Liz Enslaved 02: Endure--Director Commentary

[TheWritingGroup]

I'm not sure how interesting this stuff is to anyone but me, but I enjoy writing these, so here's my director's commentary on "Liz Enslaved 02: Endure".

I noticed that in "Rug Pull" and this one, there is no penis-in-vagina sex, if you leave out Nicky's violence. I didn't want to do a major rewrite, so all of the PiV sex in the training part of Liz's odyssey happens in Part 03.

I have a note in my manuscript file right at the top about Mikey having romantic feelings for Liz. Then I thought about it and realized it didn't feel right emotionally, and would also complicate later chapters, for no real benefit. So he doesn't.

Comments on specific bits follow:

“Girlfriends? Like your special favorite, the Chinese girl?”

This isn't that interesting a line to anyone but me, probably, but I like it for two reasons:

1. The Asian girl from "Rug Pull" is a significant character in the next of my stories scheduled for Literotica, "Pranked".
2. She's Korean, not Chinese, in origin. I am kind of proud of having 4786 not be able to tell just by her looks and guessing wrong. (It's not a spoiler to say that she's Stephanie Kim.) It's so easy to have characters act as if they know everything the writer knows, but of course, they don't.

"You did not ask for permission to move, 3349. When a master orders you to kneel, you remain kneeling until given permission." Wow, he sounded smug.

I foreshadowed this in "Rug Pull", when Liz thinks about how the Heel command includes permission to rise, implying that others do not.

She struggled with sore, unresponsive muscles, getting into a Present position, knees apart and eyes down. This gave her a great view of her own pussy, which was leaking semen.

I originally typoed that as leaking "cement".

[Nicky] hosed her down, then took her to the makeup tutorial room. An experienced slave, a middle-aged man the wranglers called "Slave Rob", taught the new ones. She was thrust in the door, off-balance. She managed to catch herself without falling.

Nicky set this up so he could dump a punished Liz at Mikey’s feet. He is very much mentally ill, he’s imagining a conspiracy between those two against him. He hurt Liz partly just to cause Mikey pain.

He never planned to kill her, mostly because killing a slave can actually be a felony even in the 34th Amendment universe.

The wrangler had stepped over to the room intercom. "Chief? Send backup to WL145, the makeup tutorial …

That's cop jargon. Slave wranglers feel threatened all the time, like cops, because slave mob attacks can and do happen. They don't ever succeed in mass escapes, but someone like Nicky can die. Am I hinting at Nicky's fate? Wait and see.

"No, a technician. Techs do learn the vocabulary." Marilee turned back to her patient. "Are you cold?"

It might never be in any story, but Marilee was a med tech at one time. She's instantly supportive of Liz for the sister-technician thing, aside from any other reason.

In between the veterinary treatment and the physical therapy, I cut out about four pages of Liz just hanging around in the "clinic", talking to other injured or ill slaves. This added two new characters who promptly disappeared forever, didn't advance the plot, it wasn't sexy, and it totally ruined the pacing. Those pages are now on the cutting room floor.

I have my doubts about the whole Anthony-massage section, actually. I came close to removing it. It does have some payoff next chapter.

“Oh, I’m new to slavery, but my troubles go back months. After I got home one day and found out I was not only broke, but in debt.” She felt her eyes well up and stopped herself. “Can we not talk about my troubles, please? Can I just have another half-hour of enjoyment?” Sweat was running down her body inside the box, and starting to spring out on her face now.

Building up the mystery of what happened to Liz, finally resolved in "Liz Enslaved 04: Owner".

“Marilee really loves telling her patients to hold still, then making it hard to do. Did she put more goop in your hoo-haw?” Still in that deadpan tone.

Liz struggled, feeling her face turn red, before a snort forced itself out of her. She bent her neck further, trying to hide her trembling face from Foreman Electric Blue.

“3349, are you laughing at me?” Should have been terrifying, but Blue sounded as if--

Blue laughed aloud herself. That set Liz off, and they laughed together for a half-minute.

My note on that last line is, "Hi, Coffee With Blushes. I’m your daughter, Endure. Nice to meet you." CWB has a very strong through-line of people laughing together.

All the dialog from this quote to the end of the story was written in one burst, just pouring out of my fingers as fast as I could type it. The rest of the story was retrowritten to lead up to it.

What I hope is a neat parallel: Katie comments on Marilee requiring Liz to hold still while tormenting her with pleasant sensations. Then Katie implicitly makes Liz hold still while not laughing at a comment she finds hilarious. They're doing versions of the same thing.

“The whole program is designed to break us down, so you can train us into obedient slaves. The lack of sleep; the deficient, boring, unreliable food; the dehumanization—no clothes, no names. Everything that we get is a special gift from the mistress, basic stuff like food, toileting, not being chilled, allowed to rest … limit socialization, don't let us settle into any routine. It's brainwashing stuff. Or Army boot camp.”

This happens a couple of times in "Endure". Liz got so worked up she forgot to say "Mistress" and be obsequious. She isn't aware of it herself on a conscious level, but she loves to show off her deductive ability and education.

The smiling face asked, “What did I just say?” The smile wasn’t malicious or even amused. It was friendly. “I said that you take over every conversation you're in, Liz.”

The name "Liz" hit her like a lightning bolt. No one had called her by name since the judge's gavel banged and turned her into a slave. It had only been a few weeks, but names matter. To have this slave trainer, whose job it was to break her down and give her a new personality, call her "Liz" was exhilarating.

“My name is ‘Katie’. You should definitely practice calling me "Mistress", though. That habit can save you a world of pain.” The brown face with blue icing was still smiling.

Katie was very conscious about the whole "calling her by her free woman name" thing. She likes Liz. Also, notice that she took control of the conversation right back from Liz. She's just as smart.

The "blue icing" imagery comes out of nowhere, except Liz's mood. She's happy, she just got a huge compliment and ego boost from the biggest authority figure she knows in her current tiny world. She's giddy, and that image came into her head.

“Phil, Mikey, Nicky, Marilee ... Katie. And never a last name. Those aren't your names. You're using handles. Eventually most of us slaves will be free, or at least a lot of us. It's a way to avoid retribution. We'd have no way to track you down in 5 or 10 years, not even knowing your names.”

Of course, Literotica writers also seem to use mostly handles. The Writing Group goes by Eddie, Billie, Annie, and Rocco, after all. And it's our job, just like my wranglers, to change how your brain works. That's what fiction does.

What do you think, readers?

-Annie

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Something I meant to include and forgot: you'll see Liz constantly thinking, "Oh, they're doing this thing to indoctrinate us slaves. Clever." I'm trying to show how super-analytical she is, and also that she's using it as a defense mechanism, because she doesn't really want to be indoctrinated. Plus, it foreshadows Katie seeing through her pretense and seeing her real self later.