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Tell a Joke

SeaDaddy1 said:
Maybe not a joke, but I think it should be.

I moved this month and my service provider is advertising DSL service nation wide. I asked for DSL, but got more expansive, higher cost service.

When I inquired as to why not DSL only, the response was this:

".....I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience you have faced. I have
reviewed your account and would like to inform you that, DSL Service is
not available at your locate. Location and the existing telephone
technology at your location may limit the availability of our FastAccess
DSL technology. For instance, your telephone line must be located within
18,000 feet of the local Central Office........."

My response was this:

"Thanks for the reply. So, if I understand this correctly, the Nation Wide advertisement for DSL service is applicable only to customers within 18,000 feet of the local Central Office? That doesn't seem too bright to be advertising that service if it's so limited to proximity of a local Central Office.":cool:
Click to expand...


I received a similar response because I lived near the 18,000 foot border for their service and they couldn't guarantee service, went with cable, bundled service and wound up with the same cost.
 
Magic Sandals


A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..' So the married couple walked in.

The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex..'

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.

The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?' The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.' Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.

The Jamaican began screaming in panic: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'
 
BusyAfternoon said:
Could you trust your car to do this...? Watch this cool demonstration. You just have to get by Annie's "Valley Girl" voice. It is so annoying.

I see a few problems with this other than the voice. Still pretty interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=rgN8MOrss40
Click to expand...

That's pretty creepy.

On top of it all, it should resemble a 1981 Firebird, have flashing red lights in the front, and sound just like William Daniels when it talks.

I also can't help but wonder - is it smart enough to go past spaces that have signs with things like "RESERVED" or "PERMIT 1234" or worse, a big blue sign that says "HANDICAP"?
 
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you for taking all of us with you .

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.
You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."
 
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment seminar, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
 
WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY!

*Our Phones ~ Wireless
*Cooking ~ Fireless
*Cars ~ Keyless
*Food ~ Fatless
*Tires ~ Tubeless
*Dress ~ Sleeveless
*Youth ~ Jobless
*Leaders ~ Shameless
*Relationships ~ Meaningless
*Attitude ~ Careless
*Wives ~ Fearless
*Babies ~ Fatherless
*Feelings ~ Heartless
*Education ~ Valueless
*Children ~ Mannerless
Everything is becoming LESS but still our hopes are~ Endless.
In fact we are ~ Speechless
And our PRESIDENT is
CLUELESS !!
 
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire. "Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."

"So here I am."
 
BusyAfternoon said:
Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip. Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire. "Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."

"So here I am."
Click to expand...

hahaha:D
 
Judge Judy to Prostitute:
"When did you realize you were raped?"
Prostitute (wiping away tears): "When the check bounced."


The American Public will soon reach the same conclusion
 
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
 
Mother Superior was talking with the senior class of the parochial school. She asked one girl what she wanted to do when she graduated. Her reply was "I want to be a doctor and help people." "Thats very nice, my dear" Mother superior replied.

She asked a second student the same question. The second students reply was, "I want to be a veterinarian and help animals."
"That too is a nice career choice." said the Superior Mother.

When she aked the third student the same question and got the reply of "I want to be a prostitute", ol Mother Superior fainted and fell to the floor. When she regained concsiousness, she asked to speak to the third student. Again she asked her what she wanted to do when she got out of school and again the students reply was that she wanted to be a prostitute.
"Oh. Thank heavens," Mother Superior said. "Ithought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."
 
I Never Knew This...

I was completely unaware of this event that took place in Athens, TN in 1946.

I did not know an armed revolt on American soil by WWII veterans ever took place during our lifetime. A very sobering video to say the least. Now the second amendment should be a little clearer to everyone.

This movie lasts less than ten minutes and is well worth the time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=U5ut6yPrObw
 
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