tayloring the punishment to the sub

[Clamped Nips]

Ok I checked the Library and I did not see anything on punishment. So I had this questions for doms. Do you talor punishments to a sub? Meaning do you specifically do something that the sub does not like to punish them?

I was jus thinking that I have a maso streak and a high pain tolerance and that just whipping me hard may not be the best way to punish me since I like that sort of thing. Or do you go for more headspace along with the punishment?

Hope this is not too rambling question.

 

[Yang4yin]

For a masochist, administering pain should never be used as a punishment. Punishment must be something that is unpleasant.

 

[Netzach]

Normally this is true. However I've known certain masochists who could be reduced to tears from being spanked with the official "you are being corrected" implement and hate it.

 

[Yang4yin]

Normally this is true. However I've known certain masochists who could be reduced to tears from being spanked with the official "you are being corrected" implement and hate it.

I guess the "you are being corrected" implement was unpleasant.

 

[CutieMouse]

Ya know I can totally get off on pain, and a month ago I'd have said [in theory] people who enjoy pain shouldn't ever be punished with pain, but I'm not so sure I buy that anymore. We have a three strikes rule about most things -

if I didn't know I was doing something wrong, it's a freebie, and we discuss it

if I know I'm supposed to do something X way, and I don't, I'm reminded

if I do it again, I'm warned

if I do it a third time, I will be "disciplined" for the infraction

For 99% of "discipline" issues, he has told me he will give me 5 swats with a 1½" leather belt, without bondage (because bondage is for fun), and I'm expected to stay still for it. I have absolutely zero desire to ever see that belt anywhere other than his waist, or on top of the dresser... I've felt how hard he can swing a really nice deerskin flogger; I never ever ever wanna feel the belt. Have I mentioned I don't like the idea of the belt? Because I don't. LOL

Thankfully, with regards to the household, I'm used to anal retentive OCD-ish people, and there are very very few things I have to remember that seem out of the ordinary to me, anyway, and we get along well enough that I think we'll be able to about things and solve most issues before there's a need for discipline.

 

[be_ignited]

I'm sure there's no catch-all for what constitutes punishment in every relationship. After all, punishment isn't the same for everyone. My Dom had to stop using spanking as a punishment because I liked it too much

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i'm a masochist...and one of my punishments is the cane. i HATE it, it hurts, and not in a good way. Daddy has only used it on me once and hopefully He won't have to again. but for the most part my punishments are not 'pain related' or physical because it would defeat the purpose to 'spank me' when i like to be spanked. obviously everyone is different, what works for one will not always work for another so i guess yea, the punishment would have to be tailored to the submissive

 

[MasterPhoenix]

i'm a masochist...and one of my punishments is the cane. i HATE it, it hurts, and not in a good way. Daddy has only used it on me once and hopefully He won't have to again. but for the most part my punishments are not 'pain related' or physical because it would defeat the purpose to 'spank me' when i like to be spanked. obviously everyone is different, what works for one will not always work for another so i guess yea, the punishment would have to be tailored to the submissive

Ummmm.... It was the crop, not the cane....

I don't have a cane...

yet...

 

[WriterDom]

One sub's punishment could be another's reward. So yes, you have to look at it on a case by case basis.

 

[the captians wench]

One sub's punishment could be another's reward. So yes, you have to look at it on a case by case basis.

I have a perfect example of this.

I was out with a slave friend of mine and her master. We went to Long John Silver's for lunch and I ordered the baked fish. Well I didn't realize it had peprika on it, which I'm allergic to. So when I made a comment about it they told me to take it back. Well I hate to make a fuss, so I said it was okay, there wasn't a lot, and I don't hive or anything I just get stomach cramps and it didn't look like it was actually cooked in it, so I'd just eat around it.

Well he looks at his own fork twirling his food around a bit and says "wenchie, if you eat that, and you get sick, you will be punished, and I will be a bastard about it, and you will not like it. Now the choice is yours" and my friend went on and on about how I won't like this.

