Switch help, please...

[wouldloveto]

My girlfriend is a sub, but I want to be dominated for once. Specifically I want her to fuck me with a stap-on, along with most of the other things, whipping, bondage, etc.

She wants to please me, but we need some help.

Thanks.

 

[ntp]

.....

 

[myinnerslut]

i am in the same situation as your girlfriend.. Sir wants me to top him once to know what its like, but i really dont want to. she might respond better to this if you make it an order, and let her know that she is still your sub in the end, even if for the time she is topping she is in charge.

 

[FurryFury]

My girlfriend is a sub, but I want to be dominated for once. Specifically I want her to fuck me with a stap-on, along with most of the other things, whipping, bondage, etc.

She wants to please me, but we need some help.

Thanks.

I started a thread about tasks that have been accepted and assigned here:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=388631

On Page 4 post 87 Red Sonja who I miss around here btw, tells that she has been assigned this same sort of task. She is uncomfortable, she asks for ideas.

On the same page in post 88 I give her some based on a task I did which was similar.

On Page 5 Post 118 she writes about how it went for her and her Master / husband.

Maybe that will help somewhat?

Fury

 

[boobsqueeezer]

i am in the same situation as your girlfriend.. Sir wants me to top him once to know what its like, but i really dont want to. she might respond better to this if you make it an order, and let her know that she is still your sub in the end, even if for the time she is topping she is in charge.

I agree. Orders/Instructions are obeyed better......Pure submissives would have much difficulty when one puts them in charge! It is against their attitude and are naturally at a fix!

Instead if this is something that the slave/sub hates, it could as well be used as a punishment-to be asked to top, whip the master! Isnt this what all punishment is about?

--
Boobsqueeezer
Online Orient Master of the East(India).

 

[CutieMouse]

I agree. Orders/Instructions are obeyed better......Pure submissives would have much difficulty when one puts them in charge! It is against their attitude and are naturally at a fix!

Instead if this is something that the slave/sub hates, it could as well be used as a punishment-to be asked to top, whip the master! Isnt this what all punishment is about?

--
Boobsqueeezer
Online Orient Master of the East(India).

A) "Pure submissive" smacks of the same philosophy as those who believe in "True submissives"- which is (IMO), bullsh*t.

B) Flipping the power exchange coin as a form of punishment is, IMO, most unwise. I can't imagine a better recipe for dissapointment, stress, frustration, and discomfort. Now really, do those emotions sound like ones one wishes to associate with an enjoyable experience?

C) "She may turn out to have a Dom streak and then where will you be?" Sigh. Given that the OP wishes to be dominated on ocassion, I'd say he might be rather happy, should his partner nurture her inner Domme; she might discover she enjoys it, as well. I'd be far more concerned, if Topping her partner made her miserable and uncomfortable.

Topping/Domming someone is a lot of responsibility, and knowing you have someone else's happiness, sexuality, soul, and kink, in the hollow of your hand, can be rather intimidating, if one does not know what to do, or where to start. Reluctance may be due to ignorance, discomfort over attempting something new, or a fear of displeasing the partner/not being any "good" at dominating.

Talk about your wants and needs with regard to being dominated. Make sure both of you know (as best as is possible), what the other wishes to experience. Communicate, communicate, communicate... it might also be wise to have her do some research on female domination, to get comfortable with the idea, and develop the language to discuss issues/ideas/fears/etc.

Anal sex/whips/bondage were mentioned in the OP; please consider that such activities are not things one suddenly discovers how to do with grace and authority, overnight. START SIMPLE. Have her plan a 15-30 minute "scene" (I advise doing so down to the last detail- to the point of making out a list of what will happen, what will she say, etc- and her rehersing it until she's comfortable with the scene), and see how it goes. Have snuggles and tea afterwards, and *freely* discuss how both of you feel things went. (Although I'd be stressing the good over the bad, and be quite gentle about the bad, to help encourage her to do it again.)

The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook For Nervous Beginners by Lady Green, is a slim little book, a quick read, and (IMO) a good place to start.

 

[neonflux]

She'll be afraid of being at a loss for what to do once she's "in charge" and that you'll be bored or it won't be the way you wanted it. You'll have to top from the bottom, probably, and coach her ahead of time if she's going to be able to get into it at all.

Really good advice - don't have much to add, except to say that you might want to create a list of those things you expect to experience and share that with her - also, what do want in terms of intensity, duration, etc.

Of course, if she does, she may turn out to have a dom streak, and then where will you be? hehe.

LOL... Then again, you might find that you like some aspects of it, as well. I will never understand why anyone - even the most Dominant among us - wouldn't enjoy a good flogging now and then - at least to me, when done with a really thuddy flogger, it's much more like deep tissue massage than pain (that said, I'm switch and enjoy receiving as well as giving)...

POSTSCRIPT TO CUTIE MOUSE: I swear we were writing at the same time, thinking along the same lines but you not only hit the post button first, you were much more thorough - I respect this post (as well as your others) greatly. Yelling Bravisimo! from the balcony and throwing you a and thank you for your response to boobsqueezer...

 

[CutieMouse]

 

[FurryFury]

Instead if this is something that the slave/sub hates, it could as well be used as a punishment-to be asked to top, whip the master! Isnt this what all punishment is about?

