Switching: Revisited

[MissTaken]

Four years is not wasted.

Whatever occurred, those four years are part of what makes you the very special lady you are now.

Don't begrudge that!

Hmmmm I am wondering if we should do a thread looking for a new name for you?

What do you think?

We could call you, "pfkap" or poster formerly known as pet!

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Four years is not wasted.

Whatever occurred, those four years are part of what makes you the very special lady you are now.

Don't begrudge that!

Hmmmm I am wondering if we should do a thread looking for a new name for you?

What do you think?

We could call you, "pfkap" or poster formerly known as pet!

I would have to agree. After all, i met some amazing people on my journey (including my very first Top) but damn, it makes me crazy.

As for the thread..what good will a new name do? I would have to start from the beginning...and I don't wanna!!!

(will just be apet for ever I guess)

Thanks MissT..you know I would have curled up at your feet for at least a day or two..you know you rock!!

 

[MissTaken]

Awwwww

*blushing*




But, ya know, Laurel may change your name without you having to start over if you send chocolate. A little known lit secret! *smirks*

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Awwwww

*blushing*




But, ya know, Laurel may change your name without you having to start over if you send chocolate. A little known lit secret! *smirks*

did not know tasty T..so umm set up a poll and take a vote huh??

Guess i will start on that, soon.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

It's only been the last few years when I was trying to give up the control, that i realized I got NOTHING from it. I could never do the surrender thing.

Isn't there a diff between not being able to and getting nothing from it? Hey, if it leaves you dry, it leaves you dry. That's your body talking -- Listen. Why bother trying if it's taking you in a direction that doesn't do anything for you? I guess I'm really curious if I'm just not getting what you meant or if I am, why you were trying? There are things I've tried to gain a taste for that even if I start to get it and even feel it a bit, are never going to really push my buttons -- jazz and opera come to mind. Was it like that?

Or did it move you deeply but you couldn't get past some fence or something?

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Now, here is my thinking that helped me come to grips with this particular issue. Yes, I like to be spanked, be flogged (on occasion) and be involved in what otherwise appear to be submissive activities. However, for me , it is my maso tendencies that lend themselves to this need. I came to this conclusion when I realized that I am definitely not submitting when these things happen. I am spanked as much as I want, for as long as I want and as hard as I want. If my slut boy spanks too hard or ovesteps those boundaries, he is punished. So, for me , masochism and Dominance can definitely exist within the same person and within the same relationship.

Honestly, there are times when I do miss giving up control....not sure where that will lead and I am not going to worry about it.

Gonna ignore the 'live it and enjoy part' as I'm too busy analyzing! Knowing where I'm coming from (cumming from?) helps me get more.

Seriously, this got a 'yup' from me. Sounds like you are talking about sensation/maso, whatever you want to call it, rather than a sub pull. If my guy overstepped his bounds -- and he has -- I go into subspace. And love it. Seems like a big diff in reactions here.

Even my dominance, the little I've done seems to have to do with overstepping bounds before I get a turnon from it. And it feels So different, the kind of edge I get from each. The dommy one feels sort of itchy, a slightly sickish feeling, and getting 'There' is something I've never even tried from that direction.
I do it when I'm mad. Or use the anger. Weird thing is I can't even tell you if the non-consent fantasies that I use to get off are subby or dommy. They're a movie, that doesn't generally involve me, (but sometimes someone like me), and the point of coming is ungraspable.
Is it giving in, or getting in? Is it the point when she says 'yes' to force and in a sense begins raping herself, or is it when he does some maximum, inescapeable entry of her? Sorry, I hope I'm not grossing anyone out here with too much honesty and showing of insides.

When i do the subby thing, start falling into subspace (as I define or undestand it), it feels like going deeper, like a great warm yes.

I've only started exploring this recently. Because of hard life circumstances I cut it all off, shut it down, except in my fantasies for 20-30 years. Over that time, in dealing with the past, got confused about needs and wants, thinking at one point that what i needed was maximum gentleness, and my husband has gone along for the ride, always parallel, always willing.... Getting into d/s or refinding it, has made some changes.
It really does help some of us when others analyze. And sorting it out, even into boxes, can help, too. I really want to return to myself.

