BusyAfternoon
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Tell a Joke
- Thread starter in_oral_office
- Start date
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
THINK BEFORE YOU DONATE
As you open your pockets to do a good thing and make yourself feel good, please keep the following facts in mind:
----------------------------
The American Red Cross
President and CEO Marsha J. Evans'
Salary for the year was $651,957 plus expenses.
MARCH OF DIMES
It is called the March of Dimes because only a dime for every 1 dollar is given to the needy.
The United Way
President Brian Gallagher
receives a $375,000 base salary along with numerous expense benefits.
UNICEF
CEO Caryl M. Stern receives $1,200,000 per year (100k per month) plus all expenses including a ROLLS ROYCE. Less than 5 cents of your donated dollar goes to the cause.
GOODWILL
CEO and owner Mark Curran profits $2.3 million a year. Goodwill is a very catchy name for his business. You donate to his business and then he sells the items for PROFIT. He pays nothing for his products and pays his workers minimum wage! Nice Guy...! $0.00 goes to help anyone! Stop giving to this man.
----------------------------
Instead, give it to ANY OF THE FOLLOWING...
PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE IT WILL DO SOME GOOD.
The Salvation Army
Commissioner, Todd Bassett receives a small salary of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization. 96 percent of donated dollars go to the cause.
The American Legion
National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.
Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
The Veterans of Foreign Wars
National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.
Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
The Disabled American Veterans
National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.
Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
The Military Order of Purple Hearts
National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.
Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
The Vietnam Veterans Association
National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.
Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
Make a Wish: For children's last wishes.
100% goes to funding trips or special wishes for a dying child.
St. Jude Research Hospital
100% goes towards funding and helping Children with Cancer who have no insurance and can not afford to pay.
Ronald McDonald Houses
All monies go to running the houses for parents who have critical Children in the hospital. 100% goes to housing, and feeding the families.
Lions Club International
100% OF DONATIONS GO TO HELP THE BLIND, BUY HEARING AIDES, SUPPORT MEDICAL MISSIONS AROUND THE WORLD. THEIR LATEST UNDERTAKING IS MEASLES VACCINATIONS (ONLY $1.00 PER SHOT).
Please share this with everyone you can...
As you open your pockets to do a good thing and make yourself feel good, please keep the following facts in mind:
----------------------------
The American Red Cross
President and CEO Marsha J. Evans'
Salary for the year was $651,957 plus expenses.
MARCH OF DIMES
It is called the March of Dimes because only a dime for every 1 dollar is given to the needy.
The United Way
President Brian Gallagher
receives a $375,000 base salary along with numerous expense benefits.
UNICEF
CEO Caryl M. Stern receives $1,200,000 per year (100k per month) plus all expenses including a ROLLS ROYCE. Less than 5 cents of your donated dollar goes to the cause.
GOODWILL
CEO and owner Mark Curran profits $2.3 million a year. Goodwill is a very catchy name for his business. You donate to his business and then he sells the items for PROFIT. He pays nothing for his products and pays his workers minimum wage! Nice Guy...! $0.00 goes to help anyone! Stop giving to this man.
----------------------------
Instead, give it to ANY OF THE FOLLOWING...
PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE IT WILL DO SOME GOOD.
The Salvation Army
Commissioner, Todd Bassett receives a small salary of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization. 96 percent of donated dollars go to the cause.
The American Legion
National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.
Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
The Veterans of Foreign Wars
National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.
Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
The Disabled American Veterans
National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.
Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
The Military Order of Purple Hearts
National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.
Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
The Vietnam Veterans Association
National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary.
Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
Make a Wish: For children's last wishes.
100% goes to funding trips or special wishes for a dying child.
St. Jude Research Hospital
100% goes towards funding and helping Children with Cancer who have no insurance and can not afford to pay.
Ronald McDonald Houses
All monies go to running the houses for parents who have critical Children in the hospital. 100% goes to housing, and feeding the families.