--
Boobsqueeezer
Online Orient Master of the East(India).

This is not what all punishment is about IMO, no. I would personally HATE being topped by someone who was hating to do it. I would never assign that as a punishment. I'm not prone to giving punishments anyway nor do I seek them. If I hated topping someone I can't imagine it would go well for either of us. What I do I do to please (my online Dom, my husband, myself) and for the most part I do it with love.

Fury

 

[Netzach]

Does she really want to do this and you're just looking for tips? Or does she just want to please you and get it over with? If the latter, I can almost guarantee that you will have an interesting head trip and test, but a really bad experience in terms of submission. You can't submit to the will of someone who just wants to do what you want and move on.

I like the book recommended. I also think that if she's somewhat experienced as a bottom, she can probably remember the first few scenes she did and enjoyed and probably figure out how to orchestrate that experience for someone else and find she gets a mild kick out of it. My husband was in a LTR with another submissive years before he met me, and they took turns. It wasn't ideal, but it wasn't horrible either.

They talked about what worked and what didn't and tied each other up and fucked one another. They got pretty damn good at quick-release sex-able bondage that didn't suck, in fact I learned what I know about bedroom rope from my husband.

 

[wouldloveto]

Topping/Domming someone is a lot of responsibility, and knowing you have someone else's happiness, sexuality, soul, and kink, in the hollow of your hand, can be rather intimidating, if one does not know what to do, or where to start. Reluctance may be due to ignorance, discomfort over attempting something new, or a fear of displeasing the partner/not being any "good" at dominating.

Talk about your wants and needs with regard to being dominated. Make sure both of you know (as best as is possible), what the other wishes to experience. Communicate, communicate, communicate... it might also be wise to have her do some research on female domination, to get comfortable with the idea, and develop the language to discuss issues/ideas/fears/etc.

Anal sex/whips/bondage were mentioned in the OP; please consider that such activities are not things one suddenly discovers how to do with grace and authority, overnight. START SIMPLE. Have her plan a 15-30 minute "scene" (I advise doing so down to the last detail- to the point of making out a list of what will happen, what will she say, etc- and her rehersing it until she's comfortable with the scene), and see how it goes. Have snuggles and tea afterwards, and *freely* discuss how both of you feel things went. (Although I'd be stressing the good over the bad, and be quite gentle about the bad, to help encourage her to do it again.)

The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook For Nervous Beginners by Lady Green, is a slim little book, a quick read, and (IMO) a good place to start.[/QUOTE]


Thank you, I will heed your advice.

 

[wouldloveto]

Does she really want to do this and you're just looking for tips? Or does she just want to please you and get it over with? If the latter, I can almost guarantee that you will have an interesting head trip and test, but a really bad experience in terms of submission. You can't submit to the will of someone who just wants to do what you want and move on.

I like the book recommended. I also think that if she's somewhat experienced as a bottom, she can probably remember the first few scenes she did and enjoyed and probably figure out how to orchestrate that experience for someone else and find she gets a mild kick out of it. My husband was in a LTR with another submissive years before he met me, and they took turns. It wasn't ideal, but it wasn't horrible either.

They talked about what worked and what didn't and tied each other up and fucked one another. They got pretty damn good at quick-release sex-able bondage that didn't suck, in fact I learned what I know about bedroom rope from my husband.

She really does want to please me, but is definately more into the sub role. I want to explore this side of me and she knows it, and would rather it be her trying it than me finding a Top/Domme that will fill my need.

 

[Netzach]

She really does want to please me, but is definately more into the sub role. I want to explore this side of me and she knows it, and would rather it be her trying it than me finding a Top/Domme that will fill my need.

Ok. If she really wants a shot at it, then she should decide what few things might turn her on about the situation beyond "at least he's not going to someone else" and make them happen. It's that simple. Does the idea of you massively turned on and only able to stroke how when and as much as she says do anything? Cool. Does the thought of you flinching against a little warm wax get her motor running? Awesome. Again, if I were in those shoes I'd be thinking about those first light and fun things I did and how I'd arrange those for someone else to find them hot - what kinds of things I liked to hear, what kinds of things really worked well for me? I learned to top by basically channeling my tops and adding the flourishes that are me.


I don't know many women who are so against an active sexual role that they could not enjoy tying a guy down and teasing him to the begging point. I've often gauged a prospective by how he responds to being pushed up against the wall and having his ass grabbed or how he does with little sexual quid pro quos or truth or dare things.


These things seem incidental to me, though, because I've never thought I'd rearrange how I saw a guy in light of whether he likes to get slapped around or not - the way I'm wired that's an "if you wanna get with me" requirement.

There are certain people who *are* going to re-map their entire "how I see you" once they've seen you prancing around in their panties or following their orders or begging for the pussy that's normally "yours."\

Re-reading I see you want to get fucked.

Honestly I'd give the girl a head-start and start practising on your own ass with some smaller-to-larger ass plugs. Just like you'd have her do if you were training her, right?

Also be a gent, and in this case I'd promise to return the favor. I'd make sure she knew she was going to get back twice as hard a pounding as she gives, maybe that'd be really good incentive.