Tell a Joke

[Busybody]

Irish Court Case


The judge says to a double-homicide defendant... "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"

The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that arsehole, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

 

[BusyAfternoon]

22 questions can identify which part of the country you grew up in. I was 22 of 22 for my hometown. The maps are pretty interesting!


http://www.businessinsider.com/22-maps-that-show-the-deepest-linguistic-conflicts-in-america-2013-6

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Irish Court Case


The judge says to a double-homicide defendant... "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"

The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom. "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to that arsehole, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

Funny!

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Johnny Carson: Middle East Beauty Contest 1955

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1v1wKO65FI&feature=player_detailpage

 

[BusyAfternoon]

The classic female argument...

"Don't try to fix it. I just need you to listen." Every man has heard these words. And they are the law of the land. No matter what...!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-4EDhdAHrOg

 

[BusyAfternoon]

VERY INTERESTING FACT!
I never knew this!


Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
Where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.


If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:


"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."


You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

 

[BusyAfternoon]

A Great action video...! A few shots of hot chicks, some cool dance moves and a rodent.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=hUj65M4T1cg

Now I need a nap.

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Melissa Venema, age 13, is a trumpet soloist from Holland. Here she plays Taps in its entirety. The original version of was called Last Post and was written by Daniel Butterfield in 1801. It was lengthy and formal, as you will hear in this clip. In 1862 it was shortened to 24 notes and re-named Taps. Melissa Venema is playing it on a trumpet whereas the original was played on a bugle.

TAPS - The Original Version


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=H4l3Rgq-L1M

 

[Weird Harold]

Melissa Venema, age 13, is a trumpet soloist from Holland. Here she plays Taps in its entirety. The original version of was called Last Post and was written by Daniel Butterfield in 1801. It was lengthy and formal, as you will hear in this clip. In 1862 it was shortened to 24 notes and re-named Taps. Melissa Venema is playing it on a trumpet whereas the original was played on a bugle.

TAPS - The Original Version


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=H4l3Rgq-L1M

Your musical history is flawed. The tune is Il Silencio, written in Italy ca 1965 -- some 100 years after "Taps."

I tink I prefer this 2013 version by Melissa (about one month before her 18th Birthday)

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Female Chinese Soldier Hand Grenade Training FAIL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=AwBFepUkQms

"Fire in the Hole...!"

You can't throw a hand grenade like a girl...!

The Instructors hope that they can at least
get it over the sandbags...!

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Danier Leather Commercial

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=oDIgL4NQbNA

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Your musical history is flawed. The tune is Il Silencio, written in Italy ca 1965 -- some 100 years after "Taps."

I tink I prefer this 2013 version by Melissa (about one month before her 18th Birthday)

You do got lots of answers and, in this case, to the right question.

Indeed, well done!

Recently a young girl played Il Silenzio with the Andre Rieu Orchestra and it became an internet sensation. After hearing this recording many people have assumed that the piece she was playing (Il Silenzio) was derived from or was, in fact, the American Taps. Il Silenzio is NOT our Taps nor is it a longer version of our call. It does not (to my knowledge) have its origin in the Taps bugle call unless the composer of the Il Silenzio heard our Taps and incorporated it into their version. I do not know when Il Silenzio dates from but I know that Taps has its origin in an 1835 manual in the call Tattoo (I call it the Scott Tattoo) and then rearranged into Taps by Daniel Butterfield and Oliver Willcox Norton in 1862. More on that story and the progression of Taps can be found at www.tapsbugler.com

The only things in common Il Silenzio has with Taps has are:

1. It uses the same three notes at the beginning
2. It is used for the same purpose (to tell soldiers to go to sleep)

Unfortunately, too many all bugle calls sound alike…..

 

[BusyAfternoon]

HOW TO: Undo Her Bra With One Hand

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XiL25Au51AI

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Dammit I'm Mad

Spelled Backwards Is

Dammit I'm Mad

 

[Busybody]

http://www.dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/funny-one-liner-jokes.jpg

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Wasilla couple turns pickup into a Radio Flyer Wagon.

Radio Flyer Car

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-1w48qPF5hc

Should bring back some fond memories...

 

[BusyAfternoon]

My kind of Woman...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=qrhSf8CEgC8

 

[unregistered]

 

[BusyAfternoon]

http://www.goldismoney2.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=18193&d=1337358105&thumb=1

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Peaches,

A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "would you like to buy some peaches?"

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"

He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am", and a little tear ran from his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"

The farmer said, "Yes", and a tear came from the other eye.

Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"

He again said, "Yes", and broke down crying.

She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"

Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soybeans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches!"

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Michael Douglas claimed Sunday that he caught his throat cancer two years ago by giving his wife oral sex.

This outrageous statement begs two questions: Is this a sound medical diagnosis; or, is Michael Douglas the latest Democrat to blame everything on a Bush...?

 

[BusyAfternoon]

How It Ended For Spiderman....

http://www.goldismoney2.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=18722&d=1339363348&thumb=1

 

[BusyAfternoon]

Airport Screening Stats

January Statistics On Airport Screening From The Department Of Homeland Security:

Terrorists Discovered 0
Transvestites 133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 59,350
Natural Blondes 3


It was also discovered that 535 congressional representatives had no balls.

 

[RobDownSouth]

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95."

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, and one of Ken's Friends."

 

[Biker_Type]

and then, four years later , we elected him again...can you believe that shit?