Lions Club International
100% OF DONATIONS GO TO HELP THE BLIND, BUY HEARING AIDES, SUPPORT MEDICAL MISSIONS AROUND THE WORLD. THEIR LATEST UNDERTAKING IS MEASLES VACCINATIONS (ONLY $1.00 PER SHOT).
Please share this with everyone you can...
BusyAfternoon
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Luiggi walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store twice every day.
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.
He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.
After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Luiggi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Luiggi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?'
Luiggi answers, 'I see the reflection ina my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?'
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, 'Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?'
Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luiggi, I do, but how do you know that?'
He replies, 'I see the reflection ina my new $300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?'
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luiggi asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his face turns red.
He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart… Please, please tella me you wear no panties tonight… Please, please, tella me this true!'
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luiggi, I wear no panties tonight.'
Luiggi gasps, 'Thanka God ... I thought I had a CRACK ina my $300 Armani leather shoes.....................!'
Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes.
He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about.
After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement.
Luiggi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, 'Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?'
Startled, Sophia replies, 'Yes, Luiggi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?'
Luiggi answers, 'I see the reflection ina my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?'
Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, 'Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?'
Rosa answers, 'Yes, Luiggi, I do, but how do you know that?'
He replies, 'I see the reflection ina my new $300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?'
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luiggi asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his face turns red.
He states, 'Carmela, be stilla my heart… Please, please tella me you wear no panties tonight… Please, please, tella me this true!'
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, 'Yes Luiggi, I wear no panties tonight.'
Luiggi gasps, 'Thanka God ... I thought I had a CRACK ina my $300 Armani leather shoes.....................!'
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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So, my wife comes up to me with a dreamy
look in her eye and asks, "Why don't we
make love like they do in the movies?"
So I grabbed her, laid her on the kitchen
table, ate her pussy, fucked her good,
stuck it in her mouth, turned her over,
spanked her, stuck it in her ass, then
came on her face.
Well it turns out we don't watch
the same kind of movies.
look in her eye and asks, "Why don't we
make love like they do in the movies?"
So I grabbed her, laid her on the kitchen
table, ate her pussy, fucked her good,
stuck it in her mouth, turned her over,
spanked her, stuck it in her ass, then
came on her face.
Well it turns out we don't watch
the same kind of movies.
BusyAfternoon
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Target Practice:
Bob, not the brightest rookie at the police academy, was at the pistol range. He was given some instruction, a pistol, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. Bob looked at his weapon and then at the target again. He looked at the pistol again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the gun barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end!"
Bob, not the brightest rookie at the police academy, was at the pistol range. He was given some instruction, a pistol, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. Bob looked at his weapon and then at the target again. He looked at the pistol again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the gun barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area: "It's leaving here just fine. The trouble must be at your end!"
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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Porky:
A cute little girl was leading her dog through the park when a friendly police officer on patrol stopped her, saying, "That sure is a pretty dress you're wearing little lady." The little girl smiled and said, "Thank you, officer. My mama bought it for me. This is my dog Porky." The police man chuckled. "I'll bet I can guess why you call him that." She shook her little head. "I'll bet you can't." He laughed and said, "You called him Porky because he's so fat.." She shook her head. "Oh no sir, we call him that because he fucks pigs."
A cute little girl was leading her dog through the park when a friendly police officer on patrol stopped her, saying, "That sure is a pretty dress you're wearing little lady." The little girl smiled and said, "Thank you, officer. My mama bought it for me. This is my dog Porky." The police man chuckled. "I'll bet I can guess why you call him that." She shook her little head. "I'll bet you can't." He laughed and said, "You called him Porky because he's so fat.." She shook her head. "Oh no sir, we call him that because he fucks pigs."
BusyAfternoon
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Last edited:
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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Jingle Bells - The Cup Size Choir
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laJ9F2r38yk&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=laJ9F2r38yk&feature=player_embedded
BusyAfternoon
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A wife asks her husband:
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk
and if they have avocados, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!
Men will get it the first time.
My work is done here.
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk
and if they have avocados, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!
