tact is a lost art

[BruisedBareback]

So I dunno how many peopel can agree (or disagree) that when it comes to sexuality nowadays, there seems to be a complete and utter lack of congeniality... particularly with men. In my personal experience with them (both online and IRL) I find a certain disgust in how quickly and vulgarly those I have dealt with jump to a position of animalistic carnality. I'm sure this might pass for some people, and even attract others. I however, find it quite sad that most of the males I have had the misfortune of having dealings with seem to have an utter lack of control and possess a general incapacity of anything more than immediate gratification.

Are there any other people out there that feel this way (specifically to any other gay men), or am I relatively stand alone on this topic?

What experiences have you had to reenforce or challenge my statement?

Do you have any advice as to what may be a solution to avoid this situation in the future (besides removing oneself from social interactions of course)?

 

[beautiful_Ds]

Well I'm not a gay man, but I understand what you're saying. When I look on craigslist, the w4w section, a lot of folks don't even bother with normal pleasantries. They are often very rude.

 

[BruisedBareback]

Well I'm not a gay man, but I understand what you're saying. When I look on craigslist, the w4w section, a lot of folks don't even bother with normal pleasantries. They are often very rude.

oh geez... graigslist is just a collage of dick pics and "discreet encounter" post ups where I looked on it a few times. I long ago crossed that off as a point of interest of mine.

 

[richfun]

So I dunno how many peopel can agree (or disagree) that when it comes to sexuality nowadays, there seems to be a complete and utter lack of congeniality... particularly with men. In my personal experience with them (both online and IRL) I find a certain disgust in how quickly and vulgarly those I have dealt with jump to a position of animalistic carnality. I'm sure this might pass for some people, and even attract others. I however, find it quite sad that most of the males I have had the misfortune of having dealings with seem to have an utter lack of control and possess a general incapacity of anything more than immediate gratification.

Are there any other people out there that feel this way (specifically to any other gay men), or am I relatively stand alone on this topic?

What experiences have you had to reenforce or challenge my statement?

Do you have any advice as to what may be a solution to avoid this situation in the future (besides removing oneself from social interactions of course)?

Can't dispute what you say. Points powerfully made.
I try to be polite, (not setting myself as an Angel !) by some introduction and really asking if the person wants to talk dirty, testing the water. Sometimes the conversations are quite light.
Certainly if I receive a nice PM that is nice, a cheeky one or even quite exciting. But I got one the other day that said I want your dick. Well sorry but I ignored that one.

 

[Kalamain]

As someone who is new to the forums I have been very timid about putting myself forward in PMs and the like.

I have seen what others can be like and to be honest it has come as a bit of a shock.

I'm not gay but I suppose it would be the same as hetero males....Some think that bullheadedness works on a potential partner...I'll bet it does at times. Some people like it and thats fine. But as others see it working they want to copy it and then it becomes a vicious circle.

Thats not for me.

 

[jackielicker]

On the other hand, having repressed my bi-side for so long...It felt amazing to speak sexually to another man, to not have to hold back anything. After awhile, I started to get tired of the "Let's chat, filth-filth-flarn-and filth," but it was exciting, at first.

And on yet another hand (how many hands do I have?) - the guy I just hooked up with sent an e-mail afterward that boiled down to "you have to be my forever boyfriend! PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!" A major turnoff. I'm bi. I'm married. I love my wife, I just love dick, too. I don't want a romantic relationship with a guy. When I get the chance, I want hot, raw, animalistic fucking and sucking.

 

[Makitsu_Trinity]

Agreed

You know it's not just in a sexual term that tact is gone... I see it on a regular basis among family, friends, coworkers, social media and the like. We have simply done away with acceptable demeanor for the sake of "being ourselves" and "freedom of speech". I think we take all this need to be individual too far.

Back to the original point, yes, as a woman, it is annoying, disgusting, and downright distasteful when a man's first message is "Im going to fuck you and you're going to like this thick cock." Get real asshole.