So I took it back.

well after I took it back, they told me what he had planed for me. She said what he did to her was used her as a foot stool for half an hour, then dinner was served on her back, and then she went back to being a footstool for the length of some tv program. I just looked at her and said "that's what he had planed? I love that shit!" she said that I didn't understand that her arms were shaking afterwards and she had to remain perfectly still and he even put a glass of juice on her back. I still proclaimed my love for it and she decided I'm nuts. *giggles*

But for me, my punishment really depends on the crime. minor infractions get me tack time. I dislike the tacks, so they're not used very often, but he loves them so they do get used some times for his enjoyment. minor infractions would include things like me just being too much of a cheeky bitch and such. Tho Jounar has never done this to me, others have punished me by conor time, or ignoring me for so long or just pretending that I'm not in the room. This absolutely breaks my heart. I'm such an attention whore

 

[Softouch911]

I have this notion that punishment should fit the crime, be instructive, and corrective.

So I have problems using punishment that is just plain ol' physical stuff, though I admit to using that, once or twice, on (unusual) occasions.

Usually, with my girl, I find it more useful -- i.e., the problem doesn't come up again -- if I 1) have her journal about what she has done/not done, why it is wrong, what she should have done instead, and what she plans to do about it to atone. 2) Atonement is a big one for me -- how can she make it up? If something has been done that is "wrong," it needs to be fixed if it's possible. 3) I let her know I'm disappointed in her, and that she has aggravated me. This seems to impact her the most.

The one time I had to punish for a "serious" issue, I also removed some of her pleasures (in an area that seemed related to the problem) for awhile.

Her pleasure comes with forgiveness, following the above. Forgiveness is a lot like aftercare and usually has a treat of some sort built in.

All of this sounds elaborate, but I haven't found it hard to accomplish if I think out my response and wait to act until I'm not emotional. In my defense, it seems to work in our house as I've never had to deal with an issue twice. **knocks on wood**

Neither of us like punishment.

Now for things like "spankings" of "naughty girls" and so on, we regard those things as play and we do them too, but they are for fun.

I gather from the responses here that most of you, like me, treat punishment as a separate beast from discipline, which I limit to instruction when that's needed ... again, rarely, now that we've been together for some time.

Respectfully,
ST

 

[callinectes]

Playing devil's advocate for a minute..

What happens when the dominant party fucks up? Do you as a sub point it out to him/her? Do you tell him/her how you felt about it? As the dominant one does that person automatically get a pass because they are dominant and therefore don't make mistakes?

 

[Softouch911]

Playing devil's advocate for a minute..

What happens when the dominant party fucks up? Do you as a sub point it out to him/her? Do you tell him/her how you felt about it? As the dominant one does that person automatically get a pass because they are dominant and therefore don't make mistakes?

I assume you mean something more serious ... not just forgetting to pick up bread/milk on the way, or something. A truly serious breach -- ignoring limits, or some such -- is cause for an immediate release I'd think. In between, I'd suggest beginning with communication, however it is achieved in your relationship.

Might be a good separate thread?

Respectfully,
ST

 

[Netzach]

Playing devil's advocate for a minute..

What happens when the dominant party fucks up? Do you as a sub point it out to him/her? Do you tell him/her how you felt about it? As the dominant one does that person automatically get a pass because they are dominant and therefore don't make mistakes?

I love this question. I have no issue with being told how he feels about stuff that annoys him. I am more interested in his candor than his fear of me. What I'm going to do about it is up to me, but having him happy and sane is definitely of interest to me.

Apology isn't out of my league either. My mother is a very insecure woman and completely UNABLE to apologize or admit a mistake ever. I have no idea what got her so fucked up about it. I don't see myself as overapologetic, but owning a mistake never scared me.

 

[callinectes]

I assume you mean something more serious ... not just forgetting to pick up bread/milk on the way, or something. A truly serious breach -- ignoring limits, or some such -- is cause for an immediate release I'd think. In between, I'd suggest beginning with communication, however it is achieved in your relationship.