Men will get it the first time.
My work is done here.
BusyAfternoon
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- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
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Why We Don't Have Company Xmas Parties Anymore!
Company Memo
-----------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2012
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing
along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts
among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be
over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2012
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to
those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas
tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of
music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2012
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed
to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since the union members feel that £10.00 is too much money and the
executives believe £10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Company Memo
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2012
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our
Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything
for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest
to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood
pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but
the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: October 5, 2012
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including
organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW!
The rest of you fucking wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a
rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from Hell!!!
Company Memo
-----------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 1, 2012
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing
along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts
among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be
over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 2, 2012
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to
those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas
tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of
music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
Company Memo
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: October 3, 2012
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that
reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed
to handle this?
Somebody?
And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since the union members feel that £10.00 is too much money and the
executives believe £10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Company Memo
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: October 4, 2012
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our
Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything
for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest
to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood
pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but
the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
Company Memo
------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: October 5, 2012
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including
organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW!
The rest of you fucking wierdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have a
rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from Hell!!!
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
The Power of Words
I Know that it's not a joke but I like it.
This short film illustrates the power of words to radically effect change.
The Power of Words (1:48)
I Know that it's not a joke but I like it.
This short film illustrates the power of words to radically effect change.
The Power of Words (1:48)
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Posts
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Russian women's hockey team relaxing after winning
the Gold...
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kzynflaqub1qb4qv5o1_500.jpg
the Gold...
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kzynflaqub1qb4qv5o1_500.jpg
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
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The plane leaves Heathrow Airport under the control of a Jewish Captain; his Co-pilot is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reached cruising altitude, the Jewish Captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters… “I don’t like Chinese…”
“No rike Chinese?” asks the Co-pilot. “Why not?”
“You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that’s why..”
“No, no”, the Co-pilot protests. “Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.”
“Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn’t matter. You’re all alike!”
There’s a few minutes of silence.
“I no rike Jews!”, the Co-pilot suddenly announces.
“Oh yeah, why not?” asks the Captain.
“Jews sink Titanic!” says the Co-pilot.
“What? You’re insane! Jews didn’t sink the Titanic!” exclaims the Captain. “It was an iceberg!”
“Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg... no mattah... all same."
Once they reached cruising altitude, the Jewish Captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters… “I don’t like Chinese…”
“No rike Chinese?” asks the Co-pilot. “Why not?”
“You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that’s why..”
“No, no”, the Co-pilot protests. “Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.”
“Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn’t matter. You’re all alike!”
There’s a few minutes of silence.
“I no rike Jews!”, the Co-pilot suddenly announces.
“Oh yeah, why not?” asks the Captain.
“Jews sink Titanic!” says the Co-pilot.
“What? You’re insane! Jews didn’t sink the Titanic!” exclaims the Captain. “It was an iceberg!”
“Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg... no mattah... all same."
Earl
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2002
- Posts
- 9,525
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."
They were seated immediately.
Balladeer08
Literotica Guru
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- Nov 3, 2010
- Posts
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BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Posts
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Touching message from Santa . . . . .
Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.
Santa wrote back:
'Send me your Mother...'
Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.
Santa wrote back:
'Send me your Mother...'
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Feb 20, 2012
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There are friends and then there are true friends
http://www.navygentleman.com/political/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/truefriends.jpg
http://www.navygentleman.com/political/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/truefriends.jpg
BusyAfternoon
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beachbum1958
Indolent Adventurer
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2012
- Posts
- 1,014
Sex pill
I bought the wife some pills over the internet, and now we have sex every night!
I doesn't matter what position we use, or how many times, nothing wakes her...
I bought the wife some pills over the internet, and now we have sex every night!
I doesn't matter what position we use, or how many times, nothing wakes her...
beachbum1958
Indolent Adventurer
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2012
- Posts
- 1,014
I looked into my new girlfriend's eyes and said "I would like to make love to your soul."
"Awww! Any time, that is so romantic!" she smiled.
