Swinging

[Bi_Kitty]

So which is it? Is he in San Fransisco? Atlanta, Mexico City or your imagination?

I've heard stories, too. But that's just hear say *shrug*

 

[twysted73]

............................................

 

[BiBunny]

So which is it? Is he in San Fransisco? Atlanta, Mexico City or your imagination?

My bet's on the latter.

............................................

Hmmmm. Methinks the gentleman is aware of more than he lets on.

 

[SubKekiLee]

It isnt worth all this..

 

[SubKekiLee]

.......................

 

[YourCaptor]

This is getting out of hand.

Keep private things private.

 

[SweetGigi]

Wow, how very juvenile.


I'm taking this to PM since I, one don't have to justify anything to any one here and, two, feel it is more mature than to pollute like some other ass hats here.

 

[the_jawbreaker]

I've just finished this thread...i can't help but feel that Gigi is right when she says some of you overreacted. Perhaps it's because of past troubles, but some women who are into BDSM tend to exaggerate the issue of "men forcing their will upon loving women".

In my opinion some of you should remember that there are women which wish to explore past their current limits. In fact, some of them got into BDSM because they like the idea of being made to experience those deep dark secret fantasies. I myself think that this kind of adventurous exploration is part of what makes this lifestyle....well...****.

So, as Gigi said, next time it would be better to find out more about their relationship before calling for rescue.

EDIT: What i mean to say is - remember that things mustn't always be so serious. This is about having fun, after all.

 

[Millificent]

Just because *you* haven't seen something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

And I don't know about you, but in my part of the world life happens and plans can sometimes get changed.

 

[Snoozebutton2]

OK can we please all just stop. This thread isn't where it started so maybe it should just be allowed to whither and fade. I think any good it may have brought is long since died. There are lines being drawn that once crossed everyone loses. So please can we drop this.

 

[Homburg]

I've largely stayed out of this thread. I'm going to post a few quick things however. I am not explicitly taking Gigi's side. She's not innocent in this tussle. I will say that I am displeased with how this has turned out, and the recent direction this has turned.

So here are my two cents:

1) Gigi mentioned Carlos to me a good while before all of this started, as he was a friend of hers.

2) I've seen a picture.

Sure, she could've created him whole cloth months ago when she first mentioned him, but I somehow doubt she would fabricate a friend. And, sure, she could've posed a pic of some random dude with her cat, but I doubt it. It was a candid shot.

Is it incontrovertible proof? Nope, I've not met Carlos, but I'm not trying to find some reason to disbelieve. I don't have a need to, and neither does anyone else here.

This thread is a trainwreck.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm stunned at how ugly this thread has gotten. To think that not long ago many of us met and, I thought, appreciated the time spend together but now are attacking one another.

 

[twysted73]

Is there a moderator who'd be so kind as to remove this? Is it possible?

I think it'd be best for the room alltogether.

My two.

 

[FurryFury]

I don't agree. I still think this is value in this thread.

I also don't think that when people show what assholes they are, that should be covered up, allowed to completely fuck up the thread and/or their asshole-ness be removed.

People on this site are supposed to be responsible adults.

It's just too bad not everyone can actually keep that in mind, live that way, or treat each other with respect and kindness.

Still, it's good to know who can and who can't.

This "room" forum, and community will survive regardless.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Is there a moderator who'd be so kind as to remove this? Is it possible?

I think it'd be best for the room alltogether.

My two.

I agree with you Twysted this has gotten out of hand everyone is attacking everyone...

Calling catalina... marquis

One of you two.. please remove this thread ..

 

[FurryFury]

People who want to attack and bicker will do so in many threads, not just one.

 

[HottieMama]

While i don't feel that the thread should be removed, i agree that some of the comments may have gotten out of hand. This is Lit after all. If we remove every thread where someone attacks someone else, the forums would be a lot more "empty." At least here it was done blatently as opposed to thinly veiled blurts, Dear X letters, and "secrets" whispered in PMs. Personally, i applaud the balls it took to do that.

 

[SubKekiLee]

I feel that it got out of hand, cause people felt as if personally they were being atttacked .. a few of my *close* friends were being attacked and I am a very fierce friend... I dont like for my friends to be attacked while I may have been out of line to post what I did.. I did so in support of my friends... I have since removed my post as I also have been going through alot personally and I wasnt being a good person and I am much better than that and I made *promises * to people I wouldnt act out of line.. so I apologize ..

