you test and/or push your submissive's limits?

If so do you have a method to Your madness or do you tailor it to the individual.

What have you learned about yourself and/or your submissive in the process?

Submissives: Have your limits been tested and/or pushed?

If so, what (if anything) have you learned about yourself and your dominant?

 

[WillowPuss]

Submissives: Have your limits been tested and/or pushed?

If so, what (if anything) have you learned about yourself and your dominant?

Ummmmmm yes, I have.

I will have to gather my thoughts though to make a sensible and readable post on it.

 

[Zaudika]

Submissives: Have your limits been tested and/or pushed?

If so, what (if anything) have you learned about yourself and your dominant?

Yes, I've definitely had my limits pushed/tested.

The most general thing I've learned about myself about this is that I like to have it done.

Part of the reason I enjoy it so much is that I like knowing how much control my Dom has. I don't mean over me really, but control as a general term. It's a given that he will always have my complete submission.

I like knowing how much he 'knows' me. In the past when they've been pushed my Dom has watched my body language and known most times to stop right before my breaking point.

Another reason... I like pleasing him, and I know it pleases him when I'm able to do more, for him.

There's many different ways to 'push' the limits, but in speaking of pushing that involves pain tolerance, this is also enjoyable to me because I'm such a masochist<sp>. I like the sensations, the adrenaline, the different 'levels'.

I'm afraid I'm not the best with words in describing my feelings on a lot things, something I'm working on for myself and my Dom, perhaps I'll contemplate on this more and come back and do some editting eventually.

 

[Netzach]

It really depends on the sub/bottom. Different things motivate different people to want to go further. I have one bottom who likes to be pushed, drops really far down when he's gone a little further out than he wanted. I have another for whom it's just negative and scary and a violation if it's anything but the most gentle push.

Interestingly enough, it's bottom A who plays what any observer would call "softer" and bottom B who any observer would think of as "a hard player" I love the way the guys complement one another. M, my fiance, really pushes my own physical sado ability (putting the needle through the nipple is still hard for me!) while G, the other bottom is willing to be bitchslapped and lick my shoes and all that fun stuff.

I'm not what I'd call a service Top, but I do find myself infinitely more into what I'm doing when the bottom is having an intense, good, interesting, whatever, experience. I don't mind tailoring what I do to a particular bottom because I find that the efficacy of the connection is what matters most to me in the end. That includes pushing limits and how it's done.

 

[bunny bondage]

He pushes me very gently, only taking me just a little over my limit. He'll clamp His teeth down on my skin, refusing to let go (or let me writhe away) until i'm just screaming, and when i think i can't possibly take any more, He holds it for just another second, then stops. He also has been pushing my limits with the crop, giving me more and more each time.

i really enjoy the feeling i get afterwords, that wonderful sense of release at knowing i took more than i thought i could and it was great.

as for what i learn about Him? well, i guess i'm learning that He's even more of a sadist than i had originally thought. He often emphasizes the intimacy of this kind of thing, the trust involved, the deep connection, and so i'm thrilled to the bone that He wants to have this with me.

 

[Justina123]

Something I've noticed is Sir rarely pushes my limits by surprise. By this I mean that he will mention at various times that he would like to do such-and-such that is beyond what I have been comfortable with, we may discuss it a bit, and then he will drop it for a week or so, then bring it up again. So then when we are in the midst of play, or at an event or whatever, and he pushes my limit in some way, I'm kind of "softened up" to the idea.

It works quite well, even if it's not something I had actually "agreed" to, I find since it is not a complete surprise, I know he has given it thought and is aware of my nervousness, I get a great deal of satisfaction with trusting and flowing with it and pleasing him in that way.

-justina

 

[psiberzerker]

Justine...

I supprt that approach whole heartedly. While I like surprises, and pressing limits, they don't belong in the same scene. Fair warning is the least your Master(or whatever your personal epithet is) can do.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Justine...

I supprt that approach whole heartedly. While I like surprises, and pressing limits, they don't belong in the same scene. Fair warning is the least your Master(or whatever your personal epithet is) can do.

I suppose it all depends on what your purpose is.

 

[psiberzerker]

I added a signature so people will stop thinking I'm (Attempting to) speaking for every one whenever I'm just stating my opinion. It happens, I'm yoused to it, byegones.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I added a signature so people will stop thinking I'm (Attempting to) speaking for every one whenever I'm just stating my opinion. It happens, I'm yoused to it, byegones.

I never read signatures. I have been cured of that. I have all signatures and Avatars turned off.

 

[Goddess Helena]

I never read signatures. I have been cured of that. I have all signatures and Avatars turned off.

I have been broken of signatures as well. Too many dreadfully long ones out there.

I do push limits. I think it is part of My job as a Domme. Pushing past the comfort zone and seeing what a pet is able to do is part of his growing as a submissive. It also helps Me to grow as a Domme to see how different boys react to different things.
I always make time to talk with My pets and make sure that W/we are on the same page. While I do use surprise at times, I very rarely do something that had never been mentioned at some point prior.
I find that understanding how My pet responds to different actives helps Me to understand him and be a better Domme with him and with whatever pets follow him.