"Great" I replied, "I think I'll start with your R-soul"
"Awww! Any time, that is so romantic!" she smiled.
"Great" I replied, "I think I'll start with your R-soul"
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
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- Posts
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Quickies�
�
1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
__________________________________________________________
�
2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
__________________________________________________________
�
3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
__________________________________________________________
�
4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
__________________________________________________________
�
5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
__________________________________________________________
�
6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
___________________________________________________________
�
7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.
___________________________________________________________
�
8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A mechanic.
___________________________________________________________
�
9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
___________________________________________________________
�
10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut.
___________________________________________________________
�
11) Jewish dilemma:
Free PORK.
___________________________________________________________
�
12) The three words men hate to hear most during sex:
�
'Are you in?'
___________________________________________________________
�
13) The three words women hate to hear most during sex:
�
'Honey, I'm home!'
�
1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
__________________________________________________________
�
2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.
__________________________________________________________
�
3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.
__________________________________________________________
�
4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.
__________________________________________________________
�
5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
__________________________________________________________
�
6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
___________________________________________________________
�
7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
No one to talk to during orgasm.
___________________________________________________________
�
8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A mechanic.
___________________________________________________________
�
9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
___________________________________________________________
�
10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
The one who can eat the last donut.
___________________________________________________________
�
11) Jewish dilemma:
Free PORK.
___________________________________________________________
�
12) The three words men hate to hear most during sex:
�
'Are you in?'
___________________________________________________________
�
13) The three words women hate to hear most during sex:
�
'Honey, I'm home!'
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
RELIGIOUS TOLERANCE IN TORONTO CANADA .
THIS IS HILARIOUS
ENJOY
What a well thought-out plan!!!!!
This is one from NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster Jiggs McDonald in Orillia .
Tolerance
I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto.
I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs.
Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.
That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque,
thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.
We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy ",
and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."
Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and
adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs."
Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ";
with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.
Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge ",
its name in flashing neon lights and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."
All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us,
so their mosque issue would not be a problem for others.
THIS IS HILARIOUS
ENJOY
What a well thought-out plan!!!!!
This is one from NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster Jiggs McDonald in Orillia .
Tolerance
I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in Toronto.
I think it should be the goal of every Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs.
Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.
That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque,
thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.
We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy ",
and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."
Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and
adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called "Iraq o' Ribs."
Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ";
with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.
Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge ",
its name in flashing neon lights and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered."
All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us,
so their mosque issue would not be a problem for others.
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
Senor Moments
If you need a laugh today, this should take care of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv1tMioGgXI&feature=player_embedded
If you need a laugh today, this should take care of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv1tMioGgXI&feature=player_embedded
eric60red
Im a HEDONISTIC ALLURIST,
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2011
- Posts
- 4,344
For a laugh
Little Johnny! (Bless the little bastard) - The best so far.
"Class, today's assignment is to spell and
Use the word 'DOUGH' in a sentence."
Teacher says "Jane, you go first"
Dough, D O U G H..
Italians make pizza with dough.."
Very good, Jane... Now let's hear from Mary.
Dough, D O U G H.
"My brother makes things with play dough."
Very good, Mary...
Yes, Johnny, do you have something constructive to add?
"My mom says my dad doesn't make enough dough,
And he's bloody hopeless in bed, so she uses a dill dough!"
Little Johnny! (Bless the little bastard) - The best so far.
"Class, today's assignment is to spell and
Use the word 'DOUGH' in a sentence."
Teacher says "Jane, you go first"
Dough, D O U G H..
Italians make pizza with dough.."
Very good, Jane... Now let's hear from Mary.
Dough, D O U G H.
"My brother makes things with play dough."
Very good, Mary...
Yes, Johnny, do you have something constructive to add?
"My mom says my dad doesn't make enough dough,
And he's bloody hopeless in bed, so she uses a dill dough!"
BusyAfternoon
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2012
- Posts
- 2,041
The Afghan Quarterback
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!!!!
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago!!!!
