Terror Alert Upgraded!

[Lancecastor]

Plus....Muslim Registration Begins !

ATTENTION ALL MALE ARAB & MUSLIM IMMIGRANTS, STUDENTS & TOURISTS: If you have not yet reported for mandatory interrogation and cataloguing by the Immigration & Naturalization Service, you may now opt instead to plead your innocence by registering with the Department of Homeland Security over the Internet.
Learn More! >>


Be vigilant! The enemy is all around. Americans observing any of the following are hereby commanded to contact the FBI immediately:

- Brown-skinned persons conversing in heated jibberish

- Turban-wearing persons demonstrating emotions other than all-American bliss and contentment

- Sidewalk falafel vendors of ambiguous ethnicity who are unwilling to make change for a fifty

- Arabic store owners or cab drivers who have not begun prominently displaying at least 3 American flags

- Middle Eastern persons who become visibly uncomfortable and/or upset when confronted with your suspicious and hostile stares

- Burka-clad transvestites


For More Information: www.whitehouse.org

 

[Guest]

 

[acitore_vuli]

Do you have a point? or are we to simply appreciate your sense of color?

 

[Lancecastor]

Wow, Hanns & Acitore...representing the two opposite ends of the political spectrum...both thinking I'm against them ! Damn, I'm good.

 

[Lancecastor]

THE FOREIGN CAR BUYER DATABASE

The scene is a now-familiar one to millions of decent, TV-watching Americans: psychopathic and heavily armed Sand People speeding across the desert wastelands of the Middle East in decrepit, dented pickup trucks. These unwashed sub-humans are "terrorists," and their vehicles of choice are invariably foreign-made. Yes - unimaginable as it may seem, their intense ignorance and hatred of the United States blinds these Godless buffoons to the overwhelming superiority of vehicles produced by the Big Two (formerly "The Big Three" - before Chrysler got in bed with Nazis). Which is all to say... TERRORISTS DON'T BUY DOMESTIC!

Having recognized this direct and conspicuous link between terrorism and foreign car ownership, the Office of Homeland Security has undertaken an essential and ambitious initiative: The Foreign Car Buyer Database (FCDB). This cutting-edge super-computer will contain the names, addresses, and DNA profiles of every foreign car buyer in the United States, and will be an invaluable tool in the domestic fight against terror. Once completed in the spring of 2002, the FCDB will be used extensively by the Federal Bureau of Investigations, which will dispatch upwards of 15,000 agents nationwide to interrogate each person (and his/her family) who appears on the FCDB's comprehensive list of potential terrorists.

In anticipation of this colossal effort, the Office of Homeland Security has ordered that all foreign car dealerships be shuttered no later than March 15, 2002 - and that their proprietors be taken into custody and their sales records seized, processed, and incorporated into the FCDB mainframe.

The OHS looks forward to continuing to make America a safer place by any means necessary, and looks forward to your presumed continued complacency.

 

[Guest]

 

[Lancecastor]

TIPS Forms- Gettem' Today!

 

[Lasz]

These terror alerts make me feel color blind. I dont know what they mean half the time. I am sure a lot of america feels the same way.

 

[Lancecastor]

These terror alerts make me feel color blind. I dont know what they mean half the time. I am sure a lot of america feels the same way.

Bush knows duct tape and plastic are scary and confusing....so that's why Reuters is reporting tonite that he's bringing back the "Duck n' Cover" program from his childhood.

 

[Lancecastor]

 

[Lancecastor]

ALERT: Bush Appoints UN Special Envoy

 

[caraliza]

And why wouldn't he? I often think of Florida as its own weird country.