Swords, Sex and Sorcery (D20 casting call)

[Lexavier]

I didn't know we had a price, yet.

I guessed, it wouldnt be more than a few Silver pieces, maybe even copper, but if you can't be bothered to split it, a gold piece would be more than generous. I saw it as a chance to get rid of what little SP i had.

 

[DrStein]

I also realised my alignment was wrong, i originally intended to play my character as a confident stern, slightly aggressive woman and as such was Chaotic Neutral. Think I changed my mind!
I hope everyone prefers this way I designed the character

The alignment system is a tricky thing. I find it helps to try and filter it through different lenses based on the alignment. Scully is Chaotic Neutral, but he wouldn't call it that. He would be more apt to describe himself as a pragmatic realist.

Instead of Lawful, Neutral, and Chaotic, he would call it Dogmatic and Pragmatic and Neutral is just people who haven't made up their mind yet. And instead of Good, Neutral, and Evil, he would call them Idealistic, Realistic, and Malicious.

Naturally, he would probably use more colorful language in conversation. He wouldn't say out loud that a paladin is a dogmatic idealist. He'd call him a stick in the mud. And he wouldn't label his former chaotic evil guildmaster as a malicious pragmatist. He'd call him, "that backstabbing, two-faced son of a whore." And of course he would refer to his own moral philosophy as "correct."

 

[kittenofdeath]

True. And at least the party can rest easy knowing that there's an ocean between Scully and the guy who wants to kill him. Which means the only thing they have to worry about from Scully is those six words you never want to hear from the party daredevil: "Hold my pack and watch this."

Yeah, sure there is...

I hope you're all keeping your character sheets updated with the gear you pick up aka the maps, and the money you spend

Not that I obsess over details like that...... *shifty eyes*

I also realised my alignment was wrong, i originally intended to play my character as a confident stern, slightly aggressive woman and as such was Chaotic Neutral. Think I changed my mind!
I hope everyone prefers this way I designed the character

Keeping track of purchases and money levels would be appreciated.

I guessed, it wouldnt be more than a few Silver pieces, maybe even copper, but if you can't be bothered to split it, a gold piece would be more than generous. I saw it as a chance to get rid of what little SP i had.

Believe it or not, an area map costs 50 gp according to the SRD, and while there is no 'travel guide' listed in there, the closest book to it is also 50 gp, crazy I know, but when you think about it, mass printing costs would be an issue without a printing press. So I'm going to say that Rainia is capable of making basic printing presses, and both the map and book are 3 gold each, 5 if you buy both.

 

[kittenofdeath]

Also, the city is mostly made of stone, and the party is currently in one of the more profitable districts, so the tavern wouldn't have a rough wooden interior. The only place in the city where the buildings arnt at least half made of stone would be the slums, and even then, there's quite a few bits of stonework there.

 

[Locastor]

Also, the city is mostly made of stone, and the party is currently in one of the more profitable districts, so the tavern wouldn't have a rough wooden interior. The only place in the city where the buildings arnt at least half made of stone would be the slums, and even then, there's quite a few bits of stonework there.

Still waiting on this, KoD:

Hey KoD, can we hear a little bit more about the world we're in? Main continents, major centres of population, some basic history everyone should know etc?

Give me our fictional backdrop and I swear I will adhere to it like aboleth snot on a bipedal humanoid.

 

[kittenofdeath]

Still waiting on this, KoD:



Give me our fictional backdrop and I swear I will adhere to it like aboleth snot on a bipedal humanoid.

Facepalm, could have sworn I did that already, I'll do a quick write up now, it wont be fancy, but it'll have the needed stuff.

 

[DrStein]

I swear I will adhere to it like aboleth snot on a bipedal humanoid.

And there goes my boner back into hiding for six more weeks of winter. Thanks.

 

[Locastor]

And there goes my boner back into hiding for six more weeks of winter. Thanks.

Considering your boner would be able to breathe water and receive telepathic instruction, that could be an even trade!

Also, please don't quit on us just yet. I have a deep and abiding suspicion that our lovely femmes will need all the male attention we can muster.

 

[kittenofdeath]

And there goes my boner back into hiding for six more weeks of winter. Thanks.

