Taking Financial Control

[unknooown]

Generally, I would say roscoe and I are pretty like-minded and I'm unsurprised to see that his responses were what I was looking to hear. However, I have no experience being married, and I've never been in financial control over anyone except my younger brother for a period of four months several years ago.

As for financial responsibility, she and I are about the same. It's just that I have and make a lot more money than she does, and my credit is better because I've been establishing it for longer. She has around 40k in student loans (it was twice that this time last year; a big part of our fight was that she was offended that I'd paid off so much, but if we're going to be married I'll end up paying it off anyway, so why not now?). Right now I let her have her separate account and she can use it for whatever she wants to buy that she doesn't want me to know about. But I feel that the things that she and I both use, or the clothes that I get to see her, or the things that she buys for me should be paid for by me.

Like roscoe said, if I'm hit by a bus tomorrow she'll be fine on her own. She's been balancing her checking account for years, as well as paying her own bills. And, while she doesn't know how much I make she has a vague idea; and, combined with my income from some real estate projects I'm working on with my father, we (she and I) have more money than she thinks, not less.

I wouldn't actually clock her over trying to assert her independence (frankly I think it's adorable). When I threaten to clock her it's her cue to shut her fucking mouth -- and if she ever refuses she'll discover my bluff, so let's keep that between us.

Allowance-wise I'd be generous. She likes buying clothes and I like seeing them on her (and later on the floor). It's just that I want her to have to ask for it as a reminder that, well, she belongs to me.

 

[JMohegan]

When we get married I would like for her to get rid of her personal banking account. Is that a normal thing that people do? I'm not even sure. My mother never had her own account -- she always shared one with my father, but they were married young. I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 24 -- still young, but older than my parents were.

At a minimum, you should each have a credit card (paid off monthly), and emergency savings and retirement accounts (contributed to regularly), in your own names. Joint account for shared expenses and day-to-day living.

[/sensible financial advice]

And, over time, I'm obviously hoping to tighten the reins a bit (har har -- horse humor) on her. The amount she spends isn't an issue, I just want her to have to ask for it. Part of me thinks I could pull that off just by telling her "this is the way things will be from now on" -- but the other part of me thinks that will not be successful.

Your description of her as "stubborn and independent as hell" does not bode well for this plan.

If you talk to her about this and she says "oooh, that's hot," then you may be able to pull it off for a while. But the realities of sustained 24/7 cohabitation are such that "oooh, that makes me feel safe, grounded and happy" would be a much better predictor for success over the long haul.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Generally, I would say roscoe and I are pretty like-minded and I'm unsurprised to see that his responses were what I was looking to hear. However, I have no experience being married, and I've never been in financial control over anyone except my younger brother for a period of four months several years ago.

As for financial responsibility, she and I are about the same. It's just that I have and make a lot more money than she does, and my credit is better because I've been establishing it for longer. She has around 40k in student loans (it was twice that this time last year; a big part of our fight was that she was offended that I'd paid off so much, but if we're going to be married I'll end up paying it off anyway, so why not now?). Right now I let her have her separate account and she can use it for whatever she wants to buy that she doesn't want me to know about. But I feel that the things that she and I both use, or the clothes that I get to see her, or the things that she buys for me should be paid for by me.

Like roscoe said, if I'm hit by a bus tomorrow she'll be fine on her own. She's been balancing her checking account for years, as well as paying her own bills. And, while she doesn't know how much I make she has a vague idea; and, combined with my income from some real estate projects I'm working on with my father, we (she and I) have more money than she thinks, not less.

I wouldn't actually clock her over trying to assert her independence (frankly I think it's adorable). When I threaten to clock her it's her cue to shut her fucking mouth -- and if she ever refuses she'll discover my bluff, so let's keep that between us.

Allowance-wise I'd be generous. She likes buying clothes and I like seeing them on her (and later on the floor). It's just that I want her to have to ask for it as a reminder that, well, she belongs to me.

Your choice of words was perhaps unfortunate; since "clock" brings to mind an unemployed man in a wifebeater in the back of a sheriff's cruiser.

It's more genteel to say restrain yourself verbally woman, or make the acquaintance of that which holds up my trousers.

 

[JMohegan]

It is my experience that these modern females know how to use an ATM all too well.

I'm all about the allowance. You have your personal budget, your hair-and-nail money deposited in your own little account. Anything over that, you better come see me on your knees.