Sorry this rant is so right-brained. Thank you all for being here and sharing who you are.

 

[Netzach]

Funny thing is, I've been in subspace. Down to the dilated pupils and all. It was cool, it's just not that thing I can't seem to get enough of. Frankly, being "a switch" tapped me out a lot. The lows of frustration in trying to give up control to people who inevitably disappointed me, then realizing I was disappointing myself, it was holding me back from my potential after a certain point.

Definitely not a waste though.

Everyone poo poos the value of bottoming/submitting experience to a Dominant these days, to me it's the difference between studying cars in school to be a mechanic and growing up with an old engine as a toy since you were 2, putting that mofo together so many times that you dream you *are* a car.

It's not politically correct to say it. But I don't think there's a substitute for having walked the walk.

 

[Etoile]

I have discovered that if I can control how I receive pain (not the amount or even for how long..just laying the rules before hand..keeping control as it were) that I feel much better about having the NEED for pain.

I'm curious about something, and maybe this isn't the right place to ask, I'm not sure. This question isn't only directed at pet, either, but rather at those who are generally dominant but feel masochistic tendencies.

Why do you want to feel the pain? What in your life makes you want to suffer? I understand it from a submissive's perspective - in my case, suffering is usually part of serving (I don't consider myself a pain slut). But what would make somebody who is not normally subservient want to feel that pain?

 

[Netzach]

Me feel tough! Me feel alive! Arrrgh!!!

 

[Phoenix Stone]

I'm curious about something, and maybe this isn't the right place to ask, I'm not sure. This question isn't only directed at pet, either, but rather at those who are generally dominant but feel masochistic tendencies.

Why do you want to feel the pain? What in your life makes you want to suffer? I understand it from a submissive's perspective - in my case, suffering is usually part of serving (I don't consider myself a pain slut). But what would make somebody who is not normally subservient want to feel that pain?

Though not directed at me (since when has that minor detail stopped me ), couldn't any ol' boring pain slut answer this? The little bit of pain sluttishness I have -- mostly for neck biting -- is an intensity of sensation thing, that gets translated as pleasure. And if you get into it a certain way, you can get a major endorphin rush/buzz.

Please forgive the buttinski-ness. I'm not evolved enough to know if Someday I Might fit your description of those who should be responding, and thus excused myself. (Dirty job, but I'm used to it.)

Peace, man.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Isn't there a diff between not being able to and getting nothing from it? Hey, if it leaves you dry, it leaves you dry. That's your body talking -- Listen. Why bother trying if it's taking you in a direction that doesn't do anything for you? I guess I'm really curious if I'm just not getting what you meant or if I am, why you were trying? There are things I've tried to gain a taste for that even if I start to get it and even feel it a bit, are never going to really push my buttons -- jazz and opera come to mind. Was it like that?

Or did it move you deeply but you couldn't get past some fence or something?

Hey PS..good questions. For me it was a combo. For some people I could almost feel it, almost get there..but never close enough. I would want it, could feel it, just couldn't DO it. (except for my first Top, but she was special)

I had fantasized about it for so long: giving up control, letting someone else have me, that the reality just couldn't compete, leaving me pretty well depressed and confused.

Usually, though, I had the *Nothing* experience. Where I didn't feel the least bit submissive. Half the time I did not even want to BE in the position I was in. I could have ran the scenes better with no voice and only 1 arm.

Did that make sense?

pet

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Why do you want to feel the pain? What in your life makes you want to suffer? I understand it from a submissive's perspective - in my case, suffering is usually part of serving (I don't consider myself a pain slut). But what would make somebody who is not normally subservient want to feel that pain?

For me, it's a sexual turn-on. I guess from internalising past abuse and making those things sexual. I get off on pain. Always have, even when I was little and didn't realize that being beaten made me horny.

I don't know about others, but for me, the turn on is the long and short of it.

(hope that helped)

pet

 

[MissTaken]

.