I'll take it you don't want to borrow my copy of aboleth girls (we think) gone wild?

 

[DrStein]

I'll take it you don't want to borrow my copy of aboleth girls (we think) gone wild?

I quit dating outside my creature type after a blind date with a gynosphinx ended poorly. So no.

 

[kittenofdeath]

And some basic common knowledge stuff.

History:
The calendar for the '3rd age' goes back a little over a thousand years.
No solid information exists for the '2nd age', it was a time of chaos and lawlessness where much of civilizations remains were destroyed, nobody truly know long long it went for, as no one from before it still lives.
The near mythical '1st age' predates the gods themselves, or at least the gods that still live, it was from writings of this time that the legend of Rainia came to be, and its from relics that airships were derived.

Religion:
There are 2 sects of gods, there are the 'new gods', those who still influence the mortal coil, and the 'old gods', who predate the second age, and while there are those who worship the old gods, there is no proof of their existence as there is with the new gods.

Rainia:
There are so many legends about Rainia that its impossible to say for certain which of them are true, or at least are based in fact, so characters could have heard any wild tale you could imagine.

Hexith'taul:
The intercontinental port city.
Those who understand Dragonic would notice the name resembles the words 'Doomed City', and that the title after the kings name on the hospitality papers was also Dragonic, translating to 'lord of the sky.'
The architecture is predominately well worn stone, with a few patches of wood here and there. While there are a few garden strips, the ground so far has been well paved stone.
Hexith'taul apparently has an army, a very well funded army by the looks of the soldiers who had been working the cordon at the port.
The population appears to be very wide and varied, with far more even numbers of different races on the streets.
The maps sold are rather basic, showing a black outline of the city major districts and a few landmarks, the port district and the royal palace for example, as well as the immediate surroundings outside of the city. Studying it further or finding a higher quality example may reveal more.
The guidebook, which is rather small and designed to be as close to pocket size as they could make it, mainly details the laws of the city, which are all rather standard, though it does point out slavery is legal, not that it elaborates the degree of it. It does however elaborate on what the general said at the initial announcement, there is no central law enforcement, different areas are controlled by various enforcers, such as mercenary guilds, and all judgment and prosecution is done independently.
In the back it also lists a few tourist attractions, the coliseum (shown on map), the royal gardens (also on map) and the theater (not listed on map) are the only ones that sound like they aren’t pointless tourist traps though.

 

[HotKittygirl]

Give me our fictional backdrop and I swear I will adhere to it like aboleth snot on a bipedal humanoid.

I thought it was hot...

 

[DrStein]

If that's your kink, I would be open to bondage sex with a tanglefoot bag. I just prefer to keep the Lovecraftian horrors out of the bedroom. A man has to draw the line somewhere.

 

[Locastor]

Give me our fictional backdrop and I swear I will adhere to it like aboleth snot on a bipedal humanoid.

I thought it was hot...

I think you and miss blonde druid chick should order another few rounds for the group.

 

[HotKittygirl]

Well considering that our Fort saves are so low and we have BOTH failed our first saves and are tipsy. I think a few more rounds will end up with strip dances on the bar.

Wait....that's not a bad thing....

Of course the neighborhood might be a little highbrow for it.

 

[Lexavier]

xD I love you guys

 

[DrStein]

If you girls don't get started, Scully might very well hop up on the table and lead everyone in a bawdy sing-along while doing a little jig. Really, that might be my next post. He would do it just to see what would happen.

 

[HotKittygirl]

haha.

Well the bard who has perform: dance as her main skill might have to jump up there just so she isn't one up'ed and all.

 

[DrStein]

Don't forget the penalty for drunkenness. But now I have a mental image of Kat and Scully up on the table, dancing in a circle arm in arm and singing the following song together (skip to 9:42):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPP1Oeof_fc&feature=relmfu

If I could just find the lyrics past the first line it would be perfect.

Oh, by the way Kitty I took a peak at your Mae and Ivory thread. In the first post, nice Ahnold reference. Have you by chance seen the 100 Greatest Movie Threats montage? That line got a place in it.