Haha, Rosco, this cracks me up. You remind me so much of one of my closest friends.

Married to a fashion princess, his efforts at control are frequently frustrated by his own personal aversion to shopping for food, sundries, household items, or even his own clothes. Not to mention his impatience with waiting for the plumber, etc.

So she runs the errands and deals with repairmen, and by necessity therefore has access to both credit card and checkbook. He tries to impose limits with negative consequences for overspending and such.

 

[ownedsubgal]

unknooown, it sounds like you have your head on straight, are financially stable and responsible, and have the best interests of you both at heart. your only snafu seems to be her own (probably leftover vanilla thinking) hang-ups about someone having controlling her life to such a degree...but somehow i get the feeling she will even grow to be comforted by it in time.

my Master has total financial control. in some ways this was not such a dramatic thing for us, as i became his at 19 as a college student with only menial work experience, owning nothing and with zero credit or debt. i had only recently learned about the process of opening up a simple checking account. and well, that was to be where my financial knowledge began and ended, lol. as here we are 10 years later, and i have still never paid a bill, written a check, done taxes, or any of that other grown-up money stuff. for most of our life together i have not earned any money, but when i do it simply goes directly to him. when he got me a short-term job as an office temp, i never even glimpsed a paycheck. and whether i earn any money or not, he gives me an allowance every other week which does not change. this allowance is very small, not enough to pay for hair/clothes/etc. as those things are his domain anyway. as he jokes (?), he's not about to give me enough money to catch a cab to the airport and run away from him, lol. it is enough for me to buy a few snacks and a cheap paperback from the local drugstore. it also has to be remembered that i go no place on my own, so there really is no need for me to have my own money. the allowance he gives me is a privilege, not an entitlement.

there is a savings account in my name, but i have no access to it. i have no idea what our living expenses are or exactly what is my Master's income. these things are not my concern...being a devoted servant to him, is.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Haha, Rosco, this cracks me up. You remind me so much of one of my closest friends.

Married to a fashion princess, his efforts at control are frequently frustrated by his own personal aversion to shopping for food, sundries, household items, or even his own clothes. Not to mention his impatience with waiting for the plumber, etc.

So she runs the errands and deals with repairmen, and by necessity therefore has access to both credit card and checkbook. He tries to impose limits with negative consequences for overspending and such.

An oft told tale. "But you don't know all the stuff a woman has to spend money on! My personal budget is as complex as Exxon's! "

 

[FloggingMolly]

I deal with budgetting, and paying the bills. This is because I am better at financial control, and have more information and insight as to what we need to function.

I love that He is our breadwinner and works whilst I stay home and tend to things here, though shortly I'll have to go back to work.

Once I've budgeted as best I can, He then has spending money. I don't see this as me 'allowing' Him money, it is simply that that is all we can afford. In return, I have no money for me (at least until I'm working, then He'll probably insist that I have some). If I want anything, I have to ask Him. Somethings He'll buy me, but that depends on his plan for hs own funds.

We have a joint account (have had since before we were married), both have cards for it, though I would only use mine for the bills/household essentials.

 

[Netzach]

At the minimum put some money in her name if you're going to do this. Money she might not even know about, but laid aside.

It's actually good for both of you. If your responsible good fortunes take a plummet it's advantageous. M was looking *quite* on top of the universe till 9/11. Bright and well-positioned is 24-25 unless you are independently wealthy you're still not *stable.* I know this is very blah blah blah kids and promptly going to be ignored because I'm not Rosco, but look at osg as an example on this at least.

I have a feeling there's something behind the break glass in case of glass.

 

[JMohegan]

An oft told tale. "But you don't know all the stuff a woman has to spend money on! My personal budget is as complex as Exxon's! "

Haha - yes.

He's had some success at calling her bluff, though. She has to pick her words very carefully now.

The time she blurted out: "You have no idea how much money it costs to look this good for you," he responded by telling her he likes her best straight out of the shower. In the interest of public decency, he let her get dressed before going out, but that was it. The makeup-and-jewelry-free week taught her not to say crap like that any more.

 

[ownedsubgal]

oh yeah, almost forgot...there is one financial responsibility i do have, kinda. it's my job to keep track of all the everyday household stuff (groceries, toiletries, etc.) that we need, and to compose the weekly shopping list for these items. i try hard to keep the costs for these things down buy planning meals and such far in advance, following local store sales, and clipping coupons weekly. i am the coupon queen.

