Switchability

[the captians wench]

The last few guys I have had some sort of regular play with have dissapeared and come back only to now be labbled as sumissives where before they were doms.

And why do the come back to wenchie? Oh so she can domme them.

I'm not apposed to topping. I've done it before and it's some what enjoyable, but just not my thing really. I do it more to please my bottom which is a whole circle in itself. But these guys don't know that, so what makes them think that this is something I'm really into.

One even switched again and after I got into things and was just starting to get the hang of it all he decided he wanted to be a dom again.

It takes a lot for me to get into another role, but these guys seem to be able to change back and forth with the ease of flipping a switch (and no I don't mean turning bibunny on her head ). What is it that makes some one what to go back and forth so quickly?

I've watch a couple of friends before, a switch couple actually, and I was amazed at how easily they went from one being in charge to the other. I thought maybe that it is because they have known each other so long, but then maybe it's just something in people. Are there "natural" switches?

I'm not sure what I'm looking for so feel free to run with this how ever you see fit.

 

[Kierae]

I believe in the natural switch theory, being one myself. It is fluid and I can switch easily (although it may pain me for a couple minutes). It is the matter of just having the right triggers, encouragement, stars lined up (just kidding) and I will switch. I tend to not do it frequently but I will do it a couple times over a few hours if needed/necessary. Because I identify as genderqueer and bi, I find that there is alot of "demand" for the switching. I love to be submissive but I do adore being in control, using my strap on, and occasionally proving that a masochist can be quite sadistic.

 

[BiBunny]

I can be turned on my head quite easily.

I'm gonna ramble a bit about my own nature and hope it helps to answer your question a little. If I am totally, 100% honest with myself, I prefer to be submissive. There are a lot of caveats that go with that statement, not the least of which is that it takes a certain kind of person to make me want to do it (and most Dom/mes aren't that type of person).

I learned early on that I am more dominant than most people I meet. I don't mean that I'm pushy, or that I try to intimidate or anything like that. It's just that I have this sort of natural (albeit extremely quiet) manner about me that makes people want to follow along. I learned to bury it for the most part because, quite frankly, I get tired of being in that position all the time. Just every now and then, I want to stop being the only damned capable person in the room and just do what I'm told occasionally. It doesn't usually work that way, though. (Before someone tells me I'm confusing social and sexual dominance, I'm not. I'm just too tired and lazy to come up with a good analogy.)

Anyway, though I do my best to hide that part of me in regular social situations so I don't end up having to be the Chief to a roomful of Indians most of the time, I've also found that it's easier to just go with the flow in other situations. I mean, what girl doesn't like a man to spoil her and massage her back when she tells him to? I genuinely like Topping, and I've learned to make dominance work for me in many sexual situations.

If I'm getting too much of one and not enough of the other, I tend to crave whichever one it is I'm lacking. When I'm not getting any play whatsoever on either side of the whip, I tend to crave my default state--submission--more. I need both to make me happy, and a lot of times, my entire mindset ebbs and flows depending on who I'm with.

I guess that's a rather roundabout way of saying that maybe it appears that I change my mind a lot about what I want, depending on what it is I happen to be getting at that particular time. I think a lot of switches are that way.

Maybe what's happening is these guys don't have enough balance yet. If you're new to switching, that tends to happen because you get sub frenzy on the one hand and Dom/me frenzy on the other. (It also tends to happen when you're NOT new to it, and you're just not finding anyone who really piques your interest, LOL.) Concentrating too much on one aspect will make me crave the other. Throwing all my energy at submission will make me need to be dominant. When I realized that I need a little of both (though not necessarily in equal amounts), it made my life a lot easier because I stopped flying back and forth between the two extremes all the time.

Did that help any at all?

 

[JamieB]

Switchy me

I read Bunny's post. I'm a little different, so I'll share too. I have a switchy tendency myself. It's been quite a while since I've felt the need to sub, but it still bounces around in my head.

Anyway, my take is it could be you doing it to them. Mostly if I feel subby, it's a person who triggers it more than a situation or anything internal. I just go WHOA...I bet SHE'D be AWESOME as a top! Maybe these guys get that from you.

Anyway, just a notion.

J

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I have to say, I'm a hopeless switch. It's just not in me to dominate or inflict pain. Anal play with Master (his for a change, not mine) feels like topping from the bottom, even though it's merely an extension of my service.

Some people just aren't cut out for topping. So far nothing has convinced me otherwise.