Why do you want to feel the pain? What in your life makes you want to suffer? I understand it from a submissive's perspective - in my case, suffering is usually part of serving (I don't consider myself a pain slut). But what would make somebody who is not normally subservient want to feel that pain?

The physcial warmth and electricity of some maso activities gets me hot, gets me off.

I don't suffer, don't want to suffer and have no need to suffer. However, if nipple torture makes my body involuntarily feel pleasure, I like it.

It is purely physical for me, at this juncture, and has absolutely nothing to do with my being subservient. In fact, these acts are things that scooter may do for me to bring me pleasure when I want it. He gets no charge out of administering pain, but is highly charged by pleasing me.

Hope this helps.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Hey PS..good questions. For me it was a combo. For some people I could almost feel it, almost get there..but never close enough. I would want it, could feel it, just couldn't DO it. (except for my first Top, but she was special)

I had fantasized about it for so long: giving up control, letting someone else have me, that the reality just couldn't compete, leaving me pretty well depressed and confused.

Usually, though, I had the *Nothing* experience. Where I didn't feel the least bit submissive. Half the time I did not even want to BE in the position I was in. I could have ran the scenes better with no voice and only 1 arm.

Did that make sense?

pet

G-d, if it's a tight tease like that feeling when you want to come and ...just -can't -get -there.... Ummph. No wonder you kept trying. Especially if this was something you experience before in full with your First.

Damn. I'm going crazy trying to get back something I was feeling everyday when doing wrong, going on that long slide toward... i don't know what cuz never got there -- but I Was at risk of -- erghh -- losing my integrity, unfixable -- an getting stopped was a high in itself... but I digress -- the Thing I was blindly feeling my way toward seemed to have something to do with serving, and possibly masochism and... who the hell knows what else. So, I SO want to recreate it in relationship with the one I love, and there are hints that it can get done -- whewh!! I'm pretty sure you didn't want to know all that -- just that I can relate to not letting go of something that really got you there once, or even Almost got you there....

Did the reality with your First top live up to fantasy, or was that what started you fantasizing? (Like maybe it was great but was too new to really digest and revel in at the time, or something, so you new it Could do something you wanted... if that makes sense.)

'...could have ran the scenes better with no voice and only 1 arm.'

Lmao -- you've got a way with words, my dear. Kind of a double-entendre pic there. My first take on that sentence was self-pleasure, second was you flipping somebody over with one arm and the other tied behind your back -- 'all right, buddy, let me show you how it's Really done....'

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Did the reality with your First top live up to fantasy, or was that what started you fantasizing? (Like maybe it was great but was too new to really digest and revel in at the time, or something, so you new it Could do something you wanted... if that makes sense.)

'...could have ran the scenes better with no voice and only 1 arm.'

Lmao -- you've got a way with words, my dear. Kind of a double-entendre pic there. My first take on that sentence was self-pleasure, second was you flipping somebody over with one arm and the other tied behind your back -- 'all right, buddy, let me show you how it's Really done....'

My first started as a regular relationship. She was always just a wee bit more dominant than me. It soon grew into a fully D/s way of life, with me being Dominant with everyone but her. Imagine my shock and surprise, when I realized that for her and with her, I could give up all control and just let her take me.

We ended when it was discovered that I was far more into taking pain than she was into giving it. I understood her thoughts then and now but it made everyone after her an extreme let down. She released me to learn about the inner maso, but what I learned was that my submission was only for her.

I tried it with people I loved and I just ended up taking the control from them. Play scenes were laughable, as I could not get that connection. It was enough to drive me batty!!

So yea, I do think that my first was so real to me that no one else will ever compare. Not that I mind that. I am more content (mentally and emotionally) having complete control over my petlings, but goodness knows part of me still yearns for that particular release again.

As for the other part...your response made me laugh. Cuz the second thought you had was EXACTLY what I was trying to convey.

Later

 

[Netzach]

PS.

if pet, aka LunaWolf wants to tell me exactly how hard to smack her butt, where and when, it's all good.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

PS.

if pet, aka LunaWolf wants to tell me exactly how hard to smack her butt, where and when, it's all good.

LMAO!!!!

*I will continue fantasizing about YOU....*