Bows out gracefully

 

[FurryFury]

While i don't feel that the thread should be removed, i agree that some of the comments may have gotten out of hand. This is Lit after all. If we remove every thread where someone attacks someone else, the forums would be a lot more "empty." At least here it was done blatently as opposed to thinly veiled blurts, Dear X letters, and "secrets" whispered in PMs. Personally, i applaud the balls it took to do that.

Balls?

How about immaturity and just general asshole-ry?

Seriously.

I do agree a lot of the veiled BS on the Dear X thread are lame attempts to hurt others as well.

If you have a problem with someone you should talk to THEM and/or deal with it yourself IMO.

Passive aggressive crap is irritating but so is being a blatant attacker.

What is the goal here? Is it to hurt or to get along and understand people?

I can get behind one of those goals but certainly not the other.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Is there a moderator who'd be so kind as to remove this? Is it possible?

I think it'd be best for the room alltogether.

My two.

I'm sorry, but even if it did not go against Lit rules and all Lit stands for, I would not be the moderator to remove this or any thread. I am sorry people have gone off in such a way and I don't think Gigi invited or deserved it, but it isn't the first time, nor do I suspect it will be the last, and even though it has not gone as expected, the thread has value simply for that reason. Part of free speech is that people will have different views, will have thoughts they choose to or not to express, and it has to be recognised not everyone communicates in the same way. While I personally am not a fan of the brash, aggressive and confrontational style, I also would hate all to become beige people who respond the same way, keep thoughts to themselves, and only speak when they have something lovely and sweet to say. I think we are all adults and can move beyond it, or at least I hope we all can.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2136/2505998559_f58a81f0a7_s.jpg Catalina

 

[Marquis]

I'm sorry, but even if it did not go against Lit rules and all Lit stands for, I would not be the moderator to remove this or any thread. I am sorry people have gone off in such a way and I don't think Gigi invited or deserved it, but it isn't the first time, nor do I suspect it will be the last, and even though it has not gone as expected, the thread has value simply for that reason. Part of free speech is that people will have different views, will have thoughts they choose to or not to express, and it has to be recognised not everyone communicates in the same way. While I personally am not a fan of the brash, aggressive and confrontational style, I also would hate all to become beige people who respond the same way, keep thoughts to themselves, and only speak when they have something lovely and sweet to say. I think we are all adults and can move beyond it, or at least I hope we all can.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2136/2505998559_f58a81f0a7_s.jpg Catalina

Ditto.

 

[kinky_meh]

Geez just give her a break ya all!!

sigh

 

[A Desert Rose]

You cannot ask to have a thread removed. Been there, done that... once. You are tampering with everyone else's speech (text) when you ask that. Most people value what they post and don't take well to the idea of having it deleted by someone else.

On the other hand, there are people who value what others post. People learn a lot from reading other's. For one thing, people get a sense of who's who here. (I lurked for a month or 2 before I ever posted, so that I could get a feel for the posters here. Of course, most of them are no longer here... I you, Dixie, WD, Des... and others.)

I don't know what happened here. Like Fury said, it does seem to have gotten ugly. Whatever it was.



But I'm confident that you'll all be hugging, kissing and posting nice stuff to each other by tomorrow. That's how it works. ;-)

 

[catalina_francisco]

"I'm uninterested in you on your own merits, in fact that thought of touching your genitals makes me worried, but this guy I like wants me to do it" is a FAR cry from "hi there, can I get you a drink?" Are you seriously going to argue otherwise? How would you feel if a few days into this really nice prospective conversation with F, you found out that in fact he's repulsed by pussy and his Master made him contact you?

Firstly Netz, I never thought Gigi would be interested in that type of secretive BS behaviour...secondly, if someone hit on me in a swingers club, I would hardly expect them to be professing undying love, looking at me for my intellect, interested in me as a person and wanting to sit down and have some great conversations over a few weeks before hitting the sheets...IOW, swingers clubs are about getting and giving sex, not looking for meaningful relationships, so if I found I had hit the hay with someone I met in a swingers club thinking they were in love with me and that was why they had approached me, I would be a fairly naive dumb ass wouldn't I? In all honesty, when you have ever met anyone you might get romantically or sexually involved with, have you started the conversation with asking them how they really feel about you, if they see a long term future together, are they sure they don't just find you sexually attractive, or more exactly...just what their motivation was to talk to you in the first place or why they might find you sexually interesting?

