Teach me how to Master Date

[sincerely_helene]

A query for all you single dominants: Do you a) assert your dominance by approaching the submissive which captures your interest or b) assert your dominance by expecting the submissive to approach you (ei: play hard to get?)

Submissives: If a dominant displays signals that they are indifferent towards you, do you a) feel the complusion to pursue them more agressively or b) take it personally and back off all together?

Research for a potential story in progress. Greatly appreciate any feedback.

 

[Miss Trickery]

The domme in me - c) I just be myself... not a domme. Start things off vanilla like. I find that going with a) tends to scare some off. While some like it like that, i'd rather play it safe. Going wth b) never worked for me... don't know if it will.

 

[Killishandra]

Just some side thoughts, but isn't it interesting how people A) assert their dominance and/or B) display their submission, in different ways depending on their personalities and their ideas of what is dominant or what is submissive behavior?

As per your inquiry, SH, all I can tell you is that in the two D/s relationships I have been in I was the initiator in both circumstances. I think to both pursue AND be pursued back is my preference. Which, in another manner of speaking, says that I find it dominant when someone who desires me makes that plainly known. I abhor mind games, including the "hard to get" ones, and I don't think a Dominant who is comfortable in their own skin would feel the need to resort to them.

Someone who is disinterested in me is not going to capture my attention for very long. Undoubtably, there are exceptions to that, but generally speaking I do not believe in wasting one's time on someone who believes they are wasting their time with you.

Once mutual interest has been established, however, I do not mind being the one to go that "extra mile" in the beginnings of a relationship.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Thanks to the both of you for your responses. I feel it important after viewing them to mention that my post is merely a guideline and I would most certainly welcome any replies from readers in the 'c' to 'z' or even beyond category as well.

Miss Trickery: I greatly appreciate your honesty and enjoyed your input.

Killishandra: By the term "indifferent" I didn't mean to imply complete disinterest; I was going by the definition of niether for or against. My apologies for being unclear, and thank you for taking the time to reply.

 

[graceanne]

Ok, I've never pursued a dom, but I know when I was dating, that if a guy didn't show any interest in me, I wouldn't him - a pride thing. (Granted I am very observant - I could normally tell if someone liked me.) But if they showed interest in me, and I was interested, I'd flirt back.

I don't imagine that things would be any different if I was looking for a dom. *shrugs*

 

[Betticus]

Whatever the right thing to do is, I have the uncanny ability to do exactly the opposite of that.

 

[Miss Trickery]

Whatever the right thing to do is, I have the uncanny ability to do exactly the opposite of that.

have you tried a Mentos? I believe once you start with those... you can pretty much accomplish any task befitting your desires with as little effort as is possible.

 

[Betticus]

have you tried a Mentos? I believe once you start with those... you can pretty much accomplish any task befitting your desires with as little effort as is possible.

I thought it was the axe body spray.

 

[pellso27]

May seem simple

But it makes me notice someone when they are just themselves no playing around. When it comes to Dom/Sub I find it even more important to be yourself a good Dom will pick up on a Sub in the same area as Him or her! Then if he or she is a true Dom they will take it from there! Simple but true! Atleast I think so!

 

[sincerely_helene]

Ok, I've never pursued a dom, but I know when I was dating, that if a guy didn't show any interest in me, I wouldn't him - a pride thing. (Granted I am very observant - I could normally tell if someone liked me.) But if they showed interest in me, and I was interested, I'd flirt back.

I don't imagine that things would be any different if I was looking for a dom. *shrugs*

I'm so the complete opposite. For some reason, the more mixed signals I get, the more I want him. I don't usually pursue, though. Just want.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Whatever the right thing to do is, I have the uncanny ability to do exactly the opposite of that.

And yet you STILL get all the girlies.

 

[Recidiva]

I can't imagine a good Dom/me if the guy or girl doesn't feel completely at home intruding upon your space. If they belong there, they know it. They'll convince you of the same.

Go on and just have fun in your days and nights, if someone doesn't just step up to you and make it worth your while...you're probably better company to yourself.

 

[Marquis]

A query for all you single dominants: Do you a) assert your dominance by approaching the submissive which captures your interest or b) assert your dominance by expecting the submissive to approach you (ei: play hard to get?)

Submissives: If a dominant displays signals that they are indifferent towards you, do you a) feel the complusion to pursue them more agressively or b) take it personally and back off all together?