 

[Lexavier]

Girl:
If all the young laddies were coconuts sweet
I'd suck out their Juices and chew on their meat

Guy:
If all the young ladies were little white rabbits,
I'd be a hare and I'd teach 'em bad habits

Girl:
If all of our laddies were skins of fine wine,
You'd let me taste yours then I'll let you taste mine

Guy:
If all the young ladies were sweet fruits and berries,
I'd handle their melons and nibble their cherries

Girl:
If laddies were washclothes with soap in my tub,
I'd lather all over and have a good scrub

Guy:
If all the young girls were like cows in the pasture,
I'd be a bull and fill them with rapture

Girl:
If all of them Laddies would set down their mugs,
I'd quench all their thirsts with one taste from my jugs

Guy:
If all the young ladies were winds of the sea,
I'd be a sail and I'd let them blow me

Girl:
If all the young laddies were waves in the sea,
I'd stand on the shoreline and let them pound me

Guy:
If all the young ladies were singing this song,
It would be twice as bawdy and six times as long!

Girl:
If all the young laddies were singing this song,
It'd be over too quickly and be half as long

Guys: HEY!


There are so many more as well but you get the idea xD

 

[HotKittygirl]

Bahahaha. Thank you for noticing. I was wondering if anyone would get it. And now that I hear the song I get drop dead murphys in my head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg_rf2d894k


Time to dance I'd say. muwhaha.

 

[DrStein]

Singing Balls to yer Partner
Ass against the wall
If ye can't get laid on a Saturday Night
Ye can't get laid at all

It started out so simple like:
each lad and lassie mated
But pretty soon the doin's
got so bloody complicated!

Four and twenty virgins
Came down from Hexith'taul,
And when the ball was over
They were spoiled one and all

Several lusty wenches
gathered round the door
And tripped the men as they came thru,
but beat 'em to the floor!

Kat the bard was also there,
She was a sight to see,
They bent her o'er the table
and the rest was Gnome to me!

Good sir Xarkl he was there,
his balls were made of brass,
And every time he laid a girl
the sparks flew out his ass!

"What the hell's a 'sporran'?"
the lassie loudly begged;
She was answered: "It's the hairy thing
between a halfling's legs!"

There was doin' in the kitchen,
And doin' it on the stones.
Ye couldna' hear the music
For the wheezin' and the groans.

First they did it simple,
Then they tried it He's an' She's
But when the Ball was over,
They were doin' fives and threes

And of those bonny virgins,
Let me tell you one thing more
Nine months later, Hexith'taul
had four and twenty more

They were doin' in the bedrooms,
An' doin' on the stairs
Ya couldna see the carpet
for the piles o'pubic hairs

The scoundrel Scully he was there,
He thought it was a game
He did a lassie seven times,
But never learned her name!

And Lexi she was there,
A'singin' a lament
Gettin' help with the higher notes
from the gentleman in her tent!

A Lord and Lady Herald
were bein' circumspect:
The one said it was "rampant"
the other said "erect!"

I saw ol' Tarik there,
a-practicin' his craft
Finishing another round
every minute and a half!

The Best Man, he's a standin',
Talking to the Groom
"The front, the front, and not the back
Is the entrance to the womb!"

And when the ball was over,
Everyone confessed,
"The music was exquisite,
But the doin' was the best!"

Oy!

 

[HotKittygirl]

Bravo good ser. I tip my hat to you!

 

[DrStein]

Bahahaha. Thank you for noticing. I was wondering if anyone would get it.

Bonus points if you can spot the joke I cribbed in my post where Scully delivers the proverbial punchline to Tarik's little drinking ploy.

Bravo good ser. I tip my hat to you!

I just did a Google search for bawdy drinking songs, picked one, changed some lyrics... and now I feel dirtier than when I'm writing sex scenes. I'm not sure how that works, but... Show of hands: who wants to actually see Kat and Scully sing that to a tavern crowd at some point?

 

[HotKittygirl]

It was well done regardless.

As for the singing and dancing bit, as I said Kat's a bard so it'll eventually come out. Sooner probably than later it looks like. She can sing and dance and play the guitar, and a few other things.
So my vote is yus.