As I said, I think too many people have become so aggressive and self focused that even if someone glances in their direction passing on a pedestrian crossing they think they must be wanting to bed them or something else they find equally offensive and so they start jumping up and down screaming, and yet if no-one bothers them they are also offended and do the same. I'm sorry, but it is very rare I get aggressive as I really see it as something reserved for the very necessary and serious situations that do not happen in life frequently, not every second day as sport to see who next to hit out at. Sheesh, to me that speaks volumes about being comfortable in your own skin. For the record, I am bi and I don't have a problem with being propositioned by or found attractive by anyone...I have enough strength and ability to say no, I don't feel offended, I don't feel pressured, I don't feel I have to scream when a simple no will work. Also out of all the bisexual and gay friends and acquaintances I have, none have ever over reacted and jumped up and down like is happening on this thread...they all handle it with a simple 'no thanks' as I do.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

Firstly Netz, I never thought Gigi would be interested in that type of secretive BS behaviour...secondly, if someone hit on me in a swingers club, I would hardly expect them to be professing undying love, looking at me for my intellect, interested in me as a person and wanting to sit down and have some great conversations over a few weeks before hitting the sheets...IOW, swingers clubs are about getting and giving sex, not looking for meaningful relationships, so if I found I had hit the hay with someone I met in a swingers club thinking they were in love with me and that was why they had approached me, I would be a fairly naive dumb ass wouldn't I? In all honesty, when you have ever met anyone you might get romantically or sexually involved with, have you started the conversation with asking them how they really feel about you, if they see a long term future together, are they sure they don't just find you sexually attractive, or more exactly...just what their motivation was to talk to you in the first place or why they might find you sexually interesting?

As I said, I think too many people have become so aggressive and self focused that even if someone glances in their direction passing on a pedestrian crossing they think they must be wanting to bed them or something else they find equally offensive and so they start jumping up and down screaming, and yet if no-one bothers them they are also offended and do the same. I'm sorry, but it is very rare I get aggressive as I really see it as something reserved for the very necessary and serious situations that do not happen in life frequently, not every second day as sport to see who next to hit out at. Sheesh, to me that speaks volumes about being comfortable in your own skin. For the record, I am bi and I don't have a problem with being propositioned by or found attractive by anyone...I have enough strength and ability to say no, I don't feel offended, I don't feel pressured, I don't feel I have to scream when a simple no will work. Also out of all the bisexual and gay friends and acquaintances I have, none have ever over reacted and jumped up and down like is happening on this thread...they all handle it with a simple 'no thanks' as I do.

Catalina

I agree, that if you're in a swing club, you're probably not looking for anything that critical. However, I think there's a fairly normal human assumption that if someone wants to have sex with you it MIGHT be because they're attracted to you. Is that really that strange? Benefit of the doubt is one thing, but the OP itself was worded in a way that didn't really tell me if the person was or was not going to be on any KIND of up and up because it basically reduced the third party to a thing.

I know that's not what Gigi did - or what she's about. But if you read at face value, it's not telling you a lot. It tells you just a few things.

Some people love being a fuck-object - was it somehow unclear that I said that?

This game, taken PURELY at face value - is on the moral level of "dogfight" or "I lost a bet."
Those are both pretty ugly, but I'm ok with people's right to be ugly.
I'm just not going to pet them on the head and make them think they're being nice.

I've picked up people for shits and giggles.
I've not called and not written, and I was very clear via discussion and NOT just context, what was up. Their inability to read context was very dumbass as you said. I've been less than nice, often, and happily, but I've never asked anyone to reassure me that I'm really RIGHT. Or nice. Or anything other than selfish and exploitative and predatory.


And you never did answer my second part of the question, about how good it would feel if someone approached you and you thought it was out of attraction to find out it was out of some kind of commodification or "dare."

I don't know who you hang out with but every queer woman I know has been approached like this, and every one has been pretty turned off by it.

Being turned off and "screaming" are two different things though, but hey, that's not a new accusation for people who are tired of being exploited. A little exploitation should make you more polite, huh? No, in fact, don't say anything because YOU might make someone feel bad, you bitch, I get it. If someone talks about your kind as though they're fucking pieces of saturday night steak, just smile, because they're not asking you out. I think I managed to point out some of the issues without "screaming" in any way shape or form. I really don't understand your bringing up random acts of showing sexual interest into this mix at all, frankly. I don't think anyone's uncomfortable with people showing interest in them - interest in THEM. Sexual interest in them, not making them a science project.

I don't have to hand-hold people who can't see how the thought process outlined in the wording of the first post, is exploitative and objectifying and not in that cool SSC kind of fashion.


This thread took a turn for the moronic though since I thought I should leave. I should have. There's no need to get venal and personal and shitheaded when you want to be critical of something. I generally don't go for the low blow and I don't think my disagreements with people make them horrid people.

I was spoiled by college, we'd do this kind of thing and then go have coffee. Not because it's this passive-aggressive thing, but because I don't demand that my friends share my ideas about things.