Taking offence on others behalf

[gauchecritic]

Are we offended when we ask someone to tone down their language or not use particular phrases (spic and spastic spring immediately to mind) or are we being PC on someone's behalf?

If no one who would be offended reads or hears the offensive language is it still offensive? or are we maintaining our position in order to not lose control in RL?

Finding things offensive usually leads me to post or PM on same although I also find myself posting (however lightheartedly) when I think others would be offended.

Is it all role play? Do you speak to individuals in the same manner as you speak to a group?

Do you speak differently to different individuals? I know that my wife can ascertain to whom I am speaking on the phone just by the breadth of vocabulary I use.

Discuss. Enter name top left and title top right. Write on both sides of paper.

Gauche

 

[Just-Legal]

Hmm.

I think the only time I get pissed off is when someone is being overtly racist, sexist or just plain sick.

Then again, I try to advocate free speech.

Aaah, I am a hypocrite, I knew it!

*sad smile*

 

[English Lady]

I beleive it is respectful to modify your language to the situation you are in.


I don't swear or use anything more offensive than "bloody hell" in most conversations, although my language is a bit riper with my husband. I tend to only use swear words in a sexual context...when they apply.


I often get offended on another persons behalf! One of my closest online friendships sprouted from me defending his privacy to another over nosey chatter.

It is just me, I am a mother,I have always been very nurturing (I was a nursery nurse for a while) and I have always defended my sister fiercly(she is Dyslexic and she used to get some stick back in school) I am just that kind of person.

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

It depends on the individual or group that I am with.
If I am with friends and people who know me well I tend to have a potty mouth and be myself. If I'm with people older than me or people I know are church going I have a cleaner vocabulary and am respectful.
On the other hand, if someone has seriously pissed me off then no matter how old they are or what their religious background is they are going to hear about it, and probably in some not so nice words.

Wicked

 

[pop_54]

Hmmmmm

I never swear in front of ladies in real life, not one's I don't know are game for fun anyway, I often find myself asking offenders to cool it with the language.
I once long ago when younger and capable of such behaviour, actually wound up in a fist fight with two yobs over their behaviour in front of ladies, we all got barred from the pub

On the other hand political correctness gets right up my nose, it's advocated by interferring yuppies who don't suffer the particular affliction or whatever anyway.

Examples:

My gay friends get offended by being called gay and refer to themselves as queers or faireys.

Disabled friends become annoyed at being told constantly that the world must change to accommodate their needs, when all they want is to be as self sufficient as they can in the world as it is with just a little help.

An Irish friend always tells Irish jokes, he gets a better laugh that way, he's not impressed at being told his jokes are racist towards his kind.

I suffered with Dyslexia as a youngster and know others who suffer the annoying affliction, we hate being told Dyslexic jokes are in poor taste, we find them among the funniest.
A Dyslexic friend once asked me what I do for a living, I said I'm a bit of a comedian on the quiet, he said, "Ha, go on change colour then".

Ok pops angle on it.

 

[MathGirl]

Gosh!

I would never speak or write anything that couldn't be said at my Grandma's tea and bridge club. Delicacy, good taste, and an unfailing adherence to the standards of polite society are a cherished part of my daily life.
MG

 

[oggbashan]

I can't vote because there is no choice for "I always modify my language according to the listener."

If I'm addressing a conference I speak in a particular way. For a committee a different way. For a friend, a relation, an acquaintance, a co-worker, a customer, a double glazing salesman who has cold called, Jehovah's Witnesses - all get different treatment.

"How to address a Cat" by T S Eliot shows that we all do it.

Og

 

[Guest]

I believe what Oscar Wilde said about books:

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written.
The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891, preface

I used to tell my sons there were no 'bad' words, and taught them when, and most importantly why, not to use certain ones. My emphasis to them was not to hurt people's feelings. It's all on the individual, and that may sometimes be mitigated by age, circumstance, culture, present mood, etc. ('Fuck' is a great common denominator in English. Think of the myriad uses - anger, mild irritation, arousal, joy even.)

I see a great variety of fuckups on the AH w/re. to offense, but usually nothing truly harmful (except perhaps when newbies are involved).

I'm thinking all human interaction is role-play to varying degrees. Everyone has a motive in human intercourse; it begins out of the cradle and is cultivated throughout one's lonely life to its inevitable death, and all the losses along the way. No apologies for the hard truth.

Here are more apt quotes from O.W.

I love acting. It is so much more real than life.
The Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891

One's real life is often the life that one does not lead.
L'Envoi, 1882

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
De Profundis, 1905

p.s. Gauche, all women can tell who a mate is speaking to on the phone, if not the name then the gender and overall physical attributes when the listener is female. I think it's in our genes.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I teach elementary school. I hardly walk around saying "Christ Bush is such an asshole" in my classroom. When it comes to adults, I don't really modify my topics or vocab, but when it's kids, I see that a different subject altogether.

