swingers party

[iluvmyhotwife9]

Question for you ladies out there. Over the past few years, and especially the past few months, my wife has brought up swinging. We have fantasized about it a bit, and often when having sex we fantasize about threesomes, us doing some of our neighbors and friends, etc. Despite this I don't think my wife is really considering doing this in real life. It's mainly just fun conversation/fantasy and gets us both aroused. Although there is one friend of hers who's husband she is really attracted to, and she has said flat out she would swing with them if given the chance. Of course this will never happen though, I am sure they are not swingers, and we would never risk screwing up our relationship with them.

Anyway: halloween is coming up, and in our area there is a big swingers halloween party that will have 150+ couples.

I don't think we are wanting to swing, at least not yet, but I think it would be really fun to dress up sexy and go to the party, maybe flirt a bit with others but not more than that. I would be really aroused by other men and women flirting with my wife. I am sure she would enjoy it too, but the whole thing might be a bit scary for her. Still, it's halloween, and costumes + alcohol do lower inhibitions.

We have friends that are swingers, and so here is where I come to the purpose of this whole thread:

Am I better off asking my wife if she wants to go, and showing her what it is, etc, or would it be better to send an "anonymous" email invitation to the party, so it looks like maybe one of our friends sent it or something like that. She wouldn't suspect that I had actually done it. I am only thinking to do this because it might seem less threatening that way - we get the email, consider it together, then it becomes less "my" idea. I think she might respond better that way. Still though, I wouldn't pressure her if she doesn't want to go.

Am I better off just leveling with her and telling her what I am thinking, or is the anonymous email idea a better idea so we can both consider it more "spontaneously", with her not feeling the pressure of turning me down? I don't want to be dishonest to her, but this seems like a pretty good idea.

Opinions, especially from women, would be appreciated.

 

[SgtSpiderMan]

(obviously not a female)

Go to the party & check it out. There's no rule that you have to hook up with anyone. You can just watch other couples or have other couples watch you.

 

[TalulahG]

Sounds fun, wish there was one of those in my area!! In answer to your question I would just tell your wife and make some agreements about what will/will not happen if you go. I understand your idea about the email and it does sound like a good one but inevitably if you are dishonest about it and you are discovered she will NEVER trust you about such things in the future!
Hopefully if you sell it as a voyeuristic activity to fuel your fantasies and agree some ground rules before you go she will feel more secure and confident about attending. hope that helps

 

[SgtSpiderMan]

Sounds fun, wish there was one of those in my area!! In answer to your question I would just tell your wife and make some agreements about what will/will not happen if you go. I understand your idea about the email and it does sound like a good one but inevitably if you are dishonest about it and you are discovered she will NEVER trust you about such things in the future!
Hopefully if you sell it as a voyeuristic activity to fuel your fantasies and agree some ground rules before you go she will feel more secure and confident about attending. hope that helps

There's got to be a swing club in NE.

 

[luvnmyboys]

Level with her and present it just like you did to us. I think if you don't put any pressure on her to perform and just go in the spirit of enjoying a party, that is your best bet. If you really are going to consider swinging, you're going to be doing a lot of talking. You may also start sharing your opinion now.

 

[ChastitySmith]

Level with her and present it just like you did to us. I think if you don't put any pressure on her to perform and just go in the spirit of enjoying a party, that is your best bet. If you really are going to consider swinging, you're going to be doing a lot of talking. You may also start sharing your opinion now.

Great answer.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

if

If at times you get the feeling your wife opposes a suggestion because it is yours (a feeling that is somewhat familiar to me) then let it be an anonymous invitation. From the sense of your comments, my guess would be that you don't have to worry about that, however.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Am I better off just leveling with her and telling her what I am thinking, or is the anonymous email idea a better idea so we can both consider it more "spontaneously", with her not feeling the pressure of turning me down? I don't want to be dishonest to her, but this seems like a pretty good idea.

Opinions, especially from women, would be appreciated.

Speaking as somebody who's been in several nonmonogamous relationships:

(1) IMHO much better to level with her. If you want to play with stuff like this, it's really important that the two of you are able to communicate honestly and openly with one another. There will be times when what you have in mind doesn't match what she has in mind, and you won't always be able to dodge the issue. Better to start off on the right foot.

(2) If you do go, be very clear about what the rules are. "Don't fuck anybody else" is fine, "do what you feel like" is also fine, what you don't want is a situation where your understanding of what's allowed doesn't match hers.

 

[Jessicasc1970]

Leveling with her would be the way to go. Explain it like you did here, and reassure her there will not be any pressure to do anything she does not want to do. If she says no, don't hold it against her, she may not be ready yet. If she says yes, discuss what your limits are, but be prepared to face the possibility to go past wher you thought you would.

 

[John_Whittaker0826]

Bring it up to her and decide together. Honesty is always the best way to go. Just make sure you set hard & fast parameters and see how it goes. She may surprise you and jump all over the idea if presented as a "let's just see what it's about" thing. It's been many years, but that's how we started. We watched the goings on twice before ever partaking and it was still a slow process.

Good luck and feel free to ask any questions you may have.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

Absolutely level with her. There's no point and nothing to be gained by trying to get her there through subterfuge. It will blow up in your face with serious consequences.

As for your pitch, downplay any interest in active participation. Is the party at a club or a private house? We have found that at a club, only about 10-30% of all couples attending are active on any given night. At private house parties the ratio is higher, probably around 40-60%.