Might be a good separate thread?

Respectfully,
ST

I'm not asking vis a vis my relationship, we have this covered.

For the sake of discussion though...if you do something that is serious enough that you would punish your sub for it....do you get a pass or do you own up to it? If you do own up to it..how?

 

[callinectes]

I love this question. I have no issue with being told how he feels about stuff that annoys him. I am more interested in his candor than his fear of me. What I'm going to do about it is up to me, but having him happy and sane is definitely of interest to me.

Apology isn't out of my league either. My mother is a very insecure woman and completely UNABLE to apologize or admit a mistake ever. I have no idea what got her so fucked up about it. I don't see myself as overapologetic, but owning a mistake never scared me.

This is why I adore you Netzach. Thanks

 

[CutieMouse]

Playing devil's advocate for a minute..

What happens when the dominant party fucks up? Do you as a sub point it out to him/her? Do you tell him/her how you felt about it? As the dominant one does that person automatically get a pass because they are dominant and therefore don't make mistakes?

If you don't mind, I'm going to steal this for a new thread, as it's an issue that's been weighing on me the last few days.

 

[callinectes]

If you don't mind, I'm going to steal this for a new thread, as it's an issue that's been weighing on me the last few days.

Have at it. I think it would be a great discussion.

 

[catalina_francisco]

This idea that masochists cannot be punished with pain so does not hold water. Firstly, headspace can make it just as effective if not more so than any other form of punishment/discipline. Secondly, everyone has their limits, even masochists and believe me, he has taken me to a place using pain as punishment that I have not forgotten nor wish to revisit several months later. It is all about how you deliver that pain and to what level...if you are going to make it pleasant, of course they are going to enjoy it, but it doesn't have to be that way.

Catalina

 

[Softouch911]

I'm not asking vis a vis my relationship, we have this covered.

For the sake of discussion though...if you do something that is serious enough that you would punish your sub for it....do you get a pass or do you own up to it? If you do own up to it..how?

If I agree it's an issue, I apologize and try to fix it or make the change.

If I don't agree, we talk until I figure out how to approach it, usually with her help.

Okay?

ST

 

[myinnerslut]

ive been punished with pain. i've also been punished by having pleasure removed, or not being allowed to cum. in adition to the punishment being suited to me, the punishment was specific to the infraction

 

[BiBunny]

Believe it or not, I'm a fairly good sub (and B.'s really lenient about what he'll put up with from me and what he won't). A warning will get me to stop anything he doesn't approve of (which ain't much). If not, a slap across the face stops me. I know the pain he's capable of causing me when we play. I know better than to push him into "punishment" territory. But, for the most part, he doesn't give me a bunch of rules and regulations, and he appreciates my smartass mouth. For that reason, "punishment" in the way it's usually meant in a BDSM sense doesn't come into play in our relationship.

 

[intothewoods]

Believe it or not, I'm a fairly good sub (and B.'s really lenient about what he'll put up with from me and what he won't). A warning will get me to stop anything he doesn't approve of (which ain't much). If not, a slap across the face stops me. I know the pain he's capable of causing me when we play. I know better than to push him into "punishment" territory. But, for the most part, he doesn't give me a bunch of rules and regulations, and he appreciates my smartass mouth. For that reason, "punishment" in the way it's usually meant in a BDSM sense doesn't come into play in our relationship.

me neither.

ETA - well, except that I did a specific punishment scene recently with someone, but that was kind of a one time deal.

 

[callinectes]

If I agree it's an issue, I apologize and try to fix it or make the change.

If I don't agree, we talk until I figure out how to approach it, usually with her help.

Okay?

ST

Sure, okay. I was just asking because we seldom read about PYLs and how their behavior within the relationship can affect it. I appreciate the response and am sorry you seem to have interpreted the question as some kind of challenge.

 

[FurryFury]

If you aren't tailoring the "punishment" or consequences to whatever will motivate the individual, you likely aren't being very effective.