Research for a potential story in progress. Greatly appreciate any feedback.

Interesting topic Sinslurly

I really don't care if I approach or am approached initially, although being approached too agressively is a turnoff. I don't see either as asserting my dominance.

I'm not sure if this answers your question, but my highest preference for behavior in a female during the courting stage (or even in general) is not to "make moves" on me, but to make herself as available and receptive as possible to my moves.

I probably show signs of indifference a lot in my relationships, but it doesn't mean I want the female to go away or pursue me harder. It means I want her to sit tight until I tell her to come to me or go away.

I think you'll find that a lot of good Doms say what they mean and mean what they say, so don't play games and you won't force him to.

Now, if you're not content to just sit tight and wait until your Dom wants something from you, back up when he needs space or come when he calls, that's your prerogative, but at least have the class to be honest about it. If your Dom asks you to move in with him and you don't want to, it's ok to say:

"I'm sorry, I don't think we're ready for that kind of commitment."

it's not ok to say

"Umm.... suuuuuuure, you know I'd love to live with you baby, but you gotta move to the first floor because I'm afraid of heights."

it's REALLY not ok to say

"Yes, Master" then bitch until he kicks you out, then say "awwww jees baby, I thought it was such a good idea too."


In my experience submissive women are some of the worst gameplayers there are. I think most women are submissive at heart, so I guess I'm talking about all women, but self-proclaimed subs tend to be particularly bad. I don't blame them, they're putting themselves in a particularly vulnerable position by advertising their compliance, and they are constantly afraid of being fucked over because of it. I don't think there is any easy answer, but I will say from experience that insulating your heart with an armor of relationship games does not work.

 

[sincerely_helene]

But it makes me notice someone when they are just themselves no playing around. When it comes to Dom/Sub I find it even more important to be yourself a good Dom will pick up on a Sub in the same area as Him or her! Then if he or she is a true Dom they will take it from there! Simple but true! Atleast I think so!

I suppose what I am getting at is: do you feel it is your responsiblity as a dominant persona to take control of the situation and approach, or do you feel it is on them as a submissive to do the legwork because of their need to please? All game playing aside, what is your natural instinct?

 

[Recidiva]

I really don't care if I approach or am approached initially, although being approached too agressively is a turnoff. I don't see either as asserting my dominance.

In my experience submissive women are some of the worst gameplayers there are. I think most women are submissive at heart, so I guess I'm talking about all women, but self-proclaimed subs tend to be particularly bad. I don't blame them, they're putting themselves in a particularly vulnerable position by advertising their compliance, and they are constantly afraid of being fucked over because of it. I don't think there is any easy answer, but I will say from experience that insulating your heart with an armor of relationship games does not work.

Bravo!

It's a lot more fun to not proclaim.

I think it's a lot of fun to play both sides of this particular fence.

Guys that can't admit, even in little ways, that you make their knees weak while they're making yours weak are no fun.

Women just are at a natural disadvantage 'cause at least in my case, guys make me all weak and stuff. I can't help it. Brain chemistry.

Some guys, though, do nothing for me. I resist the urge to smack them because it would turn them on more.

 

[sincerely_helene]

I can't imagine a good Dom/me if the guy or girl doesn't feel completely at home intruding upon your space. If they belong there, they know it. They'll convince you of the same.

Go on and just have fun in your days and nights, if someone doesn't just step up to you and make it worth your while...you're probably better company to yourself.

Great answer. I'm very picky about who I choose to let into my space, and if you just invite yourself I get very uncomfortable. Suppose everyone does.

Marquis: Good stuff, there! Wanna be in my story?

 

[Recidiva]

Great answer. I'm very picky about who I choose to let into my space, and if you just invite yourself I get very uncomfortable. Suppose everyone does.

Well, that's the acid test there, I'm very formal about my space until someone steps into it that I can't counter or freeze out. Especially if they can make me laugh while they're doing it. Then that person has some hold on me. Always turns out I've got a hold on them too or they wouldn't be there making the effort. It's rare, and there aren't too many guys that managed it, but damned if they weren't worth waiting for and spoiled me for...well...everyone else.

 

[Marquis]

Marquis: Good stuff, there! Wanna be in my story?

How does it end?

 

[Xelebes]

I haven't gone on a date in nearly three years. Something is not working.

 

[pellso27]

DOM must be a Dom

I suppose what I am getting at is: do you feel it is your responsiblity as a dominant persona to take control of the situation and approach, or do you feel it is on them as a submissive to do the legwork because of their need to please? All game playing aside, what is your natural instinct?