Of course, with adults (upon further reflection) it depends on whether it's a formal or informal setting. I try to be professional in formal settings, but informal it's full steam ahead

 

[TheEarl]

I tend not to moderate my language for anyone. If they get offended, they get offended; I'm not going to try and second guess them. If someone asks for me to tone it down, then I will, but I'm not going to guess how people want me to speak.

One interesting thing I have noticed is that my accent does occasionally follow the accent of the person who I'm speaking to. I'm a vocal chameleon, to the extent that I pick up regional twang and intonations from whoever I'm speaking to.

The Earl

 

[Guest]

I'm a vocal chameleon, to the extent that I pick up regional twang and intonations from whoever I'm speaking to.

Dude, do Californese for me, please babe.

Pear

 

[Gabriel_Lee]

I can't vote because there is no choice for "I always modify my language according to the listener."

If I'm addressing a conference I speak in a particular way. For a committee a different way. For a friend, a relation, an acquaintance, a co-worker, a customer, a double glazing salesman who has cold called, Jehovah's Witnesses - all get different treatment.

"How to address a Cat" by T S Eliot shows that we all do it.

Og

I agree completely with this.

GL

 

[Dirty Slut]

An apology of sort to Perdita...

I think the only time I get pissed off is when someone is being overtly racist, sexist or just plain sick.

I get pissed off at subtle racism. I actually took offense when Perdita said Spic, as I have many friends who take unkindly to being called that, just as my forefathers took offense at being called Micks. In this case I was in the wrong, perhaps, but I'd do it again, live and in your face person, or distant and impersonal as here on the internet.

DS

 

[Guest]

Slut, no need for an apology of any sort. One of my Lit. mentors keeps reminding me "never apologize".

I should not have presumed everyone would get my use of the self-mocking word. In another thread some time back I protested being called a Spic (even in fun) and pointed out that speaking Spanish doesn't mean 'we' are all una familia grande y felicidad.

On the other hand, knowing my family name came from los Conquistadores vs. los Indios de mi abuelos does make me inherently prejudiced about some European Spanish speakers. But I live in California and don't even know anyone from Spain but for one woman I love who is half English and blond.

So I apologize for disturbing you in the least and am glad you reminded me there are more than a half dozen readers on this board.

adios, Perdita

 

[Dirty Slut]

Gosh, me too...

I would never speak or write anything that couldn't be said at my Grandma's tea and bridge club. Delicacy, good taste, and an unfailing adherence to the standards of polite society are a cherished part of my daily life. MG

Absolutely Mathgirl, I agree 100%. And then we come here and post what we really want to say. LOL

DS

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Hmm.

I think the only time I get pissed off is when someone is being overtly racist, sexist or just plain sick.

Then again, I try to advocate free speech.

Aaah, I am a hypocrite, I knew it!

*sad smile*

Don't be stupid. You've got the freedom to get pissed as much as they have to speak their minds.
If you don't like what they say, tell 'em to "Fuck off!"

As for editing language, everyone edits their language for others. There are topics I would never discuss with my mother and father, and words I would never use in their presence. It's part of life.

Same is true when speaking with certain people. I know people who aren't racist, but use the words "Spic" and "Nigger" when not around blacks or hispanics (let's avoid the topic concerning the use of the word "faggot", shall we?). It's not how they naturally refer to everyone of such background, but certain people who've gained their distinct disapproval. Is it right? No. But it isn't all that terrible either.

Y'know what? I'm gonna touch down on that "faggot" topic afterall, but only in reference to what Just-Legal had to say about being a hypocrit. No one deserves to be discriminated against based on thier preferences or thier origins. Being black isn't a reason to be refered to as a nigger, just like being gay isn't a reason to be refered to as being a faggot. How many black guys do I know who don't wish to be called niggers make a habit of using the word faggot?
If you wanted to define the word hypocrit...

hence the reason why discrimination will always be an issue in mixed or free society.

 

[Just-Legal]

Oh, wow, thanks!

And yeah, that is a *very* good example of hypocracy...

 

[TheEarl]

Same is true when speaking with certain people. I know people who aren't racist, but use the words "Spic" and "Nigger" when not around blacks or hispanics (let's avoid the topic concerning the use of the word "faggot", shall we?). It's not how they naturally refer to everyone of such background, but certain people who've gained their distinct disapproval. Is it right? No. But it isn't all that terrible either.

