Terms that describe vanilla-like female domination?

[Anima9]

Terms that describe vanilla-like female domination?

I really like female domination, that is the D/s-part, but the pain/humilation part I don’t like that much. Whenever I try to find anything (information, stories) about anything relating to female domination it almost always comes with the SM-part as well. My taste can range from a strong domination from a women, to the woman simply being very assertive. However, I’m mainly interested in the domination-part. Harsh pain, humiliation just doesn’t do it for me. Bondage isn’t very interesting, but I’m open to it. The most BDSM-like thing I really like is face sitting. I’ve also fantasized about simply being held down by a woman (no props) as well.

My main questions are:
What is the terms that is used to identify soft kinds of female domination (without the sadism/masochism)?
And what about the stuff that is more or less vanilla, except the female is more assertive?

I want to know this so I know how to find material in this style. Right now I’m reading stuff that’s a bit hardcore for my taste.

I want to be clear that I totally respect people that are into more hardcore BSDM-stuff, everybody have their own taste. Sorry if this belongs in another category. Also: I tried to search this forum, but I didn’t find much.

I will be very grateful for any help.

 

[jay02]

Terms you might like could be something like a bossy woman...or gentle / subtle dominance. Maybe even feminine dominance, since some of the women who have such a style are very feminine and graceful, at least from my point of view (speaking as a male pyl who has had female PYLs/dommes). Loving dominance too, since humilation and some of the other things associated with "hardcore" dominance isn't very loving.

Some formally acknowledge and integrate d/s (dominance and submission) into the relationships they have, others simply act naturally without having read anything about d/s (for whatever reason) and I guess could just be called bossy or possessive (or other words associated with controlling, etc.).

Simpler terms are female dominance and femdom, but searching on those two will trigger a lot of the "hardcore" concepts you are seeking to avoid along with some types that may be more acceptable to you.

At any rate, you could struggle to find words that others have used to describe what you want, or you could just describe it yourself in your own words. I think there are a lot of people (myself included) who have had or currently have a relationship with a subtle d/s power dynamic that was close to vanilla in most respects except for the d/s element (which may be more of a 24/7 thing than a bedroom thing). Which is to say it's fine if neither party cares for the B, and the S&M.

In closing, I think what you are trying to describe may be more common than you think and more desired than you think. Not sure what sources I can suggest except for your own imagination . Reality is often quite different from fantasy and erotica, and I think you are on the right track of sorting things.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The lifestyle couples that I know use the terms "Mistress" and "Domina."

Now, "Mistress" has been terribly misused by the pro community, but the real meaning is "A woman in a position of authority."

A more lighthearted term might be "the Missus."

 

[midwestyankee]

The lifestyle couples that I know use the terms "Mistress" and "Domina."

Now, "Mistress" has been terribly misused by the pro community, but the real meaning is "A woman in a position of authority."

A more lighthearted term might be "the Missus."

Or She Who Must Be Obeyed.

 

[Licia]

Outside of the bedroom the softer side tells the hubs, "Do what I say because it's sexually arousing."

Outside of the bedroom the Hardcore arousal side dictates, "Your condition of emasculation is no fault of mine. Complete these tasks... Right now! And, yes, I am going to tell people you know later."

*laughs*

Most of that is the sm talking.

The best keywords I can offer per example are Patient as the first and HORNY as the second.

OP, I think you should write some of your fantasies down and post 'em to the story section.

 

[njlauren]

Or She Who Must Be Obeyed.

Ah, a person after my own heart *lol* *(for those who don't know, that was Horace Rumpole's whispered title for his nag of a wife, Hilda, in "Rumpole of the Bailey", a funny, funny series of books and an even better UK tv series starring the late Leo McKern.

 

[njlauren]

It isn't easy to find because as you point out, the stories often have that with hardcore BD/SM stuff, humiliation, cuckoldry and so forth. Basically you have to wade through the femmedom and bd/sm categories to find the ones you want.

I often wonder if there shouldn't be a separate category for that, whether it be dominant women or female led relationships where the power exchange is inherent, but there isn't the BD/SM stuff, humiliation and the like, just simply where the spouse or girlfriend is take charge (or how about 'take charge women' *smile*)

 

[Cattypuss]

Ah, a person after my own heart *lol* *(for those who don't know, that was Horace Rumpole's whispered title for his nag of a wife, Hilda, in "Rumpole of the Bailey", a funny, funny series of books and an even better UK tv series starring the late Leo McKern.

And now I'm thinking of Arthur Daly from Minder, who referred to his wife as "'er indoors" LOL.

 

[BiBunny]

It isn't easy to find because as you point out, the stories often have that with hardcore BD/SM stuff, humiliation, cuckoldry and so forth. Basically you have to wade through the femmedom and bd/sm categories to find the ones you want.

I often wonder if there shouldn't be a separate category for that, whether it be dominant women or female led relationships where the power exchange is inherent, but there isn't the BD/SM stuff, humiliation and the like, just simply where the spouse or girlfriend is take charge (or how about 'take charge women' *smile*)

I'm pretty sure it's just called "sensual domination," and it's not limited to Fdom/msub relationships.

 

[midwestyankee]

Ah, a person after my own heart *lol* *(for those who don't know, that was Horace Rumpole's whispered title for his nag of a wife, Hilda, in "Rumpole of the Bailey", a funny, funny series of books and an even better UK tv series starring the late Leo McKern.

Well, not your heart, exactly, as I'm trending vegetarian somewhat these days. Perhaps we could negotiate other parts of the, ahem, real estate.