Why are so many couples attending but not actually hooking up with other couples? There are a lot of reasons. Some couples just go for the atmosphere. It is incredibly hot to be around 100 or more couples who are primarily interested in sex, dressing for the occasion, and making themselves available. Halloween is a sexy night anyway, and it is 10X sexier at a swing party. Those skimpy costumes women wear on Halloween are even skimpier. Clothes come off on the dance floor, and all kinds of stuff can happen.

Second, many couples are not into swapping, but they do like to watch or be watched. Fucking with another couple fucking 5 feet away is hot whether you swap or not. Even if you're just standing around with your clothes on you can get an eyeful. Like watching porn? Its even better live.

Third, many couples show up with the intention of playing, but never meet a couple they are interested in playing with. It's not simply a matter of fucking the first person you see. Like any other club or party, there are introductions, small talk, dancing, flirting, seduction--the same process, but with a higher likelihood of a payoff. Often, you just don't meet that couple where everything clicks into place.

One last thing I should mention. At clubs, couples basically stay together and play together. It's kind of like playing doubles tennis. Many clubs require couples to stay together (as opposed to women sitting at the bar while their husbands patrol the play rooms). At private parties, however, there are fewer rules. We've seen many couples split and go their separate ways for the night--they are basically free agents. We kind of stood out because we stayed together.

Bottom line--be honest when you bring up the matter. Don't try to run a scam on her. Play up the atmosphere--and play down any expectation that the two of you will be active with another couple. If she has a good time, who knows what can happen next time?

 

[pplwatching]

I agree that you should be open and up front with your wife that you want to go to this party. I think sending it anonymously is a bad idea. When the subject comes up it's most likely going to come out that you sent it, and then you'll have to deal with the distraction of explaining why you did that. If you can't bring the idea up and have an open discussion about it, then maybe that's a sign that you're not ready to explore that part of the world of sex.

I believe that in marriage we each need to establish boundaries, and then not intentionally put ourselves in situations that push those boundaries or tempt us to do things that may be potentially damaging to our marriage. In my marriage I believe that adding a third (or more) person to our bed has the potential to damage our marriage. We are not willing to take that risk, but I know that other people are less averse to risk than we are. If the two of you are exploring this fantasy and like the idea of having sex with another couple, but share our philosophy (even with no intention of actually having sex with another couple) then perhaps in the long run going to a swingers party might not be a good idea for your marriage.

IMHO it's important to ask yourselves if you have the types of personalities who can walk through a candy store and not be tempted to try a piece, and not come home and have the idea percolate and wear down whatever reservations you have about actually having sex with other people. We each have a remarkable capability to rationalize doing things that contradict our personal goals and beliefs. If you feel that this could potentially be a step towards a slippery slope, then perhaps it's best to consider keeping this as a fantasy.

That said, one of my personal fantasies is watching another couple have sex. I don't fantasize about my wife having sex with other men, or about either of us having sex with other women. I think going to a party like that would be a lot of fun, however I would probably pass.

I know that's more than you asked, but I think the question goes deeper than what you asked. If nothing else, then the idea of risk and what your hard boundaries are in your marriage is a great discussion to have before you consider what parts of your fantasy can safely become reality. No one likes nasty surprises.

 

[iluvmyhotwife9]

Thanks for the replies and suggestions everyone. I think the right thing to do is just shoot straight with her. Maybe she will be interested in going, maybe she won't, and either answer is fine with me.

Thanks again!

 

[goofygus42]

You definitely need to talk straight to her. Since you two have discussed it, a discussion would seem to be pretty easy. Halloween and New Years Eve are always the top swing party times. It would help to know what type of party it will be. There are several different kinds of party. One is an on premise club where sex will be happening although there will be no pressure to join in. You can stay dressed or get naked or anywhere in between. Costumes will be very sexy but you two will not have to get too risqué unless you want to. Next is an off premise club where no sex will be happening, very discrete anyway. This may be a little less threatening. If you meet and want to party with others you sure can. Often at this type of club, a couple may invite others to a private party at their home or hotel room. These can be a lot of fun and a lot of sex will be going on. Still you will be free to just watch. Another type is a swing social. These are held at hotels on usually one weekend a month. These are usually advertised as off premise but often things can get pretty wild on the dance floor and certainly in the corners and sidelines. Wife and I have has a lot of fun at all these types of swing parties. We started out at a social and really did well, we actually hooked up with the hottest couple there. One other type is a private home party and these are a lot of fun. If you get involved in the lifestyle{I hate that word}, you will get invited to these parties and eventually host your own parties if you want. These parties will almost involve sex for all. Another thing is a soft swing. Two or more couples having sex in the same room at the same time.
You may notice I used the word fun a lot and that is what swinging is about. If it is not fun then do not do it. Always remember the one big rule in swinging is that NO means NO. Wife and I have had years of experience and enjoyed almost everything we did. If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message.
What ever way it goes, have fun.

 

[Runr4Life]

Just me, but I'm sure my FWB would agree with me here:

Sounds like all great advice from all. That's how we started out, just going, having fun watching and being watched. Nobody was pushy, and it was a start for something better for us. It's the ultimate thrill to see and participate the first time, especially if you've talked completely about it.

 

[djyak]

As everyone else said on here, talk with her, again and again. Make sure it's what you both want. We used it as sexual fantasies for a very long time, then graduated to being watched and touched while fucking. We have just one swap couple we swap with, but frequent the club and fuck in front of others there. If there's a jealous bone in either body, don't do it. I'm sure it'll ruin it.

Just being touched for the first time by someone else like that sent me right over the edge, and both of us wanting more!

Otherwise, enjoy and have a whole lot of fun with it!

Tifani