LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Tell a Joke

This is my neighbor...


http://gcache.imagehost123.com/bn/17/t3.jpg

She's single...
She lives right across the street.
I can see her house from my living room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway.
She knocked on my door...
I rushed to open it.
She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny! I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and make love all night long!
Are you busy tonight?"
I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!"
Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?"

MAN... IT'S NO FUN GETTING OLD!!!

"The older I get, the better I was...!"
 
A rich blond buys the New Automatic BMW X6 Sport.

She drives the car perfectly well during the day but at night the

car just won't move at all.

She tries driving the car at night for a week but still no luck, then furiously calls the BMW dealer and they send out a technician.

The technician asks: Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears??


Full of anger, the blond replies: You fool, you idiot, how could you ask such a question, I'm not stupid!!
I use D for the Day and N for the Night..
 
He: How do you feel about sex?

She: I would like it infrequently.

He: Is that one word or two?
 
There are so many TV channels and every one of them looking for new programs.
In an Australian rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter was sent out to try and seek an explanation for Mad Cow disease. She arranged an interview with a farmer who may have theories on the matter to try and find an answer.

The interview went as follows:

Lady reporter: I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease. Can you offer any reason for this disease?

The farmer stared at the reporter and said.
Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year?

Reporter: Well, sir, I have to admit that I was not aware of this fact (obviously embarrassed), but what's that got to do with Mad Cow disease?

Farmer: Well, madam, do you know that cows get milked twice a day?

Reporter: Yes Sir, but what's the point?

Farmer: I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day.... and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad?

THE INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED...​
 
Blonde

So this blonde walks into a bar








That was supposed to be it, one line, but look what I wrote the first time:
So this blonde wanks into a bar

After I got through laughing and visualizing that, I had to include it.:)

Just emailed that to a friend and the spelling checker came up with these choices for wanks:
Winks
Wonks
Wants
Wanes
Wands
Walks
There could be a good story right there.
 
Last edited:
Did you hear the one about George W.Bush writing a book on economic growth?

I am waiting to buy it next year, when it hits the used book stores for 50cents. His economic growth plans still have me on a tight budget.
 
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.



When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table.



Tale of Two Vasectomies

The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.



Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.



The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man asks," What are they doing in there"?



The nurse responds, " They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care."
 
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed.
The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud.
The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
 
what do you call an Arab with his arm up a camels ass?
​

A mechanic​
 
THE REST OF THE STORY



Osama Bin Laden was living with 3 wives, in one compound - and never left the house for 5 years.



It is now believed that he called the US Navy Seals himself.
 
Two little boys are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, outside the Operating Room.The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for? The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous. The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze. The second kid then asks, 'What are you in here for?'The first kid says, A circumcision. And the second kid says, 'Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy!I had that done when I was BORN ... Couldn't walk for a year.
 
Proof That The World Is Nuts

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)​
 
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?'



The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.



Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'



So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'



The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'



The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'



The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'



The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'



'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?'



The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.



His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'



The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially' , you and I are sitting on Three million dollars .



But 'realistically' , we're just living with two hookers and a queer.
 
Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him...

"You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!" She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said, "Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!" Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said, "Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the insurance money!"

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?" "Well, here it comes."
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

1
Testicles compared to what???
Replies
8
Views
512
Britva415
Britva415
Nectarboy
Looking for a story
Replies
0
Views
33
Nectarboy
Nectarboy
Y
I'm a 47 year old suburban mother of three. My oldest daughter is my wife.
Replies
9
Views
385
12gone
1
C
Looking for a story: husband finds out wife is a corporate whore
Replies
1
Views
81
Chorisero
C
cdstefi
Can you morally separate the art from the artist?
Replies
5
Views
146
Treeview
Treeview
Back
Top