Helena

 

[Ebonyfire]

I always make time to talk with My pets and make sure that W/we are on the same page. While I do use surprise at times, I very rarely do something that had never been mentioned at some point prior.rose:

I think that is the point that I did not make clear, mainly cause I have mentioned it several times in prior posts.

When you know your subs well, and you have discussed things over time, it is not a big deal to use surprise.

It is not a hard limit, it may even have beem some fantasy that has been written in his journal, talked about, or even seen at a fetish event.

After a while you have a sense of what can or cannot be tolerated with a particular individual.

Thanks for clarifying my point for me, Helena.

 

[Goddess Helena]

You're welcome, Ebony.

That reminds me...

Keeping an eye on what a submissive looks at while online or shopping, etc can give a lot of insight into what they are interested in. Sometimes it's something that they are just thinking about or something that they are too shy to mention.

I think of it as being a bit a like holiday shopping. If I pay attention, I can figure out what the best gift/activity would be for a certain person.


Helena

 

[Ebonyfire]

You're welcome, Ebony.

That reminds me...

Keeping an eye on what a submissive looks at while online or shopping, etc can give a lot of insight into what they are interested in. Sometimes it's something that they are just thinking about or something that they are too shy to mention.

I think of it as being a bit a like holiday shopping. If I pay attention, I can figure out what the best gift/activity would be for a certain person.


Helena

A great idea!

 

[psiberzerker]

I think this post has been hijacked, but untill the origonator complains, I'll run on the tangent.
I'm as big a fan as surprise as the next guy, I just don't like to press limits without some sort of heads up. Personall preferrance, I guess, but I just don't like springing new things on people when I'm not sure how they will react.
The exception that makes the rule is in the rare instances of rapport between playmates where you two already know each other's limits. At this point, you aren't testing these limits, just getting close enough to look over the edge.
This comes down to trust, as everything seems to in this arena.
BTW, I hear you on the signatures, Roscoe's got one that's at least an order of magnitude longer than anything I've personally seen him post.

For those of you who've blinded yourselves to this vestigal appendix, I'll repeat it explicitly.

{The above opinion is given free of charge. You get what you pay for.}

I don't mean to speak for anyone but myself, especially a bunch of people who I know only by what they choose to show me. If I ever come off like that, I appoligize in advance.

 

[bunny bondage]

I never read signatures. I have been cured of that. I have all signatures and Avatars turned off.

awww...but my avs are always cute pics of me!

 

[psiberzerker]

Nice cigar, bunn bon. You're not as abusive of the Avs as Pix, (Why do you think I call her Pix?)

 

[bunny bondage]

Nice cigar, bunn bon. You're not as abusive of the Avs as Pix, (Why do you think I call her Pix?)

that's not a cigar, it's a clove! (just being picky! )

 

[psiberzerker]

Sorry, pic away. My fault for assuming. I had no idea just how small your hands where.

 

[bunny bondage]

Sorry, pic away. My fault for assuming. I had no idea just how small your hands where.

teeny tiny as it turns out!

 

[Ebonyfire]

awww...but my avs are always cute pics of me!

I have seen your pic, and you are cute as can be!

But I no longer feel the need to see the Avs anymore. Not even my own. I don't even use myself in my Avs anymore. I prefer to use a boy of mine.

 

[bunny bondage]

I have seen your pic, and you are cute as can be!

But I no longer feel the need to see the Avs anymore. Not even my own. I don't even use myself in my Avs anymore. I prefer to use a boy of mine.

i noticed that, and might i say, you have excellent taste! he seems to keep himself in good shape for you!

 

[Ebonyfire]

i noticed that, and might i say, you have excellent taste! he seems to keep himself in good shape for you!

Naw, he is a slut and he is vain. LOL

 

[Ebonyfire]

It's only hijacking if I say so

My thread, go for it. I only smack those I dislike!

I think this post has been hijacked, but untill the origonator complains, I'll run on the tangent.
I'm as big a fan as surprise as the next guy, I just don't like to press limits without some sort of heads up. Personall preferrance, I guess, but I just don't like springing new things on people when I'm not sure how they will react.
The exception that makes the rule is in the rare instances of rapport between playmates where you two already know each other's limits. At this point, you aren't testing these limits, just getting close enough to look over the edge.
This comes down to trust, as everything seems to in this arena.
BTW, I hear you on the signatures, Roscoe's got one that's at least an order of magnitude longer than anything I've personally seen him post.

For those of you who've blinded yourselves to this vestigal appendix, I'll repeat it explicitly.

{The above opinion is given free of charge. You get what you pay for.}

I don't mean to speak for anyone but myself, especially a bunch of people who I know only by what they choose to show me. If I ever come off like that, I appoligize in advance.

 

[Goddess Helena]

Naw, he is a slut and he is vain. LOL

Those are the ones that make the best pets.


Helena