LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Tell a Joke

Teacher asks the kids in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Lil' Johnny: "I Wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson:

And you, Tanya?

" I wanna be Lil' Johnny's bitch!"
 
Road Rage

(NEWSCHANNEL 3) - A driver who got cut off decided instead of getting mad, he was getting even.Judging by the license plates this is video is from somewhere overseas (Russia?). For some reason a lot of people over there have dash cams.You can see in the video above that a driver tries to merge, but another car won't let him in and he nearly gets hit by an oncoming van.The driver then speeds around those cars and appears to take off. He actually pulls over alongside the road and waits for the guy who wouldn't let him in and splashes water in his open window from a huge mud puddle.The video has been viewed nearly 2.5 million times since it was posted just three days ago.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YPKpVaimcxw
 
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad
bouncing up and down. the mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried
about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.

The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies, "Well, you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I
have to get on top of it and help flatten it."

"Your wasting your time," said the boy.

"Why is that?" the mom asked puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
knees and blows it right back up."
 
The Three Drinkers
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub together. They each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they are about to enjoy their creamy beverages, a fly lands in each of their pints and gets stuck in the frothy head.
The Englishman pushes his beer away in disgust.
The Scotsman fishes the fly out and continues drinking as if nothing.
The Irishman also picks the fly out of his drink, but then holds it out over the beer and yells, "Spit it out! Spit it out, you little bastard!".happened.
 
BusyAfternoon said:
Road Rage

(NEWSCHANNEL 3) - A driver who got cut off decided instead of getting mad, he was getting even.Judging by the license plates this is video is from somewhere overseas (Russia?). For some reason a lot of people over there have dash cams.You can see in the video above that a driver tries to merge, but another car won't let him in and he nearly gets hit by an oncoming van.The driver then speeds around those cars and appears to take off. He actually pulls over alongside the road and waits for the guy who wouldn't let him in and splashes water in his open window from a huge mud puddle.The video has been viewed nearly 2.5 million times since it was posted just three days ago.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YPKpVaimcxw
Click to expand...
hahah
 
Your first Halloween message.



Happy Halloween

Halloween is coming!



A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:

Bump...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER...

FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping




clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.



Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,

(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)


The coffin stops
 
There’s a lesson in here, I’m pretty sure ...

Drinking and Driving

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the various social sessions over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.
Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home.


Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.

I’ve never driven a taxi before and am not sure where I got it.
 
No need to check Snopes. This is undoubtedly true! And up to date !

Here are the latest results from TSA body scanning.
August Statistics On Airport Screening From The Department Of Homeland Security:
Terrorists Discovered 0
Transvestites 133
Hernias 1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
Enlarged Prostates 8,249
Breast Implants 59,350
Natural Blondes 3

(It was also revealed that 535 members of Congress had no testicles.)
 
Shipwrecked
A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a woman. That evening, the man brought the woman to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those "feelings" again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to the woman and told her he hadn't had sex for months. The woman batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.He said, "Take the dog for a walk."
 
I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today.




One of the questions was:
"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"

"Fucking' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer
 
A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the
congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed
a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his
paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding
salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how
much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how
much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his
chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as
many gifts as He gives us." Silence fell over the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally
said in her frail voice,

"Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear
rubbers."
 
Hot and Cold Sex


After his exam the doctor asked the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns

you would like to ask me> about?" "In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife, I am usually cold and

chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."



Later, after examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns

that you would like to discuss with me?" She replied that she had no questions or concerns.



The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having

sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"



"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
 
During a commercial airline flight a retired pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began breast feeding the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The ex-pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed:
"And all these years......I've been chewing gum !"
 
The New Bra
Dr. Terry Skuster, a scientist from Texas A & M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Skuster outside and kicked the crap out of him.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

1
Testicles compared to what???
Replies
8
Views
511
Britva415
Britva415
cdstefi
Can you morally separate the art from the artist?
Replies
5
Views
135
Treeview
Treeview
R
Looking for a story
Replies
0
Views
83
Rocksolid0202
R
butters
the reason why US chocolate tastes like vomit to many europeans... blame Mr. Hershey
Replies
2
Views
108
Liberia
Liberia
S
CFNM - Yes or no.
2
Replies
27
Views
1K
Luvtoexplore
Luvtoexplore
Back
Top