 

[graceanne]

I wouldn't say anyone in our relationship is 'in control' of money. I do most of the budgeting, pay the bills, and do the shopping because he HATES doing that stuff. But my budgets are kept on my computer, with the shortcut on my desktop; he has complete access. He has veto rights, he's quite welcome to help, or take over, budgeting if he wants to; I sure don't enjoy doing it. If he wants something done he knows I'll do my VERY best to make it happen. I'm not a shopping princess, or whatever it was called, so that's not an issue. I actually own less clothing than he does, mostly cause he won't get rid of ANYTHING. But that's a side rant. The majority of my 'upkeep' is ponytail holders, concealer, mascara, and grape seed oil (for my skin). Our daughters and I share shampoo and conditioner, and I don't put product in my hair.

 

[subish2009]

This entire thread is ridiculously hot. Probably because I am one of those shopping princesses and throw fits when I don't get my way and generally have more than my fair share of tantrums that I long to have reined in for me. I'm gonna have to show this thread to the husband.

 

[Netzach]

This entire thread is ridiculously hot. Probably because I am one of those shopping princesses and throw fits when I don't get my way and generally have more than my fair share of tantrums that I long to have reined in for me. I'm gonna have to show this thread to the husband.

I have to say, I am REALLY getting off on doing things like -

shopping with him.

Input on his girl clothing. Yes, hot. No, not.

Buying him clothes and makeup.

And doing all those male role thingies.

It's very hot not just having the purse strings in terms of no you can't, but the you shall have.

 

[FloggingMolly]

I kinda feel that I'm missing the hotness, because thats how its always been with us, even before the D/s

 

[Keroin]

Nope. He won't ever control my money and I won't ever control his. Like Netz and her guy, we both have financial strengths and weaknesses and neither of us would make a good financial officer on our own. Together, though, we do quite well.

Funny, the idea of monetary control by my partner makes me the opposite of hot.

But then, my ex held the purse strings and fucked me over pretty bad when I left. I was young and stupid...never again.

 

[Soumis]

I couldn't have a relationship with stringent financial control. I watched my Mother have to ask for money and it still pains me to think about it. I think a partner should always have the financial means to leave, even if they never touch the money.

 

[BiBunny]

We're working toward this. I inherited my father's laissez faire attitude toward money management and my mother propensity to spend whenever I want to. I've restrained myself a lot in the last couple of years, but I have ridiculous credit card bills from when I was an undergrad. If I didn't have those payments to make, I'd be in much better shape financially. So I appreciate the attempt by someone better at this than I am to handle my finances for me.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

We're working toward this. I inherited my father's laissez faire attitude toward money management and my mother propensity to spend whenever I want to. I've restrained myself a lot in the last couple of years, but I have ridiculous credit card bills from when I was an undergrad. If I didn't have those payments to make, I'd be in much better shape financially. So I appreciate the attempt by someone better at this than I am to handle my finances for me.

Oh, that sounds like me... I make these huge payments on my CC and then don't have any money left over for fun things, so I sometimes sneak one or two onto the creditcard.



Maybe I need to take a longer term payment plan, and also have the ability to live a little and also some savings.

Hmm.

 

[caela]

It is my experience that these modern females know how to use an ATM all too well.

I'm all about the allowance. You have your personal budget, your hair-and-nail money deposited in your own little account. Anything over that, you better come see me on your knees.

O.k. that is just hot. Though I'd probably be more interested in having a bit of "mad cash" to pick up random little presents for my munchkin than in getting my hair and nails done lol. Can't have false or polished nails in my job anyway.

 

[caela]

Oh and I'd love to meet someone who was financially savvy enough for me to feel comfortable giving him control of the finances. Money is just not one of my strong suits and it seems like I am always digging myself out of a hole even though I make a decent paycheck. Granted being a single mom doesn't help that any but budgeting and I are just not friends.

 

[fireraven43]

Do you want to do this because you want to control her? For her to be your submissive?

I lived this way for a long time and it was great for a while; however it can get out of control. I love the idea of a man being in control, but it really takes its toll if the submissive does not have the money on them to buy something a small as a pop. SO, I like the idea of her having an account that you would that you would put a certain amount of money for her to spend for the week, and when that is up she is not allowed anymore.

I think you should go with her to but cloths and other things (hair cuts, manicures and pedicures )and making her ask you if she is allowed to have them in front of people is another way to control her spending.