I would never wait for a Sub! to do anything. It is my place to get everything started and decide when and how it stops! all playing aside

 

[Evil_Geoff]

A query for all you single dominants: Do you a) assert your dominance by approaching the submissive which captures your interest or b) assert your dominance by expecting the submissive to approach you (ei: play hard to get?)

"Playing" hard to get isn't really asserting anything. In _my_ case, emotionally, I'm a picky bastard. I don't want to have a relationship with just anyone, so in the emotional sense, I _am_ hard to get.

Play wise however, I'm a slut and anyone who wants a good beating, caning, flogging, paddling, spanking whatever... Hey, let's negotiate!

When I was not in a relationship, I would initiate contact sometimes, sometimes I was approached. It takes absolutely nothing away from me as a Dominant when a submissive feels safe enough and comfortable enough to approach me. In fact, it says quite a lot about my reputation and character within the community here. As one of my former slaves put it: "Sir, they are groupies. Accept that, get over it. You will have them because of who and what you are."

Damned if I can figure out why though. I'm just a guy who likes to beat the stuffings out of people and make them scream and whimper and dance and laugh and giggle and cum and ... well.... you know.... *grins and shrugs*

 

[Miss Trickery]

In my experience submissive women are some of the worst gameplayers there are. I think most women are submissive at heart, so I guess I'm talking about all women, but self-proclaimed subs tend to be particularly bad. I don't blame them, they're putting themselves in a particularly vulnerable position by advertising their compliance, and they are constantly afraid of being fucked over because of it. I don't think there is any easy answer, but I will say from experience that insulating your heart with an armor of relationship games does not work.

I've known many dom/mes to play just as many games as any sub out there. People are people... I would say just about everyone plays a game here and there from time to time and I don't mean the one's involving a controller and a tv - or maybe some have used them?

Submissiveness can be looked at in so many different forms. Moving away from the obvious submissive in D/s - a Dom/me could be submissive in that he/she submits to the love, wants, desires, needs of his sub. Does that mean he/she gets on his/her knees and eagerly awaits to please his/her partner? Absolutely not, but straight up - to be submissive is to have the will to submit to something. So, most - if not all - women have a submissive side... as do most - if not all - men. However, if what you're saying is that women are all submissive (in the sense that they desire to be dominated in some way) - then I would have to disagree. That's like saying every man has thought about sleeping with another man sometime during their life.

I think some subs fail to realize that their 'submission' is theirs to decide and theirs to give. No one has the true right to demand that from someone against their will. I agree with you that many put their guard up because of the position their in - and yeah I think they should... so many crazies out there. And I too hate when people play games.

 

[brioche]

have you tried a Mentos? I believe once you start with those... you can pretty much accomplish any task befitting your desires with as little effort as is possible.

I thought it was the axe body spray.

Imagine what you can do if you double them up! Use both! And carry a Dasani water too so those guys will filter your speech!

Seriously though, that Mentos was not only a spew alert, it was in the back of my mind!

Sorry for the mini-hijack, what you guys are saying is really interesting, and i found Marquis' response full of clarity and very interesting.

 

[Private_Label]

Submissives: If a dominant displays signals that they are indifferent towards you, do you a) feel the complusion to pursue them more agressively or b) take it personally and back off all together?

Research for a potential story in progress. Greatly appreciate any feedback.

I have to be getting some kind of feedback that the person is interested. If they are acting indiffernt towards me, I do not take it personally, but then I don't go chasing them either.

If it is someone I have established a relationship with - I still expect/need to have a give & take - I'm fairly close to the 'nilla end of the spectrum - if the guy involved isn't showing interest - then he isn't interested and I should be moving on to someone who is interested. I don't think the cold shoulder would work with me mainly due to old baggage issues I have. Actually it would work - in a bad way - if there was an established/budding relationship and I got an indiffernt- take me or leave me reaction from a guy - I'd be leaving and not leave a forwarding address for him to find me later. Sorry, knee jerk response but something that is fairly hard wired - again, due to personal baggage - that is family related rather than SO related.

Don't know if this will be useful except to point out what possible effects of personal baggage can do.

 

[Private_Label]

"Sir, they are groupies. Accept that, get over it. You will have them because of who and what you are."

... *grins and shrugs*

I am NOT a groupie...











most of the time