 

[mtsnowrider]

A long time ago when I was in college and sex was rare outside of a long-term dating relationship, I had a friend who argued that guys were wasting time and money waiting for women to finally agree to sleep with them. His tactic was to go to parties and ask random women "Wanna fuck?" It was not a style I could pull off. But I think he got laid more than the average guy.
Sometimes it depends on what you are looking for.

 

[beautiful_Ds]

A long time ago when I was in college and sex was rare outside of a long-term dating relationship, I had a friend who argued that guys were wasting time and money waiting for women to finally agree to sleep with them. His tactic was to go to parties and ask random women "Wanna fuck?" It was not a style I could pull off. But I think he got laid more than the average guy.
Sometimes it depends on what you are looking for.

I obviously have not been going to the right parties!
.

 

[Kalamain]

A long time ago when I was in college and sex was rare outside of a long-term dating relationship, I had a friend who argued that guys were wasting time and money waiting for women to finally agree to sleep with them. His tactic was to go to parties and ask random women "Wanna fuck?" It was not a style I could pull off. But I think he got laid more than the average guy.
Sometimes it depends on what you are looking for.

Confidence can get you pretty far in the world. Form there you need other things...And too many people that have that confidence don't have anything else to back it up....Those that do will rule the world.

 

[Makitsu_Trinity]

Confidence can get you pretty far in the world. Form there you need other things...And too many people that have that confidence don't have anything else to back it up....Those that do will rule the world.

Ill stand behind that 110%!

 

[BruisedBareback]

I personally am very turned off by people being too forward about their intentions. I mean, just about everyone likes sex. I assume that at some point everyone would like to have it, but it doesn't have to be so blatantly obvious that it is the focus of a person's attention. I mean, even in the case of hookups or casual encounters it would be a little more stand up of a person to be like, "Hi, I saw your post up about wanting to have a playmate for the evening. I like the way that sounds. I have attached a couple pics of myself, but let me know if you would prefer a more intimate shot..." Or something like that INSTEAD of "Hey, you're hot. I wanna cum on your mouth, baby! *attach picture of penis next to beer can*

The ladder situation actually happened to me once, btw. >.<

However, I am not a "casual encounter" type of person. So I'm actually confused as to why I get any of these kinds of messages in the first place.

My topic was pointed more towards general discussion as opposed to PM stuff. I just kinda find it strange that SOOOOOO many posts are written about such trite and immature stuff. I'm not talking about this site in particular. I find that it is generally very hard for me to find topics focusing on sexuality that I care to involve myself in, as most of them have a subject matter expressed in a manner reminiscent of Beavis and Butthead.


I appreciate everyone's responses on this topic. Hope to share more with you guys/gals.

 

[PullYouPushMe]

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[BruisedBareback]

...In the wake of the digital revolution, we have a far too clued in generation, painfully aware of life's brevity, and putting their individual selves and needs to the fore. No one is secondary today. Just remind people of their shortcomings and they're quickly, and unpleasantly, 'in your face'...

I have recently come into issues regarding this with some friends, actually. It seems that constructive criticism is met with hostility, even among age old buddies. I think Makitsu Trinity had also touched on that point as well:

I see it on a regular basis among family, friends, coworkers, social media and the like. We have simply done away with acceptable demeanor for the sake of "being ourselves" and "freedom of speech". I think we take all this need to be individual too far.

Suffice it to say, that people seem to have an overinflated sense of entitlement in many different aspects of their life. Maybe this is a result of telling kids over the years that they can do anything if they just try hard enough. Or that they are special, and not to care what others think of them. If you take these ideas out of context, they are very antisocial.

Yes, this is a sex oriented site. I get that. And I didn't go into topics i found to be distasteful and give them an unwarranted gripe. I made my own for others that dissagree with my viewpoint to either interject or ignore. haha. I'm just saying that BDSM and sex discussion as a whole doesn't always have to be dirty talk and pervy pics. I'm not a prude by any means, and I think that the raunchier side of it has a place and even a certain necessity. It's just that I'm a bit dissapointed that it seems to be the vast majority of people's aim. And I would like to reiterate from my OP, it seems even MORE prominent among gay males.