 

[twysted73]

I have to say, I'm a hopeless switch. It's just not in me to dominate or inflict pain. Anal play with Master (his for a change, not mine) feels like topping from the bottom, even though it's merely an extension of my service.

Some people just aren't cut out for topping. So far nothing has convinced me otherwise.

*raises hand on being a hopeless switch*
I see it as an extention of my services as well. But like Velvet I am very se;ective as to just whom sees that part of me. Otherwise it's the lash for you!

Sidenote: Has anyone ever found a riding crop at a tak shop or western wear store? I am thinking I want one.

They make for such effective "body inspection and cleanliness", in-scene- inspection tools/guides/body part maniplators.

*slaps your ass with it sharply*

Grrr...effing "period".
Wakes me up atleast 3 times a night and morning with uncontrollable erections. I hope this is one of the short ones. (4 days)

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sidenote: Has anyone ever found a riding crop at a tak shop or western wear store? I am thinking I want one.

That's the only place I have bought them, and also our bullwhip and stockwhip which were handmade to order by a well known and award winning whipmaker. Why go to an adult store, online or off, and spend more just because it came from an adult store? Not to mention quality...it is often better quality for less price from a saddlery outlet.

Catalina

 

[VelvetDarkness]

*slaps your ass with it sharply*

 

[rosco rathbone]

I thought it said "Switchabilly" and right away, Lux Interior-the original switchabilly-came to mind.

"Down in the fashion pits/ Girls wearin' tourniquets/ I can do the camel walk/ torture me I won't talk/ You can pull out my fingernails, I still won't talk!"

 

[notalwaysweak]

I think it would be very difficult for me to switch mid-scene, especially since I'm about 90% sub to 10% domme. I'd prefer it be established at the start of the scene who is playing which role.

 

[the captians wench]

See, I tend to take charge in normal things. I can be very stubborn, and if something isn't getting done, I tend to jump in and get the ball moving, but it exhausts me. It takes a lot out of me to be that take charge person and in my more personal relationship I like to stick with the "listen and obey" principle and not worry so much about taking charge. Infact the idea of going back to being a crew member is one I've seriously been considering because I just don't like being the boss all of the time.

My mom mentioned the posibility that maybe it's just me, and that I'm sending off some sort of vibe that turns them. At my old store I was the same way, people just looked up to me, at this store they don't at all

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I switch

Mostly I prefer the Top role. I don't consider myself naturally dominant, nor naturally submissive..I fit comfortably into either role, depending on who it is I am playing with.
I can (and have) switched in the middle of a scene, especially if the person I was playing with was not adverse to giving up/taking over control. I am pretty fluid that way. *happy sigh* All of that being said: I do find it much easier to stay in one role or the other.

Certain people draw forth the submissive in me, others' will never bring out the maso-pain slut I have hidden away. There are certain men and women that I can see myself cheerfully topping and no amount of chest beating "I am Dom/me* will change my opinion on them. The few men or women I can see myself bottoming for are far and few between BUT no matter how they see themselves (whether they think of themselves as bottoms/Tops/Daddy/little girl, whatever!!), I persist in seeing them through the eyes of the pain slut I am.

Of course this is all a ramble, but I figured I could start it and come back to it when my brain is right.

Later

 

[marieR19]

Hmm. I identify as a sub, of course you all know that... but sometimes I feel a bit of a desire to try switching if/when I get more experienced. And I'm not exactly sure what brings it on, just sometimes when I'm writing a scene for a story or reading a story, while I'll be wishing I was the sub, a part of me is also thinking "oh wow, how would it feel to have that absolute control over someone? It must feel so powerful to be able to do that, to have someone so devoted to you and at your mercy", and I want to feel what it's like.


Heather

 

[the captians wench]

Hmm. I identify as a sub, of course you all know that... but sometimes I feel a bit of a desire to try switching if/when I get more experienced. And I'm not exactly sure what brings it on, just sometimes when I'm writing a scene for a story or reading a story, while I'll be wishing I was the sub, a part of me is also thinking "oh wow, how would it feel to have that absolute control over someone? It must feel so powerful to be able to do that, to have someone so devoted to you and at your mercy", and I want to feel what it's like.


Heather

This sparks a question. Can switchablity be learned?

