Tell Blatant Lies About....Yourself

[Taegul]

I am actually posting this from the International Space Station. You all look beautiful from up here. And tiny. So tiny.

 

[cocokittysurprise]

I was a cheerleader for an NFL team.

 

[subtle_Dom]

I frequently get asked up on stage to sing in front of large crowds.

 

[EctoJohn]

I know the meaning of life, I just don't want to tell anyone else.

 

[kellyt1994]

I have a 3 handicap in golf.

 

[SusanHoward]

I didn’t even get a single invitation to my senior prom.

 

[NoObjection]

I invited Susan to the prom and she took my virginity.

 

[Taegul]

I confused "senior prom" with senior porn.

The retirement home staff were not happy. The retired ladies were very happy.

 

[kellyt1994]

I was an All-Conference tight end for the Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils.

 

[Jodaily]

I was an All-Conference tight end for the Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils.

Mmm, and what a tight end it was.
Shagged many a tight end

 

[Photog1rl]

I’ve never recorded myself having an orgasm.

 

[Biggalute]

I've never heard @Photog1rl orgasm

 

[Photog1rl]

I’m not laughing that @Biggalute changed his reaction to my post at least three times.

 

[Biggalute]

He gets easily confused
I'm not surprised in the least that @Photog1rl noticed or even saw my post and reactions

 

[F3x0r]

I'm an absolute delight in the morning

 

[kellyt1994]

I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life.

 

[SusanHoward]

He’s sure to leave me alone whenever I have shaved my legs silky smooth.

 

[subdudeme13]

I am sure to leave her alone whenever she has shaved her legs silky smooth.

 

[F3x0r]

I'm fully invested in work today...

 

[kellyt1994]

I was Paul Schaeffer's fluffer on the old Letterman show.

 

[Jodaily]

Was my fluffer, but the job just got too big for her.

 

[SusanHoward]

I never kiss until the third date.

 

[kellyt1994]

I never kiss until the third date.

But how many dates to get to 5th base?

 

[vibes]

I never kiss until the third date.

What?

Waking up before 6 makes me happy

 

[Wouldlovetoo]

I don't care to have sex ever.