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Tell a Joke

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' OHIO STATE !'

And they say blondes are dumb...
 
Take this motion-induced blindness test.


In a vehicle accident where a speeding car hits a slower moving vehicle coming from the side, the speeding car drivers often swear that they just didn't see the vehicle coming from the left or right. Well, they aren't lying!

This phenomenon on the car drivers' part is known as "Motion Induced Blindness". It is definitely frightening.

Once airborne, pilots are taught to alternate their gaze between scanning the horizon and scanning their instrument panel, and never to fix their gaze for more than a couple of seconds on any single object. They are taught to continually keep their heads on a swivel and their eyes always moving. Because, if you fix your gaze on one object long enough while you yourself are in motion, your peripheral vision goes blind.

Let me give you a small demonstration of motion induced blindness. Just click on the link below. You will see a revolving array of blue crosses on a black background. There is a flashing green dot in the center and three fixed yellow dots around it. If you fix your gaze on the green dot for more than a few seconds, the yellow dots will disappear at random, either singly, or in pairs, or all three together. In reality, the yellow dots are always there.

Anytime you glance over to any of the blinking yellow dots, you'll see they are always there!

http://www.msf-usa.org/motion.html
 
The Obama Years Graphics

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--W_7J_wkBFU/UfELmfUgPVI/AAAAAAAAAJg/45IOL4rxvPk/s320/pic1.bmp

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_Qx-EU6lMZk/UfEOJ2m4vdI/AAAAAAAAAKA/5WGyBVaenn0/s320/pic8.bmp

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-o8rJ4O4zYZY/UfEOkhOjk0I/AAAAAAAAAKI/a7sFHm485n8/s320/pic9.bmp

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-watJiY45PH8/UfEO7zH_4yI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/IuR1JTUYr-g/s320/pic10.bmp

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Q-ZlHVgXreg/UfEPhG-iI9I/AAAAAAAAAKY/uFlGoc_q-zc/s320/pic2.b

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8NGsSKpmL8Q/UfEQIxRHwFI/AAAAAAAAAKk/RmCVK4r6log/s320/pic3.bmp

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2HVrnea5ik4/UfEQY6MGutI/AAAAAAAAAKs/ivxBpb3Ue7U/s320/pic4.bmp

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mNIOtpdGA5E/UfEQyPExhKI/AAAAAAAAAK0/NJeNvKE310I/s320/pic11.bmp


http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-shHqhOkuWvA/UfERIMmsqJI/AAAAAAAAAK8/84jM18f60C4/s320/pic12.bmp

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r4QUDM4jZRE/UfERW0hCqgI/AAAAAAAAALE/YHobLuuyN20/s320/pic6.bmp
 
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
____________________________________
 
Q: what's the most embarrassing thing that can happen to a man?

A: walk into a wall with a boner and break your nose.
 
A LESSON IN LEADERSHIP

In 1941, the Imperial Japanese Government decided that it would be a good idea to bomb Pearl Harbor, destroy America's Navy, and then easily kick America's butt. As a result of this unfortunate decision by Japan's pompous leaders, President Franklin D. Roosevelt rallied Americans to immediately begin manufacturing tanks, ships, planes and guns to defend the country.
FDR's Administration trained and equipped America's young fighting men and women, and delivered them to strategic military locations all over the world. He then provided America's allies with the necessary armament to prepare for war against, and to ultimately defeat, the Axis aggressors. (The Japanese Empire, Germany and Italy.) Three and a half years later, America and it's allies defeated the Axis aggressors, and the country soon returned to a peaceful, albeit a much more powerful, and more "aware," existence.

…perhaps for less money too, then it took.....

The Obama administration has not been able to build a web site in the same amount of time.
 
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?


Acne waits till you're 15 to cum on your face.



My apologies to any and all Catholics on Lit. But come on...that's some funny shit!!
 
Auto Text

Text from daughter to mom:
"Hello mom, I need your advice. I have some of my boyfriend's cum stuck in my hair. How do I get it out? Will I have to cut it out?"


Text from mom to daughter:
"It’s nice you can send me such a frank text. No, you won't have to cut it out. I've had loads of cum in my hair over the years and it will just wash out."


Daughter back to mom:
"Oh my God, mom.......... sorry, I meant to spell gum."
 
With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. I was out for an evening and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice draft beers. Feeling pretty good I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived back at the apartment safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, and I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.
 
I was sitting on a couch having a wank,when the bastard store security threw me out.
 
Females are Tropical cyclons, hot and wet, when they come,
when they leave, they take house and cars with them.
 
Men Jokes For Women

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.
 
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