Y'know what? I'm gonna touch down on that "faggot" topic afterall, but only in reference to what Just-Legal had to say about being a hypocrit. No one deserves to be discriminated against based on thier preferences or thier origins. Being black isn't a reason to be refered to as a nigger, just like being gay isn't a reason to be refered to as being a faggot. How many black guys do I know who don't wish to be called niggers make a habit of using the word faggot?
If you wanted to define the word hypocrit...

hence the reason why discrimination will always be an issue in mixed or free society.

I'd like to touch on the faggot issue as well. Not a word I'd use, but it doesn't necessarily mean gay to a lot of the people who use it. It means someone who has annoyed them, like I might use wanker. Everybody wanks, so it's not a very specific insult, but when I use it, I'm not being literal and condemning everybody who wanks.

The most infamous person to use faggot in this fashion is of course Eminem, who has before stated that he doesn't have a problem with gay men, but does hate faggots.

Ooh look, a can of worms. Wonder what would happen if I opened it?

The Earl

 

[destinie21]

Hmm.

I think the only time I get pissed off is when someone is being overtly racist, sexist or just plain sick.

Then again, I try to advocate free speech.

Aaah, I am a hypocrite, I knew it!

*sad smile*

I know what you mean though I don't classify it as being a hypocrite simply because there's a fine line between excersising free speech and being asinine I use my enviornment to judge what language I need to use.. I have a friend who doesn't swear because she finds it offensive so I edit my language around her. It's the same with my friends who don't allow smoking in their homes I just don't do it. It would be ignorant to just lite up anyway and say I smoke and I don't give a damn whether you want me to or not
I also find racists and sexists remarks to be in bad taste unless it's an inside joke among friends or acceptable among all involved in the conversation. Like the word "N" word when used among people in the african american race is fine with me but if I'm just walking down the street and some white guy yells it at me you can believe I'm going to be mad. In answer to the original question yes I do defend others if I know something bothers them but they don't speak up


Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

 

[cahab]

Re: Hmmmmm

I suffered with Dyslexia as a youngster and know others who suffer the annoying affliction, we hate being told Dyslexic jokes are in poor taste, we find them among the funniest.
A Dyslexic friend once asked me what I do for a living, I said I'm a bit of a comedian on the quiet, he said, "Ha, go on change colour then".

Ok pops angle on it.

We're a growing minority. I also get quite amused by some of the jokes, though probably because I was never picked on about dyslexia at school, as it wasn't identified until I was at Uni.

My favourite is the one about lying awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

 

[MathGirl]

A quotable quote

Originally posted by destinie21 Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Dear D21,
Oh, I like that line.
MG

 

[gauchecritic]

Now there's something.

I had no idea destinie was black. I would never have tried to playfully 'insult' her by using stereotypes or the 'N' word if I was going to make mockery or tease her. Even now I'm saying 'her' simply because she has a female AV (I always thought Couture was a girlie til recently)

Two people whom I've only ever 'conversed' with on-line and neither of them fit the image I had. There must be a lesson here somewhere.

Will I change the way I refer, or speak to, or about, them now? Unfortunately, this is highly likely. On the other hand will they expect me to?

Gauche

 

[LorriLove]

hiya

i'm afraid i had to vote 'f' them they can take me as i am, i aint changing for anyone, too far gone now.

i must admit though, like destinie i never smoke in non smokers homes, and i never use the 'n' word except with friends of that persuasion as an in joke.

as for the rest, well i've said it above.

lorri the obnoxious one

 

[LorriLove]

hiya

now why does it keep doing that and posting two answers??

lorri the obnoxious one

 

[DarkDuchess]

"Political Correctness" has been given the proverbial inch, and it has swallowed the entire cock.

An individual's rights do not change because another individual "might" become offended. Under the law, we are all granted the same rights. "If thy nose offend thee, cleave it off!" The same may be said for language that offends. Along with freedom of speech, we all have freedom to leave. We can control the majority of the stimuli that we are exposed to, in this modern age of the power switch.

Granted, a person's demeanor will change if addressing publicly, as well it should. Not to be precisely politically correct, but to function. We are a society that can only function with the strict adherance to certain morays, foundations of our society. (The anarchists may argue, but hey, they have a website. That is the height of organization.)

It is up to the individual to monitor what they expose themselves or their children to, not up to us to inhibit our creation.

I have children. It is up to me to teach them and raise them with the values that I see fit. If I park them in front of HBO with a super-sized happy meal or pay someone that I don't know to do my job for me, I will reap what I sow.

It is not Mcdonald's fault that your kid is obese. It is not HBO's fault that your seven year old has a softporn addiction. It is not the record company's fault if your kid is in a gang. It all comes back to personal responsibility.

I will get off my box now. By the way, if this offended anyone, you should have stopped reading.

Okay, I am really getting off my box now....