Not only inspired by marie, but I'm also thinking about things in my life that are going on. At one point I would have never thought about topping, and actually Jounar was the first person to sugest the topic to me. At first I would only do it by order (kind of a drag me kicking and screaming into it thing) but over the past week I've realized, I do enjoy it to a certain point. It's still not enough to satisfy me, and I haven't done it in person in a long while, but it's enough to make me question if switching may not be totally out of my catagory anymore.

 

[Netzach]

This sparks a question. Can switchablity be learned?

Not only inspired by marie, but I'm also thinking about things in my life that are going on. At one point I would have never thought about topping, and actually Jounar was the first person to sugest the topic to me. At first I would only do it by order (kind of a drag me kicking and screaming into it thing) but over the past week I've realized, I do enjoy it to a certain point. It's still not enough to satisfy me, and I haven't done it in person in a long while, but it's enough to make me question if switching may not be totally out of my catagory anymore.

I've gotten in arguments with people over this one, suffice it to say I think far more people are differing degrees of versatile than not. Put me in a room full of other Dom/mes and give me a "what stays in Vegas" policy and talk about our experiences honestly and I suddenly don't know any 100 percent born Dominants any more. Maybe they never acted on it. Maybe it's only one specific thought or fantasy. Maybe it's one specific fetish that flips some thought. I'm sure there's someone just THAT alpha out there, but not as many as think they're that.

Bottoms, the same, why wouldn't it be? It may not light you on fire, but the thought and the capability is almost always there. Only you have this really nice thing to work with in that they will often do what you tell them to.

So I think it's almost always possible to train someone into *some* form of top behavior, because it's there already. We're pretty multi-faceted.

 

[Lalah]

Well personally I can do both although I prefer to sub, but changing mid session? I don't think I could do that if I was in the heat of things.

 

[hrnyhrny]

See, I tend to take charge in normal things. I can be very stubborn, and if something isn't getting done, I tend to jump in and get the ball moving, but it exhausts me. It takes a lot out of me to be that take charge person and in my more personal relationship I like to stick with the "listen and obey" principle and not worry so much about taking charge. Infact the idea of going back to being a crew member is one I've seriously been considering because I just don't like being the boss all of the time.

My mom mentioned the posibility that maybe it's just me, and that I'm sending off some sort of vibe that turns them. At my old store I was the same way, people just looked up to me, at this store they don't at all

you can be whatever you want. it is a growth process. you can choose to be Domme, Switch or sub, or a combination without loosing who you are. Have fun. you only live once.

 

[the captians wench]

Okay, I can see some of the advatages to topping now. *giggles*

 

[sexycaz22]

Okay, I can see some of the advatages to topping now. *giggles*

And so can I!

 

[SpectreT]

Cleanup, Aisle Two!

... Sorry, that was a reference to my own jumbled thoughts. I'll start with social, then move on to sexual, discussing my own "Switchability".

Those who follow comic book superheroes, I'm the Martian Manhunter. Easily as powerful as Superman in my own right, but I rarely lead the pack. Instead, I'm the quiet glue that holds the group together. People constantly try to push me into a leadership role, mainly by looking to me for decisions, direction, et cetera. I'm usually not brimming with ideas, so I'm not terribly comfortable in charge, socially. But it happens all the damn time, so I must be giving off that sort of vibe.

Sexually, I'm also pretty timid as a Dominant, at least while I'm figuring out where the boundaries are, and what's okay. Once I've got the terrain sussed out, however, the hesitancy is gone. (Overcoming a lifetime of self-training in being a gentleman can be a royal bitch, especially if she likes being slapped around a bit and having her hair pulled.) You'd think that would all lead to me being a natural sub, right? Not so much. There's that weird, awkward feeling as my terrain is being sussed out, where I almost feel like I'm taking charge, leading my partner through me, showing them where the buttons are that are good to push, and warning them about the explosive buttons. So it takes me a while to settle in on the other side as well.

And sexually, at least, which side of the fence I land on is largely a function of complementing my partner, becoming yang to their yin, if you follow...

 

[lorelei_echo]

Greetings! This is my first post, but the subject caught my eye immediately.

I've been a switch pretty much since I knew what one was. (And bi, and poly - some would say I just can't make up my mind...<g>) I've ended up being mostly Dominant because I rarely connected with anyone I could even begin to take seriously as a Dom/me. However, one of my current partners is as much of a switch as I am, plus we've found we can each easily play both roles to each other. So yes, we've been known to switch even within scenes, and back and forth multiple times. It's never something we plan - we just look in each other's eyes or body language and just know. It's quite amazing, really...