Since you are getting married she should know how to pay the bills and things like that, but should not have a say in what gets paid and when. The only reason this should be allowed is in case you get sick or die, because she will be lost with out you if you do this right.

The sooner you start the better. You need to get control of her now! Good luck and let us know how it is going.

Generally, I would say roscoe and I are pretty like-minded and I'm unsurprised to see that his responses were what I was looking to hear. However, I have no experience being married, and I've never been in financial control over anyone except my younger brother for a period of four months several years ago.

As for financial responsibility, she and I are about the same. It's just that I have and make a lot more money than she does, and my credit is better because I've been establishing it for longer. She has around 40k in student loans (it was twice that this time last year; a big part of our fight was that she was offended that I'd paid off so much, but if we're going to be married I'll end up paying it off anyway, so why not now?). Right now I let her have her separate account and she can use it for whatever she wants to buy that she doesn't want me to know about. But I feel that the things that she and I both use, or the clothes that I get to see her, or the things that she buys for me should be paid for by me.

Like roscoe said, if I'm hit by a bus tomorrow she'll be fine on her own. She's been balancing her checking account for years, as well as paying her own bills. And, while she doesn't know how much I make she has a vague idea; and, combined with my income from some real estate projects I'm working on with my father, we (she and I) have more money than she thinks, not less.

I wouldn't actually clock her over trying to assert her independence (frankly I think it's adorable). When I threaten to clock her it's her cue to shut her fucking mouth -- and if she ever refuses she'll discover my bluff, so let's keep that between us.

Allowance-wise I'd be generous. She likes buying clothes and I like seeing them on her (and later on the floor). It's just that I want her to have to ask for it as a reminder that, well, she belongs to me.

 

[Netzach]

Do you want to do this because you want to control her? For her to be your submissive?

I lived this way for a long time and it was great for a while; however it can get out of control. I love the idea of a man being in control, but it really takes its toll if the submissive does not have the money on them to buy something a small as a pop. SO, I like the idea of her having an account that you would that you would put a certain amount of money for her to spend for the week, and when that is up she is not allowed anymore.

I think you should go with her to but cloths and other things (hair cuts, manicures and pedicures )and making her ask you if she is allowed to have them in front of people is another way to control her spending.

Since you are getting married she should know how to pay the bills and things like that, but should not have a say in what gets paid and when. The only reason this should be allowed is in case you get sick or die, because she will be lost with out you if you do this right.

The sooner you start the better. You need to get control of her now! Good luck and let us know how it is going.

That is major dedication.

I'm the Domme in my rel. I can hardly stand taking the time out and scheduling for my OWN shopping, grooming BS, and whatnot.

I love the products, I hate the process and the time it takes.

 

[Keroin]

That is major dedication.

I'm the Domme in my rel. I can hardly stand taking the time out and scheduling for my OWN shopping, grooming BS, and whatnot.

I love the products, I hate the process and the time it takes.

Cod, I tremble to think of L controlling my grooming purchases.

"You have soap. Good enough."

Tremble.

 

[unknooown]

Yeah, there's no way I'm going shopping with her. I worked in the fashion industry (and am still on the fringe of it) and the thought of shopping for clothes -- or anything -- is totally unappealing. Even now she purchases the bulk of my clothing. I consider it her job to make sure she and I are both fed, dressed and look good -- I just provide her with the means to do so.

When we get married I think I will allow her to keep her bank account separate and in her name, but she will not have a debit card for that account, only our joint one.

 

[ownedsubgal]

That is major dedication.

I'm the Domme in my rel. I can hardly stand taking the time out and scheduling for my OWN shopping, grooming BS, and whatnot.

I love the products, I hate the process and the time it takes.

i wonder if this is ever a pain for Daddy. due to social anxiety issues, it can be difficult for me to even stand inside of a clothing store, much less stay there long enough to look over clothing, try it on, etc. as a result he does most of the clothes shopping solo. at this point he knows all my clothing sizes for various brands and types of clothing, etc...whereas i have no clue, lol. HE really seems to enjoy shopping though, both for me and for himself...comes home the other night with 3 new pairs of shoes (men's) and is excited for me to check them out. it boggles my mind that anyone has the calmness and patience to browse a shoe store and select not one but THREE perfect pairs of shoes. maybe some folks just have the shopping gene, and some don't.